Chapter 7 #2
Kain stopped walking, finally deciding that the patch of sand we were standing on was a good enough spot to sit. I followed him down, taking a seat beside him. Our shoulders touched as we sat facing the ocean, but neither of us made an effort to create some space.
“You were watching me,” I put together the pieces. “I knew it!”
“Hm,” he mused tiredly. “Conceited.”
“Did you find me because you were looking for me?” I asked curiously, turning over my shoulder, tracing the outline of his profile with my eyes.
I stared at the side of his face while he looked ahead out into the open water as the waves died inches from our feet.
I’d never been this up close to him before.
“Technically,” he replied, turning to meet my eyes.
For a moment I didn’t take in any air, my breath caught in my throat for a solitary second.
“I couldn’t find the red dress at the party anymore, and the whole party was my sister’s thing, you know?
So after that I figured, what’s the point?
I went upstairs. You know what happened after that. ”
I tried to shake away the memories, forgetting for a moment that Kain was watching me. When I met his eyes again, he had enough sense not to look at me like I was pitiful. Looking ahead, I asked the next thing that came to mind.
“You weren’t even going to try to shoot your shot at me? Before everything that went down upstairs. You could have been all, ‘Hey, lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear.’ I would’ve been all for it.”
He laughed. “You can’t give a lightweight four shots of straight vodka back-to-back, and then try to run game. That shit’s predatory.”
“Geez, you really do want to be a lawyer.”
“Also,” he paused, and in my peripheral vision, I could see his eyes on me. “I wanted you to be sober for this.”
This.
His voice was lower now, rich like chocolate the way it flowed out of him, catching my attention. My breathing slowed and I turned to face him again. His eyes were still warm, contrasting with the seriousness of his features.
Not even trying to be vain, but in that moment, Kain looked at me like I was the only thing he saw. It had the most stripping effect on me. I felt naked. I didn't know what to do with all that attention. I didn't know how to react to feeling so seen.
He leaned in closer, and anticipation rose within me as his head ducked down. The first touch was feather light, his hand softly gripping my jaw, gently drawing me closer to him, filling the small space between our lips until there was none.
At first, everything was gradual, like time had changed orientation and decided to move ten times as slowly.
With eyes closed, the rest of my senses were stimulated at once—especially my sense of feeling.
As my lips pressed against his, I began to wonder if I had ever truly felt anything until that very moment.
As slowly as things started, was as urgent and hurried they became. Our lips moved with each other like dancers in a sensual dance, his over mine, and then mine over his, holding a rhythm that neither of us had practiced, yet we still executed flawlessly.
His hands moved from my face, brushing along my shoulders before ultimately stopping at my waist, pulling me towards him.
And then it was like we couldn’t get close enough.
I found myself wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing my chest to him.
Not long after that I was straddling his lap, feeling every contour of his body pressed against mine.
Kain held me into place, one arm encircling my waist and his free hand resting on my bottom.
There was so much desire in the way that he kissed me.
It was as if he’d thought of nothing else but this moment since I’d left his room days ago.
I smiled against his lips, pleased to be sure of one thing about Kain once and for all.
He wanted me. He wanted this.
He really wanted this. In fact, he might’ve wanted this even more than I did.
What started out as excitement soon morphed into panic rising in my chest. I pushed myself back a little, catching my breath just below his chin.
“Wait.” The word came out like a moan against his neck, but even then, there was a clear indication of distress in my voice.
Kain’s hands froze where they were and he immediately pulled me back to take in my facial expression, his own features adorned with confused concern.
Hit with a fresh dose of his beautiful face, I lost some of my nerve. “I…I um…”
Kain waited patiently for me to spit it out.
“I’ve never… never, um, had a… boyfriend before.” His eyebrows rose ever so slightly.
“Boyfriend?” Kain repeated my words back to me questioningly, as if to emphasize that the word wasn’t appropriate for the situation.
Heat rose to my cheeks, and I cringed a little. “No I didn’t mean that you and I… I know you’re not my boyfriend… I meant…”
“This is all new to you,” he tried to help me articulate it, his grip on my waist loosening a bit. “And you’re overwhelmed.”
“Yes!” My heartbeat slowed a little. Relief.
“I just… I’m not sure what you thought was…
I’m sure you probably have girls throw themselves at you all the time, but…
” Kain watched me difficultly piece together my words, the slightest hint of amusement glittering in his eyes.
“Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t even know what to…
Well, I mean, I know what to do. I just don’t know if I…
” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I just don’t want to. Not like this… I’m sorry, okay?”
The amusement in his eyes fizzled out.
“Hey, what are you sorry for?” he asked. I couldn’t tell if the tinge of outrage in his question was due to my rejection or my apology. “You’ve got nothin' to be sorry about.”
“Well… I can feel your… you know pressing into my thigh. I feel like such a tease.”
Kain tilted his head sympathetically, motioning for me to move off his lap and sit beside him with a nod.
For a moment he didn’t say anything, and I wondered if I’d unknowingly committed some obscure social crime.
I watched him look off into the distance thoughtfully for a minute or so, but if anyone had asked, I would’ve said it felt like hours.
“Lauren,” he broke the silence, catching me by surprise.
“If you don’t want to do something, speak up.
And do that shit unapologetically,” Kain said looking at me over his shoulder.
“If a guy gets mad at you for that, or makes you feel some type of way about it, that’s not the nigga you should be fuckin’ with anyway. ”
Is he lecturing me right now? I messed everything up so bad that he’s giving me advice for my next relationship. I turned away from his eyes, looking out to the ocean in front of us.
“It’s not that easy all the time,” I mumbled, thinking about the countless almosts and maybes that had left me behind in the past. “Some guys… they basically let you know that since you’re not putting out, they’ll just… find another girl who will.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t disagree, which made me smile bitterly. “But then you should feel like you dodged a bullet.”
“But I don’t.” If this was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Kain and I, I wouldn’t feel like I’d dodged a bullet at all. I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them. “You know, sometimes I feel like I should just get it over with.”
“Meaning…?” He invited me to elaborate.
“You know… I pick some random at a bar one day and just… do it. Maybe then I’ll stop feeling like I have to find The One.”
“The One,” Kain chuckled. “That’s very cinematic.”
I turned to look at him again and tried to ignore the feeling of longing in the pit of my stomach as I took in his handsome features. I ruined everything. I’d revealed the figurative chastity belt secured around my waist, and now he was practically talking to me like I was his sister.
“So you think I should just get it over with, too?” I asked, wondering if he might say I should, and then volunteer. Perhaps even hoping he might.
Kain took his time with his response, analyzing my face for a while, and looked ahead before he ultimately said, “I don’t think that would be good for you.”
“Me specifically?”
“You specifically.”
“Why me specifically?”
“Because you’re askin' me what I think you should do. Which means you ain’t sure. And if you ain’t sure…” he trailed off, looking at me over his shoulder again and I watched the moonlight dance in his eyes. “Wait for your fairytale, Lauren.”
He wasn’t being sarcastic or snide. The advice was serious.
Nowhere in his words did he indicate that he believed a fairytale ending for me was possible, only that this was what he felt I needed.
I didn’t respond, opting to keep my eyes on his until the butterflies in my stomach couldn’t take it anymore.
The ocean in front of us was vast, but I felt like there wasn’t enough water in the world to cool the heat on my cheeks.
“So,” I cut into the quiet that had fallen over us. “What do you do when you’re in this dilemma with other girls?”
He breathed out a laugh. “I like how you assume this happens enough times for there to be a protocol.”
“So you’re saying no one ever says ‘no’ to you?”
This only made him laugh more. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
I brought my voice to a hushed whisper, teasing when I asked, “This the part where you tell me that you’re a virgin, too?”
Chuckling, he replied with a simple, “It’s not.” He brought a hand to his face, rubbing his chin thoughtfully before saying, “But now that you mention it, there was this one girl…”
My eyebrows climbed up with curiosity. “She said ‘no’ to you,” I guessed.
“More or less.”
“And so then what happened?”
Kain eyed me for a moment and said, “I asked her to get off my lap, and then we just talked, sittin’ along the shore. Things cooled off for me eventually and the conversation continued. No harm, no foul.”
I bit back a smile, catching on. “And then later on, after that date… Did you call her?”
“Did I call her?” he repeated, sighing a little before he replied, “Yeah… I called her.”
“Oh… I see. And, so, uh… was she pretty?” I asked, unable to keep my smile at bay.
Kain shook his head at my silliness, but returned my smile. This immediately drew my attention to his lips. My gaze lingered a little too long, an act that didn’t escape his notice. He leaned in a little closer.
It was I who finally closed the distance between us, the second kiss every bit as lovely as the first. I could taste my cherry-flavored lip balm from the last kiss still on his lips, and it tasted so much better this way.
The warmth of his mouth was soothing, melting away every emotion in me and leaving behind a trance-like desire.
Even though I could count on one hand the number of people I’d kissed, I still knew that what was happening was nothing short of extraordinary.
This time around, Kain took his time, his movements slower, more deliberate so that he could have a better feel of my response throughout.
I was pulled back onto his lap, though this time we were more thoughtful about where I was positioned.
Before this point in my life, I'd only been kissed by three other boys.
Once in second grade on a dare, once at summer camp out of curiosity, and then when I had the closest thing I ever had to a boyfriend in high school.
All three of them had kissed me for the thrill of the kiss, because they were just happy to be kissing someone.
Kain wasn't just kissing someone. He was kissing me.
These kisses had my name written on them, they were made for me.
Each one, from the ones on my lips to the trail of them he left along my neck.
And like something designed specifically for me, they kept pace with my expertise.
I wasn't confronted by my own inexperience with him.
Just like the way he slowed down his steps to keep himself from walking ahead of me, Kain managed to do the same thing in the way that he touched me.
We were gasping for breath when we finally separated. Well... I was gasping. Kain was merely breathing a little harder than usual. Still straddling his lap, I rested my forehead against his collarbone, captivated by the slowing rise and fall of his chest as his heartrate dropped back to normal.
When I finally did look up, his eyes were already on me. The look on his face a mixture of several different things—desire, wonder, a little euphoria, and just beneath the surface of it all, if I looked a little longer, fear.
“She was beautiful,” he said quietly against my lips.