Chapter 21
twenty-one
FINN
I plunk down in a seat in the waiting area knowing that today will be marked in my memory as a defining moment in my life. There will be a before and after to hearing my child’s heartbeat for the first time. For really comprehending that Harper and I are bringing another human being into the world.
Well, let’s face it, she’s doing all the work. I only participated in the fun part.
I couldn’t have predicted how much hearing the heartbeat would affect me. How close it would make me feel to Harper.
She walks out of the office, and I watch her make her way down the hall to check out, picking up the paperwork she needs for the lab and making her next appointment.
When she’s done, she makes her way to me, smiling.
God, that fucking smile. It’s like a ray of sun cutting through the thickest winter clouds.
I stand and meet her halfway.
“The receptionist gave me this to give to you.” She holds out a purple sticky note.
I take it and look down, seeing the name Kingston in feminine script and a phone number.
“It’s my uncle who’s the firefighter. Aunt Stella left it for you. Said he’ll be expecting your call.”
It’s hard to get used to what a large family Harper has. It’s as though she has a contact for literally anything. I wish I didn’t have to call in a favor this early, but I can’t afford to let my pride get in the way. There’s a baby coming this spring.
“That’s really nice of her. I’ll be sure to call him tomorrow.” I slide the paper into my back pocket.
“Okay, I just have to go to the lab on the main floor, then we can go home.”
I hold out my hand. “Lead the way.”
“I hope you’re better than me with needles because your first job is right now. You have to hold my hand,” she says as we make our way out of the waiting area. When I chuckle, she looks over her shoulder at me. “I’m not kidding.”
***
She wasn’t kidding about not liking needles.
As soon as she sat down in the chair for the phlebotomist to draw blood, her head bobbed, and her eyes fixated on the tubes.
Her breathing sped up, and she had tears in her eyes.
When she reached for me to take her hand, a deep protective instinct in me took over.
All I wanted to do was be there for her.
Then the nice lady smiled and revealed the needle she was about to poke into Harper’s arm, and she almost crushed the bones in my fingers, causing me to question my thinking.
But as soon as we walked out of the doors of the clinic, the Harper I know returned—bright, energetic, and funny.
Since we met at the clinic, we drive back to the house separately, and the entire drive, all I did was replay the sound of the baby’s heartbeat, the little flicker on the screen affirming life. It has become real. My baby. Not a baby, mine. Ours. Harper’s and mine.
If I think too long and hard about how much my life has changed in such a short time, I’d probably panic as much as Harper did while getting her blood drawn, but in some weird way, none of it feels wrong.
It will take time for me to get used to the size of Harper’s family, but if I’m honest, I like that she comes from a large family. I like knowing that our son or daughter will have so many people around, supporting him or her.
My family is small, just my parents and me. It sucks that they won’t be closer to me and their grandchild, but we’ll make the most of it when they come to visit. Maybe Harper will come with me to Vermont or allow me to take our child once they’re old enough.
I stop on the way back to the house to grab some dinner from Wok4U, and since it’s a small town, I’m able to ask the owner, Li—who already knew who I was—if he knows what Harper and Maven usually order.
After the order is ready, I head back to the house and find Harper’s car already in the driveway.
I texted her while I was waiting to let her know that I’d pick up dinner.
She’s coming down the stairs when I walk through the door. I almost drop the takeout bags. She’s changed into her pajamas—a short-sleeve button-up shirt with white and red stripes and matching shorts. But those shorts are short as hell and show off her shapely legs.
My dick twitches in my pants.
Harper seems oblivious to my reaction as she walks over, arms outstretched to help with the bags.
“I’ve got them,” I say and head toward the kitchen ahead of her, leaving her to follow me.
“Maven is out with Landry. She texted me back when I told her you were bringing home Chinese food.”
“That her boyfriend?” I set the bags on the counter, purposely not turning around to look at her. I’d only be tempting myself.
“No, just a friend. I feel bad. You bought all this food.”
I turn to take in her expression, and she’s frowning.
“Don’t worry about it. It just means more leftovers for tomorrow.” I lightly hip check her.
It’s an innocent enough action, but it sets off a series of chain reactions in my body. First my breath rushes out of my lungs, next my heart beats faster, then my dick perks up to pay attention. Our gazes lock and hold for a moment, and she licks her lips.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Her voice is soft and a little breathier than normal.
“Oh?” I arch an eyebrow.
“When we were at the doctor’s office today, I realized that we don’t know each other that well. Here we are having a baby, yet we barely know anything about one another.”
I know how beautiful you look when you come, I want to tell her. I think about her flush a lot. “Okay…”
“I thought that maybe we could get to know each other. You know, so that when the baby is born, we’re not complete strangers.”
I nod. It’s a good idea. It would certainly make coparenting easier.
“What did you have in mind?” There’s clear insinuation in my voice even though it’s not something I did consciously. I turn to face her wholly.
She looks up at me with her big eyes hooded with desire. “I… I thought we could spend time together.”
Somehow, we’ve moved even closer to each other. Her breasts brush my chest with every inhale.
“Like?” I don’t know what possesses me, but I trail my finger from her shoulder, over her sleeve, and down her bare arm.
Harper’s eyes drift closed as she basks in the sensation. “Whatever we want,” she whispers.
I breathe her in as we stand in the kitchen, the tension as thick as an autumn fog between us.
She tilts her head up slightly, and I dip my head down, our mouths a breath apart.
When Harper places her palm on my chest, my control snaps, and I capture her mouth, my hand pushing into the long, luscious strands at the back of her head.
She opens immediately, matching my fervor with her own.
When our tongues meet and I get my first taste of her again, I’m reminded of how addictive she is.
How even after I left Lake Starlight that first time, she constantly floated back into my consciousness.
Yearning for her thousands of miles away and wishing I could have her for just one more night.
The hand in her hair slides free and inches down her back until I reach her ass and squeeze. She groans, and I capture it with my mouth. My other hand slides up past her waist to cup her small breast, and she squeaks, a noise I’m pretty sure wasn’t pleasurable.
“Sorry, my boobs are super tender right now,” she mumbles against my lips before resuming our kiss.
It takes my brain a minute to catch up since all the blood in my body is presently rushing to my dick.
Pregnant.
Harper’s pregnant.
With my baby.
I rip away from the kiss. “Fuck.” I thread my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” My chest heaves, and my dick is so hard, begging to be let free from my jeans.
A momentary flash of hurt crosses her face, but it’s gone quickly.
She nods, stepping away from me. “You’re right.
Anything physical between us is only going to further complicate things.
We need to be clear on what this situation is.
” She motions between us with her finger.
“We’re never going to be together like that, right? ”
I’m not sure why, but I feel as if this answer matters, maybe more than I even realize. I nod. “Right. We’re just going to be friends and coparents. Anything else is too risky.”
She gives me a sharp nod. “Agreed.”
And I agree too. But seeing her swollen lips, looking equal parts cute and sexy in her pajamas, makes me wish things could be different.
But they can’t. I need to focus on building my life here, maintaining my sobriety, and getting ready to be the best father I can be.
I can’t allow myself to fall into a physical affair with the woman who will be the mother to my child.
There’s too much room for resentment to breed and poison what could be a healthy coparenting relationship.
“You’re right though, we should know each other better before the baby is born.”
“Maybe this weekend we can do something together then, hang out for a bit.” She walks around to the other side of the counter and opens the takeout bags.
“Sounds like a plan.”
Neither of us mentions making plans or the kiss as we dish our dinners onto separate plates.
When I ask Harper whether she wants to eat at the table or in the living room in front of the TV, she tells me that she’s going to get her laptop and bring it to the kitchen table because she has some things to catch up on for work.
I take her decision for what it is—a dismissal—and eat alone in front of the TV with the sports channel.
I might not get to share my meal with Harper, but I can watch her brother on the baseball field instead.
Even though the kiss made things awkward as fuck, I can’t find it in myself to regret it, only the fact that there won’t be another.