Chapter 11
NOVA
The moment Jayne spotted us, she approached. Maybe I was imagining it, but I swore Wes’s stance became protective in an instant.
“Wes,” Jayne said warmly, not reacting to his intensity. “Do you two need a private room before Nova’s sermon?”
Wes nodded, and Jayne warmed us in the glow of her approval, as if we were acting perfectly in the roles she’d cast. But I was too hyped up on adrenaline to care much about her Machiavellian schemes.
“Remember, speak from the heart,” she said to me, voice deceptively caring. “Just a few minutes, nothing more. People want to hear your story—why you’re here and what desires await you beyond the illusory veil of fear.”
I had to fight the urge to glare at her. Never in a million years would I tell these people the intricacies of my trauma for them to weaponize against me. They would only hear what I allowed them to hear. Every part would be humiliating, but at least I wouldn’t be giving them too much of me.
“I have a story in mind,” I forced out.
“I’m so pleased to hear that. You’re going to be our brightly burning star.” She beamed, referencing the astronomical meaning of my name. “You look gorgeous, by the way.” She trailed a hand down my bare shoulder, and I struggled to hold back a shudder. Then, she glanced at Wes. “You both do.”
Wes didn’t move from his spot close to me, nor did he say a word to Jayne. It would seem his penchant for manners was selective.
“Thank you,” I said for both of us.
Jayne took us into a small room off the nave, one with chairs, bookcases, a desk, and a small couch. “I’ll keep them occupied while you work your magic,” she said with a wink.
It was amazing to me that Jayne had been confident enough to know I would fall in line and Wes would help by using hypnosis, exactly as she’d predicted. She was like a frighteningly beautiful chess grandmaster.
Or a dog with superintelligence.
“What’s funny?” Wes asked, lifting a brow.
I couldn’t believe I’d managed to smile at a time like this, and at my own internal joke, no less. “Nothing is funny right now,” I said. “Let’s get this over with.”
Wes waited. And waited.
I exhaled. He’d told me to ask for what I needed, so I said the words before I could do any more thinking.
“Will you please hypnotize me to tell my brief story about desire and shame and nothing more, keeping all specifics of my past before New York locked behind an ironclad safe? I want to feel calm and free to speak without any anxiety.” I sucked in a breath. “Please.”
It took Wes a moment to process my words, though his eyes had flashed on the word please, which I realized I’d humiliatingly used twice.
“Yes, Nova,” he said. His lips twitched. “Lie down on the couch.”
Something about the order calmed me, if only a drop. His cool authority was a balm to my racing mind.
I lay on the couch, and Wes pulled a chair next to me.
This was so fucking reckless. I knew Wes promised me I would still be in control even under hypnosis, but part of me was too scared to believe him.
I was paranoid if he did manage to hypnotize me, he could do literally anything he wanted.
He could brainwash me, make me do things I didn’t want to do, reveal things I had no intention of revealing.
He must’ve read the panic in my eyes, because his mask of certainty softened. “You don’t have to do this.”
I studied him. I remembered last week—the Wes who showed me egg creams and cared about my feet hurting and asked a bodega guy about his family.
“I want to,” I said, and it wasn’t a lie.
I was terrified, but I wanted to. Not only for Lorelei, but also for me.
Because for the first time in a long time, with Wes in this world between worlds, I felt achingly alive.
Regardless of Jayne’s cultish motives, maybe she was right about one thing. I was tired of feeling so afraid.
“Close your eyes for me,” Wes said softly.
I obeyed.
“How do you want to feel when you’re in the pulpit?” he asked. “The more emotionally rich, the better.”
“Confident,” I said. “Serene. Like what I’m doing is easy.”
“Good,” he said.
My insides warmed, my muscles untensing an inch.
“Deep breath in,” Wes commanded, and I obeyed. “And slowly out.” Once we’d done a few more rounds of breathing, he said, “Open your eyes and follow my fingers with your gaze without moving your head.”
He zagged two fingers in my field of vision in a crisscross pattern, up and down.
I focused on the movement, getting lost in it, until he suddenly broke the pattern by making his fingers dart in a new direction.
He repeated the process again. The effect it had was strange, the edges of my mind growing fuzzy.
“Now fix your gaze on a specific point on the ceiling. If your eyes grow too heavy, you can always close them again. Either way is fine.”
I stared at a point in the white ceiling, already feeling lighter.
“I’m going to count down from ten. You don’t have to do anything.
You don’t have to plan or worry or judge or even think at all.
I will do it for you. You’re safe to relax, listen, and let go.
Your body will naturally know what to do.
” He paused. “When I get to one, you will still be you, but more serene. Everything you do will feel easy.”
My body was already reacting to his guidance, unclenching with every calm, certain word Wes spoke.
I was too anxious and desperate to think of his words as condescending or misogynistic like the defensive part of me wanted to.
I needed this to work, and if that meant letting Wes think for me, so be it.
“Ten,” Wes said, soothing and strong. “You don’t have to try. Your body is relaxing naturally. Your heart is slowing. With every breath, you release more tension.”
Every time my mind fought him by producing more thoughts, the certainty of Wes’s voice brought me right back to center. By the time Wes got to five, my lids had dropped slightly. The aftereffects of my adrenaline surge made my body feel cool and heavy as I sank deeper into the couch.
“Three. Your body is relaxed, but your mind is peacefully awake. You’re safe.”
Those last two words hit me somewhere deep, but I wasn’t sure why. All of me grew heavier in an instant, like I was melting into the cushions. I barely heard him say two.
“One,” Wes said, his voice guiding me down an illuminated path.
I couldn’t remember when my eyes had closed.
“Good,” Wes said, and my world grew brighter.
I thought I might’ve been smiling softly, but I wasn’t sure.
“When you open your eyes, you will be ready to speak. Speaking to the nave will be as easy as speaking to me. You will only say and do what you want to do. The specifics of your memories from before New York are safely locked away. You won’t overthink anything.
When you are finished telling your story, I will squeeze your hand, and your memories will return.
You will come back to yourself, fully alert, and you will feel amazed at what you were able to do. ”
My heart was slow and steady, barely reacting to his words.
“Open your eyes, Nova.”
Wes. I sighed, studying his warm hazel eyes and perfectly sculpted features. He was breathtaking.
His tattooed hand twitched on his knee. He took a deep breath. “You’re going to slowly stand for me.”
I stood. Wes stood too. I stared up at him like I had before—the way I wanted to stare at him. He’d said to only do what I wanted to do.
A breath of relief left my lips. I wasn’t used to doing what I desired with reckless abandon.
Wes’s air of effortless power wavered for the briefest of seconds. When he looked away, I felt desperate for his eyes to return to me.
“Nova,” he said slowly, and my entire body lit up with pleasure.
He appeared to internally wrestle with something for a moment before returning my gaze with a renewed fierceness.
His hand delicately lifted my chin, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“You’re going to walk with me into the nave.
When Jayne calls you to speak, you will go by yourself, but you will feel me with you. ”
Another breath of relief left my lips. I wanted Wes close.
“When you are done, I will bring you back with a squeeze of your hand.” He was tense as he studied me, gaze slipping down to my body so close to his. “You’re per—you’re going to be perfect.” He released my face from his gentle hold.
We began walking toward the nave, but it felt like I was floating. We weren’t alone in the hall. Men and women seemed captivated by us, which made sense, given Wes’s aforementioned breathtaking beauty.
In the nave, there were far more people than I’d ever seen in our previous visits. At least one hundred, as I feared. It could’ve been more—numbers weren’t my forte.
I barely registered we’d sat down in the front pew, Wes on one side and Archer on the other. Archer shifted closer to me, and Wes’s hand tensed where it rested on mine in the space between us. It wasn’t a squeeze, so I stayed blissfully floating.
“You look incredible,” Archer whispered to me.
Wes’s shoulder brushed mine.
I glanced at Archer, and he smiled before I even spoke. “Thank you.”
The words seemed to delight him. He studied me in awe before glancing over at Wes with a smirk. His wife was speaking at the pulpit, but I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. I probably should, though, as I needed to hear when she called me up.
Candles were lit on the altar and on windowsills below stained-glass panels. The smell of smoke and wax soothed me, reminding me of a time from before—a time I couldn’t quite grasp.
“Everyone who has found community in The Circle notices the change in both their waking and dream lives. The deeper one goes, the more profound the shift. The Universe’s algorithm is far more powerful than the algorithms created by man,” Jayne said.