Chapter 7
seven
HARPER
A fter my meeting with Finn and Tamra, my head is a mess, so I decide to take the rest of the day to relax at the cabin so no one can bother me. On my way, I make a pit stop.
I hope this isn’t a bad idea, though I’m pretty sure it’s not.
After my showdown with Finn last night, I talked to Palmer on the phone, letting her know I had decided to have the baby and that I didn’t tell Finn after he sprang the news he’s getting married.
She understood why I’d kept the news to myself but encouraged me to tell him soon.
I asked her and Hudson not to tell Finn I’m pregnant. I’ll do it soon, but on my time.
But there’s another person’s perspective I’d like to get on this whole situation first.
I’ve always been close to my aunt Sedona.
Maybe it’s because she was my parents’ surrogate and carried me for nine months, or maybe it’s because I’ve never felt that she judged me.
Sure, she always gives me her opinion on something, but it’s never in a way where I feel like she’s looking down on me or that I’m disappointing her as I do with my mom.
No doubt her own past will give her a unique perspective on the situation.
I pull into her driveway, gather my courage, and go knock on the door. Maybe I should have called first to make sure she was home.
Relief fills me when I hear the pad of footsteps behind the door. Then it swings open, and my aunt looks surprised.
Palmer looks so much like her. They share the same dark hair, though I suspect my aunt’s color might come from a dye box now. The same pale skin and arresting eyes adorn both their faces.
“Hi, Aunt Sedona.” I muster up a smile.
“Harper, how are you? Come on in.” She opens the door wider.
I step into the house, looking around to see if anyone else is here. “Where’s Uncle Jamison?”
“He’s at the sports complex finalizing the schedule for fall. Did you need him?” She tilts her head, looking at me with concern.
“No, I was hoping to talk to you.”
Her body relaxes, but she has no idea what she’s in for. “Of course, sweetheart. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod and give her a wan smile.
She picks up on the fact that this isn’t an ordinary visit to catch up and leads me into the living room.
The big stone fireplace is void of fire since it’s not cold enough outside right now, but I remember many times when Palmer and I cooked marshmallows over the fire and got in trouble for dripping the gooey goodness on the hearth when we pulled them out because we’d let them cook too long.
It’s a fond memory for me. I can’t help but picture the child I’m carrying in my belly doing the same someday, and my nose tingles with emotion that just won’t stay back anymore.
We sit on the couch, her on one end, me on the other. Tears build in my eyes now that I’m here.
She shimmies closer to me and takes my hand. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt because I have no idea how I’m supposed to ease into something like this. It seems better to put it out there before I lose my nerve.
Her eyes widen, and she sucks in a breath but recovers fast from her surprise by squeezing my hand. “Okay.”
I give her pleading eyes.
“Can I ask who the father is?”
God, I hate that she even has to ask. But that is the number one question everyone will be asking when the news comes out.
“Finn. The best man at Palmer’s wedding.” Tears leak down my face, and I wipe them away with my free hand.
She nods, face full of empathy. “You’re scared?”
I nod.
“I remember how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with Palmer.”
She was much younger than I am when she found out she was pregnant, but she knows what it feels like to have an unplanned pregnancy. Although hers was with a longtime boyfriend and not from a one-night fling.
“I’m scared and confused and embarrassed. I don’t know. I have a million things going through my head.”
She releases my hand and cups my cheek. “And that’s all perfectly normal. It would be weird if you didn’t have all those big feelings. Have you decided what you want to do?”
I set my eyes on hers, wanting her to see I’ve taken the time to think and I’m certain about my decision. “I’m going to have the baby.”
My aunt pats my cheek, and her hand drops. “Great. We’re going to have a new baby to love. That’s exciting.” She smiles a genuine one that says she really does think this is good news.
Even with her understanding and excitement, tears topple down my cheeks from the relief. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that from someone, anyone. She draws me into an embrace and rubs my back until my sobs calm down.
“Aunt Sedona?”
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Do you think I can do this?”
She draws back, and her lips tip into a smile. “Of course you can.”
“But… I’m not really responsible.”
Her lips dip into a frown. “None of that matters. Aunt Phoenix was the least responsible of us all and look at what a wonderful mom she is to Jack and stepmom she’s been to Maverick. And don’t get me started on Uncle Denver.”
We both laugh, but she sobers quicker than me. “And you are responsible. You’ve started a business on your own, supporting yourself. There isn’t one definition of what it means to be a great mother.”
“But do you think I can do it? You were a single mom. Can I handle it?”
My aunt left my uncle when she was still pregnant with Palmer, and he didn’t come back into their lives until Palmer was eighteen months old.
“I’m not going to lie, it’s hard, though you’ve never shied away from a challenge. But, Harp, did he say he didn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life?”
I shake my head and divert eye contact before explaining what happened last night at Palmer’s house when I was ready to tell him, but he told me he was engaged first. “Everything has just gotten so much more complicated.”
She sighs. “Yes, that definitely makes this all the more sensitive, but he deserves to know. You have to tell him.”
“I will. I’m just not sure when.” I groan and flop back into the couch. “I don’t know what’s worse—the idea of telling Finn or telling my parents.”
Aunt Sedona sighs and presses her hand on my leg. “Harper, your parents love you more than anything in this world. They’re going to be here to support you. Don’t doubt their love.”
I sit up. “I’m always disappointing them. I’m failing them when I just want to make them proud. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
She grips my hand again, squeezing it between both of hers. “Why do you think you haven’t made them proud?”
I roll my eyes and chuckle. “What’s to be proud of?
I’m almost thirty, with no real accomplishments in my life to speak of.
I’m single and knocked up with a stranger’s baby, and he’s about to be married.
” I point at myself. “And I’m his wedding planner!
” I groan and throw myself back down into the couch.
“Stop putting yourself down. I know you feel as if you’re in Easton’s shadow, but just because you don’t hit homeruns in a baseball stadium doesn’t mean that what you’re doing with your life is any less of an accomplishment.”
“He’s a professional baseball player. He’s hit a level most never do. It’s insane to think that out of all the baseball players everywhere, my brother is one of the select few to really make it big and make a name for himself in the league.”
She tilts her head in a calm manner. “Yes, Easton is a great baseball player. And he worked hard to get there. But you work hard too. And your parents do not have favorites. They love and believe in you just as much as they do Easton.”
“Hmm… I’m not sure, but I think the tables have definitely turned now,” I mumble, looking down at my stomach.
“Yes, your pregnancy will surprise people, there’s no stopping that. But once the shock wears off, they’ll be happy to have another little one in our family, especially your parents.” She pokes my arm. “You’re having the first grandchild.”
“From a one-night stand.”
“Hey, you want me to tell you about the Buzz Wheel post about your mom and dad in the back seat of his Jeep?—”
“God no.”
She laughs. “You’re being too hard on yourself. And you can do this, Harper. You’ll be a great mom. Look how good you are with Adley.”
I love that kid as if she’s my own, but there’s a difference between being the fun aunt and being the person responsible for making all the decisions and raising a child to be a good person.
“I guess.”
She nods as if I’m in complete agreement about my mothering skills.
“Thank you for talking to me. Obviously, don’t say anything to anyone yet.”
She moves her fingers over her mouth as if she’s zipping her mouth closed. “My lips are sealed.”
I lean in for a hug, trying my best to soak in the confidence she has in me. “Thanks for letting me vent.”
“Anytime, sweetheart. If you need to talk some more come by any time, all right?”
We pull away, and she opens her mouth but shuts it.
“Be careful, I might be over here every day,” I say.
“That’s okay.”
I have to figure out when and how I’m going to tell Finn about the pregnancy. There’re already too many people who know besides him, and I’m afraid that if I don’t tell him soon, someone else will. I’m not blind to the town I live in and how there are eyes everywhere.
* * *
I arrive at the cabin, and the moment I step through the door, the tension leaves my body.
This is exactly why I’m here. Something about this place is healing.
I’m not someone who usually enjoys solitude or quiet.
I don’t hang out on my own, preferring to be around other people.
I’m shocked I haven’t brought my portable speaker or my laptop so I can watch TV by now.
But something about this place lets me enjoy being with my own thoughts.
I flop down on the couch with a groan, and my mind instantly travels to the day I’ve had.
It was so awkward today with Finn and Tamra. And not just because watching him be lovey-dovey with someone else while I’m pregnant with his child and neither of them has any idea is messed up. But because I felt almost… jealous. Which is absurd. I barely know the man.
When she reached for his hand or he kissed her knuckles, I wanted to leap over my desk and rip them apart.
The pregnancy hormones must be to blame.
Something in my subconscious must see Finn as mine because his baby is growing in my belly.
That’s the only explanation because I never get hung up on a guy.
I have my fun with them and move on. End of story.
One thing is for sure, I have to tell him soon. I’m barely pregnant right now, but eventually I’m going to show, and then there will be no hiding our little surprise bundle.
Just the idea of telling him makes me sick to my stomach. How will he react? What will Tamra do? Fire me for sure. Meanwhile, Buzz Wheel will have a field day with me.
“What a mess.”
Thirsty, I get up off the couch to get a bottle of water from the fridge, but I stop when I spot an envelope on the table. I walk over and pick it up. My name is written in Great-Grandma Dori’s handwriting.
How did it even get in here?
Taking the envelope with me, I walk back to the couch and pull my phone from my purse, texting Palmer.
Did you leave me a letter at the cabin?
Her response comes in less than a minute.
Just open it.
Explain. I don’t need any more surprises in my life right now.
Great-Grandma left a letter for each of us. I got one too when I was staying at the cabin. Open it… please.
Tears prick my eyes at the thought of my beloved great-grandma leaving me a letter.
Abandoning my drink, I bring the letter to the couch and sit down. I set my phone on the worn coffee table and stare at the envelope in my hands. I’m afraid to open it. Afraid of what it might say. Where she might have thought I’d be at this stage of my life. Could I be a disappointment to her too?
It’s not that I think she’ll have said anything mean. Maybe it will be a harsh truth I’m not ready to face. So rather than opening the letter, I slide it into my purse until I’m ready. Ready to face myself.