Chapter 17
Sasha
The wedding is off. I’m on a flight to Greece. I’m moving back home with my parents.
I can’t breathe. Whenever I try to inhale, my chest aches so badly, tears burn in my eyes.
It’s over. And this time, it’s for good.
I’ve messed up. Royally. Like, Meghan Markle telling Kate Middleton that she should be the one to be the next queen and stealing the crown.
I can’t come back from this.
The look in John’s eyes when he saw me in the back of the van still makes me shudder. The tone in Carter’s voice when he spoke.
They hate me.
I can never be a Bachman wife.
I’m just not cut from the right cloth.
And I don’t want to keep putting Carter through my shit. It’s not fair to him. He should have a woman who knows her place. Stays at home where she’s safe, cooking casseroles.
I know how his brother really feels about me. I saw it in his face. If Carter and I were to tie the knot, and anything were to ever happen to Carter, John would have to live with the burden of caring for me.
I’d ruin his life.
And everyone knows how Bronson feels about me. He doesn’t even try to hide his disdain.
I have spent months learning not to confuse strength with getting my way. I have worked on my stubborn streak, my jealousy, and the ugly reflex that makes me attack when I feel unwanted.
Last night, lying in bed and waiting for Carter, I thought of how forgiving he was. I’d just made him look like a fool in front of his brother and you know what he did? Well, after he put that dreaded plug in me.
He tucked the covers around my shoulders. He smoothed my hair back from my forehead. He kissed me.
He told me he loves me more than anything in this world.
And I feel the same way about him.
And now, I finally know what real love looks like.
You sacrifice your wants. Your needs. For the other one.
You want them so much that you are willing to do anything for that one person.
And now I finally understand another dangerous version of control: deciding what is best for someone I love without giving him a voice.
And I will do that for him.
I will finally show Carter the love he has shown me for years.
I will do what is best for him.
I will let him go—not because I want to run, but because I have convinced myself that loving him means removing the burden of me from his life.
I stare out the window at the clouds. Tears stream down my cheeks. I don’t bother to wipe them away. I think the stewardess is asking me if I’m alright. I’m so frozen in my grief, I can’t be sure. I can’t reply. I can’t tear my gaze away from the sky.
The miles between us grow further every moment.
Things are finally as they should be.