Chapter Twenty-Five
Lucas
I’m surprised when my phone rings and it’s Hunter. We always talk when he travels, but normally by text because he’s so rarely alone. Even when he’s in his hotel room, he shares with Oakley, so it’s easier to text than have a conversation.
I was certain I wouldn’t hear from him today.
He went to see his mom and then to have dinner with my parents.
That’s nothing new, but things are different now, the burden of my relationship with my family heavier, because they will never approve of my having been in love with Hunter my whole life, and that I have him now, even if temporarily.
Before that train of thought drags me down, I answer the call. “Miss me?” I tease, and he sighs.
“Yeah. More than you know.”
I freeze, not having expected him to admit that…hell, to feel it. I thought he would joke and we’d give each other shit, before changing the subject. But he sounds…sad, alone, which is exactly how I feel.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“Hiding behind the hotel. I wanted to be alone.”
“But you called me.”
“Not from you,” he says, again with this realness and rawness I’m not sure what to do with. He makes me want him more, feels even more like he’s mine, and that’s a scary thing to feel because I know I’ll never really have him. “I’m sorry,” Hunter continues, making my insides crystallize.
This is it. This is the moment I’ve been dreading.
I should have known it would come after seeing my family—that being in our home, with all those memories, would remind him how much he still loves Ellis and that he doesn’t want me.
That my father would hammer home all the reasons I’m a bad choice, even without knowing what we’ve been doing.
“It’s okay, Hunter. I figured this was coming. We had our fun. It’s not like this is going anywhere.” Can he hear the fake detachment in my voice? Does he know this moment is fucking killing me?
“Wait… I’m not… You don’t want to be with me anymore?”
I always want to be with you.
“Isn’t that what you’re saying?”
“No. I…I’m apologizing for your dad…for me.
Hell, maybe for Ellis and Abbie too. We should have been better to you.
We should have defended you more. I should have defended you more.
Jesus, I let him praise me, acted like I was the fucking crowned prince or something—being invited into your family the way I was—and I never did jack shit to tell him what he does is wrong.
I let him lavish this attention on me while he was terrible to you. ”
My heart is beating so hard, I struggle to hear him over the thudding in my ears. This is about me. Hunter King is hurting for me. “It’s not your fault. None of it is. You were a fucking kid.”
“You were too, and you were strong enough to stand up to him.”
“I don’t look at it as being strong. I just don’t know how to be anything other than who I am.
And I purposely enraged him, wanted to embarrass him.
I stole his car and wrecked it at sixteen, I sneaked out and caused trouble, all because I wanted to hurt him.
I’m not innocent. Maybe I’m more like him than either of us wants to admit.
” Because once someone hurts me, I’m awful to them.
I want to make them feel what I do, and when I’m done with someone, that’s it, which is exactly who my father is.
“You’re nothing like him, baby.”
The endearment echoes through my ears, plays loudly on repeat as if my brain is trying to etch it into memory.
“You’re giving me too much credit, and all your sticking up for me would have done is for him to turn his back on you and take away the opportunities that being close to him afforded you.
It wouldn’t have changed things for me, and if he finds out what we’re doing, that’s what will happen.
He’ll see this as a betrayal to Ellis, and even more importantly, from his point of view, it will be a betrayal to him. ”
We’re both silent, nothing but the sound of breathing on the line. It’s important he understands it, though. I don’t want to be something else that hurts Hunter. He lost his father, then gained mine, and fell in love…then lost his boyfriend. I don’t want him to lose my dad as well.
“You know you don’t want to be on my dad’s bad side, Hunt.” My hands shake as I light a cigarette. I haven’t been smoking nearly as much. I’ve been trying to slow down or quit, but I need one right now.
“You’re smoking.”
“Yeah. You haven’t given me shit about it much lately.” I can’t remember the last time he did.
“Of course I’d rather you quit for your health, but you don’t need me to tell you something you already know, and…I want you to know I don’t want to change you. Too many people have tried to do that, and I don’t want to be one of them.”
I can’t speak. Can’t breathe. A tear slips from the corner of my eye.
My heart races, feels like the damn thing is growing.
I love you…I’m so fucking in love with you, I wish I could say.
I wish we could have that, that there wasn’t all this shit between us.
I just want to be with Hunter. I’ve always wanted to be with Hunter, but Ellis had him first.
I can’t make words come out, afraid if I speak, I’ll say too much, tell him how I feel, and that will be the beginning of the end.
When it’s clear I’m not going to respond, Hunter continues, “And I don’t want to stop being with you either. I know there are consequences, but I don’t want to stop. You make me feel better than I have in a long time…too long. I don’t want to lose you.”
I wipe my eyes again. What the fuck is with this crying?
I don’t remember the last time I cried, which is fucked up when you think about it.
This is what I’ve always wanted, but I don’t know that I can believe it’s real.
Something will go wrong—with my father, with professional sports, with the fucking world, and somehow, I’ll ruin everything he’s fought for. “Hunt…”
“I know what I want, Lucas—I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m here.” What else is there? As long as Hunter wants me, this is exactly where I’ll be. “Look up,” I tell him, lifting my arm. “Can you see the stars?”
“Yes.”
“I’m writing in them for you.” I move my fingers.
“Like that night on the roof.” He’s quiet, emotional. “What does it say?”
“I’m here,” I tell him again. “And beat motherfucking Kansas City tomorrow night.”
Hunter chuckles. “I will.”
*
I’m glued to the television the whole game. Isla comes over to watch with me, laughing and teasing me about how obsessed I am, like any good friend would.
Hunter plays his best game of the season.
All the sports commentators can talk about is the Comeback King.
Not considering how it might feel to those who lost Ellis, they bring him up constantly, talk about how unique Hunter’s story is, how close he is to the Blake family, being in love with Ellis Blake Sr.’s son, and how Hunter broke down barriers for queer players in the league.
There still aren’t many out, and there’s homophobia and shitty fans and players, but any time inclusivity or queer players are brought up, they always mention Hunter and Ellis.
Which they did, but it’s not fun to hear about—a reminder of the stories we’d hear if this ever did come out.
The Pulse win, and I’m immediately on my feet, cheering about a football game in a way I never have in my life. I feel his excitement, his pure fucking joy as he jumps on Oakley’s back, the two of them cheering together.
Does this win mean as much to Hunter as it does to me?
Because it’s not like a normal game, not with the way my heart is thumping in my throat, my body jittery as if little pulses of electricity are shooting through me.
As wild as it sounds, this feels like it means something, like it’s somehow beating my father…
for me, which is ridiculous and definitely a lie I’m telling myself.
“Fuck you, Ellis Blake Sr.,” Isla says, making me laugh.
God, I want them to meet. Want her to know Hunter, and for him to know Isla.
“Yeah, fuck him.” I flop back onto the couch, resting my head on her shoulder. “This is going to break me, isn’t it, Is?”
She sighs. “Maybe, but also maybe not. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay.”
“He’s Ellis’s.”
“Ellis is dead.”
“He was Ellis’s first.”
“Time of possession doesn’t matter, and even if it did, it matters less who had him first than who gets him forever.”
I hope like hell she’s right. “You know that’s a football term, right?” I tease, and Isla rolls her eyes.
“Wanna go out and have a smoke?” she asks.
“Nah, I’m good.”
We hang out a little while before she has to go. I’m only alone for a bit when my phone beeps with a text, and I know without looking who it is.
Hunter: We’ll be back in LA late…can I come over?
Me: I’m counting on it. After the way you played tonight, you deserve a reward.
A very, very sexy reward.
I give him the code to get into the building and let him know my door will be unlocked, to let himself in.
Hunter: I can’t wait.