Chapter Sixteen Karmen
We drove straight to the cabin, arriving just after midnight. A wave of memories assaults me as I walk inside. Nothing has changed. It still all looks and smells the same. My tense muscles instantly relax as Benson flips on several more lights.
The open floor plan features a sunken living room with a worn leather sofa and two recliners, along with a massive TV mounted above the fireplace.
Not that Benson watches much TV, but he’s a huge college football fan.
Something I learned years ago in our time together.
The kitchen is well-equipped with everything you need to make a home-cooked meal, and while the space is sparsely decorated, it’s the only place that’s ever truly felt like home.
“I’ll have it warmed up soon,” Benson says, bringing in an armful of wood from the porch.
I make myself useful and help him bring in two more armfuls while he gets the fire going.
It doesn’t take long before I’m shedding my jacket.
Standing in front of the hearth, I watch the flames as they flicker and lick the wood, my mind warring with itself.
Growing up, I always felt like an outsider, like I didn’t belong.
A sudden wave of exhaustion slams into me when I feel Benson pressing in behind me, his large hands resting on my hips as he dips his head.
“Are you hungry?”
I shake my head. Eating is the last thing on my mind. I’m dying to know what’s in that envelope, but terrified at the same time. No matter what it contains, my life will change forever. Of that, I am certain.
I spin to face him, our gazes colliding for a moment before he leans down and presses a tender kiss to my lips. “I want you to go and take a long, hot shower while I make us something to eat.”
“But I—”
He shuts me up with another kiss. This time, his hot tongue darts out to lick the seam of my lips, demanding entrance. I open for him, wrapping my arms around his neck, seeking his warmth, his comfort. I want him to take me to bed and make me forget about the world around us for just a little bit.
Forget about the truth that waits for me in that envelope.
Benson slows the kiss, taking my hand and leading me down the hall to his bedroom.
Hot desire thrums through my veins, laced with anticipation, but he bypasses the bed and leads me straight into the bathroom, releasing my hand.
He leans over and turns the shower on, adjusting the settings, ensuring it’s the right temperature.
Steam begins to fill the space around us.
“Shower. Food. Then we’ll talk,” he orders, pulling two towels from the linen closet and placing them on the sink.
I nod, knowing I’m not going to win with him. Not tonight. And to be honest, I need this. I need him to take control because I feel like I’m spiraling.
He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll lay out some clean clothes for you.”
He closes the door behind him, leaving me to it.
* * *
I dress in the clothes Benson left out for me, familiar underwear and leggings I must have left behind years ago, and one of his oversized Ole Miss sweatshirts. Then I towel-dry my hair and make my way into the kitchen.
Barefoot, Benson stands in front of the stove, stirring a steaming pot. My belly dips, my mind summoning memories of the many times he’s cooked for me in this very kitchen.
“Feel better?” he asks, looking over his shoulder.
“Yes,” I reply, taking a seat at the small island.
“Butter noodles,” he declares, setting the plate down in front of me along with a fork and a napkin. “It was all I could scrounge up on the fly. I’ll run into town in the morning for some supplies.”
My stomach rumbles in appreciation. I pick up my fork and tuck in, moaning as the creamy goodness hits my tongue. I’m amazed that he can create something so delicious with a few simple ingredients.
“This is so good.”
He sits next to me with a plate of his own, then reaches over, grabs two bottles of water, and places one in front of me.
“Just one of my many talents,” he grins.
“You’re good at everything,” I say around a mouthful of noodles.
“Not everything.”
I set my fork down on my plate, wiping my mouth. “Name one thing you’re not good at.”
“Getting over you.”
I grab my water and drink half the bottle in one go. My mouth is like the fucking Sahara.
“Guess we’re diving right in, huh?” I say, screwing the cap back on.
He twists on his stool to face me. “Don’t you think we’ve wasted enough time already?”
His gaze bores into mine expectantly.
“Benson, I…”
Words evade me. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings. Not like he can. He’s always been so open and honest. It’s a little intimidating.
My anxiety spikes at the thought of speaking the words out loud. I rub my thigh, desperate to feel a bite of pain, anything that would alleviate the pressure tightening my ribs.
Benson reaches for my hand, clasping it with his. “Hey, you can talk to me. I promise there is nothing you can say to me that I don’t know already.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” I say.
He tugs my hand, pulling me onto his lap. “I know.”
Cupping my cheeks with his rough palms, he brushes a thumb over the apple of my cheek.
“I’ve regretted that decision every single day for the last five years,” I say. “I just didn’t know how to fix it or if you would even forgive me.”
He tucks a stray strand of damp hair behind my ear. “I forgive you,” he says without hesitation, and his words shock me. “Baby, I need you to listen to me and hear me, okay?”
I nod, my eyes burning with unshed tears.
“It’s okay to cry in front of me. It’s okay to scream, yell, whatever you need to do to get it out. I want to be your safe place.”
“I want to be that for you, too,” I murmur as the tears begin to fall. “But I’m emotionally stunted, you’ll have to teach me.”
Benson chuckles, kissing my forehead, then my temple, before coming back to kiss my lips. “We’ll learn this dance together.”
I smile as warmth settles in my chest. “Deal.”
His mouth claims mine as one arm wraps around my lower back, the other fist in my hair, sealing the deal in a kiss. He hardens beneath me, and I rock against him, anxious to seal our newfound union in other ways.
“In the spirit of sharing, I have a little confession to make,” I whisper.
He raises an inquisitive brow. “I’m all ears.”
I rub my hand across his cheek, the stubble rough beneath my palms. I can’t believe I’m touching him again. That I’m back here with him. The only place I’ve ever felt safe and cared for.
“You’re the reason I came back to D.C.” I swallow around the emotions clogging my throat as I try to get the words out.
“I had job offers in two other cities, but I turned them down because I wanted to be close to you. Even though I couldn’t have you, and I knew you hated me, I still wanted you.
I’ll always want you, Benson. Only you.”
He blinks several times, absorbing my confession, then his lips claim mine, branding me with a searing kiss. He pulls me closer, holding me tighter to him, and my arms wrap around his neck.
After a few moments, he slows the kiss. “I could never hate you. Never.” He tucks a strand of damp hair behind my ear. “I just wish you had told me you were here sooner.”
This time, I take his lips, plunging my tongue deep inside his hot mouth. God, I want him more than air. I need him more than I’ve ever needed anything or anyone. I rock against him, grinding my hot center along his hard length. The delicious friction pulls a moan from my lips.
“As much as I want to strip you down and take you right here on this island, I think we should first address the other elephant in the room,” he says, nodding behind me.
The envelope lies ominously on the counter. I slide from his lap, pick up the envelope, and carry it into the living room. I take a seat on the worn sofa, the fire still going strong.
“Have you looked through the jump drives yet?” I ask, still staring at the envelope.
“They were all encrypted. I sent the files over to Oakley. He’s working to decode them now.
Reid said he’d let us know what they find.
” He takes a seat next to me, gently grasping my chin and turning my head to look at him.
“No matter what happens, or what’s in that envelope, we’re in this together. I’m with you no matter what.”
Fighting back the tears, I nod.
“Say it,” he commands, his voice soft and gentle.
“Together,” I whisper.
Satisfied, he releases me, and I inhale a deep breath before unfastening the clasp and pulling out the papers.