CHAPTER TEN
QUINN
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Two hours later, all the trainees are here and gathered in the spacious gymnasium. Boots sound on the polished wood floor as we line up in two rows to face Josh.
Noah, along with Ryder and Cole, whom we have been introduced to and are getting to know, all stand to the side with their hands behind their backs.
“Welcome to the first Black Hawke training program for the armed forces,” Josh begins, his voice bouncing off the walls as he looks at each and every one of us.
I learned earlier today that Josh Black is a former Navy SEAL, and rumor has it that he was in SEAL Team Six, involved in some history-making extractions. Just a rumor, and I’m not going to ask.
Stupid Tyrell is behind me, breathing down my neck. I moved to the other side of Marlene, and he followed me. Which is harassment, but if I speak up, he’ll call me a little bitch.
Noah is watching him like a hawk.
“Got my eyes on you, Parker,” he whispers.
I ignore him and suppress a sigh, knowing it will be like this for two long weeks.
Tyrell was one of the reasons I transferred to Fort Irwin here in Cali. Having my sexist father as the Colonel on base didn’t help. I felt like I was stuck in a rut, always watched, never respected, and my attraction and growing feelings for Noah seemed to heighten my stress.
It was a big decision to leave. I didn’t know Noah was discharging, and while it did change things a little, I don’t regret it. Fort Irwin was the change I needed. I’ve been happy.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about Noah every day. Or stalked him on social media and cursed his private account.
I could follow.
I could friend him.
But after the way we said goodbye, I knew I shouldn’t.
Things changed between us the day after Noah helped me with my car. I made the mistake of calling Dad and telling him my car wouldn’t start.
“What do I do? Should I get it towed or call AAA? I don’t have a membership.”
“I’ll get Dan Ardmore to look at it. He was a mechanic when he first enlisted,” Dad offered and picked me up an hour later.
I was still reeling from waking in my bed without panties on, knowing Noah had carried me in there. I felt flushed and eager to see him again. Somehow my father picked up on my perky vibe and kept glancing at me.
“How did you get home?” he asked in his stern Colonel tone he occasionally used on me.
My eyes flicked over to him as he drove, searching for an answer that wouldn’t raise suspicion.
“Quinn, I asked you a question. How did you get home?”
“God, Dad. I got a ride. It’s fine. I didn’t hitchhike.” I shook my head.
“By whom?”
I should have known he wouldn’t let it go.
“One of the guys,” I muttered.
“Someone you know, I hope.” He signaled and turned onto the base, and we both showed our IDs. “Do I know this person?”
“You don’t know everyone on base, and even if you do, I’m a grown woman. I’m a soldier. I can take care of myself.” I attempted to divert the conversation.
It wasn’t as if he disliked Noah, but he’d made enough snide comments about me not getting a name for myself with the men on the base that I knew it was best to stay quiet.
“That’s irresponsible. I like that you can defend yourself, but the men here are strong, Quinn.” He guided the vehicle into a spot near my car and waved out to Dan. “If someone tried to force you, you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself.”
I sighed.
I couldn’t fault my father for loving me, but his sexist undertones were a constant trigger and reminder of why I couldn’t have anything with Noah.
Ever.
“Perhaps you should watch me spar with the guys in my platoon sometime. Many of them are lightweights.”
Dad turned. “You’re five foot four and a hundred pounds. A man crazed by lust would overpower you.”
A hundred and ten, but I’d take the compliment...even if it wasn’t meant that way.
“Crazed by lust? Dad, would you stop?” Then it just fell out. “Captain Jenkins drove me home. You know him. I wouldn’t just get in a car with any man.”
I thought knowing it was Noah would appease him, but how wrong I was. Dad’s cheeks burned, his lips pressing hard together.
“Well, that’s even stupider,” he bit out.
My mouth fell open. “I’m sorry?”
“Captain Jenkins is your commanding officer, your senior by at least seven years. Not to mention, he has a reputation with women. What were you thinking?”
A reputation?
Noah had been single for most of the time I’d known him, aside from dating one or two women. As for a bad reputation, I wasn’t aware of that at all. Sure, he was a very good-looking man, and a lot of girls on base got their fill when he walked past. But he wasn’t exactly a playboy.
That I knew of.
Had I missed something?
“What kind of reputation?” I asked, despite myself.
“The kind you do not want to know about. He’s not suitable. I need you to listen to me. Someone like Jenkins would mouth off in the locker rooms about the woman he drove home and took advantage of.”
I recoiled.
“First, he didn’t take advantage of me!” I snapped, remembering us sharing spaghetti while I stood half-naked in my kitchen. How earlier my wet T-shirt had clung to my boobs, and my nipples had almost pierced the cotton, they were so hard.
“And thanks for calling me a slut.”
I ripped the door handle open and climbed out furiously. Then I stomped over to my car where Dan was waiting for me to unlock it.
Instead of apologizing, Dad glared at me and strode to where Dan was fussing under the hood.
I crossed my arms and seethed silently.
Fucking men.
Dan wiped his hands on a rag twenty minutes later. “That should get you back on the road, Quinn.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I smiled, then did a double take as I saw Noah heading our way.
No. No. No.
“All fixed?” Noah asked, saluting my father. “Sir.”
“Captain Jenkins, I hear you drove my daughter home last night.”
God, I’d died on the spot.
Dan stopped wiping his hands and stared between me and Noah while my blood pressure skyrocketed. I closed my eyes, begging for an earthquake or some natural disaster. When I opened them, Noah was staring at me, his expression blank.
“Yes, sir. Can’t leave a woman standing in the rain beside a broken-down vehicle,” he replied with little emotion. “Especially not the Colonel’s daughter.”
Dad’s brows lowered, not believing him for a second. Then he looked at me, and I was sure he could see the blood had drained from my face.
I thought he was going to drop it.
I really did.
But I was so, so wrong.
“Fair enough, Captain. But from this point on, I expect you to keep a distance from my daughter to ensure there is no talk about a relationship with her.”
My mouth fell open, and as I watched Noah’s eye twitch, I felt my chest tighten.
“Am I making myself clear, son?”
Dan turned away, rubbing his oily hands on the cloth, wishing he was anywhere but here.
“Clear as day. Sir.” Noah’s face turned to stone as he saluted.
Then he glanced briefly at me and walked away.
As if I meant nothing.
I felt the grief immediately. Noah had always silently kept the door open an inch when it came to something happening between us. I’d always known that. But as he strode across the parking lot, tears threatened, and my heart physically ached.
Instead, I had to act unaffected, never letting on that I had feelings for Noah. For both of us.
It didn’t work. For months afterward, Dad continued to ask me questions about my relationship with him, despite me no longer reporting to Noah or mentioning him a single time. It was infuriating.
“It wouldn’t look good if you got involved with a former CO, Quinn. Certainly not Jenkins. Don’t be stupid if you insist on staying in the Armed Forces.”
“I’m not with anyone. Plus, I don’t date anyone in uniform.”
“A man like Noah Jenkins doesn’t date, Quinn. Don’t be na?ve.”
Really? Because he put me in bed, never touching me.
I wasn’t going to share that little piece of information with my father, though.
Almost every day I wondered if Noah wanted to touch me. Had he thought about it? What would have happened if I’d woken?
I wish I had.
In some ways, if I’d made love to him and then lost him, I might be okay with this. Instead, it felt like he was more forbidden than ever.
“Mom, please. Can you hear your husband?” I cried.
“He’s not my husband; he’s your father.”
Semantics.
“He’s accusing me of having casual sex with a respected captain who gave me a ride home when my car wouldn’t start. You’d think I had a scarlet letter on my forehead.” I shook my head and shoved roast chicken into my mouth, glaring at Dad.
I hated our family dinners.
I hated not knowing if Noah had suffered any consequences for my father’s attitude.
“Which is what I’m trying to stop from happening, Quinn. People talk. There’s a chance you are already favored because I’m the Colonel.”
I pushed my chair out. “How dare you! I have given it everything since I started. Noah has never given an inch and always been harder on me than anyone else in the platoon. Male or female.”
Dad leaned back in his seat. “What did you say?”
Shit.
I knew I’d fucked up.
“I meant Captain Jenkins...”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Dad glanced at Mom, and there was no going back now. Dad was too astute. So, I had to say something, or he’d think I was a liar.
“Look, Jenkins is a handsome soldier. All the women on base talk about him. That doesn’t mean anything has happened.”
Dad kept staring.
“I haven’t slept with him!”
“Some people think you have and wonder if that’s how you climbed up the ranks fast.”
Anger boiled up within me with such ferocity I thought my head was going to explode.
“That’s utter bullshit.” I stood and slammed the chair into the table, making the glasses and cutlery rattle as Mom squealed.
“Watch your mouth.”
“Watch yours!” I yelled back. “I’ve put up with your insinuations, treating me like I’ve used my body to get ahead in a man’s role. Well, I’m sorry to tell you and every motherfucker on that goddamn base—”
“Quinn, language, my goodness,” Mom cried.
“—that everything I’ve achieved has been on merit.
Hard work, blood, sweat and tears. Not to mention determination.
I learned that from you, Dad. So, if you think I...
I...” Tears threatened and clogged my throat.
“Spread my legs to get where I am now—” My swallow was loud while Mom looked horrified.
“Then what does that say about you as a father?”
I meant everything I was saying, while I was also well aware I was lying. I had kissed Noah. I’d let him into my home, and we’d stood almost naked in front of one another.
But he had never promoted me in exchange for sexual favors, and that would always be the truth.
“Stop.” Mom climbed to her feet and held up her hands. “Stop, both of you. Don’t say anything else hurtful that you’ll regret.”
Thank goodness Ted had been on vacation in Hawaii that night. My brother wasn’t confrontational, but I think he would have been angry with my father.
Sadness plowed into me.
I thought back to the little girl I’d been, following Dad around when he was on US soil, helping him clean his weapons. I doubt many fathers would like their daughters to join the military. They’d worry.
That I’d understood, even if I’d been annoyed.
But this...accusing me of fraternizing with an officer and believing others on base instead of his daughter.
You kissed Noah.
“I’m going to leave.” I waited for my father to say something or apologize, but he didn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him apologize.
My shoulders slumped, and my jaw went taut as I held my tongue for my mother’s sake and then I walked out of the house.
I’d driven home in tears, on the phone to Jeannie, and I’d gone to bed questioning my life. It was then that I first began thinking I should leave the state.
The following week, one of the other female soldiers approached me.
“Parker, got a moment?”
“Sure.”
“Hey, I just thought you should know what I overheard.” She slid a hand into her pocket and leaned against the wall where we sort of huddled. “Some of the guys have a betting system set up to see who can bang you first. The Quinn Parker Challenge.”
My eyes had bulged.
“The what?”
“I heard them talking while waiting for Frank to come out of the gym.” Frank was her boyfriend. “And I know your rule, so clearly the rumor that you fucked Captain Jenkins is bullshit.”
My stomach curdled.
“Complete bullshit.” I nodded.
She straightened. “Thought so. Ignore them. I just thought you should know.”
“Was one of them Brooks?”
“Yeah, that guy has it in for you,” she replied, meaning Tyrell.
After she walked off, I went to the office and put in for my transfer.
It was time to put miles between me and Noah.