Skylar
The small plastic bag in my hand feels heavier than the weight of the world.
I examine it under the dim light of the backstage room, my stomach turning.
He’s destroying his life. Piece by piece. Line by line.
And I’m just…idly watching.
“I assume that’s not yours.”
I startle at the sound of Chandler’s voice.
He stands in the doorway, arms crossed, expression impassive.
“Definitely not,” I answer, tossing the bag onto the coffee table like it burned me.
After shutting the door behind him, he joins me on the couch.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t speak. Doesn’t judge. Doesn’t scrutinize. Doesn’t order me around.
He just sits beside me for a few minutes, breathing in the same heavy air I’m currently suffocating in…until I can’t take it.
“What do I do, Chandler? He’s drowning and I don’t know how to help him anymore.”
“I know.” Shoulders sagging, he exhales. “I’ve been where you are. It’s not for the weak. That’s for sure.”
Puzzled, I turn to him. “What do you mean?”
He rubs his chin, as if deciding just how much he wants to disclose.
“I got my start in the music industry because my ex-girlfriend was a singer,” he begins.
“She got a record deal, and I became her manager. She was full of life, charismatic, funny as hell. The life of the party…in both the figurative and literal sense.”
The look in his eyes tells me where this is going.
“I loved her very much and I know she loved me,” he continues. “But she loved drugs more.”
Sounds familiar.
“Is that why you two broke up?”
He nods. “Long story short, I made her choose between me and the drugs. She chose the latter. I had no other choice but to walk away.”
I suck in air through my teeth. Damn. “That must have been so hard.”
He shakes his head. “On the contrary, it was easy. Everyone said tough love was the best thing I could give her, so I listened. Told myself it was the right decision.”
Since we’re being so candid with one another. “I think about leaving Josh a lot lately.” When he gives me a look, I add. “Since before Memphis and I…you know.”
Chandler’s beady eyes turn unusually soft. “Leaving an addict is hard, Skylar. But loving one is even harder.”
Ain’t that the truth.
“The harder I fight to save him, the more I feel him slipping away. I feel like I’m failing.”
Like I’ve given up without proclaiming it.
He leans forward, elbows on his knees. “The thing about addicts is, they’re the only ones who can save themselves. But they still need a reason and someone to hold on to…or they won’t make it.”
My heart sinks. It all seems so hopeless. “What am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?”
“You can’t.” Chandler eyes the bag of heroin on the counter. “You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”
A surge of desperation floods my system. “I have to, Chandler.”
I don’t have a choice.
Josh said he’ll die without me.
Even though I’m dying with him.
Another long sigh. “The only thing you can do is be the reason they’ll try to get sober. A life raft to cling to until they’re strong enough to rescue themselves.”
The truth and weight of his words settle deep in my chest. I hate how much sense he’s making.
Josh is an addict. But that’s not the sum of all he is.
Because I know the real him.
He’s the one who saved me from my monster when I had no one.
He’s the lost and scared little boy who needed someone to save him.
I’ve been his compass for so long, I don’t know where he’ll end up without me.
My stomach churns with the sickening truth.
Deep down I know exactly where he’ll end up.
Chandler stands, brushing invisible lint from his jeans. “I have to get back to work. Last night of tour. I still have a ton of shit I need to wrap up.”
He’s halfway to the door before I find my voice. “Chandler?”
He glances back. “Yeah?”
“What happened to your ex-girlfriend?”
He hesitates. It’s the kind of silence that carries both secrets and pain.
The kind of silence that deflates any hope I had.
“Shortly after I left her…she died.”
All the air leaves my lungs in one big whoosh.
He clears his throat, his voice filling with sorrow. “Abandoning her when she needed me most will always be the biggest regret of my life.”
With that, he walks out.
My stare snags on the bag of heroin again.
Maybe the only thing worse than watching someone drown is knowing you could have saved them…but you pushed them under instead.
“Good night, Los Angeles,” Phoenix tells the hyped-up crowd. “Thank you for giving us a great last show.”
I’m still contemplating Chandler’s words and how to handle the situation when Josh says,
“Hold on. It’s not over yet. If you guys can hang tight for a minute, there’s someone special I’d like to bring out on stage. You guys cool with that?”
The crowd cheers enthusiastically.
What the hell is going on?
I don’t have time to ponder it any further, though because Alexis pops her head into the greenroom. “You’re needed out on stage.”
“Me?”
That doesn’t make any sense.
Her expression gives nothing away. “Yes.”
Confused, I give my head a shake, not following. “For what?”
“Skylar,” Josh shouts. “Baby girl, come on out here.”
“That.” Faster than I can blink, Alexis hustles me out of the room. “Come on.”
The crowd whistles and claps as I’m shoved out onto the stage like an unsuspecting, fully dressed person pushed into a swimming pool.
Briefly, Memphis’s eyes lock with mine but I find no clarity in them. He’s just as perplexed as I am. A muscle in his jaw tics when Josh grabs my hand, bringing me center stage.
My head whirls as the cheering grows louder. Seeing so many people on the sidelines is one thing, but standing in front of them is completely different. I honest to God want to puke.
A dueling combination of optimism and cynicism spikes through me as Josh pulls me close and whispers, “They’re holding a spot for me at a rehab.
It’s supposed to be the best in the country.
” He squeezes my hand. “I’m set to go tomorrow.
But I need to know that you’ll be here for me when I get back. ”
Holy crap. That’s amazing. I can’t believe he’s finally doing it. I didn’t even have to beg him. He took the initiative all on his own.
A mixture of relief and hope fills my chest…
Until he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring.
“Will you marry me?”
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
This can’t be happening. Not now.
Not when Memphis and I…
My heart feels like it’s being torn apart as Chandler’s words from earlier reverberate through my head.
I’m not in love with Josh anymore, but I do still love him.
I don’t want to give up on him. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
I’m all he has.
I search my brain for the best solution to this monumental problem dressed up as an answer to a prayer that’s just been dropped onto my plate.
Okay. It’s fine. I’ve been riding out the storm with him this long. I can handle this.
I just need to stick it out with him long enough for him to go to rehab and get sober.
It’s the home stretch.
After I can walk away knowing I did everything in my power to help him and be there for him.
To repay my debt.
A lump of dread fills my throat. I force myself to nod anyway.
Josh slips a large diamond ring onto my finger. It feels like a thousand-pound cinder block pulling me under.
The crowd erupts in cheers. Josh jumps to his feet and kisses me like he struck a backdoor deal with God and was guaranteed admission into the pearly gates.
While I feel like I just earned a one-way ticket to hell.
Memphis.
I don’t want him to think I’m choosing Josh this time. I’m not.
I’m. Not.
I just want him to get help. As soon as he’s sober, I’ll end things for good.
Memphis will understand. I mean, it’s Memphis.
My Memphis. There’s no way he could possibly think my heart isn’t fully with him at this point.
Plus, Valerie will be so happy that Josh is finally getting help.
He’ll agree this is the best game plan for all involved.
A swarm of people congratulate us as we walk off the stage.
But there’s only one person I care about.
I have to make sure he understands.
In my peripheral, I see Storm walking toward the greenroom.
Excusing myself, I run over to him. “Where’s Memphis?”
Anger—the kind I’ve never been on the other side of before—flashes across his face. “Not here.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Where did he go? Back to the hotel or—”
“No, Skylar. He’s gone.”