Chapter Thirty-One
Lucas
I’m distracted all through my shoot, angry and sad and a million other emotions. Everyone can tell, and they’re steering clear. I’m a dick when I’m like this, but I can’t stop it today. I keep everyone later than usual because photography distracts me, and that’s what I need right now.
A better man wouldn’t have walked out on Hunter the way I did, but I’ve never pretended to be anything more than what I am.
Everything my father said about me clashes with how Hunter defended me, the way he stood up to my father for the first time…
for me. And I know my dad won’t take that sitting down.
I’m exhausted by the time I call it a day.
I don’t really think about where I’m going before I find myself at the gallery.
Isla takes one look at me, and I can tell she knows something’s wrong.
I don’t say anything to her, instead going directly to our office.
It takes about fifteen minutes, but then she joins me, closing the door behind her.
“What is it, babe?”
“My father decided to come and see Hunter during his Kansas City bye week. He saw us kissing and, of course, put the blame on me. Accused us of being together the whole time, of betraying Ellis, told Hunter I only wanted him to piss my dad off. Everything was my fault. Nothing new there.”
“Shit. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“So yeah, I’m sure everything is over with Hunter.”
She frowns, her brows drawn together the way they do when she wonders how I got from point A to point B. “Did he say that?”
“No, but you don’t understand the way he feels about football, about my father; hell, about Ellis. He’ll do the right thing, and he’s definitely not gonna want to bring negative attention to his game.”
“If that’s the case, Hunter doesn’t deserve you.
I have a feeling it’s not, though.” She leans against the desk, next to my chair.
“I’ll admit, I had my concerns in the beginning, but I saw how he is with you.
He’s crazy about you, babe. He’s scared and worried about what will happen, but he loves you.
He’s not going anywhere. But until you acknowledge you’re worthy of love, you’re always going to have that fear.
” Isla leans over and kisses my forehead. “And you are…worthy of love.”
“You’re so mushy lately.”
“I’m serious.”
I sigh. “I know.” I rest my elbows on my knees, hands in my hair. “Fuck, this is hard. It was one thing to want him forever, but it’s even harder to have him. I keep waiting for something to go wrong. He hasn’t even called me.”
“Would you answer if he did?” My silence is all the confirmation she needs. “Then I’ll be an optimist for you: at least it’s only your father who knows, and not the whole world and your father simultaneously.”
“That’s the thing…I want people to know.” I realized that when he didn’t want to come with me to the shoot today. “I want to be with him for real, yet that feels like one step closer to the end.”
“I should refer you to my therapist.”
I roll my eyes.
“You think I jest.”
No, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing. My head can be a pretty fucked-up place, and I haven’t seen a therapist in a long time.
“I should go home and see him.”
“Did you run out right after it happened?” I look at her, and she shakes her head. “Of course you did. I know I’m fabulous and way more fun than him, but you should go see your man. He must be as confused as you are.”
She’s right. She always is.
I stand up and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Is. I’ll…go survey the damage.” Partly from my father, and partly from me. What was I thinking, leaving like that? I’m sure Hunter has been on edge all fucking day.
“Such a pessimist.”
“We covered that already, remember? You’re the optimist.”
“It’ll be okay, babe. I promise.”
“I hope you’re right.”
It feels like it takes ten hours to drive to Hunter’s place, which I guess isn’t hard to believe considering we live in LA and it takes ten hours to get anywhere.
I have a key, but for some reason I knock, afraid he’s already decided he’s done with me and maybe changed the locks.
I wait a couple of minutes, and when he doesn’t answer, I ring the bell.
When it becomes clear no one’s coming, that he’s either not home or doesn’t want to talk to me, I sit on the step, pull out my phone, and call him.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.” We’re both quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry I left. I was all up in my head, feeling guilty you had to deal with that, scared about how it will affect you, and selfish enough that I was also wondering if this will be the thing that makes me lose you.”
“Shit, baby. You’re not going to lose me. I’m literally sitting outside your condo right now because I knew if I called, you wouldn’t answer.”
It’s such a ridiculous thing, but I smile at the fact that he knows me so well, that he’s waiting for me and didn’t call because he knows I’m a total fucking idiot. “I’m sitting outside your place.”
“I should have stayed there and waited.”
“I like that you went looking for me. Most people wouldn’t.”
“I’m not most people. I’m not giving you up, Lucas. I want you too damn much.”
I close my eyes, unwilling to let myself sit here and cry on his goddamned doorstep. “I’ve always wanted you,” I remind him. “I’ll come to you.”
“No. I’m already on my way.” It’s impossible to hold back my smile at his response. “Go inside and wait for me.”
“I’ll be naked,” I say.
“I’m counting on it.” The worry I felt moments ago was wiped away with each and every one of his words.
I unlock the door and go inside, heading straight upstairs. I don’t know what Hunter is going to want when he gets here, but I’m up for anything, so I freshen up. I don’t care what we do. I don’t care if we don’t do anything at all. I just want him.
Eventually, I hear the front door open. Hunter doesn’t come upstairs right away, and I wonder what he’s doing down there. But soon I hear him on the stairs, walking down the hallway, then coming into the room.
My breath hitches. Hunter is standing there, naked as I am, his cock soft and hanging between his legs. The man’s body is to die for, this sculpture of a man, carved out of stone and made exactly for me. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
“I was thinking the same about you.” Hunter steps closer, then closer still.
“So I’ve heard,” I tease, and he chuckles. “I’m so sorry,” I say when he climbs onto the bed and straddles me. “That he knows. That we have to deal with this. That being with me is—”
“What I want,” Hunter cuts me off. “Being with you is what I want, and none of this is your fault. It won’t be easy, but I want it.”
My heart swells, growing so big it’s hard to breathe.
I wrap my hand around his shaft and give it a stroke. He’s already coming to life for me, so I keep going. “I want this.”
Hunter nods, pushing up on his knees and moving closer to my mouth. My head is propped up on his pillows, so the angle is good. He traces my lips with the head of his dick. He smells so fucking good, slightly musky, but also fresh like maybe he spent some time downstairs getting ready for me.
“Open,” he orders, and I do. Hunter pushes his dick into my mouth, going deep before pulling out again, then rubbing his spit-slick cock on my cheek.
“I was so fucked in the head today. I didn’t know what to do, what to think, but no matter how many disaster situations my mind built up, the truth was still there…
that none of it is enough to make me want to stop.
I don’t ever want to stop being with you.
” His dick slides into my mouth again, not giving me the chance to respond, so instead I moan around him, suck him, offer him all my hungry sounds so he knows none of it is enough to make me stop either.
I rub my hands up his thighs, around to his ass, grabbing it, pulling him closer, needing as much of Hunter in my mouth as I can take.
“Fuck, you’re so good at that. Look at you taking my dick like it was made for you. It was, baby. This feels so right.”
I try to show him how much I agree, give him all the pleasure I can, filling the room with sounds of how much I want him, while Hunter fucks into my mouth. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, intense and passionate, the blue in them looking almost like it’s swirling.
Hunter wants me.
Despite the things in our past I wish were different, despite the guilt I’ll always feel for being with him, we’re in love, and I plan to make sure he knows I will always choose him…and that I’m starting to believe he’ll choose me too.
He continues to use my mouth, every few minutes pulling out and rubbing his cock on my face.
I’m fucking feral for it, feral for him, sliding my finger into his crack and rubbing his hole.
I slip my finger into my mouth, get it slick, then push the tip inside his ass as he slides his dick into my mouth again.
I love the taste of him, the scent of him, the feel of his hot, hard dick on my tongue and his tight hole around my finger.
“Sit on my face,” I order when he pulls his cock out of my mouth again.
Hunter’s pupils flare, and then he’s scrambling into position. I lick up his crease, the taste heady, and savor all that is Hunter.
“Fuck,” he says when my tongue finds his hole.
I pull him down harder against me, making a meal of his ass, which I know gives him so much pleasure.
Hunter rides my face with all the skill and determination he has on the field.
“Jesus, that’s so good. I love the way you eat my ass. Come on, baby. Give me more.”
I stiffen my tongue, push at his hole, work my way into him, tongue-fucking Hunter. I could spend my whole fucking life right here, in this bed, tasting and pleasuring every part of him, over and over again.
I hear him spit, and then his hand wraps around my dick, stroking me while he’s riding my face.