Chapter 58 #2
I imagined dating an up and coming popstar wasn’t helping with the desire for privacy. When I mentioned this, I tried not to sound jealous.
“You read gossip magazines,” Kain surmised, offering to take my coat, handing me a bottle of water as I handed him my jacket.
“Sometimes.”
“Then you should know that we released a statement.”
“It was a weak one,” I offered up my opinion, knowing that as soon as the words left my mouth, it sounded like I was jealous. “‘We’re like siblings,’ is exactly the kind of thing celebrity couples say when they get caught.”
“Oh, you really were checkin’ for those stories.” This clearly amused him. “We really are like siblings, though.”
“You took her to Catfish Carol’s,” I mumbled.
“Lauren,” Kain stressed, reminding me, “You know I don’t like seafood. Eden chose the spot ‘cause it’s her favorite, too. It wasn’t some petty attempt at sending you subliminals. Did you take it that way?”
“Kind of,” I replied, my voice coming out small. Reaching for the water bottle in front of me, I changed the subject. “So do you live here alone?”
Hearing my unspoken question, he lowered his gaze to meet my eyes before answering, “Most of the time.”
I nodded, my face the picture of understanding, as I uncapped the cool bottle in my hand. I couldn’t be upset by this, nor was I surprised. After all, I did read the gossip magazines. And it had been sixteen months.
Forcing a cheerful color into my tone, I simply asked, “So what’s her name?”
I wondered if I sounded as possessive as I felt.
Kain sidestepped around that question, redirecting the conversation when he asked, “Would you like a tour?”
Now if I asked him again, I would definitely sound possessive.
Trying to keep myself in check, I tried to focus on the things he’d said last Monday, when he told me he never stopped loving me.
I ran my eyes to his natural expression.
Just as I remembered him, Kain was relaxed and comfortable. I tried to match his energy.
“Sure. I’d love a tour,” I replied, trying my best to sound unbothered.
Kain set the bottle in his hand down on the white kitchen counter and motioned for me to follow him with a nod. Two paces behind him, my eyes traced the outline of his shoulder blades through his shirt, and my mind offered me the memory of the way I used to hold on to them while he…
“Lauren.”
At the sound of Kain’s voice, I snatched myself out of my own head. His eyes were amused when he asked, “You good?”
Silently, I nodded.
“Right, so anyway,” he started, stretching out a hand. “This is the living room.”
I looked out into the modernly furnished living space, taking in the views of the city and smiling at how the central piece in the room was not a TV, but a bookcase.
That’s very Kain, I thought to myself.
“And if we move further down this hall, this is the theater room. At the end of that hall there are the extra bedrooms; nothing too exciting. Come on, follow me upstairs.”
This place is two stories high?
At the top of the stairs, we stopped at a transparent sliding door, leading out onto the roof. Kain pulled it opened and waited for me to step through the threshold before he came up behind me.
The cold December air nipped at my nose as I took in the breathtaking sight before me.
Kain’s private roof deck was a large outdoor space, hundreds of feet into the air, overlooking all of Downtown Miami.
The sounds of the city noise were faint and far away.
The entire space was lit with string lights that hung above my head, giving off a homey yellow glow.
Off one end of the deck was a patio furniture set that circled around a fire pit.
On the other end was a covered hot tub, a grill, and a few other things one would expect to find in just about every backyard—except on a roof in this case.
“Whoa,” I breathed out, my breath showing up in clouds in front of me. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself as I turned in circles, trying to take everything in at once. It was serene out here. I couldn’t imagine being stressed about anything with all this beauty around you.
“Come on,” Kain urged me to follow him back down and into the house. “You’re cold.”
The first thing Kain did once we were back inside was turn up the thermostat to a temperature that I knew for a fact was way too warm for him, but perfect for me.
After living with Kain for practically two months, his preferences were still somewhere in my head.
From what I remembered, Kain preferred the temperature to be at a cool sixty-eight, ten degrees lower than my ideal setting.
It would take at least three hours for the whole place to warm up to seventy-eight.
I wondered if Kain realized that his actions implied that he was anticipating a longer stay.
Maybe he wasn’t trying to be subtle at all.
I stared at the seventy-eight on the thermostat and found myself unsure about what touched me the most—the fact that I didn’t have to ask, or the fact that Kain still remembered what temperature I preferred sixteen months later.
He wants you to stay. I stifled a smile at the realization.
“And that’s everything,” he announced, ending the tour and pointing an eyebrow my way as if to ask if I had any questions.
I couldn’t help my grimace.
“Is that really everything?” I questioned.
Kain smiled at the question, a glitter of mischief in his honey brown eyes. “Is something missin’?”
I twisted my mouth up in thought, a contemplative pucker that I pushed out as I wondered if he was playing with me right now.
“Aren’t you gonna show me where you sleep?
” I asked curiously, trying to not make the question sound suggestive.
Kain nodded, seemingly already aware that he’d neglected to show me that part of his apartment.
He nodded for me to follow him down a corridor that lead to a double-doored room closed off from the rest of the house.
“This,” he opened the doors, “is my room.”
***
We laid side by side, on top of his sheets, staring up at the ceiling just like we used to do. This had always been my favorite way to talk to Kain, side by side, heads resting against a shared pillow, with the outside world feeling miles away. I turned my head and studied his profile quietly.
Time really had treated him well appearance-wise. Kain had somehow gotten more handsome. I fought the urge to run my fingers along the short black hairs that were trimmed close along his jaw and chin, connecting to his brush cut. I fought the urge to touch him in general.
“So you avoided my question earlier,” I brought up our conversation from before. I just know I sounded jealous.
Kain broke into an amused smile, pleased with himself. “I know.”
“I know it sounds so hypocritical since I went off and got myself in a whole new relationship—”
“How about we both just… save that conversation for another day?” Kain was not trying to hear me talk about Rashad. Understood.
Still, I had to ask. “Was it you?”
“Was what me?”
“You know what.”
Kain turned to look me in the eyes, his expression thoughtful.
“You know what’s funny about gentrification?
” he asked randomly. I raised my eyebrows, inviting him to go on.
“You got all these yuppies movin’ into dangerous neighborhoods ‘cause it’s cheaper, pricing people who lived there for generations out their homes, and then when some dangerous neighborhood shit happens to them, there’s this outrage.
Like that shit wasn’t happening to poor folks in that same community for decades.
But now it’s a huge issue? If you ask me, gettin’ your shit rocked outside your overpriced high-rise in the middle of the hood is practically a welcoming ceremony. ”
It was an indirect admission.
I wasn’t even the slightest bit surprised.
“As he bled out on the street, bystanders cleared his pockets, and someone even stole his shoes.”
Very clearly trying not to smile at that new information, Kain asked, “You choked up over it?”
My mind wandered to images of Rashad pressing me into his mattress, forcing all of his weight into my back after ignoring my protests. I shook my head, being honest when I said, “No.”
“Good.”
We’d gotten very off-topic in the last couple of hours, talking on just about everything except for the conversation I’d come here to have.
I think we were both stalling. Not just stalling to hold off on whatever traumatic secret Kain was keeping from me, but just stalling for time in general.
The longer we held off on that talk, the longer we could justify my staying here, beside him.
The beads of sweat forming at the top of Kain’s forehead told me that at least three hours had gone by; the entire apartment was now a cozy seventy-eight degrees throughout. Perfect for me, way too warm for him.
“You can turn the thermostat down if you’re hot.”
“I’ll do it later,” he replied, the slight melancholy quality to his voice indicating he’d do it whenever I decided to leave. It wasn’t hard to see that he wasn’t looking forward to whenever that would be.
In truth, neither was I.
“Kain, turn down the temperature,” I encouraged softly.
He didn’t move, explaining, “I don’t want you to get cold.”
Breathing in a long inhale, I leaned in to the tiny space that separated us, stopping only when I felt the contours of his body pressing against mine.
I could feel the natural warmth of his skin radiating through his clothes, close enough to smell the soap on his skin, and hear the gentle lull of his heartbeat.
Where would I even find the willpower to go home to my loveless house, when there was so much love right here? “I won’t get cold if you hold me.”