Chapter Twenty-One Benson
While Reid, Karmen, and Oakley work out the details of the recording device, my father and I make ourselves a cup of coffee while standing off to the side of the room.
I’m thankful he’s here. I know it eases his mind to have eyes on me, even though it’s completely unnecessary.
I don’t have children, but I would imagine if I did, nothing could keep me from them.
“How’s Mom been feeling?” I ask before taking a drink of my coffee.
“She’s been good the last few days. More energy than she’s had in a while.
I’m pretty sure it has to do with Reese being home.
” He takes a sip of his own coffee, smiling affectionately.
“She loves it when any of you kids are home, but you know how close those two are, her being the only girl and all. It’s done wonders for her spirit. ”
Dad clears his throat. “How are things with you and Karmen?”
“We still have a lot to work on, but we’re good.”
He gives me a knowing smile. “She’s good for you.”
“Yeah, and how do you know that?”
“She challenges you. She makes you better. Plus, I’m your father. I know these things.”
We share a laugh.
“How long are you staying?” I ask.
He finishes off his coffee, then tosses the paper cup in the recycling bin next to the trash. “I’m on the red eye tonight.”
I should have known he wouldn’t leave her for long. Aside from his kids, my mother is his entire world.
I swallow around the emotion clogging my throat. “Do you think she’ll be okay?”
I don’t know why I asked that question. Deep down, I know there are no guarantees in life. And no matter how badly we all want her to be okay, right now, we all have to live with the crippling uncertainty that maybe she won’t be. However, I desperately need my father’s reassurance.
He faces me, tears rimming his soft blue eyes.
My pulse flutters at the base of my throat as the sinking feeling in my stomach returns.
The same dreadful feeling I’ve had since he told me my mother was sick.
“She is one of the strongest humans I know. Whatever happens, she’ll get through it.
We’ll all get through it with her.” His throat bobs as he swallows.
“Together.” Bringing a large hand to my shoulder, he gives me a reassuring squeeze.
“Because in this family, no one fights alone.”
* * *
She’s quiet on the ride back to the cabin, fighting a battle with her emotions.
I can’t imagine what she must be feeling now.
Anger. Confusion. Betrayal. The hurt is written all over her face.
Her instinct is to bury her feelings and shove them aside, but she’s putting them on full display for me, and I couldn’t be prouder of her, despite what she’s going through.
Reid was still gathering up a team when we left and putting a plan in motion.
In the meantime, he instructed us to go back to the cabin and wait for his call.
We pull into the driveway of the cabin, and she’s out of the car before I can utter a single word, barreling inside and slamming the door behind her.
She’s pacing the length of the living room when I walk in, bare feet slapping against the hardwood with each step, hands fisting in her hair in frustration, breaths coming in sharp and uneven.
“He lied to me,” she bellows. “My whole fucking life. He lied about who he was. About who I am.”
I don’t move, standing at the far end of the couch, watching her. I don’t interrupt. She needs to feel this. To process and work through it on her own.
“And the money,” she continues, voice cracking. “Stolen drug money. Blood money. And he’s not even—” A harsh and disbelieving laugh leaves her throat. “He’s not even my real father.”
She stops pacing.
“For the first time in my life, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be now,” she whispers brokenly. “I feel so stupid. Betrayed. Like my entire life has been a lie.”
I cross the room in three long strides, cradling her face. “None of this is on you.”
“I feel like I should have known. Like, there is something wrong with me for constantly seeking his approval and his love all these years.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
Her breath stutters as the dam finally breaks, tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks.
“I’m so angry, Benson,” she whispers through gritted teeth. “And I don’t know where to put it, how to deal with it.”
I lean down, dropping my forehead to hers. “I do.”