Chapter 25
I GO INTO CHANTAL’S ROOM to get Aven from his swing, expecting to see her lying on the bed, but after searching the house, I’m unable to find her.
Once back in our room, I place Aven in the bassinet, and Bastian pulls it to the side of the bed so he can stare, his eyes blinking, taking in each breath of Aven’s.
“Can we sleep with him?” he asks, and I smile, my entire body warming.
“I have to find Chantal. She’s not in her room.” My gaze scans out the window, and on the beach I see a small fire kindling among the sand. “There. That must be her. I’m going to go check on her.”
Bastian nods, a soft smile splitting his mouth. “Okay. But don’t be gone long, please.” His eyebrows pull together suddenly, worry taking residence there.
“I won’t. Promise,” I whisper and kiss his mouth softly before running out of the house and down the steps.
She’s cloaked in a blanket, her back facing me as I approach.
“We’re going to be in so much trouble.” She sighs, her eyes fixed on the fire.
“We’re going to figure this out,” I say, sitting next to her, but guilt takes a hold of me, because Chantal signed up for something that had nothing to do with her, and she’s usually the one lifting me up.
Her wet eyes meet mine. “I don’t want to ruin your happiness.
I know you worked so hard for this, and you did something no one else could do.
I think part of me thought you wouldn’t be able to do it.
And that was stupid of me, because apparently you can do anything, and I need to just realize that and think about that before I commit to things.
And today I thought okay, it’s okay. But then suddenly I’m sitting in a living room with vampires, and I’m thinking—what are we doing? We are going to die.”
Her words punch like a brick to the chest. What can I say to that? I have not one single regret for bringing Bastian back, yet she wishes it hadn’t worked.
“You told me…told me you were okay with it. That we were in this together.”
Her eyes dart to mine, anger consuming her lovely face. “Yeah, I know. But now you’ve brought him back, and where does that leave me? You have a family now. Where does that leave me?” Tears fill her eyes as she points to her chest.
The crackle of the fire assaults my ears, competing with the drum in my heart.
She made me a promise that she would be by my side no matter what, but she’s also a woman.
And women have every right to change their minds and to regret.
I can’t fault her for that. I changed my mind too.
I thought I didn’t want a child right now, but when I was unexpectedly pregnant, it was all I wanted in the world.
“That leaves you exactly where you are. My best friend, cousin, aunt to my son. You are everything to me.”
“No, your everything is up in that house, your everything is not right here.”
Grabbing her hand, I pull her into my arms and squeeze her as hard as I can.
“My everything is the people that have gotten me this far. The cousin who saved me when I lost Bastian, the woman who was by my side when we went to kill Franklin, the friend who took me in when I had no place to sleep, who helped me through the long months of my pregnancy. Bastian and Aven are my everything, but you are my everything too, my sister in life. Please, please tell me you know that. That you understand that. Please, I need you to know I couldn’t have done any of it without you. ”
Her head sinks to my chest. Seeing Chantal weak is not something I’m used to, but strong women are always expected to be strong, aren’t they? They too need somewhere to rest their head. And I forget too often that she needs me just as much as I need her.
I pull her face to meet mine because I want her to know, to feel how much I love her and how sorry I am.
“I’ve put you in terrible positions. I’ve fucked up big time, and for that, I’m so sorry.
My life doesn’t work without you in it. If you want to scream in my face and tell me to go fuck myself, I will hold you after.
Please, please understand there is no one I trust like you.
You are one of the greatest loves of my life.
And I’m sorry. I brought Bastian back because I love him, but also because there’s a piece to this puzzle that he might have. And I will fix this. I promise.”
“When are you going to ask him about your grandmother? About what she whispered?”
I stall, contemplating. “Tomorrow. I have to.”
“Okay,” she whispers, lying down to place her head on my lap, and I stroke her hair and cry silent tears for the beauty and mess I’ve created.
I look up to our bedroom windows, and there he is.
Watching me. Making sure I’m safe, and I might be for the moment.
But the future will come, and the axe will grind, and I will need a plan.
We head into the house, our hands clasped until we quietly part ways into our rooms. Bastian is seated on the bed, his head bowed over the bassinet, still watching his son.
“Is she okay?”
“I hope so,” I say. “I’ve put her in the worst position, and now there’s no turning back for her.”
I step out of my shoes and climb onto the bed.
I need to feel Bastian against my bones.
I need his arms around me. Taking his hand, I pull him next to me in the bed I once couldn’t sleep in for weeks, and press my back against his chest, his arms encircling me.
My entire body exhales in a solace I thought impossible for so long.
I find my hands squeezing into his forearm, never wanting to let go again, and his pull to me is just as strong.
He kisses the back of my head, my ear, and down my neck.
“Chantal will have my protection forever, though I’m not sure what that’s worth exactly. I’m not as strong. I’m not as fast. I feel like a sloth compared to how I felt when I was a vampire.”
“Do you want to become one again?”
“It’s a huge difference, and I still feel like it’s a part of me somewhere inside. If I were still a vampire, I would have spent my life taking care of and protecting you. But now we can grow old together. What do you think of that?”
I look up at him, a tightening in my belly at the future ahead. “I’d like that,” I admit.
“Me too,” he whispers, the gentlest smile on his lips. “Cassius filled me in about my mother. About how charges were dropped for killing Franklin. How she wants to become the new Vampire Queen. And Cassius, he’s in love with that girl. I mean, really in love. Can you believe that?”
“Nicola wants to be Vampire Queen?”
“I guess so. I think she feels she has more protection for us if she’s Vampire Queen.”
“I didn’t know,” I say, turning my face from his.
“They are still skeptical of witches. But you’ve grown on Cassius.” I hear the smile in his voice.
“He’s grown on me,” I smirk. “Who would have thought?”
“And you saved Marlowe’s life? What can’t you do?”
“I can’t not make a mess of things, Bastian.
When my coven finds out Aven is a boy…I don’t know what will happen.
And then there’s the fact that I brought you back.
” My heart starts racing, my breaths heaving faster than my lungs can keep up with.
I need to talk to him about my grandmother, scold him for never telling me a human girl caught him years ago, and I can only imagine how many texts I have from my mother on my phone.
“Hey, hey,” he soothes. “It’s been an insane day.
You need sleep,” he whispers in my ear, sending goosebumps down my spine, his arms snaking around my waist, pulling me so tight against him it’s like we’re one.
I put my hand behind his head, my fingers finding his smooth waves, my body suddenly aching.
Lips taste my neck, inhaling between soft kisses, each one sizzling upon my skin. A feeling I thought I would never have again, and everything inside me ignites as his hand winds over my hip, pressing to the top of my thigh, pulling my body tightly against him.
“I shouldn’t care about anything else,” I whisper. “All that really matters is you’re here.” I turn in his embrace, eyes looking up to him, my hands clenching his shirt, and I press my lips so tightly against his, there’s no room for breathing, no room for thinking.
His tongue tastes like sugar and memories, his thumb grazes my cheek, and my body finally feels alive.
For the first time since he died, desire races through my veins like a bullet, and all I can think of is his chest and his stomach and his thighs.
Our kiss is rough and hurried, like we can’t get enough of each other, like it could end at any moment.
And then his hand slips between my legs, cupping my ass as he pulls my pelvis flat against his, and it’s like a fire’s been lit between us.
His hardness flushes against me, and I swallow because I want this, I want him so badly.
My leg wraps around his hip, and it’s like we can’t get close enough, no proximity is too suffocating.
I gasp when he grinds against me, hard and thick, everything slamming into me all at once.
The intimacy I never knew until I was with him, the undying devotion.
Tears blur my vision, forcing me to pause and catch my breath.
And then I remember that our son is in the room, so I pull away and open my eyes.
“Aster, we may need to escape to the bathroom.” He sighs, his eyes flashing with the longing I’ve missed more than words. But he sees the tears, and his thumb runs along my cheek, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. “Are you okay?”
“I’m the best I’ve ever been,” I whisper. “Bathroom?” I pant, my heart racing, my head dizzy. It won’t be the first time we’ve made use of a small bathroom.
“Wait, now that I’m human…do we need something?”
I shake my head. “I’m on birth control.”
“Why?” he asks, his face half smiling in surprise.
“Because I knew I was bringing you back.”
“Oh, thank God.”
But then the room fills with a cry. It takes me a second to catch my breath, but I’m soon sitting up, looking at my phone.
“It’s the time he usually eats,” I say, swallowing.
“Right,” he says quietly, both of us panting, remembering that we are parents. That things are different.
I pull Aven in my arms and place him between us, getting him settled to nurse. “I’m working on getting him to take a bottle too. That way you can feed him also.”
Bastian sits up, resting his elbow on his knee as he looks down at us.
“I would love that,” he whispers, watching us like we are some kind of magic show. “I didn’t want the first time to be a quickie in the bathroom anyways.” He smirks. “Well, my body did.”
“I wouldn’t have cared,” I say, and he nods as if saying “I know.”
“I would like it to be special.”
“It will be,” I assure him as he holds Aven’s hand.
“I just want to look at you both forever, and just soak in the fact that I have everything I ever wanted.” He slinks back down on the bed, his chest returning to a normal rhythm.
We fall asleep like that. Aven between us, Bastian’s hand on my hip, our feet intertwined, like we’re never meant to separate.
In the morning, my eyes blink open and meet Bastian’s stare. He’s still here. It’s not a dream, and my heart seems to sigh. Aven lies between us, his little arms stretching as he prepares to start fussing. I assess Bastian, chewing his lip, with a look I can’t place. Joy or sadness?
“You’re still here.” I swallow, my hand covering my mouth in disbelief.
“I’m still here.” His lip pulls up but his eyes are serious, his face long, so I bolt up.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just…was watching you both sleep. And…I thought about what I’ve done.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I made a lot of mistakes, and I put you at risk and you allowed it. And I want you to know I will never do that again. Ever. And I’m so, so sorry.”
“Stop—”
“No, Aster. Don’t make excuses for me. You told me yourself that I was careless, and I told you I wasn’t.
But I was. I was, and you risked everything for me.
And then I go and get myself killed, and you risk it all over again to bring me back.
I’m a father now, all I ever wanted to be, and now I have to live life like a human, and I can’t be reckless.
I have a family now. It’s killing me that you went through it all alone. ”
“I wasn’t alone. I had Chantal. My mom and Jade. I wasn’t alone.”
“But you didn’t have me. I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, I promise.”
“I don’t need any promises. I just need you.”
He looks between his child and me, eyes wetting, jaw tightening. “I wish I could kill Franklin all over again.”
My hand finds his cheek, stroking his jaw. Aven cries, so Bastian swoops him up before I have time to blink.
“It’s okay, buddy,” he sings. But Aven only cries louder.
“He’s hungry,” I say, and he looks down at our son with a lost expression.
“I want him to know me.”
“He will. Just give it time, he will. He does already.” I take Aven in my arms, his perfect little body relaxing once he knows it’s me.
“Now that you’re here, he will get to know your face, your voice, your smell.
He’ll know you’re his daddy. Don’t worry.
” Squeezing his hand, I wish I could wipe the pain from his eyes.
But it has settled in deep, and only time can fix it.
He’s quiet, the quietest I’ve ever seen him, but he works with determination when he changes Aven’s diaper and clothes.
Taking his new job seriously, he almost seems somber, but I know he’s taking in so much.
His lost vampire life, his death, a new child, being in California with me and another witch.
Yet throughout the morning, he’s by my side constantly, his hand always close to mine, our bodies always inches apart, as if he’s worried it can all vanish at a moment’s notice.
And I understand that. But the spell worked, nothing will make him vanish unless he’s killed again. He’s here for good.