Chapter 7
Quinn sat staring at the flames in the fireplace of his cottage. Everything around him was filled with joy and sparkle, the room eagerly awaiting its jolly red resident who would be arriving in a few days, but he felt anything but joy.
On the one hand he’d just had the best kiss of his entire life with the woman he loved. But on the other he knew he’d taken that kiss way too far and possibly ruined everything.
She’d wanted a kiss and he’d practically savaged her like some kind of wild animal. Although she had seemed to be enjoying it at the time, she was obviously regretting it now she’d had a chance to reflect on it. She hadn’t called or texted.
That kind of thing really should have happened after he’d started a conversation about their feelings, not just gone in all guns blazing.
He grabbed a crisp and practically butchered the thing in his hands as he broke off tiny chunks before tipping the crumbs back into the bowl.
Did she have feelings for him? That kiss had escalated so quickly. Some of that had to have come from her or was it just that it had been so long since she’d been with a man?
What if this ruined their friendship? He couldn’t lose her.
He’d go and talk to her.
He grabbed his coat, shoved his feet into his boots and walked out the house. He got as far as the edge of the gardens before he stopped. What was he doing? If she wanted to talk to him she would have phoned or texted him. He would have to wait to talk to her tomorrow and hope it wasn’t too late.
Alex couldn’t settle.
Zara had eaten the pizza and taken herself off to bed, although what that really meant was that she would read for half an hour or so, before eventually falling asleep.
Immy was watching their favourite nature programme on the TV. The episode was about blue whales and though Alex loved whales she couldn’t concentrate on any of it.
What had happened tonight? She had never imagined that Quinn would offer to kiss her, but when he did she’d assumed it was an offer from a friend.
She’d had no idea he’d enjoy it so much he’d be turned on by it, or want to make love to her.
Oh god, the thought of that made her stomach clench with desire.
She wanted that so badly. But why had he reacted in that way?
Did he have feelings for her too or was it just a heat-of-the-moment thing?
She knew he hadn’t had a girlfriend for a while so maybe it was just a horny thing and nothing more.
Would it be weird between them now? It had been way more than just a friendly kiss.
He’d had his hand between her legs, he’d made her come so hard she’d practically seen stars.
Was there any coming back from this? Could they really be friends again after that?
Or would that unfinished kiss always lie between them, like a firework waiting to explode?
What she wanted more than anything was to march round to his house and finish that kiss, properly.
But was that a terrible idea? But if she wanted it and he wanted it, was there really any harm in it?
They were both single and he’d promised her the kiss wouldn’t come between them, he’d said it wouldn’t affect their friendship or his relationship with Zara.
So could she have one night with him to put all these feelings to bed once and for all?
‘What’s up with you tonight?’ Immy asked. ‘You’re so jittery. Did something happen on that date you haven’t told me about, other than the cockwomble shouting at you over your allergy?’
‘No, the date was over very quickly.’
‘Then what is it?’
‘Nothing, I…’ Alex sighed. ‘It was just something that Quinn said.’
‘What did he say?’
‘It doesn’t matter, well it does but… I need to talk to him.’
‘Now? It’s nearly ten o’clock.’
‘Do you mind looking after Zara for a bit? I mean, you don’t need to wait up for me, just be there if she needs anything.’
Which was very unlikely. Once Zara was asleep, she didn’t move until morning.
‘Of course. Are you OK?’
‘Yes… I will be.’
Alex got up and pulled on her shoes.
‘Are you going in your pyjamas?’ Immy asked, popping a honey roasted nut in her mouth.
Alex looked down at herself. Maybe she should put her pretty dress back on, Quinn had seemed to like that. But then Immy would know something was going on and right now Alex didn’t want anyone to know. This was something special, just between her and Quinn.
She shrugged. ‘He’s seen me in a lot worse. And no one else will see them under my coat. I’ll see you later.’
Immy nodded with a frown and then waved her off before returning her attention to the whales.
Alex grabbed her coat and stepped outside into the freezing night before she could change her mind.
Snow was falling again and this time it was even beginning to settle slightly.
There might even be an inch of it on the pavements and roads the next day.
It made everything seem brighter, more magical as it sparkled in the moonlight and the golden glow from the streetlights.
What was she thinking? What was she hoping to achieve from going and seeing Quinn tonight?
A night of hot passion? No, that wasn’t a good idea.
She smiled. It was a bloody brilliant idea.
She shook her head. No, she mainly just wanted to know if she and Quinn were going to be OK.
That was more important than anything. And then, if he was still willing, maybe she’d get to finish that kiss.
If their friendship could survive that incredible kiss earlier that day, then it could probably survive the full monty too.
She walked into Christmas Gardens and straightaway saw there were footprints in the snow coming from Quinn’s cottage heading in the direction she’d just come from, but at the fence they seemed to stop and turn back to the cottage. Had he been coming to see her and changed his mind?
She walked up to the bright red front door and knocked. A few seconds later Quinn answered the door.
‘Alex? What are you doing out there at this time of night?’
‘I needed to see you.’
He took her hand and pulled her inside, closing the door behind her.
There was the smell of Christmas in the air, something she knew the elves sprayed around the house ready for when Santa arrived.
It smelled of cinnamon and chestnuts roasting and fruity spicy smells.
It was delicious. But not half as delicious as the man standing in front of her, in a white t-shirt that showed every glorious muscle on his body.
‘I was going to come and see you too, literally left the house twice and then changed my mind. I wanted to call you but I didn’t know if it was a good time with Immy and Zara there.
And I hadn’t heard from you so wondered if you needed some space.
I’m so so sorry about earlier,’ Quinn said, raking his hands through his hair.
‘Why? I’m not.’
‘Because you asked for a kiss, not to be mauled like a wild animal devouring its prey.’
‘Oh yes, I’m really upset by the best orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. Absolutely gutted by it.’
‘Wait, what?’
Alex stepped closer. ‘I loved every single moment of our kiss earlier and I don’t regret it, not for a second. Do you?’
‘I… I’ve been feeling horribly guilty that I took it too far.’
‘Well you can stop worrying, you didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do. In fact, one could argue you didn’t go far enough.’
His eyebrows shot up in surprise but he had obviously wanted her earlier, very obviously, so she knew she wasn’t flogging a dead horse here.
‘Quinn, are we OK?’
‘Of course.’
‘No matter what happens we’ll still be friends, right?’
‘Always.’
Her heart was pounding against her chest as she slid her hands round his neck. ‘Then I’d very much like to finish that kiss.’
He stared at her, not making a move although she was pretty sure she could feel his heart roaring away too.
‘I think…’ He swallowed. ‘We should talk about this.’
She took a step back. ‘I don’t. If we talk about it, we’ll both come up with a million reasons why this is a bad idea.’
‘I don’t want to talk you out of this, I want this more than anything, but don’t you think we should talk about why it happened earlier?
And how you feel about it happening again in the future.
I thought I’d ruined any chance of something serious with you by taking it too far with our first kiss, but you’re here and you want more and I want more too, but I want a hell of a lot more than just one night. ’
She let out a soft gasp. Quinn was offering her more, a relationship.
She felt simultaneously sick and giddy at the thought.
She hadn’t seen that coming. Fear slammed into her so hard it nearly took her breath away and with it came a sudden realisation.
This fear she had never really acknowledged was the reason why she had never tried to move on after Liam’s death.
She had been in love before and it had hurt every day when Liam had chosen the bottle over them.
It had hurt watching their lovely, happy marriage be destroyed and there being nothing she could do to stop it.
It had hurt when he was unfaithful and when he was rude and nasty to her because the Liam she loved would never have done any of those things.
It had been like living with a stranger and she wasn’t sure she wanted to go through that again.
And while she knew that Quinn would be very unlikely to become an alcoholic – probably even less likely now that he’d seen the damage that Liam had caused – she still couldn’t face the thought of losing him in any way, of letting herself fall completely and utterly in love with him and for it to come to an end.
‘I’m not brave enough for that.’
He cupped her face. ‘You’re one of the bravest women I know.’