Chapter 9
nine
HARPER
G od, I’m so tired. The nausea has subsided this week, but I’ve been dragging ass everywhere I go.
In the middle of the day, I’ll wake up with my head on my keyboard, and my bedtime has been hours earlier than it once was.
I can’t even get through one reality TV show that Maven and I usually watch together.
If she has noticed that I’m dosing off during every episode, she hasn’t said anything.
Not to mention, we haven’t tried a new popcorn flavor either.
It’s my twin uncles Rome and Denver’s birthday tonight, so a bunch of us Baileys are getting together at Uncle Denver and Aunt Cleo’s place.
Since our family is so big, and growing by the day, it’s sure to be a packed house.
Even when only a handful of us can make it, it would make even a kindergarten teacher run.
The laughter and music are already so loud when I arrive, I don’t bother ringing the doorbell. Sure enough, it’s standing room only. I set the Greek salad I brought on the buffet table. Our gatherings are always potluck and buffet-style.
I spot Brinley and Calista on the couch with their new Bailey additions.
Calista’s little boy, Jaxon, is a few months old now, but Brinley’s daughter, Ivy, is a newborn.
At least I think she’s still considered a newborn.
When are they not newborns? One? Then they’re toddlers?
But what if they aren’t walking? Aren’t all toddlers able to walk?
I exhaust myself and realize I need to learn this stuff before he or she arrives.
God, just the thought of childbirth spurs too much anxiety.
A big part of me wants to avoid Calista and Brinley because they represent everything I’m facing in the next year, and they probably handled it so much better than I ever will.
Just as I think I’ve dodged them, they catch my eye, leaving me no choice but to at least say hello.
“Hey, guys, how are the little ones?”
Jaxon’s wide eyes track me as he sits on Calista’s lap, so I make a funny face and earn a smile out of him. Ivy is swaddled and asleep in Brinley’s arms.
“I’m so glad you came over. Can you hold Ivy for me for a minute? I have to pee so bad.” Without waiting, Brinley hands Ivy off to me, leaving me no choice but to accept her.
Thanks to Adley, I know how to hold an infant, but when I look down at Ivy’s perfect little face, I wonder what my baby will look like.
Ivy might not be my baby, but this is how it will be when I have my own. As if my brain fast forwards, suddenly I’m holding him or her and the enormous weight of what that means. All the changes my life will incur. How hard it’ll be doing it on my own.
“Are you okay?” Calista asks me, forehead wrinkled. “You look a little pale.”
I muster a smile I hope masks the anxiety ratchetting inside me the longer I have Ivy in my arms. “Yeah, just tired. Didn’t sleep well last night. So how is Jaden taking to being a big brother?”
The two of us chat about Jaden not being the best big brother since he’s suffering from not being the baby anymore until Brinley returns. I stand and pass Ivy to her under the guise of being starving.
After making a small plate for myself, I sit at one of the long folding tables next to my cousins Callum and Jason, who seem to be deep in conversation. They’ll never ask me any questions like my girl cousins, so it’s like my own little safe zone.
They stop discussing whatever was so enthralling, and both turn to look at me.
“Swapping stories, boys?” I pull my chair closer to the table.
“Just coming up with a plan.” Callum leans back in his chair until it’s on the back two legs. He and Palmer couldn’t look more opposite for being siblings. Callum looks so much like my uncle Jamison, it’s a tad creepy.
“And what exactly are you two conquering?” I ask, picking at a roll on my plate.
“The Anderson twins,” Jason says, and he and Callum fist-bump over the table.
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Why do you need a plan? You don’t think your personalities and good looks can seal the deal?”
Jason pushes my shoulder, and I laugh. “We do just fine,” he says.
I start to give my younger cousins—by only a year—shit about how to be good guys, but then their phones must go off because they pull them out of their pockets and stand. Apparently, they’ve secured their double date with the Anderson twins.
The rotation keeps coming when my cousin Rohan sits across from me. I usually love seeing him, but I keep worrying someone is going to figure out my secret, and soon I’ll have a big spotlight on me in the middle of our family function.
“What’s good, Harp?” He digs his fork into his meal.
“Nothing much. Can you believe your dad and Uncle Rome are getting so old?”
If you look up young at heart, you’ll see a picture of Uncle Rome and Uncle Denver. I can just see them racing their wheelchairs at Northern Lights at eighty.
Rohan chuckles. “Uncle Rome, yeah. My dad…” He shakes his head. “Not sure he’ll ever really grow up.”
The sound of a high-pitched giggle draws our attention, and Adley pushes her way through everyone, clearly on a mission toward us.
“C’mere, squirt.” Rohan scoops Adley up, setting her on his lap. She picks up the fork and piles food on it.
“You my baby,” she says to him, and he opens his mouth, allowing her to slide the fork between his lips.
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” I say to him.
“What’s up?” Adley holds a roll in front of his mouth, and he opens, nibbling the bun.
“Good, baby,” Adley says. “Now you have to eat your veggies.”
While Adley tries to fork the salad, I say, “I have some clients from Vermont, and they want to arrange activities for their guests while they’re here for the wedding. Alaska stuff. Like, go home and brag you did what you can only do in Alaska stuff.”
“I’m your man. What time of year?” He opens his mouth and Adley pushes in one tiny piece of lettuce that’s dripping with dressing.
“End of October.”
He nods slowly, pretending to chew, I think, just so Adley doesn’t try to feed him anymore. After he swallows, he continues, “I’ll put together some options and send them your way.”
Adley squirms on his lap, clearly done with Rohan being her baby.
“What do you think, squirt? What should we do with the city folk?” He tickles her sides, and she laughs and wiggles in his hands. Rohan groans and sets his hand on his stomach, leaning back in the chair.
“Baby full?” Adley asks, looking at his hand with concern.
“Yeah, this is baby’s second plate.” He gives her a smile.
Adley puts the fork back on the plate. “You need to take one of those tests.”
Rohan cocks his head. “What tests?”
The hair on the nape of my neck stands on end. My biggest fear is about to come true. Adley is going to rat me out without even knowing it.
“We had one at home. Mommy said you take it when your tummy is upset to see if you’re sick.”
“What kind of tests are these?” Rohan smirks, looking over her at me, probably thinking I’ll share the same amusement as him. Meanwhile I’m internally screaming no, no, no, over and over again.
“Two pink lines is sick.”
Rohan laughs, again his eyes catching mine, and I let out a fake laugh to appease him.
I close my eyes because it’s out. Here it comes. My entire family is about to find out at my uncles’ birthday party that I got knocked up by my one-night stand. Open up, floor, and swallow me whole.
Palmer is clearing some plates at the other end of the table, and her head whips in my direction. We stare at each other wide-eyed. Damn Adley for being too smart for her age.
Rohan looks at Palmer, but she’s already on her way to us. “Something you want to tell us, cuz?”
I close my eyes and inhale a few deep breaths to combat the tightness in my chest. I open my eyes, and I’m about to spill the news and save Palmer the trouble of having to think of some lame-ass lie, but she speaks before I can.
“Well, this wasn’t exactly how I was going to announce it, but yes, Hudson and I are pregnant.” She stares at me the entire time she delivers the news.
My mouth drops open. She’s pregnant?
Emotions war inside me. I’m excited for my cousin and best friend, but I’m hurt that she didn’t tell me. There’s also another part of me that is thrilled we’ll be pregnant together.
“Mommy, you’re having a baby?” Adley jumps off of Rohan’s lap and rounds the table, rushing over to hug her mom.
Hudson must hear the commotion of everyone cheering and offering congratulations because he makes his way over. “What’s going on?” He kisses Palmer’s temple and wraps his arm around her back.
Palmer runs her fingers through Adley’s hair. “Our daughter was just talking about the sick tummy test she found at home.” Hudson’s gaze flickers to me briefly. “So I came clean with it and announced my pregnancy.”
“Congrats, man.” Rohan stands and reaches across the table, holding out his hand.
Rumblings of Palmer’s big news spreads, and family members turn in our direction. Within seconds, our family makes their way over to the happy couple to offer their congratulations, being sure to congratulate Adley, too, on being a big sister, which makes her swell with pride.
I walk the few steps to join my family, but Adley stops me.
“Are you excited to be a big sister?” I ask her.
She jumps up and down. “I’m gonna be the best big sister ever. I’m going to teach her how to talk to Mommy with sign language, and I’m gonna pick out her outfits. I’ll even let her borrow my favorite doll but only if she gives it back before bedtime because I can’t sleep without her.”
“And now you’ll have a baby of your own to feed anytime you want,” Rohan says, and Palmer gives him a “thanks a lot” look.
I ruffle the hair on top of Adley’s head. “You’re going to be a great big sister, I know it.”
She hugs my legs, and my eyes meet Palmer’s.
“I’m going to get some fresh air. You guys are making me claustrophobic.” Palmer laughs and nods toward the back of the house.
Once she’s a minute or two in front of me, I follow, heading onto the back deck.
“Congratulations.” I pull her into a hug, and she squeezes me tightly. “Thanks for saving me out there.” I pull away. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I hate the sad smile she gives me. “You have enough going on. I didn’t want to further complicate things.
I’m ecstatic about my pregnancy, but you weren’t planning yours, and I know exactly what that feels like from when I was pregnant with Adley.
It didn’t feel right to tell you, but you know that under any other circumstance, you’d be the first one I’d tell. ” She draws me in for another hug.
I squeeze her tightly, hating that she didn’t feel like she could share her good news with me because of my own situation.
“I’m sorry you had to tell everyone like that. I feel awful.” I cringe.
My parents already knew, and we planned to announce it soon anyway , she signs.
I nod, though I still feel horrible that my circumstances affected when and how she told the family she was having another baby.
“How are you hanging in there?”
I shrug.
“It must be weird hanging out with Finn and his fiancée.” Palmer cringes.
“It’s not ideal, no. All I can think about the whole time I’m with them is how I have this giant secret that’s going to blow up both their lives when I tell them.” My shoulders sag.
You need to tell him soon , she signs.
I nod. “I know, it’s just figuring out how to do it. They’re supposed to be back next weekend for a few days to make some more decisions on the wedding. I’ll see if there’s some way for me to get Finn on his own and tell him.”
She squeezes my upper arms. “It will all work out.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
Palmer hugs me again and draws back to sign. At least we get to be pregnant together. Our kids will be the same age.
“Not gonna lie, when you shared your news, I was excited about that too. I know nothing about pregnancy or having babies or anything. Can you just make two appointments for everything? We’ll do it together?” I laugh, although I would love to have her by my side through all this.
“Have you made an appointment with the doctor yet so you can figure out a due date?”
I stare at her blank-faced.
“Started taking prenatal vitamins?”
I blink at her.
“Cut back on your caffeine?”
I groan, and my head rocks back. “See? I’m already a terrible mother.”
“No, you’re just new to it. You’ll figure it out.”
I’ve been keeping my head in the sand as though that would make this situation a little less real, but it’s time for me to dig in and educate myself on what’s to come. Because no matter what, this time next year, it won’t be Ivy in my arms, it will be a baby of my own.