40. Alex
Alex
The noise of the bar matches the busyness of my mind.
Thoughts race around as I try to chase down the ones I want to voice to my best friend.
After everything that has happened these last few months, things have definitely shifted my perspective, and I want his advice on it all.
I know now more than I ever have before what matters, and that leaves me with one last major decision.
I look to check the time just as my phone starts to ring.
It’s my mother again, so I hit ignore. Every day, she has called, and a few times she has shown up at the office, but I let security know not to allow her up.
Now the only way she has access to me is through my sister, who at this point has yet to bring up the subject.
I meant what I said on Christmas, and I can’t let her talk to me and get in my head again.
Still, she doesn’t stop, and I don't have the heart to block her, so I put my phone away as Carter walks up.
“Sorry, traffic was a nightmare, and I got stuck on a call right at five. I hope you ordered me a drink.” He throws his jacket and briefcase down.
“No worries, I haven’t been here long.” I point to the dirty gin martini waiting for him.
He takes a hearty sip and then sits.
“So, update me,” he says.
I try to summarize everything since Christmas, including telling him about paying off Chanice’s mother. His face stays neutral the whole time. Once I’m done, he takes another long sip and sits back.
“First, congratulations on finally cutting your mom off. It’s about time. Second, I would have done the same thing about Chanice’s mother, but are you sure she won’t blackmail you?”
“I set it up through a private lotto group. She took a picture with a big check and was announced as the winner. She can’t tie the money back to me.”
He smiles his approval.
“So what now? You live happily ever after?”
“Depends.” Now it’s my turn to take a long pull of my drink. “I have the board meeting tomorrow for our six-month check-in, and I have to decide what to do.”
“Hmm,” he says while leaning back.
I search for the meaning of that one syllable on his face, but nothing is written in the lines of his forehead. Finally, I have to ask.
“What do you think?”
“Well,” he says while folding his fingers together. “I think you already know what you want to do.”
I do know, but maybe I need some sort of reassurance from someone who is from the same world.
“Would you do it?” I ask him.
“Alex, we aren’t the same.” He rubs a hand down his face, and despite how our work ages us, he looks younger than our thirty years.
“If you were me, would you?”
“If I were you, I would have told everyone to go to hell a long time ago. I have an older brother, so I’ll never understand the pressure you are under, but I also have two parents who love me very much.
” He leans forward and places his arms on the table.
“I think you want me to say it’s okay, but if that is all it took, I would have said those words years ago.
You know what you want to do. Stop being a wanker and just do it already. ”
I laugh a big, bellied howl. A sound I seem to only be capable of in his presence, and then I finally lower my hackles. Enough has been said by everyone I love. I know what I need to do.
Walking into the penthouse, I’m met by the noise of my family. Music is blasting, Gabby is screaming along, and I hear the chattering of Chanice and Imani. As soon as I reach the kitchen, I see them all gathered around the island watching Chanice cook.
“He’s home,” Jamal yells, before hopping off his stool.
Like something from a sitcom, they all greet me like it’s been days since I’ve been home. In reality, I saw them before I went to work this morning. Anticipating the news of how the board meeting went, they lower the music and all stare at me.
I throw my hands up in the air and yell, “I quit!”
“Thank god,” Chanice says, rushing over to me, the food forgotten.
“Does this mean we are going to be poor again?” Gabby asks.
“Nope,” I say while lifting Chanice in the air. “We are rich with both money and love.”
“What are you going to do now?” Imani asks.
I put her sister down and look at all of them, weighing the question I have been asking myself for months. If I were to walk away from it all, what would my life look like?
“For now, I will have to be interim CEO until they find a replacement. After that, I’ll figure it out,” I say.
“What about your art?” Gabby asks.
“Yeah, you can finally be a full-time artist,” Jamal follows up with.
I look at them, trying to hold the tears back. For once, I am chosen and accepted for exactly who I am, with no expectation to be anything but good to them. That is all I have ever wanted.
“Let’s get through the next few months, and then I’ll figure it out.”
We continue on our evening of cooking and talking. Never quiet or without someone near. When the kids go to sleep, it’s just Chanice and me on the couch.
“How are you feeling?” she asks me, her head nestled in the crook of my neck.
“Free.” The word sighs out of me, unrestrained for once. “And you?”
“I feel like for once in my life things are going to be okay,” she says.
“It will be, because you have us. We’re a family and we will figure it out together,” I say.
“I know.” I hear the smile in her voice.
For once in our lives, we are both entirely at peace. No longer paying the steep price for a sliver of our parents’ love. We have each other, and her siblings, to be the family we always needed, and the cost of that kind of love is priceless.