Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
CHASTITY
I want you to stay because you can’t stand the thought of life without me.
Those words had repeated in my head on a loop for seven straight days.
Sometimes, it was just the beginning— I want you to stay …
That alone was enough to send my thoughts twisting and spiraling through a thousand different fantasies.
Sometimes, it would be daydreams of a fairytale wedding, complete with a multi-tiered cake and all my cousins lined up in pale pink bridesmaid dresses at the altar. Other times, it would be a honeymoon somewhere far away from all the trouble and drama in New York. Somewhere warm and sunny like Tahiti. Or somewhere rich and cultured like Rome.
But most of the time, I would simply picture what life would be like if it could continue like this.
It wasn’t hard to imagine.
In a way, it would be easy to simply go like I had for the past week—waking up tangled in Matteo’s arms, going downstairs to eat breakfast at his side, spending the day with Liv and Letizia, helping with tasks and household chores until night fell and he came home.
That was the best part. No doubt about it.
The moment I heard the roar of his Jag’s engine pulling around back, my heart started to hammer. It was hard to control my excitement when I knew what was coming.
We’d gone out every night so far—though there had been no repeats of that wild first date. But that didn’t mean our evenings were tame.
Far from it.
So far, he’d taken me to high-class bars and nightspots. I’d been entertained by phenomenal jazz musicians in intimate clubs and dined at the chef’s table in Michelin-starred restaurants. And tonight, he had promised to take me out dancing—something I’d always wanted to try but never had the chance to do.
If Matteo was trying to make the case for me to forget my vows and stay in the secular world, he was doing a fantastic job.
Of course, it wasn’t just the nights out on the town helping his argument. There was also what happened when we returned home.
Night after night, he’d carried me to his bed, slipped off whatever slinky outfit Liv had helped me pick out earlier, and taken me with the same ravenous hunger of that first night on the restaurant table.
In the last week, I’d learned more about passion and pleasure than I ever dreamed possible.
No wonder my father had been so afraid of my attraction to Matteo. It was much easier to control someone who didn’t know what they were missing.
But now that I knew the ecstasy of Matteo’s touch, I wasn’t sure how in the world I was going to be content with the celibacy of the convent.
Worse than that, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.
For me, it would be like going back to a black-and-white world after experiencing color for the first time.
I didn’t believe there was anything wrong with those who felt called to a life in the church. Over the years, I’d met plenty of women who had found a true sense of peace and contentment in the church. Night after night, I’d prayed that I could find that same fulfillment.
But it never happened.
Instead, the only thing that filled me were thoughts of Matteo. All I had for comfort were unfulfilled fantasies and dreams.
The thought of going back to that world left me cold.
Speaking of cold…
“What do you think about this one?” Liv poked her head out of the closet, a black sequin dress dangling from the hanger in her hand.
“It’s a little short,” I answered. Even though I was becoming more comfortable with my body and all the things it could do and feel, my personality was still fundamentally the same. I hadn’t lost all sense of modesty.
“That’s good for dancing,” she replied, sounding like someone who had plenty of experience. “Lots of room for your legs to move.”
Yes, but not much material to cover my ass while they were moving.
Then again, maybe that was the point.
Still, I shook my head.
“I’ve worn black every night this week,” I said. It had seemed like the safe choice at the time, probably because it reminded me of my old habit. “Maybe it’s time to try something with a little color.”
Liv’s face lit up at the idea. “Oh, I know just the one.”
She disappeared inside for a few seconds before emerging with an equally short but just as fashionable dress in vibrant green.
“Oh, wow,” I gasped. Even though I’d walked past the outfit every time I’d gone into the closet, for some reason, tonight, I was looking at it with new eyes.
Low-cut and bold, it was the kind of dress for someone who radiated confidence.
I wasn’t sure that was me quite yet—but damn, if I didn’t want it to be.
“This color will look amazing on you,” Liv said. “It’ll make all those golden flecks in your eyes sparkle.”
Would it? I didn’t know about that, but I was willing to give it a shot.
“Okay,” I said with a nod.
Liv’s excited laugh filled the room. “Matteo’s going to lose his mind when he sees you. Oh, and I think I saw a pair of shoes that would pair perfectly.”
An hour later, she was putting the finishing touches on my hair and makeup.
“You must have had a toy box full of dolls as a child,” I commented as she swept back a tendril, securing it in place with a golden pin. “I always feel like one when you dress me up like this.”
I watched her reflection in the mirror smile as she shook her head.
“Nope,” she said. “Unfortunately, I was too serious for this kind of stuff when I was younger. I didn’t start to enjoy it until I got together with Gabriel.”
That surprised me. “You’re very good at it. And I appreciate the help. I’d hate to think what I’d look like if I had to figure this out on my own.”
“Oh, you’d be fine,” she said, her words far more kind than true. “It just takes time and practice. You’ll get it in time.”
“If I don’t go back to the convent,” I said.
For a second, Liv’s hands froze in my hair. It was the first time I’d mentioned which way I was leaning out loud. Hell, I was just beginning to toy with the idea myself.
“ Oh …so, you’re thinking of staying?” she asked, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. I’d never heard her voice so high and tight before.
I knew whatever I said next would be relayed to Gabriel and the housekeeper Letizia, and probably even Matteo before I’d even ordered my first drink at the club.
“I think—” Before I could finish that thought, the sound of a familiar engine pulling into the back carried up to our third-floor window. I practically sighed in relief. “I think Matteo is home.”
Standing up from my seat, I gave myself one last glance in the full-length mirror.
“Another amazing job,” I said to Liv before sashing toward the door.
“Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook that easy,” she called after me. “You’re going to have to answer me sometime.”
“Sorry! Can’t hear you,” I lied, already out the bedroom door and headed toward the stairs.
But even as I rushed down the steps to meet him in his car, I knew Liv was right.
I would have to answer the question someday…and someday soon.
But not today.
And sure as hell not tonight.
The middle of the dance floor was pure madness—and I loved it.
Even though Matteo and I were surrounded by a sea of people, all of them jumping and moving to the seemingly endless thump of the music, all I could feel was him.
He stood behind me, his hands wrapped around my hips, his torso pressed flat against my back as I bounced to the rhythm. With every twist, I felt his body slide against mine. With every grinding motion of my hips, I felt his body react. All while the deafening electronic beat made it impossible to think about anything except this moment.
It was a new kind of bliss I’d never experienced before. And one that I didn’t want to give up.
Not now.
Not ever.
But eventually, I had to.
“We should take a break,” Matteo said. Even though he had to be shouting against my ear, it was still hard to hear him over the din. “You’ve been out here for hours.”
Had I?
It seemed like we’d just arrived. But I didn’t doubt Matteo for a second. This was his world, after all—not mine.
“Sure,” I said with a nod.
He took my hand, his fingers tangling tightly with mine, as he navigated us through the dense crowd. Once we were off the floor, he guided me through the darkened walkways to the VIP section, where the bouncer lowered the velvet rope and let us in.
Apparently, Matteo and his brothers were regulars here at the Relic—a trendy nightclub in the middle of Manhattan. They had their own spot, a place that was always reserved and waiting for them on nights like this, just in case they showed up.
It was the kind of conspicuous indulgence I would have rolled my eyes over a week ago, but tonight, I was simply grateful for a place to sit.
Matteo was right. I did need a break. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I flopped down on the plush sofa.
“Two waters,” Matteo said to the attendant, who quickly nodded and rushed to fill the order.
“No champagne tonight?” I asked between pants, still trying to catch my breath.
“You need water.” He shook his head. “Alcohol will only dehydrate you more. I’ve never seen someone who likes to dance as much as you.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, feeling a flash of self-consciousness.
“Not at all,” he answered. “Just surprising. You’re usually so much more reserved. Especially in when there are other people around.”
It was true.
So far, I had no trouble shedding my inhibitions when Matteo and I were alone, but out in public was a different story—not counting that first night in the restaurant, of course.
But then again, all the other places we’d visited had been smaller, intimate settings. I’d simply matched my behavior to the atmosphere of my surroundings.
“There’s something very freeing about this place,” I mused. “It’s like there’s a tipping point in a crowd this big. There’s so many people that you can lose yourself and almost become anonymous.”
“ Almost ,” he echoed. “But I’m happy to hear you like it. I’ll make sure to bring you back.”
I smiled at the thought just as the attendant arrived with two large, icy-cold bottles of water. I twisted off the cap, threw my head back, and downed a good portion in one go.
Damn. I really had needed something to drink.
But as I was bringing my head back down again, my eyes swept over the crowd—and froze on someone familiar.
My cousin, Alessia.
At first, I blinked and shook my head, not believing my eyes. After all, there were a lot of people out on that dance floor, and the lights were low. Surely, it was just someone who looked like Alessia standing at the edge of the dance floor.
But no.
As I narrowed my eyes, all doubt disappeared.
It was her all right—and she was staring right back at me. Though she didn’t seem quite as surprised to see me as I was to see her.
The moment we made eye contact, she raised her hand and gestured to the far wall. I followed where she was pointing and saw the neon sign for the restrooms.
Apparently, she wanted to talk somewhere Matteo wouldn’t be able to hear us.
I won’t lie. For a second, I felt a stab of paranoia. Had she been sent by my father? Were there other Costas waiting in the crowd to grab me as soon as I left Matteo’s side?
But a quick scan of the crowd didn’t show any other familiar faces. And no one else seemed to be paying the least bit of attention to our interaction.
Not even Matteo, who was busy drinking his own bottle of water.
Which meant if I wanted to satisfy my curiosity and see what the hell my cousin was doing here, now was the perfect time.
I stood up from the sofa and apologized to Matteo. “I need to visit the ladies’ room,” I told him.
Technically, it wasn’t a lie.
“I’ll walk you there,” he said, already starting to stand up.
But I stopped him before he could take a step. “That’s okay,” I said. “I see where it is. I’m sure I can get there and back on my own.”
“Okay,” he said, sitting back down. “But hurry back.”
That was the plan.
Whatever Alessia wanted to say to me, I was determined not to let it ruin what was turning out to be another wonderful night.
Without Matteo’s height and muscle to push through the crowd, it took me a couple of minutes to make my way to the bathroom. When I got there, Alessia was already waiting inside—impatiently, of course.
“Oh my God, Chastity,” she said, uncrossing her arms as I moved toward her across the gleaming black tiles of the restroom. “Look at you. I can’t believe my eyes. I barely recognized you.”
I flashed her a tight smile in greeting, then quickly got to the point. “What are you doing here, Alessia?”
She laughed, the loose, slightly mocking sound making it obvious that the drinks she’d been downing all night weren’t water.
“Same thing as you,” she said. “Having a good time and picking up men.”
“Shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?” I asked, ashamed to admit that I was only now realizing that I’d missed her wedding.
A wild tangle of black curls flew around her face as she drunkenly shook her head.
“The wedding was canceled,” she said matter-of-factly. “I decided to ditch that jerk Jimmy when I found him fucking around at La Sera.”
“I’m sorry.” I decided to take the high road and not mention that she’d been there doing the exact same thing. “Still, it’s good to see you, but I should get back to?—”
“Matteo?” Alessia finished for me. “I can’t believe you actually ran off with him. After that night at La Sera, I thought you’d freak out and sprint back to your convent.”
“I didn’t think I could,” I admitted. “I figured my father had called and told them not to open their doors to me ever again.”
“Are you kidding me?” she asked with a laugh. “He might threaten something like that, but he’d never actually do it. The only thing Uncle cares about is you becoming a freaking nun. If he’d found out you’d showed up there any time this week, he probably would have stopped raving like a damned psycho.”
“What are you talking about, Alessia?” Suddenly, my whole mood shifted, turning darker. “What has he been saying?”
“That he’s gonna fucking kill you.”
The breath stopped in my throat. My heart hammered so hard against my breastbone that I thought it might crack.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“Uncle Michael, says he’s going to kill you.” she said as soberly as was possible for someone as drunk as she was. “I thought you should know.”
I took a step forward. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Oh, sugar, I wish it was. Uncle went fucking nuts when you ran off with Matteo,” she said before immediately becoming distracted. “Good choice, by the way. If you’re going to get killed for banging a dude, you might as well make it one of the hottest ones in the city.”
“Alessia.” I grabbed her arm, desperately trying to bring her attention back to the topic. “Please tell me what the hell is going on.”
It only partially worked.
“ Oooh ! You’re cursing now, too. Matteo’s been a bad influence on you, hasn’t he? I like it,” she noted with another laugh before getting back to it. “Anyway, Uncle was mad as hell when you didn’t come home after my bachelorette party, but he really went over the edge when he heard from a couple of his men that you screwed Matteo right in the middle of Bianco’s restaurant.”
“Oh God.” The air left my lungs in a rush.
This couldn’t be happening. Somehow I knew that momentary lapse in judgment was going to come back to bite me in the ass.
“So, it’s true?” Alessia gasped, seeming as shocked as I was—albeit for different reasons. “I said there was no way a repressed tight-ass like you would ever do something as wild as that. But holy shit , girl, you really are determined to go out in a blaze of glory, aren’t you?”
“What did he say, Alessia?” I pleaded with her to focus. “What exactly did he say?”
“For the last week, he’s been storming around the house, shouting about how if everyone in the family is too chickenshit to take on the D’Angelos, then he’d teach Matteo a lesson on his own.”
I shook my head. That didn’t make sense. “So, he’s targeting Matteo?”
“I thought that at first, too.” Alessia’s tone had turned conspiratorial, almost like she was gossiping about the plot of a soap opera instead of my actual life. “But then I heard him talking with your brothers and saying that if you won’t obey him like a daughter, then he doesn’t have a daughter.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s going to try to kill me,” I reasoned.
My father was extremely hot-headed and was always talking in hyperbole.
“Right,” Alessia agreed. “But then I heard him say that he’d rather kill you himself than allow Matteo D’Angelo to continue to humiliate him by having you.”
Okay, yeah.
That was bad.
That definitely sounded like the kind of thing he would say right before ordering a hit on someone.
The only thing my father loved more than God, family, and money was his own sense of pride. He never let anyone get away with messing with that.
Not even me.
“He also said,” Alessia continued, “that if you wanted to live like a D’Angelo, then you could die like one.”
But there was one thing I didn’t understand.
“But how would killing me get back at the D’Angelos.”
“Apparently, Uncle thinks Matteo is really into you,” she explained. “Like really into you. And seeing you two together tonight, I agree. I don’t know what kind of strange magic spell you cast on that man, but he hasn’t looked at anyone else all night.”
“So, he thinks that by killing me, he’ll break Matteo’s heart.”
Alessia shrugged. “Maybe. But knowing Uncle, it’s more likely he’s thinking that he’ll piss off Matteo bad enough to start the war that no one else wants.”
Yeah, that did sound more like my father’s logic.
Who cared who got hurt or how many people died as long as he was the one left standing tall at the end of the day.
“Do you think if I went home with you tonight and personally apologized to him, he’d forget all about this stupid war?”
“Are you kidding me?” Alessia pulled a face and shook her head. “The man straight up wants to kill you. Do you think I’m warning you just so you can run straight into his bullets?”
“No. Of course not.” I let out a long, defeated sigh. It had been such a wonderful night, but now I felt nothing but despair. “But there has to be something I can do.”
“I’m sorry to say it, but you’re screwed,” she said, drunkenly clasping me on the shoulder. “The only thing that would save you now is if you were to disappear into that convent of yours and never show your face in public again.”
And as much as I hated to admit it, Alessia was right.