9. Violence isn’t a problem. #3
Scientists were assholes. So were angels. Gorgons could definitely be assholes, and while incubi could also be assholes, I loved my angelic-gorgon-incubus asshole. Somehow, I’d surrounded myself with assholes. “I’m telling Quinn you think I’m a most excellent parasite.”
“He’ll just say you have a symbiotic relationship with him and claim you’re not a parasite.”
“You should listen to him.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Perkette giggled. “Do you have reception yet?”
I checked my phone, and I sighed at the presence of several bars, ensuring I’d be able to conduct a conversation with someone. “I wish I didn’t.”
“It’s not that bad, Bailey. Just tell them you found an ocelot in West Virginia, tell them the mother and other kittens were dead, and that you rescued it.”
“We’re in West Virginia?”
“Yes, we’re in West Virginia.”
“Huh. I didn’t know West Virginia had mountains.”
“Have you never looked at a map of the United States, Bailey?”
“Why bother with geography when you know you’re never going anywhere because of no money and a shitty family?”
Perkette drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “Yeah. Okay. I got nothing. I can’t say I would blame you for that if I were in your shoes. I get it. Why dream about places you know you can’t go?”
“Exactly.”
“But what if you could? It’s okay to think about it now, Bailey. If you say you want to go walk the entire length of the Great Wall of China, Sam will make it happen. He’d give you the entire world if he could.”
Calling the CDC seemed like a better option than dealing with Perkette and her flights of fantasy, so I called the primary switchboard, asked to speak to someone in wildlife conservation, and began the tedious process of pleading my case to become the permanent caretaker of an ocelot kitten destined to become my Quinn’s beloved guard cat.
Quinn
It took until the store closed to convince Beauty and Sylvester we really needed to leave.
They would ‘five more minutes, please?’ me to death, and Bailey would laugh, as she pulled the same stunt in bookstores and got away with it.
Perkins kept snickering at me, helping to haul the ridiculous number of books I’d gotten for the pair despite having loaded their new e-readers up with every book they wanted.
“You’re a sucker,” my friend informed me while he settled Sunny in the back between the whelps, who fidgeted while we got their hoard packed in.
I was. “If Bailey finds out about this, she’s never going to let me live it down.”
“She won’t, but she’ll accept it as inevitable, as she’s determined to make sure no child suffers through the type of childhood she endured. Offer her a back rub. She’ll forget about why she was annoyed within five minutes.”
“I hate how right you are.” Once I finished loading the books into the back of the SUV, I picked out a cookbook for Beauty to read in the car, the book lights I’d gotten so they could read in the dark, and the first volume of the encyclopedia on paleontology Sylvester insisted he needed to read immediately if not sooner.
“Bailey is never going to forgive me when she realizes I’m accidentally raising a pair of mad scientists. ”
“I’m not sure Beauty’s collection of cookbooks is a starter kit for becoming a mad scientist. I’m not going to argue about Sylvester, though.
He’s definitely a mad scientist in the making.
Also, I hate you. It took me an hour to get every damned Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys book onto that e-reader.
He looked like he wanted to cry when I told him he needed to put the book he was reading away so he could pick something else. ”
“It could be worse. Book dragons are easy to manage. If you provide them with books, they will read.”
“You will regret this when Sylvester becomes a mad scientist. I know this. I married a mad scientist.”
“And she’s a phenomenal woman despite being slightly deranged.”
“Slightly?”
I laughed. “Okay, maybe more than slightly. Still. Tiffany is a wonderful woman despite her mad scientist tendencies.”
“Beauty is going to take over your kitchen and experiment if you’re not careful.”
“If that’s what she wants to do, I don’t have a problem with it. I will make certain it’s what she wants to do, however—not what she’s been taught she should do because she’s a young gorgon.”
“Well, considering there’s no such thing as a gorgon scientist until this point, I think it’s safe to say they weren’t brought up traditionally.
Gorgons can be very intelligent, but they tend to focus on being, well, dragons.
You know, making a horde, caring for nests of eggs?
They’re like very small dragons with a snake problem.
” Perkins shrugged. “If you drive, I’ll do some research and give the CDC a call about it. But I’m pretty sure they’re unusual.”
“Everything about them is unusual,” I replied, careful to keep quiet. I handed the whelps their books of choice and their lights so they could read. I reached over Beauty to stroke Sunny, who didn’t even stir from her hard-earned nap. I chuckled and gave the whelps my full attention.
The instant they got their books opened, they no longer noticed my presence—or remembered I was there.
I suspected there could be an explosion beside them and they wouldn’t notice a thing.
I let them be, closing the door so they could read undisturbed.
“I’m impressed with their base education. Most gorgons their age can’t read yet.”
“How old are they?”
“I’d guess somewhere between six and eight. My grandfather will get their birth certificates eventually. It doesn’t matter.”
“When do gorgons typically learn to read?”
“My grandfather waits until his whelps are twelve or thirteen. My father learned earlier because he’s more like me, generally human.
Their early education primarily focuses on controlling their powers as much as possible and teaching good habits for when they interact with humans.
I’m a little worried they’re behind the curve on interspecies interactions, but if they have the Right to Rule, it’ll be easier on them.
I’ll have to do some tests with them once we’ve retrieved our brides and the current situation settles down. ”
“I never asked. Can your father shapeshift?”
I shook my head. “No. Dad lacks the right genes.”
“Ah. The demonic genes let you shapeshift?”
“I guess. It could be one of many genes that let me do it. My great-grandmother’s a master at shifting.”
“Well, she’s the Sphinx. That makes sense. And can’t Anubis shift if he wants to?”
“I think so. There are a lot of shapeshifters, especially on my mother’s side of the family.”
“Your mother’s side of the family is even crazier than your father’s side of the family.”
“Yeah. I’m a certified freak.”
Perkins chuckled and claimed the front passenger seat as his. “Yeah, but you’re Bailey’s freak, and she likes you just as you are, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
“Siding with Bailey now, are you?”
“She needs a few people in her court.”
“She has people in her court.”
“Sam, this is Bailey we’re talking about here. You can tell her that until you’re blue in the face and she’s ready to light you on fire, and she won’t believe it. I figure if I tell you I’m in her court, you will believe me.”
I got behind the wheel, started the SUV, and heaved a sigh. “You’re right. However much it pains me, you’re right. Maybe we do need therapy.”
“I married a mad scientist. I married a mad scientist who calls me a mad scientist with a puzzle fetish. You’re not the only one in need of therapy. Worse, I encouraged my mad scientist to befriend a fire-breathing unicorn.”
“How much trouble do you think a mad scientist and a fire-breathing unicorn can cause?”
“Depends. Do they have access to a lab?”
I shuddered. “I hope not.”
My phone rang, and I checked the display, smiling when I recognized Bailey’s number. I answered, “Hello, my beautiful.”
“Do you like spotted kittens?”
“I like kittens of all stripes and spots,” I replied, trying to think of what species of cat had spots. I knew leopards had spots, as did cheetahs. Were there other spotted cat species? “Why?”
“I just spent two hours on the phone with the CDC, but I am now a proud permit holder for endangered feline species native to North America. Also, for once in her life, Perkette was wrong about something. Your new kitten is on the endangered species list, but they’re a very recent addition, so it’s not really her fault her knowledge was slightly dated. ”
In the background, I heard Perkins’s wife heave a sigh.
“All right. What sort of kitten did you find?”
“She’s an ocelot, and her name is Avalanche.”
Ocelot? I’d heard of the breed, but I couldn’t recall ever seeing one. Her name, however, worried me. “Please tell me there wasn’t an avalanche.”
“There wasn’t. I did have to go on a run—” Bailey sneezed. “Fuckshit.”
All right. Bailey had a cold. Again. Colds happened whenever she shifted and was exposed to cold temperatures. I could handle Bailey being sick with a cold. Tiffany was with her. I could get through the conversation without panicking.
Once I got through the conversation, I’d let Perkins drive and fret about Bailey being ill.
I drew a slow and calming breath. “Caught a cold?”
If she had pneumonia, I’d need one of the little pills my great-grandfather had acquired for me.
“Perkette has a theory.”
Mad scientist. Fire-breathing unicorn. I knew where that combination was headed: straight for trouble.
I gulped. “What theory?”
“She thinks I’m a parasite, ruthlessly used my mother as a host, and I might be something really badass. And that ambrosia just shows that I’m actually a parasite out to take over the world.”
“That is not what I said,” Tiffany protested, loud enough I could hear her despite her not being the one on the phone.
“It’s close enough,” Bailey replied.