Chapter 62 You Are My Only Hope. #2
“Yes.” My eyes water, and throat tightens up. “I have a sweetheart.”
“Let’s talk about him. Get my mind off this setting we’re in,” he says as though he is much older than I am. As though he is speaking to a child.
“I’ve known him my whole life,” I confess.
“And have you loved him all that time as well?” Kane asks.
My lips press flat. “Hated actually. He spent our childhood years tormenting me. I only just recently began…loving him.”
“That’s odd.”
“Why?”
“You hated him. He was cruel to you.”
“Yes.”
“I guess I’m going to need more context.” My father shrugs, like the love he knows is entirely too simple to be able to wrap his head around this one.
“When we were little, Mind Phantoms were used on him to think poorly of my family. Of me. He spoke poorly of my father, and that’s mainly why I hated him so much.”
“And how did your father handle that?”
My chest caves in. Everything inside my core crumbles.
“He wasn’t around to defend himself. He wasn’t there to stand up for me.
” It all becomes so heavy, the unbearable reality that I’m sharing this with my father as a teenager who has no idea who I really am.
I’ve wanted to tell him this for so long.
“He died when my mother was pregnant with my brother and me. I used to dream he would protect me. That he’d never let anyone hurt me. ”
Kane observes me try my hardest to hold it together.
“There were so many times I wanted to tell him all of the shitty things Nik had said to me. But now, that’s not at all what I want to tell my dad.
I want to tell him that over the past few weeks I’ve been held captive with Nik.
I’ve been assaulted and starved. I’ve been taken prisoner, and I’ve watched Nik take my punishments that have resulted in him losing his fingers and being showered in acid.
And through all of that suffering, I’ve fallen in love with him. ”
Kane lifts his chin. “I see.”
“What do you think he’d say? Am I crazy for loving him?”
“You’re not crazy.” My father, though young here, has infinite wisdom in his gaze. “People can change. Trauma does strange things, and no one handles it the same way.”
“What should I do then?”
Kane’s shoulders tense as he puts more thought into it.
“Keep loving him,” he says.
My nostrils sting like I’ve inhaled cold air too fast. I blink against the shimmering vision.
“Why does this make you sad?”
“Because I’ve left him in a terrible place. And I don’t know how to get back to him.”
Kane’s chocolate brown eyes dart from one side of the library to the other. He lifts his hands to emphasize the location I’ve currently found myself in.
“Look where you are. It seems to me he’s the one who needs to come save you.”
I chuckle. “It looks that way, doesn’t it?”
He lifts his chin and stares at me with a rising suspicion behind those cautious eyes.
“You are more concerned for his life than yours at the moment?” Disbelief hangs on his expression.
“Yes.”
“Either you don’t understand the danger you are in, or he’s in a place that might as well be the Vexamen Prison.” Kane reads the expression on my face like a book. “You are aware of the danger you’re in then.”
Unsure of how much I should share with him, I nod.
“Is your sweetheart in the Vexamen Prison?” he asks again.
I stare at him.
“Hmm.” He pushes off the bookshelf to pace the rug in front of me. “You’re intriguing one of the alters in my head. He really likes puzzles.”
I smile. He’d have a ball with the truth I can’t share.
“If you know the danger you’re in, then you know this is the end of the road for you. Saving your sweetheart isn’t going to happen. You seem like a wise young woman. Intellectual beyond your years. You must understand that…”
“I am not going to die here,” I tell him firmly.
Kane stops pacing.
“I understand I’m being used as some kind of bait in an experiment involving you.”
He raises his eyebrows and freezes.
“But you’re not going to hurt me.”
Turning away, Kane says, “I won’t have a choice.”
If only you knew who I am to you. Who I’ll be to you one day. Why I remind you of your sweetheart, Skylenna, so much.
I look around the library, itching to tell him everything, but settling on another route. A stack of books on the table behind Kane gives me an idea.
“You read all of those?” I point with my chin.
He shrugs. “I’ve read most of the books here.”
“Have you ever read anything on time travel?” I ask.
Kane blinks a few times. “Only works of fiction and folklore.”
I take a deep breath. “Good. Now for the really important question.”
“I’m listening…”
“You have dissociative identity disorder, and since you’re young—is it safe to assume you often suffer from memory gaps and amnesia?”
There’s a flash of dissociation and a sounding alarm that has Kane changing his stance. I worry he’s close to changing alters before I’ve had the chance to get to my point.
“Who are you? No one knows anything about my disorder.”
I grab the arms of the chair and sit up straighter.
“Please, just answer the question. I’m going to tell you more than I can usually tell anyone if you’ll just answer honestly.”
Looking off to the left, he listens to the voices in his head. It must be a serious debate because he just listens for over a minute.
“Yes. I don’t usually remember much while I’m in here.”
I nod. I could really fuck everything up if I’m not careful. I could erase my own existence. But as of this moment, I just need to get back to Niklaus. I’d sell my own soul to save him right now.
“I know a lot about your disorder because I have time-traveled here. I left the man I love in the Vexamen Prison over fifty years in the past. I know this place experiments on you to reach more advanced abilities with your brain. I know your sweetheart’s name is Skylenna—”
My father’s hands are around my throat before I can blink or take another breath.
“Don’t you ever say her name in this place again. I swear to God, I will kill you for breathing that name here…”
“And I know you would never hurt her. You’ve—looked out for her—your entire life! Please! Look into my eyes and see I am not a threat to you or her. I need your help!” I sputter and gag as he lets me go. That grip was far stronger and more deadly than I would have imagined from him this young.
“I know you—are a genius. I need that mind of yours—to help me get back to the man I love. Please, I am begging you!” I pant and clutch my pulsing esophagus.
Kane stares with a building curiosity behind his expression. His eyebrows pull together as he sees something in me. The caution and hesitation loosen their grip on his rigid posture.
My eyes prickle. Please, you’re my only hope, Dad.
“If you’re playing a game, there’s an alter in my head who will play it better than you. And he has a temper. Understand?”
The word “yes” is mouthed by no sound comes out. And Kane takes a seat in front of me, rubbing his hands together in preparation.
“Tell me everything.”