Chapter 5
We grab two stools at Speakeasy, a kick-ass spot in Midtown. The bartender, Julia, slides us two coasters and takes our order.
Julia’s married to the guy who owns the law firm I use for all my contracts.
That’s Clay Nichols. He runs the shop, and is pretty much Manhattan’s most fearless entertainment lawyer.
His cousin Tyler joined him recently. Tyler’s a beast, too, and handles the day-to-day for me.
He’s absolutely the guy I want having to deal with Gino.
Julia pours me an Imperial Stout and then mixes the drink Harper ordered, which is made with tequila and lemon soda.
“And one Long-Distance Lover for your friend, coming right up,” she says with a wink to us both, as I give her my credit card.
Julia shakes her head, sliding the plastic back to me. “Your money’s no good here, handsome.”
“Please. I insist,” I say, trying again.
She stares me down. “As if you can pull the whole I insist act with me. It’s a rule. No client of Nichols and Nichols shall ever pay for his libation. Now, enjoy your drink with your pretty redheaded friend,” she says, then hands Harper the cocktail.
“Hope you enjoy it. By the way, love your hair,” she says, and it’s funny because Julia’s redhead comment doesn’t bother me—she means it as a compliment, since her hair is the same shade, while Gino meant it in a douchey Neanderthal way. Kind of like how he means everything.
“Thank you,” Harper says, running her hand along her locks. She let her hair down when we left the bowling alley. “Same for you.”
“It’s true what they say. Redheads have more fun. So be sure to have fun,” she says, then presses her hand to Harper’s arm before she heads off to serve a new group of customers.
Harper looks at me, surprise in her eyes. “She’s quite friendly.” She brings the drink to her lips, and takes a long sip. Her eyes widen and she points to the glass as she swallows. “She makes good drinks, too. This is amazing.”
“She’s not an award-winning bartender for nothing. They have the best drinks at Speakeasy. Just don’t tell your brother we’re here,” I joke, since Spencer and Charlotte own three bars in Manhattan.
She pretends to zip her lips. “Our secret is safe with me,” she whispers, and as soon as those words ghost past her lips, I find myself wondering if we’ll ever have other secrets, like about the things we crave, the things that drive us wild, that turn us on in the dark, and if hers would match mine.
“By the way, did I do okay as your shield tonight?”
“You were the best,” I tell her, then I take a long swallow of my drink. Damn, the beers here are spectacular, too.
“What are you going to do the next time, and the next time? The hits come pretty relentlessly from the ladies. It’s like rapid-fire interest.”
“Hey,” I say, stopping her as I place a hand on her knee. “Pot. Kettle.”
She arches an eyebrow. “How so?”
“From Simon to Jason, you certainly seem to have the men lining up for you.”
She shakes her head and shoots me the universal look for what have you been smoking? She follows it with, “What on earth are you talking about?”
I stare at her. “Seriously?”
“Seriously, what?”
I hold up a hand like a stop sign. “You are aware that Jason has a thing for you? Like I told you at the bowling alley. And Simon the Hemsworth-look-alike dad does, too.”
She narrows her eyes. “I don’t think so.”
I nod emphatically. “I know so.”
She shakes her head, just as certainly. “Nope.”
“Oh yes, Princess Denial. Jason likes you. It was obvious.”
“No, this is obvious,” Harper says, holding up her left hand, bending her thumb in half, then pretending to magically remove the tip of her thumb, only so badly it’s clear how she does it.
“Wait. So you didn’t really pull off your thumb?”
She holds up all ten fingers. “No! Astonishing feat, isn’t it? I still have them all.”
“And it’s equally astonishing that you don’t realize Jason ‘let me friend you on Facebook’ ex-classmate likes you.”
She grabs her drink, shrugs, and knocks some back.
It’s then that I realize Harper’s bafflement goes both ways. She doesn’t know how to act around guys who like her, and she has no idea when they’re into her either.
Selfishly, this is kind of an awesome discovery because it means I have carte blanche to continue thinking about her naked, beneath me, over me, coming for me, and she won’t have a clue.
Considering I think about her naked an inordinate amount of time—like, for instance, two seconds ago my mind wandered to wondering what color her panties were—this is a very good thing.
Especially since the natural next step is to daydream about stripping her of the pale pink panties I’ve decided she’s wearing.
But I care about Harper, and I can tell this little lack of fluency in all things men is going to become a big problem for her at some point.
Seeing as I’m all about helping the ladies, I give it to her straight.
“First, yes, Jason is into you. Second, Simon is too. And I’m willing to bet my left hand that Simon has already texted you since the other day when you doused me in hot chocolate. ”
That earns me a small, contrite smile. “Did you get it out of your shirt?”
“Haven’t done laundry yet. Ran out of detergent.”
“They have stores for that.”
“Yes. They do. But don’t think you can derail me.” I hold up my left hand. “And don’t let the fact that I offered my non-drawing hand as stakes make you think I’m not one hundred percent confident that Simon let’s-talk-about-the-party texted you. I’m really attached to both hands.”
“Fine,” she says, with a huff, like it costs her something. “He texted me earlier today.”
“I amaze myself. What did he say?”
She reaches into her purse, finds her phone, and shows the text to me.
Hey there. Hope you’re having a great week. Would love to get together and talk about the party. Coffee sometime?
“Case. Closed.”
“How does that prove anything?”
“Okay. Let me ask you something. Do you regularly need to get together with parents and talk about the parties you’re doing?”
“Not that often,” she says, answering quickly.
“Could you, for instance, handle the plans for little Hayden’s fifth birthday on the phone?”
“Sure.”
I slap a palm on the counter. “The guy wants to see you in person because he likes to see you.” I point to my eyes then to her. “He likes looking at you.”
“Ohhhhhhhh,” she says as my meaning registers. It's fascinating, like watching a video of one of those baby foals learning to stand for the first time. She brings her fingers to her forehead, and mimes an explosion. “Mind. Blown.”
Wait ’til she sees what other mystical insights into the male mind—if you can even call it that—I can perform. “Let’s put this to another test. Got Facebook on that phone?”
“Of course.”
“Open it up,” I say, making a rolling gesture with my hand.
She clicks on the blue icon. “Okay, what am I looking for?”
“New friend request. Jason from the bowling alley. I guarantee it’s there.”
She scrolls down the screen and blinks in surprise. “Can you do this with lottery numbers, too?”
I stab my finger at the phone, ignoring her cute little snark. “The dude wants to connect with you because . . .” I let my voice trail off and make sure she’s looking me in the eyes, as I finish, “he wants to connect with you.”
“Because I heard the next Powerball is going to be huge—”
I cut her off. “What did you say to Simon when you wrote back?”
She sighs, shakes her head, and screws up the corner of her mouth. She waits a moment before she speaks, like she’s trying to figure out what to say, maybe hunting for her next quip. But the words she picks are simple. “That’s the thing, Nick.”
This time there’s no sarcasm, no teasing, nothing unclear in her tone. It’s just earnest and nervous. “What’s the thing?” I ask gently.
“I don’t know what to say to him,” she says, with a one-shouldered shrug. “I can stick a pencil in my nose and make it appear to come out of the side of my head much easier than I can figure out what to write.”
“Wait. You can stick a pencil in your nose?”
She nods in excitement. “Want to see?”
I kind of do, in a sort of sick-fascination way. But not now. “Another time, unless it’s a Blackwing.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s only my favorite type of pencil in the entire world. But let’s focus on one thing at a time. Let me walk you through this. You say: Sure, that sounds great. How about Friday at five p.m.?”
She shudders. “Too hard.”
“To say that?”
She inhales deeply, like she’s steeling herself to say something tough.
“Okay, look. There’s no pretending with you.
You’ve already seen what happens when I like someone.
I can’t talk. I can’t speak. If I can manage words, they’re ridiculously inappropriate ones.
Even if I texted him, I wouldn’t know how to act on Friday at five p.m.”
Damn, the way she says that is so sweet and so sad at the same time, and I half feel sorry for her, and half want to tell her she’s so fucking cool it doesn’t matter. But it does matter. Because if she can’t get past her inability to speak around guys she likes, life might be lonely.
I move my stool closer. “But you understand women. You knew what that woman was up to at the bookstore.”
She rolls her eyes. “Vicious’s wife wasn’t exactly subtle. But yes, I can understand my native language. It’s men that vex me.”
“You honestly and truly don’t know what to say or do with a guy?” I ask softly.
She levels her gaze at me. “I’m a magician, Nick.
I go to kids’ parties. I work with moms. I never meet men.
Simon is the exception because he’s a single dad, and that’s rare.
I don’t know the first thing about the mating and dating rituals of the American male.
I’m nearly twenty-six years old, and touching your arms to prank my brother in Central Park last summer was the most exciting thing that’s happened to me in ages. ”
Her blue eyes show a hint of sadness, and she looks away.
“It was?” I ask quietly.