Chapter Five Karmen #2
I sat up, the sheet falling to my waist as excitement skittered in my veins. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
He moved my hair from my shoulder, pressing a kiss beneath my ear. “Open it.”
I had never received a birthday gift from a man before. Hell, I’d never even had a boyfriend before. Not that Benson was my boyfriend. Technically, he was my boss, but he was as close to a relationship as I’d ever had.
Ripping through the paper, I couldn’t contain my smile.
“It’s not vintage but…”
My chest warmed at his thoughtfulness. “It’s perfect. Thank you,” I said, kissing the smile on his lips.
I’d mentioned it months ago; how much I’d always wanted one.
It was something silly I said in passing.
I couldn’t believe he remembered. I opened the box, slid the film in place, and snapped a quick test shot before lifting the camera to take a photo of him.
I waited for the image to slowly develop, smiling when his handsome face finally came into view.
“My turn,” he said, taking the camera and snapping several photos before tossing them onto the bed to develop. Then he lay down next to me and took a selfie. He handed it to me, setting the camera aside.
With our heads tilted together, we watched the image slowly come to life, and a gentle warmth spread through my chest. We looked good together.
Perfect, even.
“So, what are we doing for the next three days?” I asked.
“You mean besides me fucking you on every surface in this cabin?”
“We’ve already done that countless times,” I reminded him with a laugh.
“True, but I have some fresh ideas,” he said, nuzzling my neck. “I thought we could do a little fishing, and there’s also a place in town I like to go to eat when I come up here alone. The food is fucking phenomenal. I want to take you there.”
My easygoing mood shifted instantly. “You know we can’t go out in public.”
“Babe, we’re in the middle of nowhere, miles from D.C. No one will know us or care who we are. I want to take you out. Like a normal couple. On a date.”
Couple?
Date?
My adrenaline spiked as my paranoia took hold. “We can’t. If we get caught together, it could cost us both our jobs.”
He clenched his jaw, shoulders tense. “And what if I don’t care about my job anymore?”
I gaped at him. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you care.”
“I’m tired of hiding our relationship.”
“Benson,” I pleaded.
His blue eyes softened. “I want you. I want us. And if that means I have to quit to have you, I will.”
I shook my head, swallowing hard. “You can’t do that.”
He dropped my hand. “It’s not your decision,” he replied sternly.
“You’re not thinking clearly right now. You’ve worked too hard to get here. So have I, and we can’t just throw it all away for…”
“For what? For love?”
Hot tears stung my eyes. “You don’t mean that.”
He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my palm, then my wrist. “I’m sick of waking up every morning stressing about whether I’ll get to see you or not.
I want you to meet my family. I want to take you out on a fucking date without worrying about being seen or jeopardizing our jobs.
I want to be with you. And I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. ”
He reached beneath the pillow, pulled out a black box, and placed it in my open hand.
My breath hitched. “Wha-what is this?”
His lips twitched with amusement. “What do you think it is?”
I shook my head as tears burned my eyes.
With a laugh, he kissed my bare shoulder. “Baby, I haven’t asked you anything yet.”
Handing the unopened box back to him, I shifted out of his hold and off the bed. I grabbed my underwear, pulling them on.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his tone amused.
“Leaving.”
He had the nerve to laugh as he got up from the bed and pulled on his gray sweatpants. “I knew you’d freak out,” he said, reaching for me, but I pulled from his grasp. “Let’s talk this through.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We should’ve never—I should’ve never.
” I quickly put on my shirt, then tugged my pants from the floor and pulled them on before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, socks and boots in hand.
I pulled on my socks first and said, “I worked my ass off to get where I am, Benson, and I’m not giving it up for you or anyone else. ”
“I’m not asking you to. I would never ask you to give up your job for me. I’m saying that I will. For you.”
God, I was so stupid. This is all my fault.
I should have known better. I should have known better than to fuck my boss.
I should have known better than to think this could be casual.
I realized after our first time together.
Hell, after the first time I kissed him.
I was aware of the consequences if we got caught.
But none of that stopped me. That’s why a year later, I was still in his bed.
Now my heart was in a tangled mess. Even if he were to quit and I stayed, the fallout from this would ruin us both, especially me.
What would people think? What would they say?
It’s hard enough for a woman to succeed in this male-dominated field.
If my superiors found out I was sleeping with my boss, I would be finished.
I’d worked too hard to get here. Not to mention what my father would say.
Oh God, he had plans to run for senator in the next election. If this got out…
My pulse raced. The thought alone made my throat close.
“I can’t let you do that.” I needed to reason with him, to make him understand, but the panic rising within me was a living beast, beating all logic from my brain.
“And I already told you that it’s not your choice.
I’m sorry, the ring was too much. We can table it for now.
I’ll wait until you’re ready. But I do want to marry you, Karmen.
It’s all I fucking think about. I want a life with you, and we can decide together what that life looks like.
I know you’re not a traditional girl. Hell—I’m not a traditional guy.
I just know that I fucking love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. ”
Fear, unlike anything I’ve ever known, gripped me so tightly that I could hardly find a breath.
I couldn’t think beyond the consequences of what we were doing, and there was no good outcome.
No outcome where we rode off into the sunset together and lived happily ever after. That didn’t exist for people like me.
“Are you saying you don’t feel the same?”
The hope in his eyes was my undoing, but this had to end. It was for the best.
For both of us.
I pushed to my feet, slipping past him to grab my gun and duffel. I was one step from the door when his hand locked onto my arm, forcing me to face him.
His eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Karmen, please,” he pleaded, voice catching. “Don’t go. Talk to me.”
The desperation in his voice broke something inside of me.
“It’s over,” I whispered with finality.
This was too much. It was all too much. I hated myself for not being stronger, for not telling him how I truly felt about him, because I knew deep down that I would never love anyone as much as I loved him.
“You’re afraid.” His jaw ticked as he released me, all the color draining from his handsome face.
He was right. I was terrified. I was afraid to walk away from the only true love I had ever known, but I was even more afraid of what would happen if I stayed.
My heart cracked in half, but I ignored the pain and whispered brokenly, “Goodbye, Benson.”