Luka
Brooklyn and I have five minutes before we need to be out the door for Stefan and Tori’s gender reveal party, and I’m still fussing with my tie in front of the closet mirror.
Normally I can do this in my sleep, but I’m off my game this morning.
A million thoughts are ping-ponging around in my brain; I need some time to collect myself.
Which is why I’m not asking Brooklyn to knot the damn thing for me.
I can’t stop thinking about what she said when I was taking care of Mr. Kibbles—about how I’d make a good dad someday.
It floored me. For years I’ve lived a life solely centered around one thing: me.
And that was how I liked it. No responsibilities, no accountability to anyone or anything. Total freedom.
But when we adopted Mr. Kibbles, something inside me shifted.
The little guy scrambles to the door to greet me when I get home.
He jumps in my lap the second I sit down so he can snuggle up to me.
He licks my hand when I’m upset, and wags his tail when I laugh.
It’s nuts. Mr. Kibbles is a dog, but he’s not just a dog.
He’s part of our family now. He’s the peg that fits in the small space that the childhood version of me reserved for exactly this.
The day he had his surgery, it turned me into a man I didn’t recognize.
I was worried. Panicked, even. I guess I was afraid I’d lose him, just like I’d always feared.
Of course he was fine, just like Brooklyn said he’d be, but I’ve had some major revelations since then.
Like the fact that for as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid to let myself get truly attached to people or things.
Because I didn’t want to go through the pain of having them ripped away from me.
I guess my logic was that if I didn’t have anything to care about, then I had nothing to lose.
So yeah, the whole “having kids” thing isn’t something I’ve ever had any interest in, or even gave much consideration to, especially given the very real horrors of my own childhood, and yet…
I don’t know. My brother seems to be jumping into the whole thing without a second thought.
Which is probably why this party is giving me such a rush of anxiety.
It feels like an open wound—the idea of family without the fear.
The two have been entwined in my head and my heart for so long, I don’t know if I can ever separate them.
And seeing Stefan happy? It’s like I’m getting to know my brother for the first time all over again.
He wasn’t the worst in high school, I’ll give him that.
If I really had my back against a wall or needed a favor, he’d come through.
Most of the time, though, he was stubborn, arrogant, and antagonistic—but that’s how it is with siblings.
(Of course he coddled Emzee, but we both did.
She was our baby sister. Still is.) Once he left for college, he turned into even more of a hard-ass.
He was practically allergic to happiness judging by the way he mistrusted it.
Has he really changed so much now? Is this what “happy wife, happy life” looks like?
I finally get my tie just right and take a step back to check my outfit. Hard to believe I’m really going to be an uncle—that there’s going to be a newborn baby in our family. My chest squeezes. Shit’s about to get real.
“You almost ready, Lu? It’s go time.”
“I know.”
Brooklyn strides in, looking fresh and beautiful in a yellow wrap dress that offers just enough hint of cleavage to get my imagination going. She makes a face and reaches for my tie, making minor adjustments to the knot. Apparently, I didn’t get it as perfect as I thought.
She steps back to admire her work. I reach for her hand and hold it loosely. The feel of her grounds me. I lightly pull her in to me and kiss her pink, glossy lips. “You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she says, searching my gaze. “Everything okay? We don’t need to rush out the door if you’re stressing.”
It blows my mind the way she senses that I’m feeling off. I never imagined anyone would know me like Brooklyn does. Mr. Kibbles prances into the room, makes a circle and stares excitedly at us over his shoulder, tail wagging so hard that his whole rear end moves from side to side.
“Sorry, bud. You’re not coming with.” Brooklyn pats his head. He makes another circle, obviously choosing to ignore her.
“Time to kennel up, Kibs,” I say firmly.
He knows what that means. His expression falls and I feel a little guilty.
After I walk him to his kennel, I bend down to whisper in his ear, “I’ll pick you up a peanut butter bone from Bark and Co. on the way home, okay?”
He lays down with a groan.
“Really? You’re bribing him with a treat?” Brooklyn scoffs.
“I’m practicing for when I’m officially an uncle. Kids take bribes, right? Isn’t that how you get them to listen?”
She smiles. “Why don’t we let Stefan and Tori figure it out first and then take notes.”
“Crib sheets. I like the way you think.”
With that, we’re out the door.
The drive over to my brother’s place takes longer in heavy traffic, which only gives me more time to stew.
Brooklyn keeps mostly quiet, probably because she can tell I’m still in turmoil.
I don’t know if I like the self-realization that’s been happening.
Or the bits of my past that have been popping up to remind me of all the reasons I turned out the way that I did.
People change, though. Look how much I’ve changed since marrying Brooklyn.
It’s not just me though. The entire Zoric family is changing.
Look at Stefan, optimistically jumping into fatherhood.
But God, how can he just…willingly choose to be responsible for the emotional, mental, and physical well-being of a tiny human being?
We did not have a nurturing environment while growing up.
No examples of what a stable parent should be.
Isn’t he terrified? What if he screws it up?
What if he ends up just like our father?
Even as I think it, I know deep down that Stefan would never stoop to our father’s level.
He’s grown a lot since marrying Tori. The man he used to be is gone, replaced by the person he always was underneath.
Stefan seems free of the bullshit from our past. We lived in fear for so long. How do we move forward without it?
Maybe I’m hanging onto enough of our shared past for the both of us.
“Got some heavy thoughts rolling around in there?” Brooklyn says gently.
“Yeah. But don’t worry about it,” I say, taking her hand. “Let’s just have a good time.”
She’s been excited about this party for days now, and I don’t want her to worry about me. I love the way her face lights up when she’s excited, and she deserves to have fun with Tori and Emzee. I give her hand a reassuring squeeze as I pull into the underground parking lot.
When we get up to Stefan and Tori’s place, we find the apartment full to bursting with people.
Many I know; many I don’t. Tori’s stepmom Michelle is here, along with a gaggle of Tori’s college friends and her BFF Grace, who I’ve met a few times before.
Some of Stefan’s close contacts in the industry are milling around as well.
They must have hired a professional decorator, because the apartment is transformed.
String lights decorate the ceiling, hanging beside big tissue paper balls in pastel colors.
There are balloon arrangements and a huge topiary with a rocking horse as the base.
A buffet stretches along one wall in the living room, the furniture moved to make way for tables decorated with small bouquets of eucalyptus and baby’s breath, little pacifiers, and a smattering of other things.
“You’re here!” Tori squeals, making a beeline over to us.
“This place looks amazing!” Brooklyn exclaims right back, giving Tori a big hug.
I give Tori’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as the two of them start talking nonstop about the decorator and what came from where. Stefan strolls over and hands me a drink, which I take eagerly, and then stands beside me with a hand in his pocket, two fingers of whiskey in the other.
“So, this is what dads-to-be have to go through, huh?” I say, eyeing a massive tower of blue, pink, and yellow cupcakes. “You putting your money on team blue or team pink?”
He smirks. “I already know the baby’s gender. This hoopla is for all of you.”
I take a sip of my drink. “Well in that case I hope the food is good, because I’m starving.” Turning to my brother, I raise my glass and give his tumbler an awkward clink. “Congrats, dad.”
We both cringe. It sounded way too much like I’m speaking to our father. I backpedal. “Maybe we should just call you pops, or pop-pop. Big daddy. Daddy-O. Literally anything else.”
Stefan laughs—a real laugh—and shakes his head. “Pop-pop. What the fuck, Luka?”
We observe the melee in silence for a bit. But still, I’m dying to know something.
“How’s all this feel?”
“Are you a therapist now?” my brother says sarcastically. “Tell me about your feelings. How did you feel about that?” He polishes off his drink and shrugs. “How’s it supposed to feel?”
I let out a long breath. “I don’t know, man. This stuff is so out of my wheelhouse that I couldn’t begin to tell you how any of it is supposed to feel. I guess I just want to know you’re…okay with all of it.”
“Hey. Look at me.” His gaze flickers with understanding.
“It feels good, Luka. I’m going to have a baby with the woman I love—it’s that simple.
And yeah, those are two things I never imagined I’d have or want in my life.
But it feels right. Hell, look around. All these people came here today to support us.
I’m not in this alone, you know? It’s going to be an adventure. ”
I’m nodding along when someone calls his name from across the room and he excuses himself. Nursing my drink, I’m in no hurry to join the others.
Brooklyn walks over, champagne in her hand. “Why are you hiding in a corner? Come see the fountain. Tori’s friend Grace ordered it from this glassmaker in Italy. It spouts cycles of blue and pink champagne!”
I take her hand and let her lead me to it. We make our way around, mingling and laughing and drinking champagne from the ridiculous fountain. Through it all, I feel more and more settled about Stefan and Tori’s future. They’re in this together. Like Brooklyn and I are.
This is the first event we’ve attended as a real couple, I realize.
Not just for show, but as part of a family that’s tight and trusting and looks forward to spending time with each other.
It feels like the life I never knew I wanted.
A new normal. A wife who has taken on my family’s drama as her own and still loves them anyway.
Friends who make the time to celebrate. A new life, ready to come into this world.
As I look around the room, I find I’m genuinely happy for Stefan, and excited to be an uncle. Does this mean I’m an adult now?
Suddenly, my sister Emzee claps her hands to get everyone’s attention as two caterers walk around with trays of cupcakes. They hand them out as Tori appears from the kitchen, holding a bouquet of white helium balloons.
“We’re having dessert first!” Emzee exclaims. “On the count of three, Tori is going to pop the balloons while you all bite into your cupcakes, and the baby’s gender will be revealed!”
Stefan walks over with a gigantic, cartoonish diaper pin and stands beside his wife. They lock eyes and I can tell how over the moon he is in this moment, like it’s just the two of them against the world.
Brooklyn takes my hand and I wrap my fingers around hers.
Emzee steps back to shout, “One…two…three!”
Stefan and Tori use the diaper pin to pop the balloons, and a cascade of pink glitter confetti rains down everywhere. Brooklyn lets out a whoop and takes a big bite of her cupcake, nudging me to do the same. We get mouthfuls of pink filling as we watch the glitter scatter and shimmer in the air.
A baby girl.
My heart flips.
“Oh, Luka!” Brooklyn exclaims. “A girl! We’re going to have a niece!”
She pulls me toward her and kisses me. The feel of her lips soothes the tumult going on inside me.
Excitement. Worry. Anxiety. Hope. Cupping her chin, I deepen the kiss, devouring her mouth as I try to tell her exactly how I feel without using words.
She draws back and touches my face, then turns to congratulate them. Stefan looks at me. I smile.
My brother and his wife are going to have a daughter.
I hope like hell that we deserve her.