Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
As I made lunch for everyone I couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia’s notebook and Ben. Even though I didn’t want to read about Olivia sleeping with Ben, I needed to know. As they all tucked into an array of sandwiches I ran upstairs and grabbed Olivia’s notebook. With a trembling hand I flicked to the page I was on.
My friend Ben is a true gentleman. He could have taken me to bed and had his way but instead he pulled away and said, ‘This is wrong. I like you, Olivia, but not in that way.’
After a lengthy awkward silence, he made us a cup of tea. Once I’d apologised profusely and told him I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole, he laughed and offered me some of his home-made cookies.
‘Oh God, Ben isn’t a player,’ I muttered staring at the words. ‘You’re showing me the truth – aren’t you?’
I will always be grateful to my friend. He was brilliant and we still laugh about it today.
Shutting the notebook, I hugged the book and closed my eyes. ‘Thank you for showing me this, Olivia,’ I whispered.
‘Hello, Ben,’ I said, as he strode into the kitchen. It was after mid-afternoon. His presence made me melt. I thought about Olivia saying in her notebook that he was a ‘true gentleman’. The urge to run to him and tell him everything that was on my mind was strong, but I resisted. Casting me a weak smile, he ran himself a glass of water.
‘How are you?’
He nodded before drinking the water and began to walk back towards the construction sheet. Something was wrong. He seemed distant. I reached out and caught his arm. ‘Are we okay, Ben?’
Turning towards me he smiled. ‘I’m sorry about last night. I sensed it’s time for me to back off and give you some space.’
‘About that…’
He raised his hands in a surrender like pose. ‘Rachel, you don’t have to explain. Look, I’m busy out there so I better get back.’
He pulled the sheet up and I felt a deep longing to be in his arms again. I wanted him to kiss me like he had done in the school hall. I wanted him to hug me again like he’d done in the café. ‘Ben, can we talk later?’
‘You don’t need to…’
Today he was more handsome than ever in his grubby black cargo trousers, black fleece, and woollen hat. ‘Ben, are you going to the nativity play later?’
His green eyes held mine. His face softened and he smiled. ‘Yes, are you?’
I nodded. ‘Do you fancy talking this evening?’
‘I’ll have to put Rosie to bed.’
‘It would be good to talk.’
A grin stretched across his face. ‘My bedtime stories take a long time.’
‘I can wait.’
We stood and stared at each other like two lovestruck teenagers before he pointed out into the hallway. ‘I have fixed the front door. It will be easier to close now and it might help with Humphrey.’
‘Thank you, Ben. That’s from me and Humphrey.’
He smiled. ‘See you later.’
The nativity play was brilliant, and Grandpa shouted, ‘brAVO’ at the end when all the children and teachers were busy taking a bow. I even got a mention from the headmaster who thanked me for my fabulous scenery. Everyone gave me a round of applause. Two of the mums even reached over and said thanks. The feeling that I’d helped the school community after their stage artist had been taken to hospital filled me with warm, tingling feelings.
Rosie was one of the narrators and it was great to see her reading out part of the story. Ben was sat in front of Grandpa and me. Whenever Rosie talked, I noticed his face reddened. Seeing her made him emotional and I loved this.
After the play Grandpa and I walked back to the car. As I opened the door for Grandpa, I heard someone say, ‘Why can’t the Baxters leave Harp Brook?’
I looked up and saw Denise surrounded by a group of women. She was staring at me. ‘Now that you painted your little nativity scenery, can you all just pack up and go?’
The women around her giggled.
‘Your family has given Harp Brook a bad name. Your brother-in-law hurt my sister.’
I have never been one for quick-witted responses in tense situations. Afterwards, I will always come up with a hundred imaginary responses and wish I had thought of them at the time. Words jostled around on my tongue, but nothing came out.
Denise made a scoffing sound and walked off with her crowd.
‘What did she say?’ Grandpa asked as I pulled out of the car park.
‘Our family has given Harp Brook a bad name.’ I missed out the part about Frank hurting Vanessa.
Grandpa shook his head. ‘Frank has caused this. What has he been up to?’
An uncomfortable feeling passed over me.
I dropped Grandpa back to the manor house and made him promise to not tell Aunty Bev about our encounter with Denise. The last thing I needed was Aunty Bev to get in her car and go look for a fight with Denise. Grandpa gave me his word and I walked to Ben’s cottage.
Ben and Rosie were doing a Christmas jigsaw on the table. Rosie patted the seat next to her and grinned. ‘Where’s Humph-Wee?’
‘He’s being a good boy.’ I smiled, finding a missing piece from Santa’s hat in the jigsaw.
‘I miss him,’ sighed Rosie. ‘When I am sad again, he will show up.’
‘Humphrey misses you too, Rosie. He told me you are the best person on a sledge he’s ever seen.’
‘Better than Daddy?’ she asked.
I nodded. ‘Humphrey says you were much better than your daddy at sledging.’
She smiled and giggled at her father who was trying to squeeze the wrong jigsaw piece into a gap. Once Ben had read her a bedtime story he came back downstairs and made us both a cup of hot chocolate. He came to sit next to me on the dark red sofa. His living room was small and cosy. Low imposing dark beams stretched across the ceiling and the cream walls on either side of the stone fireplace were adorned with Rosie’s paintings from school, her swimming certificates and framed photos. My eyes were drawn to the photos directly opposite of Ben and a heavily pregnant blonde-haired woman. I assumed that was Sophie. She had a beautiful smile and the camera loved her. Lifting my gaze, I caught sight of Olivia standing alongside the blonde woman. They both looked young and happy.
Ben jolted me back to the present. ‘So, what did you want to talk about?’
His arm brushed against mine as he stirred his hot chocolate. My whole body became engulfed in tingles.
‘I like you… a lot. The other day I heard something about you, and it made me act the way I did last night…’
He interrupted me. ‘This sounds interesting.’
I took a deep breath. ‘I believed the rumour for a bit and…’ My words tailed off as he held my gaze.
‘You have to tell me the rumour.’
I fiddled with a loose thread on my jumper. ‘You’re a bit of a ladies’ man.’
I lifted my face to his. His eyebrows were arching in surprise. ‘Me – a ladies’ man? Wow – that’s quite a rumour.’ He scratched his stubble-clad chin. ‘That’s the sort of rumour I would have loved to have heard in my youth.’ After a heavy sigh he turned to me. ‘Look, I know where this has come from. I have been on one date in six years, it was a total disaster, and that person has been saying nasty things about me.’
‘Denise?’
He nodded. ‘I didn’t fancy her and at the end of the evening I told her I wanted to be friends. Well, she took it badly. She told me that no one turns her down and started spreading these rumours about me. One of her boys at school has also been giving Rosie a hard time.’
‘That’s not nice.’
He shook his head. ‘It’s not nice. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I’m the last person to be a heartbreaker and a player. Believe me.’
‘About that kiss?’
‘Oh yes, about that. I meant what I said. If you want me to back off…’
I twirled a piece of my hair around my finger. ‘That’s the last thing I want you to do.’ With a suggestive smile I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Our kiss was even better than the one in the school hall. It was warm, sensual and when we broke for air my head was swimming.
He stroked my hand. ‘Wow, that was a proper kiss. Can I ask what changed your mind about me?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Olivia.’
He looked surprised. ‘Olivia?’
‘Before I left my flat in London I found this notebook in her bedroom. It was an advice book she’d written about how to get over losing a friend.’
‘Sophie,’ Ben whispered, hanging his head. ‘She wrote it about losing Sophie.’
I reached out and placed my hand on top of his. He leaned towards me, and I wrapped my arms around him. We didn’t say anything. I simply held him close.
He pulled away and smiled. ‘Thank you for that. Sophie was a huge part of my life, and I will always have a hole in my heart.’
I stroked his hair. ‘I understand.’
‘Why did Olivia mention me?’
‘She talked about how you told her to make Sophie proud by writing romance novels.’
‘Sophie would have loved to know that Olivia was following her dream. Was that the only thing it said about me?’
I cast him an awkward look. ‘She also talked about how she… ummm…’
‘Kissed me?’
I nodded and he smiled. ‘We laughed about that for ages afterwards. It sounds horrid of me to say that, but I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed or guilty. Olivia, Sophie and I were always taking the mickey out of each other. When Olivia surprised me by planting her lips on mine, I knew it was grief.’
‘She said you were a true gent.’
‘She was a good friend to me, and I respected her a lot. Wow – I can’t believe she’s written about that.’
‘Her book has really helped me over the past few weeks, Ben. When I came to Harp Brook, I was a mess.’
He held my gaze with his beautiful green eyes.
‘I’ve spent the last few months sat in a lonely flat with a leaky ceiling, surrounded by some of Olivia’s belongings and feeling lost. I was applying for jobs I didn’t want, and I wasn’t getting, I was haunted by my ex-boyfriend dumping me on Christmas Eve, plus I was basing my life on what my mother wanted me to do. Olivia’s advice has helped me in so many ways. Without it I wouldn’t have cut my hair, got involved with the nativity scenery painting or decided that I wanted to change my career and do something with food instead of project management. I also wouldn’t have allowed myself to come here tonight and… kiss you again.’
His fingers wrapped around mine.
‘Do you know something, Ben? I feel closer to Olivia here in Harp Brook than I have done in my flat since she died. It feels like she’s with me.’
‘Have you finished her book?’
‘I am part way through.’ I ran my hands over my jeans. ‘I want you to know I am on a journey right now. My life needs to change. I know that now and I must work out how.’
He smiled. ‘So, where do we go from here?’
‘I am going to carry on reading her book and see what happens.’
‘Rachel, I’m here and whatever you decide I will support you.’
I leaned against his shoulder, and he pulled me close. ‘Does that mean I can’t kiss you again until you’ve finished her book?’
‘That would be torturous,’ I said with a mischievous smile. ‘Why don’t you carry on kissing me and I’ll figure out my life over Christmas.’
‘Deal.’