Chapter 19 #3
Logan looked at him in surprise. ‘Actually no, not even close. She’s great with Etta – before this Etta obviously really liked her.
And yes, Etta will feel unsettled by the new changes but I think most older siblings go through that when there’s a new baby on the way.
I know I had my doubts at the start but any idiot can see how happy she makes you.
And without sounding lame, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. ’
‘That is lame.’
Logan rolled his eyes. ‘No, I was just thinking of ways that you can fix this. Unfortunately I have nothing.’
‘Helpful.’
‘It sounds like you covered it all when you broke up. I’m not sure what more you can say, other than “I love you” – you should probably lead with that. But if you do manage to fix it and start again, I think it needs to be slow to give Etta a chance to get used to it.’
‘I said that too.’
‘Then you’ve covered all bases.’
‘Except the one to get her back.’
‘Except that one.’
‘This has been a good talk, thanks.’
‘I can’t solve all your problems, sometimes you have to fix them yourself.’
Xander shook his head. He just wished he knew how.
Suddenly Xander’s mobile phone rang and his heart leapt when he looked at the screen and saw who it was.
‘It’s Immy.’
‘Do you want me to go?’
‘No, hang on a second. If I need you to go I’ll give you the nod.’
He quickly swiped the screen to answer but before he even had a chance to say hello, she spoke.
‘Xander, I need you.’ She sounded tearful.
‘What’s wrong?’
There was a pause and he could almost feel her trying to decide whether to tell him. ‘I… I can’t tie my shoelaces.’
He blinked in surprise. Of all the things he’d been hoping or thinking she might say, he hadn’t been expecting that.
‘You said, no matter what happens between us, you’d always be here for me.’
‘I’ll be in over in ten seconds,’ Xander said, then hung up. ‘I have to go,’ he said to Logan. ‘Can you lock up the shop and then make sure Max isn’t giving Etta too much ice cream?’
‘I’ll sort everything out here, don’t worry. Take as much time as you need,’ Logan said.
Xander ran out the door and across the street.
He let himself in using the key Immy had given him when he was helping her with her stuff.
He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to use it now they had broken up but he would apologise for that later if need be.
He ran up the stairs and into her lounge and saw her sitting on the sofa, her hair in a bedraggled state around her face, her trainers on her feet, neither of them done up. She looked like she’d been crying.
He knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in his. ‘What happened?’
‘I spoke to Alex and she made me realise what an idiot I was to break things off with you. I came back here to plan out what I was going to say to you to make it right and I started panicking that I’d cocked everything up and you wouldn’t take me back.
The more I panicked and catastrophised, the more upset I got that I’d lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
In the end I thought I would just come over and see you and hope the right words would come, but I was so upset I’ve forgotten how to tie my shoelaces and now I’ve been crying about that for the last half an hour because this hasn’t happened for years and I hate feeling weak. ’
He stroked her hand, relief coursing through him. ‘It’s not weak to ask for help. You should have called me half an hour ago.’
‘I didn’t—’
‘If you say you didn’t want to be a burden, I’ll shave off your eyebrows.’
She let out a little laugh through the tears. ‘I was going to say, I didn’t want to call you because I was too embarrassed.’
‘You don’t need to be embarrassed about this, we all struggle sometimes. Now, do you want me to tie your laces for you or show you how to do it?’
‘Can you just do it for me please? It will come back to me once I calm down. You might have to tie my hair up too, as I couldn’t remember how to do that either.’
He noticed there was a hair bobble tangled up in her curls from where she had tried and failed to tie her hair up. He didn’t think it was wise to point that out.
He tied her shoelaces then stood up, carefully removed the bobble and tied her hair in a ponytail before kneeling back in front of her again. Her tears were already subsiding.
‘Just for the record, there was not a chance in hell I wouldn’t have taken you back,’ Xander said. ‘I’ve been over there all day trying to work out how to fix it. You could have come over and said hello and I would have been yours.’
She smiled, tears filling her eyes again. ‘I’m so so sorry.’
He shook his head. ‘You were trying to do the right thing for Etta and I have to respect that. But if we’re together we have to make decisions together and you also have to trust that I know Etta better than you so most of the time I can make an informed decision about what’s best for her.
Sometimes I get it wrong, I make mistakes, but I’m pretty damn sure that having you in her life will not be one of them.
Case in point, she has been sad all day because she didn’t want you to leave and because she missed you. Kids are fickle creatures.’
‘Really, she said that?’ Immy sniffed.
‘Once we’re done here, I’ll take you over there and I guarantee you she’ll be over the moon to see you.’
‘So all this heartache was for nothing?’
‘Yeah, sort of. I mean, I can’t promise there won’t be more meltdowns, especially when the baby comes, but we’ll weather the storms together.’
‘I don’t want you to think that the first sign of trouble I’m going to hightail it out of there, I really thought I was doing the best thing for Etta.’
‘I know.’
‘When I realised she was so upset because of me and the baby I thought the best thing for both of you was to leave. I love you so much and I just wanted you to be happy.’
He smiled. ‘See, there’s a massive flaw in that plan.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I love you too, I have for a long time. I can’t possibly be happy without you.’
She smiled in relief and he leaned forward and kissed her, wiping the tears from her face.
‘You really love me?’ she said, resting her forehead against his and stroking his face.
‘Of course, how could I not? You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.’
She kissed him, smiling against his lips.
Eventually she pulled back to look at him.
‘I think you were right, I think there was an element to all of this that was driven by not wanting to be a burden. I could see all this stress that was happening to you, with Logan, your in-laws and Etta, and I couldn’t help thinking it was all because of me and the baby.
I could see your life had changed so much and I didn’t want that.
I know feeling like that is something I have to work on. ’
He shook his head. ‘Yes, life changed – having you live with me, a new baby on the way – but in the best possible way. Life is exhausting: being an adult; making decisions; working; having enough to pay the bills; doing my accounts, which as a small business owner I’m sure you know all about; nosy, interfering brothers; disapproving ex-in-laws; raising a child on my own and everything that entails.
But you are the reward. Having you to curl up with every night, waking up with you in my arms every morning, it doesn’t get better than that.
I can take anything else life throws at me because I get to be with you.
So I will gladly tie your shoelaces every single day because love means helping you is never a burden. ’
She smiled. ‘You know that goes both ways.’
‘Just as long as helping me doesn’t mean quitting.’
‘Never.’
‘Good. Now how about I show you how much I love you?’
‘I’ve just got my trainers on,’ she joked.
He shrugged. ‘They can stay on, though I can’t promise not to mess up your hair.’
‘That’s OK, you can tie it back up for me once we’re done.’
She stood up and headed for the bedroom and he stood up too. ‘Happily.’