Chapter 8
EIGHT
Faye's shriek echoed through the night followed by the most genuine cackle as she flew off the swing and landed in the sand on her hands and knees. She rolled a little too, and looked like an absolute fool, but a fool having the best time.
I laughed so much, I almost fell off my own swing. Instead, it came to a spluttery halt and no matter how much I wobbled myself, I couldn't get myself back in motion. I blamed the swing, the wine, and the childlike euphoria coursing through me.
"I'll push you!" Faye said, darting over to me with sand all over her knees and jacket.
She brushed against me as she took the position behind me and I felt her hands pressing against my shoulders, the touch firm and gentle at the same time. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so aware of someone's presence but it felt like my senses were in overdrive when it came to Faye.
I rocked back and forth, enjoying every time her hands came in contact with my back.
"You need to kick your legs," Faye instructed between carefree chuckles.
"I am!"
"Do it more!"
"I'm trying! I haven't done this in... forever," I said, giving up on moving myself and just enjoying the light swaying back and forth.
The park was entirely ours and it only added to this feeling that we were the only people in the world.
It was just me and her, reliving our childhood while creating new memories together.
A chuckle came from behind me. "I come out here to think sometimes. It's nice when the world is dark and quiet, I can actually hear my own thoughts then."
"And what kind of thoughts have you been having recently?" I asked, realising the swing was coming to a stop. I leaned back and tipped my head up, getting an upside down view of Faye. She looked cute even from this angle, especially because she was lost in thought.
Faye scratched her face, putting some sand on her cheek.
"All sorts of things. Business plans for the antique shop, and places I want to visit someday, and umm...
" Her gaze darted down at me and she looked startled to meet my eyes.
Her ears got red again as she looked away.
"Maybe I've been thinking a little about you and me too. "
Warmth spread through me. "Oh? What about us?"
"Being here with you feels like a dream come true." She cleared her throat. "But then I started thinking that it might be only my dream."
"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning at the sudden turn this conversation had taken.
Faye was no longer smiling and the timbre of her voice had lost all its usual playfulness.
I could maybe blame it on the wine but we hadn't even finished the bottle.
This wasn't the alcohol speaking, this was the serious side of Faye that she didn't show all that often.
Faye's hands tightened around the chains of the swing and she was still not looking at me. "I know this date is nothing fancy. I know it’s not the capital.” She swallowed hard, gathering up her courage.
“But this is me. This is what life will be like with me. I’m not after glamour or a high-powered career.
I want a relaxed life in the Cobblestones selling old junk.
And if that's not enough… if it’s not good enough for you, and I would understand if it's not, then I'd rather know now before I get my heart broken. Again.”
The way she said that made me ache. I knew that my relationship with Agatha was a sore spot but I never could’ve imagined it had created such feelings of inferiority in Faye.
It was my fault. I was the one who had been blinded by attraction and had fallen for Agatha’s smooth words and romantic declarations. It wouldn’t be right to say I regretted everything about our relationship but I certainly wish I’d done some things differently.
I should never have lost myself in the relationship and I shouldn’t have let my friendship with Faye fall to the wayside.
This time around, I would make sure not to make the same mistakes. This time, I would make sure I didn’t lose Faye.
Somehow.
I reached up to her hand but changed my mind before we could touch. "Is this about Agatha?”
“You did get engaged.”
“What Agatha and I had is in the past."
"But I'm also your past. We have so much history together. More history even," Faye said softly, her gaze set on something far away.
“Our history is different.”
“Not that different. Do you know you were actually my first crush?"
Surprise sparked up in me. "What? What do you mean?"
"Are you really shocked? We got play-married, remember? Do I seem like the type who would play-marry just anyone?"
The memory should've made me smile but it didn't. "We had dish towel veils and Betty was our officiant."
"It was only a child-crush." Faye glanced at me, the conflicting feelings written on her face. "But I caught real feelings when we were teenagers."
The tightness in my chest got worse.
"So it was true what everyone said," I realised, thinking back to how our time at school and how people assumed we were a couple. It was always Faye who adamantly denied it so I never had any reason to think there was any truth to it.
And yet, this revelation didn't come as a total surprise. Maybe because there were plenty of people back then who had been convinced Faye had feelings for me. Like Agatha.
So she was right after all, as frustrating as it was.
"You never said anything," I said, my voice coming out a little hoarser. "Why?"
Faye let out a choked chuckle. "Why? I didn't want to mess up our friendship, not when I wasn't entirely sure about my feelings or yours. Back then, I thought I was someone special to you so I assumed we'd have time to figure it out. But then—"
"Agatha swooped in." Her name tasted bitter in my mouth. Or maybe it was the memories of our time together.
"Yeah... Confident Agatha who always knew exactly what and who she wanted.
There was no song or dance with her. She wanted you and she made no secret about it.
" Faye's hands tightened around the chain of the swing.
"She was bold and brave and I was a coward so I hid my feelings and just tried to get over you.
I thought I did a good job until you returned to the Cobblestones, single, and all those old feelings came back as if they'd never left. "
A spark of lightness rose up in my stomach. "And I'm glad it did. I'm not going to lie, coming back to the Cobblestones felt like a defeat but that was until I realised all my favourite things are here. Gran, Betty, the coffee house... You."
Faye's mouth tugged up into a hint of a smile but she didn't say anything.
"I should never have left the Cobblestones," I added, leaning my head back until it was resting against Faye's stomach.
There was a moment of tenseness before I could feel her relax against me.
"The capital was always Aga's dream. She wanted a high-powered career and a fancy life.
For a while, she actually made me believe I wanted that too. "
"But you don't?"
"No. I wanted to be her perfect girlfriend so we could be a power couple, just like she always talked about it.
" Disappointment pooled in my stomach, mixing with all the other emotions there.
"You know what my mother is like. I could never do anything right in her eyes.
Agatha made me feel like I was special and I wanted to believe her, even if it wasn't true. "
Faye let out a strange noise. "You are special."
I could tell she meant it too and in a different way than how Agatha saw me. She always talked about potential and she had so many expectations. For the longest of times, I did what I could to meet them even if it meant contorting myself until I was all twisted and knotted up.
I didn't know how to explain that to Faye without sounding pathetic so I just pushed it away. I didn't want to spend our entire first date talking about Aga and my failures. This was meant to be the start of us.
My hands moved up the metal chain until they bumped into Faye's. She tensed but didn't pull away which I took as a good sign.
"Agatha and the capital were my attempts to escape everything that made me me. But after coming back here, I've done a lot of soul-searching and I've discovered I actually like my life here a whole lot more than I used to. And I feel the most like myself when I'm with you."
Faye finally cracked a smile. "Ah, so you've finally discovered how awesome you are?"
"I wouldn't go that far... but yes. I'm pretty awesome for having grown up here and having a friend like you." I poked the underside of her arm. "I really, really like you. And I like how it feels when I'm with you."
"I really, really like you too." She dipped her head, her smile returning. "Finger guns and all."
"You're the one who started it!"
Her laugh broke free and echoed through the night while it filled me with courage. I stood up from the swing, turning so I was face to face with Faye. Despite the nerves sparking in my stomach, I felt braver than ever when I leaned forward for another kiss.
For a moment, I feared she might pull away, feared that the shadow of the past was too big to get away from.
But then her fingers intertwined with mine and she melted into the kiss like she had last time, chasing my worries away until they were nothing but wisps. It gave me the reassurance I so needed that no matter what, Faye and I would be able to figure this out.