Chapter One
In a daze, Zara looked left to right.
How in the heck have I gotten all the way up here?
Perched upon the ancient cradle of jutting stone covered with lush greenery, her tiny frame, weighed down by years and wisdom, seemed to merge with the mountains she’d spent so much of her life gazing down at in awe from the sky, wondering what it would be like to be sitting on their highest peaks.
And yet, here she was, just like that, almost able to reach out and touch the clouds, making her lifelong daydreams as she’d soared through the skies a reality.
She smiled to herself.
This mesmerising sight was solid proof that some things really were best saved until last.
Although she’d always imagined a pit of fear would accompany her if she reached such soaring heights, now she’d arrived at this spot she didn’t feel the least bit scared.
If only her beloved husband could have joined her, now that would’ve made this moment even more magical.
He was also a lover of the sky, and she was sure he’d love this place just as much as she did.
They were like-minded souls. Maybe, one day, he would sit alongside her.
But for now, she knew he was holding her hand nice and tight — she could feel his touch, even all the way from up here.
She sighed, blinking away tears, some happy, some sad.
After all the years of marriage, there was still so much he didn’t know about her.
And not through any fault of his own. He’d lived out his days, thirsty to learn her, to know her, to peel back the layers of her inner soul and somehow love her more and more.
If only she could’ve been brave enough to tell him about her connection with little Verena Ferrara, so he knew her deepest, darkest secret, so she didn’t have to take it to her grave, but life had whizzed past them so quickly, and she’d never found the right moment, the right time. And now it was very possibly too late.
Hindsight was a right pain in the butt.
However, if the tables miraculously turned, and she was lucky enough to get the chance to tell him everything, she promised herself she’d try.
She owed him that much. Her husband deserved to know not only half her story, but all of it.
It would never change how he loved her with all of his big, beautiful heart.
She was certain of that now. But when she’d first fallen for him as a young woman who was still reeling from her past, she was afraid it would be a massive red flag, and had kept silent.
And with a one-in-a-bazillion kind of man like him reaching out to caress her heart, and allowing her to touch his, had it been so wrong of her?
Right back at the beginning she’d been terrified he wouldn’t love her if he discovered who she was, and where she’d come from.
And once their children had come along, she’d then been worried about endangering their lives if anyone knew her truth.
Live in the moment, Zara, now, before you lose the chance to.
Wanting to ground herself to this place, to feel all it had to offer, so she could understand its meaning, she felt the rough texture of the rocks against her skin as she crossed her legs.
Then, doing what she’d learnt in the yoga classes she and her lifelong best friend had loved to attend, she took a slow steady breath, held it with purpose, then released it ever so slowly while gazing out at the vast expanse.
Her body had aged, with every wrinkle and line telling a story of a life well lived, but she knew her mind was young, and her heart was filled with a lifetime of immense, soul-deep love.
What more could she ask for? She had to be grateful for the adventures she’d had, and not waste time wishing for the ones she’d never experience.
A cool breeze caressed her face and weaved through her long silver-and-chestnut hair like the fingers of a tender old friend.
As she breathed in deep, the scent of pine and earth filled her senses, reminding her of some of the escapades she’d embarked upon.
The different corners of the world she’d seen, with eyes full of wonder and a heart filled to brimming.
A blessed woman she most certainly was. Smiling, she released a contented sigh, finally feeling completely at peace.
And completely fulfilled.
All around her, the fluffy white clouds she’d always admired, from up close and far away, wafted like soft sea foam against the jagged cliffs supporting her.
The panorama was a floating dreamscape far removed from the mortal world where she’d lived, loved, danced, laughed and cried.
The clouds like sailboats in a celestial harbour, slow and graceful, were almost hypnotic, and she watched them with a childlike kind of wonder — if it wasn’t for the danger of falling before she was ready to fly, she could almost reach out and touch them.
A tiny glint in the sky caught her honey-brown eyes, and she watched the glimmer move as the commercial plane, charting its course across the vast canvas of powdery blue, flew towards its destination.
She’d spent her working life joyfully serving those destined for another place, near or far — for business, obligation, pain or pleasure — and so she could imagine all the passengers aboard and where their journey might be taking them.
This world certainly was enormous, and there was so much of it worth battling jet lag for, but for her, right now, this mountaintop was the ultimate destination.
Clutching the rose-gold locket that rested against her heart, she drew comfort from the familiarity of its intricate etching.
A cherished gift from her husband many years earlier, it was an anchor in the rough sea of time that now seemed to be passing her by in the blink of an eye.
Her heart clenched a little with the knowledge, but with a gentle press of her fingertips upon the weathered precious metal, she beamed a smile that spoke of gratitude and serene acceptance.
Swimming against the tide would do her no favours.
Letting go, and believing in eternity, would.
‘All will be well,’ she whispered to the wind, her voice a mere echo in the vastness.
She really, truly, wholeheartedly, had to believe this.
Continuing with her breathwork, she gazed from the distant plane to the green expanse around her.
But now, even in stillness, the fear of bereavement that she’d held at bay scratched at her soul, reminding her of her mortality.
She’d only ever felt this overwhelming sensation, as if her entire world was slipping away from her, once before — as a little girl.
It had been the most pivotal moment of her life — and that was saying a lot as she’d had many important experiences.
Furrowing her brows, she gently shook her head against the uncomfortable feeling.
She didn’t want to worry. Didn’t want to feel afraid.
Didn’t want to question it all. But how could she not seek answers at a time like this?
How could she not query some of the choices she’d made along the way?
She wondered what would have happened to her if she’d remained entangled with the persona of Verena Ferrara.
Would she still be alive? Would she be as happy as she was right now?
Sliding doors. The butterfly effect. Quantum entanglement.
She found all of it fascinating. And sometimes — most times — there wasn’t a definitive answer.
She had found a way to be okay with that.
This pinnacle, her throne above the world, stirred a sense of wonder laced with an inexplicable familiarity.
It was odd. Almost unnerving. But at the same time it felt ethereal, otherworldly, peaceful even.
Memories tugged at the edges of her mind, playful and elusive, as if the very rocks beneath her held secrets meant only for her heart.
She brushed a hand over the mossy surface beside her, feeling the pulse of Mother Earth beneath her fingertips.
It was a strange comfort, this communion with the ancient stones that seemed to whisper timeless tales of lives lived and loves lost. Although apprehension stirred within her belly, there was no fear in her heart as she sat there, a solitary figure against the tapestry of the wilderness high above the ground she’d lived her life upon.
Instead, she felt shielded behind an invisible veil of safety, as though the mountain itself had extended its embrace, acknowledging her as part of its everlasting legacy.
How blessed she was, to be invited into such a beautiful realm.
‘I’m just a visitor …’ she mused aloud, her words dissipating into the air. ‘As much as I want to, I know I can’t stay here forever. The people that love me, need me.’
Despite her obligations as a wife, mother and grandmother, something deep within her soul answered back with a silent certainty.
Telling her she inherently belonged there.
The realisation washed over her, as soothing as the ocean waves she’d always adored watching, hearing and splashing in.
She closed her eyes, allowing the moment to infuse her being, letting nature’s wisdom seep into her weary bones.
Within her youthful heart, the echoes of a life brimming with passion pulsed stronger than ever, undiminished by the passing of time.
However, in her mind she knew her time on earth was stretching into its last, concluding chapter.