Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Bellamy
Three years and Bellamy still had trouble remembering they weren’t together, remembering she’d made Vesper hate her. She’d grown to accept the whores. Not that she liked it, but they didn’t mean anything. It hadn’t taken long for Bellamy to realize they were just a quick fix for a broken woman.
Just like the cards had become Bellamy’s vice, the whores had become Vesper’s. At least they kept her from drinking. She was safer now, and as much as she wanted to, Bellamy couldn’t be mad about that.
She could deal with the whores—until she fixed their fucked-up situation and got Vesper back.
Then the whores would never fucking touch her again.
Bellamy had, of course, run into one of them on her way up to Vesper’s apartment.
Their pitying, slightly fearful glances—she fucking hated it.
She tried not to stew about it. Wouldn’t do her any good to be pissed at Vesper before she even saw her.
They’d gotten an assignment, so Vesper would at least be away from the whores and with Bellamy for that duration. Even if it was only a day. She’d take all she could get at this point.
Bellamy opened the door to Vesper’s apartment—another thing that gave her a small semblance of hope.
Vesper hadn’t changed the wards. Bellamy could still enter as she wished, and Vesper had never truly complained about her unscheduled interruptions, about her acting like she still shared ownership of the place.
As much as Bellamy might push her away and claim to hate her, a part of them would always belong together, and she suspected Vesper knew it too.
Bellamy froze in her tracks when she opened the door. Vesper had never before brought a whore to her room. At least, not that Bellamy knew. She didn’t even think the girls would do that, but there was no mistaking what she’d just walked in on.
She watched how Vesper’s muscles flexed as she held herself up, her long braid disheveled and falling out around her.
Bellamy had to admire the way Vesper’s hips snapped with such perfect rhythm, the way her ass looked in that harness.
Vesper was fucking gorgeous, and Bellamy would never get enough.
That was the first time Bellamy had ever gotten to see this side of sex with Vesper.
She’d always been the one under her. Now she got to watch and admire.
It had been almost three years since Vesper had touched Bellamy, and she felt every single minute of that loss as she watched Vesper fuck a whore in the same way she used to fuck Bellamy.
Moans filled her ears, and she knew immediately they weren’t Vesper’s. Ves must have hit a good spot because the moaning pitched higher, increased in frequency, and Vesper shifted. Her arm moved to reveal the person underneath.
Bellamy’s heart fell to the floor. It shattered into a thousand pieces as though it were made of glass.
The air tightened, and for a second, she couldn’t breathe.
A shit eating grin slowly spread over Cedar’s face when she locked eyes with Bellamy.
Cold fear flooded her body. Her chest hurt.
She was being stabbed through with that look.
Bellamy was an absolute fool to think Vesper didn’t date, to think she only fucked the whores, to not even consider she hadn’t brought one of them home. This was much worse than a whore or a random woman.
Vesper had brought home the one person who was single-handedly trying to ruin their lives, the reason they weren’t together, the person who threatened Vesper’s life if Bellamy stepped out of line. And she didn’t even know it.
Vesper’s face was buried in Cedar’s neck.
She hadn’t noticed Bellamy, hadn’t seen Cedar’s entire demeanor change in response to her presence.
How the fuck had they even met? Bellamy had been so careful.
So. Careful. Hiding what Vesper meant to her, making the world believe they hated each other, and making Vesper believe it.
Why the fuck was Cedar doing this now? Was it a threat, a reminder, or was Cedar just fucking with her?
Bellamy was spiraling. She had to get Cedar out of here, get her out of Vesper’s life since she couldn’t get Cedar out of her own. Cedar’s voice pulled her back to the present.
“Fuck, V. I’m close,” she cried. Bellamy didn’t know if the words were meant for her or Vesper.
“Don’t come yet, baby,” Vesper’s order was strangled, muffled by her lips on Cedar’s neck. Baby. If Bellamy thought her heart had broken before…
How did this happen? It clearly wasn’t their first time. How often had Cedar been in here, in Vesper’s room, under her? Bellamy was going to drive herself crazy thinking about it.
Then, she watched as Cedar threw her head back and deliberately disobeyed Vesper’s order. Her orgasm ripped through her, and Bellamy didn’t think she was faking it either. Bellamy’s presence hadn’t even mattered in her fucked-up little game. Cedar watched her the entire time. Fucking bitch.
Vesper’s laugh was low, and her voice was a warning—a tone Bellamy missed so desperately. “Bad girl,” she murmured, taking Cedar’s nipple into her mouth and making her cry out.
Bellamy couldn’t watch anymore. She knew how Vesper liked to dole out her punishments.
Vesper liked a little bit of pain, sure, but she’d always got off on the power.
If Cedar wanted to steal her orgasm, Bellamy was positive that Vesper was about to make her come until it was painful, until she was begging for it to stop.
She couldn’t watch that. Couldn’t listen to it, didn’t want to know the words Vesper would say, if she’d make Cedar beg until her voice was hoarse, or if she’d go easy on her. But she couldn’t leave them alone either.
Bellamy snapped back into herself, finally finding the ability to move her limbs again, and stomped over to the table in the middle of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Vesper jumped at the sound, finally registering Bellamy’s presence and whipping around while Bellamy dragged a chair out and threw herself down onto it, arms crossed.
“Fuck, Bel! What are you doing? Get out!” Vesper threw a blanket over Cedar.
Bellamy dug her nails into her arms. “No, it’s fine. Don’t let me interrupt,” Bellamy said as casually as she could manage, masking the fury and pain with disgust.
Cedar’s eyes widened, pretending to notice Bellamy for the first time and clutching the blanket closer. “Who is she?” she hissed at Vesper, her eyes darting between them. Her voice was shaky, selling the shit out of her performance.
Bellamy rolled her eyes, glaring at Cedar before she turned her ire on Vesper, trying to gauge her reaction and what she was about to do.
“No one,” Vesper sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry, you should…” Vesper trailed off, looking uncomfortable, and finally pulled her strap out of Cedar’s disgusting cunt. “Can you at least give her some fucking privacy to get dressed?” she snapped at Bellamy.
Bellamy huffed and turned around in her chair. She sure as shit wasn’t going to leave them alone. She could practically feel Vesper’s glare burning into her back, but it didn’t matter. She was staying planted.
“Ex-girlfriend?” She heard Cedar ask in a mock whisper—emphasizing the “ex” part. “Do I need to go?”
Bellamy ground her teeth, straining to hear Vesper’s reply, but it was too quiet over the shuffling of their clothes. She jumped when Vesper slammed her strap onto the nightstand. Vesper was fucking pissed. It didn’t matter though, Vesper was kicking Cedar out. Bellamy was staying.
Cedar could try to dig her claws into Vesper all she wanted, but when Bellamy shows up, Vesper chooses her. That almost made the cracks in her heart knit back together. Until she heard the obnoxious kiss Cedar had obviously forced on Vesper followed by the not so quiet, “See you tomorrow, then?”
“Maybe,” Vesper tried to whisper, but Bellamy heard it, heard the smirk in her voice too. She swallowed down the lump in her throat. She would not let them see her cry.
“What do you want?” Vesper asked as soon as the door had shut. Bellamy hated how she didn’t even sound angry, just tired.
Bellamy turned and saw Vesper had thrown on a t-shirt and boxers. It was irrational of her to think Vesper wouldn’t bother, but it still hurt.
“I didn’t know whores did house calls now,” Bellamy said—relieved her voice didn’t crack—instead of mentioning their assignment. She had to know, had to see Vesper’s face when she answered.
Vesper sighed, wiping a hand over her face. “Cedar isn’t a whore.”
“Well, you’re not dating her.”
Vesper scoffed. “You can’t tell me who I can or can’t date.”
Without thinking, before she could stop herself, Bellamy stormed up to Vesper and slapped her across the cheek.
It wasn’t exactly unusual—as much as she hated herself—but they’d done worse to each other in training.
Vesper could take it. Then, for the first time in their relationship, Vesper hit her back.
It was the first time in three years that Vesper had even deigned to touch her in any way.
The sting of the slap wasn’t what made Bellamy’s eyes finally prick with tears she’d been holding back.
Fuck the assignment. Bellamy could rearrange their transport and hotel.
They didn’t have to leave tonight. She had to get out of there now, away from Vesper.
“Dammit, Bel, don’t.” Vesper’s hand closed around her bicep and pulled her back before Bellamy made it to the door. Vesper wrapped her arms around Bellamy in a protective hold. She’d thought she would never experience it again.
“I’m sorry,” Vesper whispered into her hair. “And… I’m not dating… Cedar,” she sighed, struggling to find placating words. “Well, we’re not anything.”
Bellamy sniffed, wiping her tears on Vesper’s shirt. I still love you. She couldn’t say it, she knew that. She’d broken them, pushed Vesper away with everything she had, tried to build up her walls. She couldn’t be selfish now. Besides, Vesper didn’t love her anymore. Bellamy had ruined that.
What she did instead might have been worse.
Bellamy kissed her. She kissed Vesper with everything she had, every emotion she’d tried to hide, every word they’d left unspoken.
Bellamy gripped the back of Vesper’s head, keeping them locked together.
And when Vesper finally softened and let Bellamy in, she lost herself.
She climbed Vesper, wrapping her legs around Vesper’s waist, arms around her neck, not letting go even when Vesper tried to drop Bellamy on the bed. Instead, she pulled them both down together.
“Please,” she whispered, desperation seeping through her voice. She tangled one hand in Vesper’s hair and kissed down her neck. Hitching up her skirt, Bellamy pulled Vesper’s hand down to her center.
Vesper stayed quiet. She returned nothing Bellamy was giving, did nothing Bellamy was asking, just stayed still, letting Bellamy move her. Insecurity crept in. Bellamy was throwing herself at Vesper—literally—but it was too late. Ves didn’t want her anymore. But Bellamy needed this.
“Please, Ves.” Bellamy blinked away fresh tears, watching Ves, trying to read her. She needed her to do something, to let her in, to touch her in any way Vesper wanted. She didn’t care, she’d let Vesper take everything. Bellamy wouldn’t complain, she’d do anything.
“Bel—” Vesper’s voice was strained, but Bellamy cut her off, unwilling—unable—to hear rejection, unwilling to accept it this time.
“Please,” she begged again, her voice cracked. Bellamy held Vesper’s hand in place, cupping her center while she ground against it. “I don’t care how. Use me, anything you need. Please.”
“This doesn’t mean anything,” Vesper whispered when she finally relented, shoving Bellamy’s underwear to the side and pushing two fingers inside and ignoring Bellamy’s pained cry. “Safe word?” Vesper asked angrily when she saw the tear slip down Bellamy’s cheek.
Bellamy shook her head. “Don’t stop.”
“But you remember it.”
“Yes,” Bellamy swallowed and Vesper’s other hand wrapped around her throat, tightening enough that she gasped. She knew Vesper wasn’t doing this for her. It was cold, tense, and horribly silent after that. The only noises filling the room came from Bellamy’s moans and Vesper’s fingers.
That was when Bellamy knew without a doubt that she had finally pushed Vesper too far. She’d truly lost her. Vesper didn’t care about Bellamy anymore. She had broken them beyond repair.