Chapter 69 Dessin
Sapphire
My father isolates himself after bathing in a creek not far from the war tents where my mother is sleeping.
The sun is hovering over the horizon of the mountains. And I wait in the shadows of a nearby cave, praying for God to give me the courage to confront him.
He sits on the bank of the creek with clean clothes and wet hair, elbows on knees and a brooding expression as he gets lost in the babbling brook.
As his eyes dart off to the side, it reminds me of when I met Kane in the Demechnef mountain.
The concentration it took as he’d listen to other alters in his head.
I wonder how traumatizing this war was on his system.
The chaos that must erupt behind his eyes.
It feels like a century of me standing in this cave going unnoticed. My foot hovers in front of me to finally take action. But I retract it, losing the nerve.
“You can either come out, or I can go in and hunt you down. Your choice.” His voice rolls through the cave, low and resonant, like thunder taking human form.
I hold my breath.
Oh shit.
He’ll remember seeing my face in the couple interactions I’ve had with him. Maybe not the time Kane and I spent together, but definitely the others.
My ribs are beaten internally by my thumping heart. The air in my lungs comes and goes in choppy, anxious gusts.
I step out from the shadows, staring into my father’s eyes and praying to God he believes what I am about to tell him.
It takes him a sliver of a single second to analyze my face and register where he’s seen me before. Those interactions resurface. His expression flashes darkly with a narrowing grimace, the light being swallowed by something cold and bloodthirsty.
I have no chance to run, to scream, to fight back as he lunges into my space, slamming me back into the cave wall and jamming his forearm into my throat. The pressure cuts off my airways, and I scramble to gasp.
“Three seconds. Once I let go, you have three fucking seconds to convince me not to cut your heart out.” It’s a growl more than a clear statement. A sound that belongs to old gods.
His forearm drops, and I wheeze, coughing and holding my hands to my throat as if that will help me return the oxygen back to my brain.
“Three,” he repeats.
“I am not who I said I was,” I spit out as quickly as possible.
My father crosses his arms and almost smiles at the stupidity that came from my mouth.
“Terrible job of convincing me.”
I hold a finger up because I am not done, and God help me not to fuck this up.
And. It. All. Spills. Out.
“I was born on February Fourteenth. A twin. My mother gave birth to my brother and I without our father present. I love tulips but hate the smell of any other flowers because they’ve always surrounded my father’s bedside.
I dance in the rain during thunderstorms. My favorite color is indigo.
On most days, I have a problem controlling my temper.
I’ve been told I get that from my dad. When I was seven, no one showed up for my birthday party, and I cried for hours at the lagoon by my house so my mother wouldn’t see.
I’m stubborn. I love animals. I’m strong.
I’m resilient. And I am here because I cannot return home without healing my mother’s broken heart. Without healing mine too.”
He must be so confused as my eyes are thick and glossed over with tears. They teeter right on the edge of collapsing down my cheeks in a rainstorm of grief.
“Why are you sharing all of this?” he asks, though there is a divine wisdom giving him pause. An intuition that stops him from attacking.
I suck in a fast breath.
“Because…you used to call her Skylittle. Kane did. You fell in love with her in the asylum, but Kane loved her since they were small children. Because you’ve never met me.
Not really. Though I have dreamed my entire life of meeting you.
Because…don’t you see it when you look at me?
When you look into my eyes? Don’t I remind you of the woman you fell in love with? Don’t I remind you of yourself?”
I’m on the precipice of hyperventilating as I sob the next words.
My father takes an unsteady step away, dark mahogany eyes falling to my feet then back to my face. He’s stunned and unsure if he’s gone completely insane.
“Because I have loved you my entire life without knowing you. Because I live in a cottage built around a red oak tree. Because my mother is Skylenna Winter Ambrose. My brother is Krimson Arthur Valdawell. Because my name is Sapphire S. Valdawell. The S stands for Sophia and Scarlett. And I am living with my family twenty-one years from right now.”
His face falls, the muscles in his jaw slacken, and his features hallow with realization.
“No…” Another step back, though he wavers. “You’re trying to get in my head…”
“You are my dad. I’ve come a long way to talk to you,” I cry.
My father shakes his head, but he can’t unsee it, can he? My face is everything he could have ever imagined his child would look like. Astonishment ripples through his very core.
“Prove it. Tell me something only your…mother would know and tell you about us.”
Everything he knows is in question, but he can’t bring himself to stop staring into my eyes.
I don’t have to think very hard for this request. “Until hell freezes over.”
The look hits him before he can hide it.
Every look of composure deserts him. What’s left is naked shock.
“And even then,” I add in a whisper.
My father turns away from me, holding a fist over his mouth, and closing his eyes. When he pivots back in my direction, he removes his fist and asks, “Your name is Sapphire?”
I sniffle and nod my head.
He releases a devastated breath.
“Can I hug you?” I ask, and the question causes me to bawl.
It’s as if I’m dreaming. A lovely, heavenly, wonderful dream.
My father opens his arms and says, “Come here.”
I throw my body into a sprint, barreling into my dad’s hard chest. He folds his arms around me and holds me tight as I wail against him.
“I’ve got you, kid. You’re safe now.”
I am drowning in bliss and years of childhood grief all at once. My sobs jolt and shake my upper body so hard, I don’t know how my father keeps us so still. This is the warmest embrace I’ve ever had in my life.
Krimson, I wish you were here to meet him.
I can’t tell if it’s several minutes or an hour before I finally let go, wiping my eyes and holding his shoulders to steady myself.
“I have to tell you something.”
“Do I pass away in the future, Sapphire?” he asks calmly.
My eyes prickle with more tears.
“It’s okay, kid. You can tell me.”
I shake my head. “You have been in a coma my whole life.”
His brow furrows, and he breathes in that new information.
“Your mother raised you…and your brother alone?”
“She had some help. Grandpa, Aunt Marilynn, Uncle Niles, Aunt Ruth, Uncle Warrose, and DaiSzek.”
It’s a sad, short laugh.
“How does it happen?”
“The injection Masten and Kaspias gave you. Once activated it will put you in a coma.”
He peers down. “How is it activated?”
Huh. I guess I didn’t think through this part of the explanation.
“It, well, once you’re—hmm. When you and my mom are close—you know, cause—”
This is the first time I’ve ever seen my dad cringe.
“Stop. I think I’m caught up,” he says quickly.
“I’m sorry. I know this is the aftermath of what they did to you, experimenting with your brain chemistry. You think my mother was the cause of all your trauma. Is this right?”
Discomfort fractures him from the inside out.
“It’s complicated,” he replies.
“It won’t last. She’ll fix it in the void.” I fidget with my hands. “I know it’s hard to imagine me as your daughter or even be happy about it because you hate my mom right now, but—”
“Happy? Sapphire, I am devastated. You are what…twenty-one? I will miss my daughter’s first steps.
Your first words. I won’t be there to threaten the first man who breaks your heart.
I won’t be there to hold you when you cry or protect you from the evil of this world.
” He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes to gather himself.
“I am so fucking sorry you had to grow up without me there to keep you safe. I should have been there. I don’t need to spend two decades with you to know how much I already love you. ”
A rift inside my core stitches itself back together. Not healed but no longer ripped to shreds. I smile with swollen eyes and a red nose, feeling like a little girl.
“I love you too. And so does Krimson.”
This time, he wraps his arms around me again, kissing the top of my head and resting his cheek there. It’s everything I used to wish for as a child. It’s everything I needed desperately.
“Tell me there’s a way I can survive this,” he whispers sadly.
“There is,” I exhale against his chest. “Crow Ivast told me if you drink a tea made of Red Oak leaves, before… you and my mom, you know…”
“Yeah, got it.” He releases me from the hug.
“It will cancel out the effects.”
My father rubs the side of his face in deep thought. “Crow Ivast told you this?”
“Twenty to thirty in the past, yes.”
He stares at me.
“Your genetics and my mom’s did this.”
“And your brother?”
I shrug. “Not sure.”
“You’re risking the future you came from warning me.”
“It’s not a future worth going back to without you in it.”
“Dessin!” Uncle Niles calls from a few yards away. “They’re boarding the ships!”
My dad looks back at me and doesn’t move.
“Go,” I urge.
A web of complex emotions flickers behind his dark eyes.
“Go. You need to get back to the Red Oaks and drink that tea!”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“There’s not another ship you can catch.” I smile, stepping away. “If everything goes well, you’ll meet my brother and me as babies in a year.”
He nods, pained at the thought of me walking away.
“I love you, Dad,” I say.
“I love you too, kid. I can’t wait to be your dad.”