33. Rico
Rico
So, Ty-Ty is still mad.
Not mad enough to square up, but still pissed nonetheless. But that nigga will fight and ask questions never, so him not squaring up on sight is still monumental.
Give him time.
“I am,” I grit, picking myself up off the ground. Snow’s been ignoring me since I posted Gianna on IG. And truth be told, I’ve been giving her space, opting to follow her on the lowkey just to see what Slime will do.
Imagine my surprise when I see Pooh and Mars picking her up, and my father dropping both of them off at Haze’s crib.
Haze was so familiar with that nigga. Any other time I woulda hopped out and demanded she stop this bullshit, but something is stopping me.
Haze has always reminded me of Ma, if I’m being honest with myself. Especially after that bullshit in the towers, she has this look in her eyes. Not necessarily as suicidal as Shad, but if she was ever in a life threatening situation, she wouldn’t fight to live.
The look in her eyes has changed. Now, she looks like she’s one move away from burning the world down. Turk and Patience wouldn’t let her go nowhere near a drug, but whatever they’re doing to get all her excess energy out isn’t working anymore.
Baby girl is a ticking time bomb. But it’s not my problem. I can’t put her above Snow, not ever again. And that includes keeping my thoughts to myself, because I was serious about not letting Snow lose herself to save her sister.
“Ricky! Why are your pants dirty?”
I stand straight, ignoring the phantom pain in my hip, and motion for him to get in the backseat.
Snow walks behind him toward me. “Thought you got rid of this car.”
“I did. Get in the car.”
She rolls her eyes, but I know she’s missing me as much as I’m missing her, because she gets in and hands Mars his backpack.
“Put your headphones in, Marzy,” she tells him as I get in and turn the engine over. I glance up, meeting Auty’s gaze just before she goes back inside of her house.
“How was your visit?”
Snow sighs, turning from the passenger window to the windshield. “She’s pissed at you for knocking out Dad and mouthing off to Mom, but other than that, she’s spiraling. Being evasive…”
I go for her hand, but she snatches it back, scoffing. “Don’t pretend like you care. She told me you haven’t reached out at all.”
“Haze told me she was done with me.”
“Oh, since when has that ever mattered to you! You’re petty enough to make her eat her words, but you’d never be cool off Auty. Why are you making her stand on it?”
I glance in my rearview mirror, confirming that Mars is in his own world. It’s a cool night out, and I already ordered some food for us, but it’s in the hood, a little ways from Snow’s place, so we have time.
“I…” My throat closes so fast I can barely stick my tongue out to wet my lips. My hands squeeze the life out of my steering wheel, and my eyes begin to water. Snow waits patiently. Not comforting me, on account of still being pissed, but holding space nonetheless.
“I… don’t like the way she treated you,” I mumble. We pull into the drive thru, and since it’s long, I put the car in park and turn toward her. “Shit was foul.”
“Auty’s said and done worse. Why does it matter now?”
“It always mattered. It always bothered me. Now… now I can’t hide it.
” I wipe my face hard. “I used to say I’d hate you for her, since she’s incapable.
Now I… I think I hate her for you, since you’re incapable.
I hate anyone who I feel like don’t fuck witchu, Snow.
And I wanna body anyone who fuck witchu too much. You see I’m in quite a predicament.”
“A conundrum indeed,” she giggles. When she finally takes my hand, my chest deflates, and my throat finally opens. I drive up a little, the line moving.
“I want you and Haze to be good. I always have.” I close my hand around hers, and bring it to my mouth.
“But, not at your expense. I’ma choose you over her, and not regret it at all.
” Our hands drop back to her lap. “She is spiraling, bae. Been that. But you’re not the reason. And it’s not your problem.”
“She’s my sister,” she whispers, wiping her tears with her free hand. “I will never wash my hands of her. Never.”
“But now I bet you thirsty right? Or you itching for some weed? Maybe something else?”
“Fuck you!” she hisses, glancing at Mars before throwing my hand back at me. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not, Snow. You sad as fuck, can feel your energy filling up my fuckin’ whip. And it gets worse whenever you around Haze.”
The truth makes her avert her gaze, and she turns in her seat. It’s our turn to get to the window, so I show them my order confirmation and get our chicken dinners.
“You know how I come behind my things, Snow. And you, my love, are my most precious thing. I absolutely will do whatever I need to so that you straight. Hate me all you want, but you’ll be hating me alive and sober.”
She mocks me as she takes the food so I can drive off. We’re both quiet, low music filling the space, mixing with the chicken I can’t wait to fuck up.
“You can hate me, too, because I’m not going as your date to Reem and YT’s wedding. I’m a bridesmaid anyway.”
“Okay,” I chuckle, “I’m a groomsmen, nigga. You can still be my date.” It takes a second for me to feel pissed, since she caught me off guard with her comment. That was one of the texts I sent while she was ignoring me, but all of them just said delivered, not read.
I assumed she blocked me.
“I thought you’d wanna bring Gianna instead,” she spits. “You are so lame for that, by the way. She’s like, twenty-three. And I just know she don’t wipe good with all that ass she’s toting.”
“You sound like a hater fasho.” When she doesn’t disagree, I laugh harder, not stopping until we get to her crib.
“Ummmm, you are not allowed up!” she shrieks, taking off her seatbelt.
“Ooo, it’s just us, Snow?” Mars asks, cheesing at her like she just handed him a million dollars.
“Nah. This a group movie night. Don’t forget your backpack.”
I’m already in Snow’s parking space she don’t use. I’m not going back home because she don’t understand psychological warfare.
Snow grabs Mars’s hand and they walk ahead of me, debating which movie we’ll all be watching. She ignores me, even when I fix all of our plates and we go sit at her new dining room table and eat.
I like watching her engage with Mars, so it’s no skin off my back.
Not at first, anyway. I take a shower and change into some clothes I brought over here while they clean up.
When I leave the bathroom, they’re settled onto her bed, watching some animated movie on her projector.
There’s room on the other side of Mars for me, so I take my place there, and get on my phone.
Soft snores have me glancing up. The movie’s still playing, but only Snow is watching it. Mars is sound asleep, snoring louder and louder as he drifts off.
He looks just like Fredo, especially now. No hint of Ju anywhere.
Would our baby had been like that? No hint of Snow?
My chest constricts like it always does when I think about what could have been. It’s my most delusional thought, and yet, it cuts me the deepest. I can think about Ma before I think about the baby Snow killed. My fists clench, my breathing turns labored.
Snow’s so into the movie, she doesn’t even notice.
But I push through. Because there actually may be a time where I have that chance again.
Would I want our child to be my carbon copy? No. Well…
Maybe I’d be okay with our son looking like me, if he inherited everything else from Snow. Her curiosity. Her loyalty. Her heart.
And if we ever have twins, I’d make sure they were better than their mother and aunt. Even better than me and their uncle.
They’d stick together, no matter what, so that they’d never know what it’s like to live without their other half.
You can’t control shit like that, Rick. No matter how much you want to.
I tell my brother to shut the fuck up, and put all the errant thoughts about kids that may not ever exist and never got the chance to, back in their box.
I don’t blame Snow for ending her pregnancy. On top of the way she found out, neither one of us were in no position to be teen parents. But I can’t tell her I mourn our firstborn so profoundly, regardless of all the facts, so it’s easier not to talk about it.
Still, I need to know one thing before I force myself to go to sleep.
“You’d have my baby?”
Snow’s brows furrow, before she pauses the movie and turns her head toward me. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Would you have my baby? We don’t use condoms, and I be over pulling out. You’d have my baby or you pulling up to the chop shop again?”
Snow mashes her lips, glancing at a sleeping Mars between us before leveling me with a glare that could kill.
“One: if I can’t bring up LJ, then you can’t either, nigga.
Two: I’m not having shit until I got a marriage license, ironclad prenup with a cheating clause, and an account for the mommy makeover I will be having after your big headed kid fucks up my body.
And three, which is most important: the way you move, you’ll be lucky if you ever see Miss Snowflake again, let alone try to impregnate me. ”
I comb my lip, thinking about my pussy and how much I know she miss me. But then, I finish processing what she said. “Who the fuck is LJ?”
“Luney Junior,” she drawls, rolling her eyes and grabbing the remote. “Not that you care, but when I do like to go down certain parts of memory lane, that’s the name that came to mind, so it stuck.”
I lean over and kiss her temple as she starts the movie back up. “We would never name our kid after my street name.”
“Well, my daughter is gonna for sure be Snow or Ice, so.”
I shake my head, kissing her again before rolling off the bed to get Mars settled into the guest room.
A mini Snow wouldn’t be so bad.
For Snow to tell me any time she can that she’s not my bitch, I sure am putting in a lot of work to get back in her good graces.