31. Lorcan
LORCAN
The sharp rhythmic beeping cut through the darkness first, followed by the low hum of machines and wall sconces.
Antiseptic burned the back of my throat and something tugged painfully against my arm.
My eyelids felt glued together, my body weighed a fecking ton, and pain throbbed through my neck in deep ugly pulses that spread into my skull every time I breathed too hard.
Then I smelled black violets, and my heart kicked hard against my ribs.
“Liath.”
Her name scraped out of my raw throat.
I heard her inhale sharply beside me.
I forced my eyes open and immediately regretted it when light stabbed straight through my skull. The room blurred for a second before her face came into focus beside the bed, her beautiful gray eyes wet with tears.
Her soft hand was wrapped around mine, and when I squeezed it weakly, she squeezed back.
She was real, and she was here.
“Gray,” I breathed, my entire body loosening against the mattress.
“I’m here,” she whispered, her voice cracking apart around the words.
My chest finally expanded enough for a full breath.
For a moment, it was just her and me.
Then noise exploded outside the door as voices overlapped with hurried footsteps and the sharp rattle of someone fumbling with the handle.
Every instinct in my body snapped awake. Adrenaline flooded through me so violently that the monitor beside my bed immediately started beeping faster.
Fuck. Someone was here. My grip tightened painfully around Liath’s hand as panic slammed through me with one singular thought.
Protect her.
The door burst open, and three bodies stumbled into the room at once. Rafe, Breezy, and Finn.
Liath let out a relieved breath beside me.
I didn’t. Every muscle in my body locked. I yanked her hard toward the bed and into my side. If I had to tackle them all to the ground to stop them from leaving with this secret, I would.
Rafe stopped dead halfway through the room. “Oh. Shite.” He pointed at Liath, then toward the hallway behind him, then back at her again. “But you were just… and she was…? How did you get here so quickly?”
Breezy blinked slowly. “Rua,” he said carefully, “why is your hair so different? And your clothes…”
Finn’s eyes moved from Liath to me, and his jaw tightened.
Rafe took one horrified step backward. “This is some freaky ‘vampire diaries doppelganger’ shite.”
Breezy’s eyes widened and he immediately edged behind Finn. “Finn, blink twice if we took mushrooms and this is a group hallucination.”
Finn gave both of them the flattest look I’d ever seen, and something cold slid down my spine.
Finn wasn’t confused. He knew.
Rafe waved toward Liath. “Seen this horror film. This is the part where she starts crawling on the ceiling.”
Breezy yelped and grabbed Rafe’s arm. “Mammy.”
Finn rubbed his hand down his face. “Obviously they’re twins, ye eejits.”
Everything inside me froze.
The word twins cracked through my skull like a gunshot, and my eyes locked on Finn.
How much did he know? Had he told his father? Did Alistair already know?
My gaze snapped toward the door, calculations firing through my head. If Finn walked out right now, how far would he get before I stopped him? I genuinely didn’t know.
“Twins?” Breezy repeated, suddenly delighted. He pulled a bag of chips from his jacket and started eating them like he was watching television. “Aye, but which one’s the evil one?”
Rafe narrowed his eyes at Liath. “Say something only the real Rua would say.”
Liath shot him a look. “I’m not Rua.”
Rafe gasped. “Oh, she’s good.”
“Lads, shut up.” My voice cracked through the room harsher than I intended, with fear sharpening every word. “This is deadly serious.”
Rafe opened his mouth and lifted a finger.
I glared at him. “Like, cut my throat serious.”
The room went dead quiet. Rafe’s face paled as he lowered his hand. Breezy’s hand, still holding crisps, stilled halfway to his mouth.
Finn watched me carefully. Too carefully.
Liath squeezed my hand.
No. I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t tell Finn. If he chose his father over me, a thousand ugly possibilities would unfold all at once.
Liath gave me a tiny nod. “Go on.”
I shifted against the pillows while every movement pulsed fire through my neck.
I wanted to trust Finn. Christ, I did. But this felt bigger than trust.
Liath looked toward the three of them. “I’m Liath,” she said. “I’m Rua’s twin.”
“But nobody is supposed to know,” I cut in, aggression roughening every syllable. “Not a fucking word. No fucking pillow talk with your drama chick.” I pointed at Breezy.
“No jokes to each other.” I glared directly at Rafe.
“Not a hint to your family.” My eyes landed on Finn, and the silence stretched between us.
Finn’s gaze dropped to the bandaging wrapped around my throat. “Is that why you were attacked?”
“Yeah.” I pulled Liath closer instinctively. “Anyone finds out about this,” I said quietly, “about us, we’re both dead.”
Heavy silence settled across the room after that.
Rafe let out a low whistle. “Jesus, Lorc. What the fuck did you get yourself into?”
Breezy shook his head slowly. “This is worse than some pissed off ex, yeah?”
Finn stayed silent the longest, his brows pulling together slightly. “Nuala,” he said finally. “Did she get caught up?”
Guilt punched straight through me, and my stomach turned. Fuck. I wanted to confess everything right there. I wanted to tell Finn the truth about what I’d done.
But not here. Not in front of them. Not with all of them staring at me.
Finn held my gaze for a long moment before looking away first. “Right.”
Something tightened painfully behind my ribs as he walked out the door.
Finn knew. Maybe not everything, but enough.
And I had no fucking idea what he was going to do with it.
A nurse swept into the room, dressed in blue scrubs with a clipboard in hand and an expression that already looked exhausted. “Alright, lads, out. Visiting hours are over. The man needs his rest.”
Breezy shoved the crisps back into his hoodie pocket. “Can’t believe you’re kicking us out. It was just getting good.”
“Your secret’s safe with us, lad,” Rafe said as he patted my shoulder.
“Not a word,” Breezy promised while miming locking his mouth shut. Then he leaned toward Liath and stage-whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear, “I like you more than yer other wan. He’s less of a dick around you.”
I threw a jelly cup at his head.
He caught it one-handed. “Oh, strawberry. Yum.”
The two of them disappeared out the door, arguing over the jelly cup.
The nurse gave Liath a look. “You, too, miss.”
Liath started pulling her hand away from mine.
My fingers clamped around hers, and I tugged her straight onto the bed beside me, tucking her into my side. “She stays.”
The nurse turned around from the monitor. “She can come back in—”
“Are we,” I interrupted, “or are we not in the Lasair Wing?”
The nurse blinked. “Well, yes, but—”
I pointed toward the chart hanging at the end of the bed. “Read out my name, love. That’s a good nurse.”
She stiffened immediately, but she still walked to the end of the bed and picked up the chart. “Lorcan Alexander…”
“Go on.”
“…Lasair.”
I nodded once. “One phone call and I can have our family’s yearly donation pulled so fast your head will spin.” I squinted at her nametag. “Miss…”
“Hannah,” she supplied tightly.
“Well, Miss Hannah,” I said, “I’m not sure your boss will appreciate hearing how you single-handedly killed off his plans for a sparkly new maternity ward.”
The nurse stared at me in horror before sighing sharply through her nose. “Alright. She can stay. But no funny business.”
She spun around and stormed out, and the door clicked shut behind her.
Silence dropped heavily across the room after that.
I tucked my chin on her head, holding her tight. “Didn’t mean to scare her,” I murmured. “Just couldn’t let you leave.”
Liath looked up at me, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh, Lorcan,” she whispered as her fingers brushed against the bandaging around my throat. “What did he do to you?”
I grunted, my ego bruised worse than my neck. “You should see the state of him.”
A wet laugh broke out of her at the same time another tear slid down her cheek.
“I wouldn’t have lost,” I muttered, “if he didn’t jab me with a paralytic.”
That broke her completely, and tears spilled hard down her face. “I can’t believe he would kill his own s—”
A cold knot cinched tight beneath my ribs.
For a second all I could see was Deargán’s face above me in the dark, blood splattered across his hand wrapped around the knife buried in my neck.
The memory hit so hard my pulse stumbled unevenly against my ribs. I could still feel the paralytic burning through my veins. Still hear my own body choking uselessly for breath while my own father watched the life bleed out of me.
But then flashes came back of more. The cloth tearing. The pressure on my neck. “Hang on, boy.”
“He could have let me die,” I admitted. “He didn’t.”
“He doesn’t know,” she whispered. “Does he?”
I winced. “Don’t tell him.”
“He needs to know.”
I swallowed hard against the coiled mess in my throat. “I will tell him,” I said. “But I need some time.”
Liath wiped at her cheeks and nodded. “Okay.” Then something fierce went through her expression. “But if he tries anything stupid like that again, then I’ll fucking kill him myself.”
I looked at her for a long moment, at the tears still clinging to her lashes, the protectiveness in the way she clung to me.
God. I thought I lost her. I believed I was going to die.
And now this was a gift from God. A second chance.
I pulled her closer until our faces nearly touched.
“I’m not good at this,” I admitted, the confession scraping against something raw inside me.
“I know I’m mucking things up. But fuck, Gray…
When I thought I was dying, you were the only thing on my mind.
If I could’ve just seen you one last time.
If I had just told you…” My voice cracked apart as emotion tightened painfully around my throat.
Liath lifted her thumb gently against my mouth. “I love you.”
Love.
Fuck.
My pulse slammed against my ribs, and the monitor beside me immediately started beeping faster.
Liath glanced toward it with a small frown before looking back at me, not a trace of anger that I hadn’t said it back. Her hand slid against my chest, right over my heart. It hammered so hard beneath her palm it almost hurt, harder than it had while my own father held a blade against my throat.
“What is it?” she asked softly.
I stared at her.
I love…
I wanted to say it. Christ, I wanted to say it so badly my chest hurt with it.
But terror wrapped its cold fingers around my throat.
Because if I said it out loud, it became real. Permanent. Something that could be ripped away from me.
And everything I loved got destroyed.
“Alistair killed her,” I blurted suddenly, the confession tearing out before I could stop it. “My ma was trying to get me to leave with her, and he pushed her from that tower.”
My shoulders dropped, and my lungs expanded as if I’d been holding a breath in for too long.
Christ. I thought confessing to her would only expose me. But the weight of sorrow was lighter once it had a witness.
Liath leaned closer until her mouth brushed softly against mine. “I am not Lena,” she whispered. “He will not get me.”
Then she kissed me gently.
My head spun from the force of it. I grabbed her face and held her there because I needed more. I needed all of her, her warmth, her mouth, her love. Even if I didn’t deserve it.
Liath finally pulled away with a shaky laugh when the monitor started screaming beside me.
“We should stop,” she whispered, eyes still wet. “Or that nurse will eat our heads off.”
I stared at her while the words still sat right there behind my teeth.
I love you.
I held them back from her, a part of me still unable to let go.
An all too familiar voice echoed down the hallway outside. Every muscle in my body locked as fear sliced straight through me.
Alistair’s voice.
Alistair was here.