Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Vesper
Bellamy had been asleep since they boarded the trolley. Vesper knew she’d need it, especially given how she’d been fighting to stay awake the whole walk to the station. Sleep would be good for her. It was completely normal.
It had been hours though. The sun was going down, but this trolley had a light.
Vesper switched it on. She’d been trying to read, to sit and unwind.
But instead, she’d ended up pacing, checking Bellamy’s pulse, anxiously fiddling with her Embunuh-issued message bracelet—could they track her with that? She should’ve tossed it at the station.
No new messages, though. Bel’s pulse was fine. So far, it looked like they were in the clear.
The longest she’d sat down was to eat the shitty sandwich she’d bought at the trolley station. Then, she was right back up.
It didn’t make any sense. They were fine. So, why was Vesper’s heart pounding? Why were her lungs constricting every time she tried to sit down?
Her hands shook as she splashed water on her face. It was even more stifling in the trolley bathroom. Laughably small. Vesper kept the curtain open, her ears primed for any noise from Bellamy. She was probably just crashing from the day's events. Adrenaline and all that.
But it had been hours. And she’d never crashed like this before.
Vesper’s heart beat too quickly. She tried to drink water, then drink more water.
She’d already taken a shower—freezing to shock her system.
Didn’t work. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what could happen to Bel while she was in the shower.
Her brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Her neatly compiled list of what needed to be done when they got home was scattered with random worries about Bellamy. Fucking Bellamy. She was going to have a lot of explaining to do when she woke up. If she woke up.
Vesper punched the wall. Not enough to break anything—the shock of it radiated up to her elbow—just enough to force her brain to focus on literally anything but that possibility.
Bel would be fine. Not that she was worried.
Vesper stalked back into the bathroom to wash the fresh drops of blood off her knuckles.
“Ves?” Bel’s voice filtered through the little curtain separating them. Everything inside Vesper slowed. Her eyes burned and she swallowed, clearing her throat.
“Yeah, out in a sec.” Vesper’s hands were still shaking as she patted them dry, careful over the split knuckles.
She couldn’t rationalize the relief that flooded through her at the sight of Bellamy sitting up in bed. Her body was slouched, and there were bags under her eyes—she was clearly exhausted. But she was alive. Bellamy gave her a tentative smile as Vesper approached.
“Hungry?” Vesper grabbed the protein smoothie she’d bought for Bel at the station and held it out to her. Bellamy nodded and took it like she’d been famished for hours—which, she probably was since she’d slept through two meal times.
“Healed up?” Vesper asked when she finished.
“Yeah,” Bellamy tugged her shirt up. Only a thin scar remained. Vesper knelt, running her thumb over the line. Barely any evidence, might even be gone by morning.
“Ves?” Bellamy whispered. Vesper froze, one hand on firmly held Bellamy’s waist while the other hovered just above the scar.
She knew what Bellamy wanted, but she didn’t know if she could give it to her. She forced herself to answer, a brief “Hm?”
“Why’d you do it?” Bellamy delicately cupped Vesper’s chin and tilted her head up so she could look into Vesper’s eyes.
Vesper sighed. Bel wasn’t going to drop it again. Besides, it wasn’t like Vesper hadn’t spent the entire afternoon thinking about the answer to that. Still, she wasn’t ready. She hesitated. There was just so much shit between them.
There were so many years of hatred—that didn’t just go away.
So much fighting. It didn’t feel right to claim that hadn’t been true, to throw it all away just because Vesper was fucking weak and Bellamy had almost died for her.
They weren’t good. They wouldn’t be for a long time.
But whatever Vesper said next would dictate how their healing would start.
And that was a lot of fucking pressure.
Vesper swallowed. She was taking too long, and she knew it. Tears started to well in Bellamy’s eyes, and she dropped Vesper’s chin, breaking their eye contact to look at the floor.
Fuck. She was ruining it already.
“I hated you, Bel. For so fucking long,” Vesper whispered. Bellamy’s eyes snapped back to hers, an angry glare in them. “You ruined everything for us.” Vesper reached up to wipe a tear away. The gesture seemed to sooth some of Bel’s fire.
“Every chance you got to mend things, you just fucked it all up again. Bellamy, you are the only person who can make me this fucking crazy. The only person that I can’t bring myself to just fucking let go, even after everything.
“I tried, Bel. I tried so hard. Told myself you were lost to me, you’d end up ruining us more.
But there is no me without you. There’s no world in which I would survive without you.
And I fucking hated you for that. It’s always been you, Bel, it always will be.
I couldn’t leave you—I can’t leave you. I’d let you ruin me a thousand times over if it meant you stayed in my life. ”
Vesper didn’t wait for Bellamy to respond. She couldn’t look at her after getting that all off her chest. Bellamy opened her mouth to say something, but Vesper didn’t give her the chance. Couldn’t let Bellamy brush this off and ruin it again, not when they had made it to this point.
Bellamy was not going to fucking ruin this moment.
Vesper surged forward and captured Bellamy’s mouth with her own.
She clutched Bellamy’s thighs like her life depended on it and shoved her legs apart, crowding into her space.
They moulded together, fitting so fucking perfectly.
Then, Bellamy was kissing her back, wrapping her arms over Vesper’s shoulders and letting her in.
Salty tears mingled on her lips, but Vesper didn’t care. She slid her hands under Bellamy’s thighs, lifting her up to the bed in one fluid motion. Bellamy gasped, unprepared, as she fell back into the sheets.
“Ves…” Bellamy whispered. Vesper didn’t let her finish. She crashed their mouths back together and pinned Bellamy’s wrists above her head. Vesper broke off only to bite Bellamy’s neck.
Bellamy moaned and arched into Vesper’s trailing kisses.
Vesper moved down her chest, biting at her through her shirt.
She took Bellamy’s wrists in one hand, using the other to push her shirt up, massaging and pinching at her nipples.
Bellamy’s breathing grew shallow, and Vesper delighted in the little moans she drew out with each movement.
Her hips canted up to meet Vesper’s, and Vesper shoved her leg in between Bellamy’s thighs earning a soft whimper. She released Bellamy’s wrists as she moved further down her body, unclasping Bellamy’s belt and slipping her fingers in the waistband of her pants.
Vesper looked up with a raised brow. Bellamy hadn’t stopped her yet, but Vesper hadn’t really given her a chance.
Now she waited for permission while Bellamy watched her, an expression of pure disbelief on her face.
She’d pushed herself up on her elbows. Her cheeks were stained with dripping mascara, tears, and remnants of blood. She was fucking beautiful.
“You don’t want this?” Vesper asked, seeing the look in Bellamy’s eyes.
Vesper gave her pants a little tug and waited for Bellamy to say something.
Instead, Bellamy slowly lifted her hips.
That was as good a permission as she was gonna get.
Not wasting another second, she yanked Bellamy’s pants down, then her underwear.
She groaned. “You’re fuckin drenched, Bel. ”
Vesper slid her hands up Bellamy’s thighs, digging her thumbs into the muscle as she went, relishing Bellamy’s little hum of contentment. The tension in Bel’s body loosened the more Vesper worked.
She teased slowly up to Bellamy’s center, not quite meeting her apex and stopped, looking up again for confirmation before moving forward. She hadn’t waited for Bellamy’s permission like this in fucking years, always preferring to just take what she wanted and wait for Bel to stop her.
This time was different though. This was her apology, her way of telling Bellamy everything she couldn’t put into words, and she knew Bel understood. Bellamy had wiped the confusion and disbelief off her face when Vesper looked up next, replacing the expression with a smug smirk—a challenge.
In any other situation the look would’ve pissed Vesper off, but all she felt was relief. Bellamy wasn’t going to stop her. She didn’t want Vesper to stop, but her little brat was finally coming back to herself. She was finally over the shock of Vesper’s confession.
“Do you want to feel me inside you?” Vesper murmured, her voice full of desire as she kissed Bellamy’s leg. Bellamy wiped her cheeks and the smirk grew.
“I knew you couldn’t last,” Bellamy murmured, hesitation in her voice. Vesper could tell she wanted to sound smug, to be taunting, but there was fear there.
“What’re you talking about?” Vesper asked quietly, no attitude. She was determined not to let Bel ruin this.
“The bet, Ves. You want to lose?” Her voice was challenging. She was prepared for Vesper to stop, to not see this through. Prepared for Vesper to back away and raise up her defenses again. And Bellamy was giving her an out.
They both knew the bet didn’t matter anymore, there were no longer stakes since they were dead women. This was Bellamy being a fucking coward, being untrusting, willing Vesper to show her she wasn’t going to back down.
Vesper maintained eye contact as she lowered her head and licked a slow line from Bellamy’s entrance to her clit, then worked two fingers inside. Bellamy gasped in surprise, her eyes rolling back before she snapped her attention back to Vesper.
“I don’t care about the fucking bet,” Vesper growled, curling her fingers in for emphasis.
“Now, be a good girl, and remind me of those little fantasies you shared last time we were here.” Bellamy swallowed, her smugness, her concerns, her fears, all vanished at Vesper’s wicked smile and curling fingers. “Talk to me, Bel.”
“Vesper,” Bellamy whimpered, tilting her hips up.
Vesper pushed her fingers in as deep as they could go, savoring Bellamy’s moan, and kissing her thighs.
She pumped in and out lazily, waiting impatiently for Bellamy to give instructions.
Bellamy’s chest rose and fell in shallow breaths while she watched.
“I… I want your tongue,” Bellamy’s breathy order came out desperate and uncertain. She didn’t believe Vesper would do it. She wasn’t wrong to distrust that. Vesper hadn’t used her tongue on Bellamy since they broke up. “Inside me.”
Vesper, however, did not need to be told twice. Fuck, she’d missed how Bellamy tasted. Vesper pulled her fingers away and snaked her tongue inside as far as she could go. Fucking delicious.
Bellamy moaned, her fists clutching the bedding, her hips bucking involuntarily.
“Fuck,” Bellamy groaned, “just like that.”
Vesper dug her blunt nails into Bellamy’s thighs and fucked her with her tongue until Bellamy was panting and whining Vesper’s name.
She started to wonder if Bellamy would even bother with another order or if she was content to let Vesper work her into oblivion, just like that. Not that Vesper minded either way.
“T-tongue on my clit,” Bellamy stuttered, her eyes squeezed shut. “Hard and fast, two fingers inside.”
Vesper moved immediately. Her satisfaction at Bellamy’s need to come quickly was overwhelming. When she saw Bel was white knuckling the bedding, Vesper paused, thinking over her decision before quietly saying, “You can touch me, Bel.”
She thought Bellamy would be more stunned, more hesitant, but her hand shot to Vesper’s hair and she forced Vesper’s face back between her legs.
She didn’t waste anymore time in swiping her tongue over Bellamy’s clit, letting Bellamy feel the metal ball of her piercing properly for the first time as she flattened her tongue against her before working her fingers back inside.
It was unbelievably difficult for Vesper not to take back control. She craved punishing Bellamy for the last six years—the roughness, tying her up, and not letting her go until this trolley stopped the next day. Making her beg for mercy as she fucked her raw.
Vesper had been craving Bellamy like she was fucking air and Vesper couldn’t breathe. She needed to fucking own her. This light, soft shit they were doing wouldn’t be enough. Bellamy belonged to Vesper, and she needed her to know it. She always had.
Bellamy’s hand tightened in Vesper’s hair. That would have to be enough for now, because if she were being honest with herself, Bellamy owned Vesper too. Vesper hadn’t felt Bel’s touch like that—hadn’t allowed it—for so long.
They were finally coming home, and it would never be enough.
The demand for more would have to wait, she knew that. This was an apology, an admission. This was for Bellamy, not Vesper. And Bellamy deserved to be in control for that.
Bellamy’s thighs tightened around Vesper’s head.
Her body tensed before she jerked, coming with a beautiful, strangled cry.
Vesper slowed, letting Bellamy ride out her high before she pulled out and kissed her thigh, her stomach.
Bellamy tugged Vesper’s hair, pulling her up.
She sniffled, and Vesper saw fresh tears staining her face.
Vesper’s brows furrowed. She wiped off her mouth, pulling Bellamy in, pressing Bel’s face into her chest. “What’s wrong?” she whispered, stroking Bellamy’s unruly curls.
Bellamy clutched Vesper’s shirt, pulled her closer, and squeezed like she might disappear. “What’re we doing?” Her voice was small and uncertain.
Vesper sighed, hugging her tight. “We’re… figuring this out. Working through our shit—some of it—and surviving.”
“Vesper I—” Bellamy cut herself off with a choked sob. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry, for everything.”
“Yeah, Bel. Me too,” Vesper murmured against her hair. She waited until Bellamy’s cries subsided and her body stopped shaking. “Why don’t you tell me the truth. About everything with Cedar. What happened?”
Vesper kept her words gentle, soft. It was what Bellamy needed right now, and Vesper was suddenly so tired of the anger.
The second Bellamy sacrificed her life—or tried to—for Vesper, well…
Vesper lost her grip on the rage she’d been holding.
She couldn’t do it anymore—the fighting, the hatred… She was done.