Chapter 4
FOUR
Snuggled under my duvet, I held my phone up above my face with my chat with Faye open. She'd said we would message and yet, no messages had found their way to me. Was she busy? Did she change her mind? Was she waiting for me to reach out first?
I hovered my thumbs above the keyboard, trying to think of what I should write.
I wrote, instantly deleting it. That was lame. Wouldn't it be better to suggest somewhere to go? I had plenty of ideas but most of them had been shot down by Mila, Balthazar, or the collectiveness of the internet.
Restaurants were too stiff, festivals were too loud. There was no talking during a cinema so it was too impersonal but inviting her over for a home-cooked meal was too intimate and personal. For a first date, at least.
Why was friendship so easy and romance so hard?
I wrote out another attempt. I deleted the message when I realised I couldn't remember what she wore.
I'd been too flustered, awkward, and distracted to take notice and commit it to memory.
If I was going to woo her, I needed to pay more attention.
Three dots appeared in the chat, indicating that Faye was typing and I held onto my phone with bated breath.
Faye's message popped up within seconds.
A snort escaped me and I instantly felt more relaxed. I could always count on Faye to break the ice with her jokes and quips.
I wrote back, turning on my stomach to get more comfortable.
I wrote back, quickly following it up with another message.
I glanced at the window, wondering when my familiar would be returning.
I hadn't seen him all day, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but that didn't stop me from worrying when he was out.
What if something happened to him? I would have no way of finding out about it.
It wasn't like I could text or call him.
Was it unethical to microchip a familiar?
I actually had no idea. I'd have to ask Gran and Betty in the morning.
My screen lit up with a new message.
Was it just me or did that sound suggestive? Even in the emptiness of my room, I could hear the exact tone that Faye would've said that with. Lightly teasing with a slight inflection at the end of the sentence. And she would definitely be wobbling her eyebrows.
Knowing her, she might still have done that while writing the text.
Tickled by that thought, I wrote back.
Faye's message came with a string of smirking emojis.
Realising what I'd just insinuated, I quickly typed out the next message. There, that should stop her thoughts from wandering in the wrong direction.
I turned on my side, holding my phone like it was something precious.
Faye was somewhere else, but she felt so close.
I'd almost forgotten this sensation of closeness, of intimacy that transcended time and space.
Every message that popped up in our chat was a bid for connection and I wanted all of it.
Another message popped up.
Anticipation caught in the back of my throat. "Yes," I whispered while I typed it out, turning on my back and holding my phone up again.
Faye sent an emoji with big hopeful eyes.
A response popped up but before I could read it, my phone slipped from my hands and hit my face, sending a wave of pain up my nose.
Ouch.
I rubbed the bridge while turning on my side, a safer position for texting so I could actually read the message.
Glee spread through me, distracting me from my stinging nose. 9PM was an odd time. I didn't expect Faye to pick a nightly activity for our first date and if it was anyone else, I would've pushed back and suggested an earlier time. But this was Faye.
I confirmed, smiling like a fool when I looked at the screen.
Did that sound too needy or clingy? Was I putting too much pressure on us to figure out where we were going instead of letting it develop and grow over time? Was it better to be patient and sit on the fence?
No, not with Faye. If I hesitated now, if I let us live in this ambiguity, it might not go anywhere. The idea of this flatlining was making my stomach twist into tight knots. I likely wouldn't lose Faye as a friend but I'd be forever haunted by the what if.
Faye's message popped up, breaking me from my worries.
Relief crashed through me, like waves rolling ashore and smoothing out the sand. This was the reassurance I needed to push forward on the terrifying path of romance and it was both odd and lovely that that reassurance came from Faye herself.
It was so different from my previous experience with love.
Back then, with Agatha, it had felt like I was traversing a treacherous cliff to get to her and that one misstep might throw me off course and ruin the whole thing.
With Faye, it was different. I wasn't moving towards her, it felt like we were going on this journey together.
The journey of figuring out how to navigate these new feelings and the change in our relationship.
It felt so right, I could actually look forward to the next time I would see her without a thousand worries spinning around in my head.