Chapter 5
five
HARPER
D ays go by and Palmer doesn’t pressure me about what I’ve decided, but she does check in with me every day to make sure I’m okay.
Last weekend, after making the decision to have the baby, I was terrified.
But as the days have gone by, I’ve settled into my decision and the rightness of it.
My plan is to get Finn’s contact information from Hudson this weekend and reach out to him.
Another dose of anxiety spins around me because I have no idea how he’ll react.
My plan is blown to pieces on Thursday night when I’m settled in with Maven to watch TV with a bowl of sour cream and onion popcorn. It’s been our thing since she moved in. We try a different flavor of popcorn for every episode we watch. A message from Palmer comes through.
Um… he’s here.
Who?
Finn! He just knocked on our door.
What is he doing here?
I have no idea, but I thought you’d like to know.
My stomach flips, and before I truly take any time to think about what I should or should not do in this circumstance, I’m off the couch. “I have to run over to Palmer’s,” I say over my shoulder to Maven.
“Is everything okay?” She sits up, and I hear the concern in her tone.
“Yup.” I grab my purse off the hook by the front door and slide into my shoes. “She and Hudson have to run out, so I’m going to watch Adley.”
“Is everything okay? Where would they have to go at this hour?” Maven calls after me, but I don’t bother answering.
Driving over to Palmer’s, I don’t give myself an inch to second-guess my decision that Finn being in town is somehow a sign that this is the exact moment for me to tell him he’s going to be a dad.
I just want to get it over with so I don’t have to have another week of dreading reaching out and being like, “Hey, did the condom break, or what exactly happened? Oh yeah, it doesn’t matter… congratulations, Daddy!”
My phone buzzes in my purse, but I’m not taking the time to pull over to see who it is.
I’m sure it’s Palmer. She may not officially know my decision yet, but she knows me well enough to know I’m probably going to show up at her place, and I don’t want her to talk me out of it. I need to do this before I chicken out.
I park at the curb since the driveway is full of Palmer and Hudson’s cars and what I assume is Finn’s rental.
I’m not taking any chances of being blocked in by some random family member who decides to pop into Palmer’s for a visit for some weird reason.
The curb will make for a quick getaway. My head is down, and I head right into their back door that is always unlocked.
“Hello,” I call, hoping my tone inflects that this is just an impromptu visit to see Palmer and Hudson.
No one responds, so I walk farther into the house and find the three of them in the living room.
Palmer and Hudson are on the couch, and Finn is on an adjacent chair.
Adley must either be already in bed or up in her room.
I give Palmer and Hudson a cursory glance, and my gaze snags on Finn, seeing him for the first time not as my one-night stand, but as the father of my baby. Wow, weird in a million different ways.
Of course, he looks as good as he did the night of the wedding, minus the tuxedo.
He’s casually dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a white T-shirt.
His tattoos are visible on each arm, and his brown hair with natural golden highlights is a little longer, reaching his ears.
Rather than the clean-shaven face he had at the wedding, he’s adorned with stubble.
I clench my thighs together to dull the ache of what his face would feel like between my legs now.
I give myself a mental scolding because we are not here for that . That is exactly what got us in this situation in the first place.
“Hey, guys.” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat to sound more unaffected from being in the same room with Finn again.
“Harper.” Finn’s eyes widen, and he draws back in the chair.
I’m sorry, am I not the one who lives in Alaska? He’s the one who flew thousands of miles to get here.
I try not to take personally his clear discomfort that I’m in his presence again. This is new for both of us. One-night stands are meant to never see one another again. But then again, he is Hudson’s best friend, so not my smartest decision to pick him.
Finn walks over to me, holding out his hands. I retract a fraction, but he doesn’t relent, giving me the most awkward hug I’ve ever received. “It’s good to see you again.” His hands pat my back, although our chests don’t touch.
Over Finn’s shoulder, Palmer gives me a wide-eyed expression, and Hudson’s face is the color of the snow still sitting at the tops of the mountains outside. They see the awkwardness too.
I shake off the weirdness because it’s now or… well, over the phone. Which sounds nice right about now? I don’t have to see his jaw drop.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I ask.
He cocks his head to the side, eyebrows drawing down. He probably thinks I’m a stage-five clinger, and I’m about to tell him that I developed feelings. The only thing I’m feeling is queasy. “Um… yeah. I was hoping we could chat anyway, so that’d be great.”
Oh, that’s surprising. I guess I read that expression wrong. Maybe I’m misinterpreting this entire exchange, and he’s nervous to see me again because he thinks there’s something between us? There is. A baby.
It doesn’t matter because after I blow his mind with my news, he’s no longer going to think of me that way. There’s a good chance he’ll regret sleeping with me entirely.
Palmer stands, drawing my attention. Why don’t you help me get everyone some drinks in the kitchen? she signs.
Why is she signing to me rather than speaking since she has her cochlear implant on? Regardless, I’m so close to getting this news out, and she’s not going to derail me.
No, I have to do this before I chicken out.
She widens her eyes at me, clearly trying to communicate something. I think we should talk first.
I frown. The whole time Palmer and I go back and forth, Finn is looking between us and Hudson, waiting for him to translate our sign language.
Ignoring my cousin, I turn to face Hudson. “Can you guys give us a minute?”
He gives me a tight nod, stands, and sets his hand on Palmer’s lower back, leading her out of the room. She follows, but she keeps glancing over her shoulder at me. I ignore her in favor of maintaining my courage.
I walk farther into the room and sit where Palmer was while Finn sits in the chair he was occupying.
His cologne does smell nice. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, and flashes of our night together play through my head like a movie.
Being this close to him reminds me why I fell into bed with him in the first place.
The buzz of attraction has only deepened between us.
Or at least for me. Maybe I’m imagining it, or maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones.
“How are you?” he asks, taking me out of my clustered thoughts.
He has no idea what a loaded question that is.
“I’m good. How have you been?”
He nods. “Good. Good.”
An awkward silence cloaks us like a blanket, so I try with an obvious question. “What are you doing in Alaska?”
Finn shifts nervously in his chair. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” I act indifferent because surely, he’s not here on some mission to win me over. Like I rocked his world so much that night, he can’t stop thinking of me.
Not that the attraction between us the night of Palmer and Hudson’s wedding wasn’t intense, but I’d assumed the drinks helped and the fact that we’d both seen our best friend get married earlier that day. Maybe I’ve been so hung up on the pregnancy thing, I’d forgotten that.
He swallows hard and looks at his clutched hands together between his knees. Then he straightens out and rubs his hands down his thighs, as if he has to gather courage too.
I decide to put him out of his misery so we can discuss the most important thing right now. “It’s okay. I know why you’re here.”
His shoulders relax. “You do?”
I nod. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I felt it too.” His forehead wrinkles, but I press on. “The attraction between us was instant. And intense. I’ve wondered what it might have been like if we were able to explore it more since you left too.”
He blinks rapidly, blows out a breath, and pushes his hand through his hair, standing and pacing in front of the couch. “I mean, yeah. It was, but… I… I’m not here to try to hook up again or start something with you.”
Heat flames my face, and I inch to the end of the couch, wondering how fast I can escape.
Finn must recognize it because he inches toward me. “Sorry. That came out wrong. If I lived here and things were different, I’d definitely consider dating you.”
“Gee thanks.” I clench my fists on my lap.
He shakes his head. “I’m fucking this up.”
“Just say whatever you were going to say,” I snipe, wanting this moment over.
“I’m here because… well… I’m getting married.”
The last three words. The most important words come out in a rush, so it takes my brain a beat to string them together to make sense. When they do, I bolt up off the couch.
“You’re getting married?” A wave of nausea swells over me, and I swallow back bile rising up my throat. And not from the baby.
There’s an underlying sadness or maybe pity in his eyes. “Yes.”
Now I’m the one pacing, hand over my stomach because I might throw up in his lap. “You had a fiancée when you slept with me?” My voice is shrill and loud.
Something drops in the kitchen.
“We’re okay,” Hudson calls.
The only thing worse than getting knocked up by the best man is finding out I’m his other woman.
He frowns. “God, no! Of course not!”
“Then you need to explain how I slept with you a month ago and now you’re engaged.” My hands fist at my sides.
He blows out a breath. “My long-term girlfriend and I were on a break when I was here for the wedding.”