Chapter 9
Alex hadn’t seen Quinn all day. She knew he was avoiding her and she hated that. She’d had to plaster on a brave smile with all the customers and inside she couldn’t escape the horrible feeling of dread that she had lost her best friend.
Her phone beeped with a notification and she quickly grabbed it, hoping it was a message from Quinn but it was another message from St Nick instead.
The Lovegrove Bay community Facebook page had been awash with much excitement all morning as more baubles had been found and yet no one had any idea who was doing it.
She felt a delicious thrill that she was the only one privy to this direct line to St Nick.
She needed something to cheer herself up so she opened the message.
Dear Alex,
That’s a lot of questions but a good detective always pushes to know more.
I love cosy mysteries like Midsomer Murders, Death in Paradise, Beyond Paradise, the list is endless.
Something dramatic without being sinister or gory and something that has good humour is right up my street.
I often watch them with my other half and, while I love solving the clues and finding out who the murderer is before it’s revealed, I love watching her get so much enjoyment out of solving the crimes even more.
Sometimes I’ll even deliberately get the answer wrong because she gets so happy when she beats me to the answer and seeing her happy is the best thing in the world.
I guess that’s what love is, always putting someone else’s happiness above your own.
Alex couldn’t help smiling about that. This was clearly a man very much in love and she adored that. It gave her hope in the world. She carried on reading.
I’m neither a milkman, postman or a hairdresser but you’re right that I work somewhere that sees a lot of footfall and that gives me the opportunity to talk to people and get to know them. You’re also right that I am a man.
So are you ready for your second clue? I work directly for Santa. While that isn’t my paid job, I do help the big man a lot in December.
Snowy hugs,
St Nick
‘He’s an elf,’ Alex said, out loud. The following night all the elves would be helping to decorate Quinn’s cottage into something beautiful and festive, along with her and Quinn, so St Nick would be there.
This was very exciting as there were around fifty elves who all had various jobs decorating the house and gardens but half of them were women.
This clue narrowed it down massively. Also, out of the men, she now knew she was looking for one who was either happily married or in a relationship.
She knew a few of the elves were older and widowed or young and not in a relationship, so she could narrow it down even more.
Later she would write a list of all the male elves and then she could cross off anyone who was single.
This was a massive clue and much better than the previous day’s clue of not being a painter.
She couldn’t wait to show Quinn this latest message.
Then her heart sank. What if their friendship was ruined by the kiss and her inability to trust him enough to want a serious relationship?
As tonight was Wednesday they were due to watch the latest episode of Midsomer Murders together but instead she was supposed to be going on a date with Pip.
What she really wanted was to curl up on the sofa with Quinn and, as Immy was out and Zara was at Harley’s, maybe they could share a few more kisses as they watched their favourite programme together.
Would he want that, even if they weren’t properly together?
She switched off her studio lights and locked the door. She walked past Quinn’s studio which had been closed all day.
How must he be feeling right now? She had walked away from a serious relationship with him, that had to hurt. And despite his magnanimous attitude to her dating Pip tonight, that had to hurt as well.
Suddenly she knew what she had to do. Immy had given her a choice of three the night before – go all in with Quinn, date other people or be alone for the rest of her life – and now she knew which one she had to choose.
While she didn’t feel ready for a serious relationship with Quinn, and she wasn’t sure what it would take for her to be ready, the thought of being with anyone else but him, even for a date or a kiss, made her stomach turn.
She didn’t want anyone else but Quinn and it felt disloyal to go on dates with other people.
She pulled her phone out of her bag and quickly dialled Pip’s number, cringing at what she had to do.
Pip answered on the third ring. ‘Hey Alex, I’m looking forward to meeting you tonight.’
‘Oh Pip, I’m so sorry, I’m going to have to cancel. And please don’t take this personally, I’ve loved chatting with you over the last few days, you seem so lovely and kind. This is one hundred percent a me problem not you.’
There was silence from Pip as she stepped outside into the cold night. Snow was falling thick and fast and no one was around. She decided honesty was the best policy.
‘I have been in love with the same man for four years with never any thought that he could possibly feel the same way and last night we kissed and he very much has feelings for me. But he wants something serious and I was hurt very badly in the past and I got freaked out about having a relationship with him and basically ran away. He said if I’m looking for something casual I should go out on dates with other people but I can’t do it, I can’t be with anyone else but him.
It feels like a betrayal and I can’t hurt him like that, even if I can’t be with him. I’m so sorry.’
There was more silence from Pip.
‘I bet you’re thinking you’ve dodged a bullet by avoiding my absolute mess of a life.’
‘Well at least I know you didn’t take one look at me and then come up with this as an excuse,’ Pip said.
‘It really isn’t you, you’ve been so nice. I was looking forward to meeting you until last night happened. I’m really very sorry.’
‘There really is no need. To be honest, I’m still crazy in love with my ex so it wasn’t really fair for me to go on a date with you either. I thought if I dated other people I might eventually get over her, but that wasn’t realistic.’
‘That’s what I thought: if I dated other people, I might fall out of love with him but that was never going to happen.’
‘Alex, you want my advice?’ Pip asked.
‘Sure.’
‘A love like that, the kind that takes hold of you and never lets go, you need to grab onto it with both hands. The past is in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it, but your future, that’s wide open, that can be whatever you want it to be.
You don’t want to get to ten years from now and look back at this moment and regret it or wish it had been different. ’
‘You’re so right, but it’s easier said than done. I just need to find a way to be brave.’
He sighed. ‘If you figure it out, you can tell me what the secret is.’
Alex smiled. ‘Thank you for being so understanding and lovely. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.’
‘No worries at all. Merry Christmas.’
‘And to you.’
They said their goodbyes and hung up.
Alex knew that she had to go and see Quinn. Even if nothing could happen between them, he needed to know there would never be anyone else for her. She couldn’t bear the thought of him sitting at home now hating the idea of her being on a date with someone else.
She quickly walked down the hill towards Christmas Gardens, going as fast as she could through the snowy conditions.
She rounded a corner and saw his cottage sitting among the snow looking every inch something from a Christmas card as light spilled from the windows and wisps of smoke curled from the chimney.
She hurried across the grass and banged on the door. After a few moments, Quinn answered the door.
He blinked in surprise to see her.
‘Alex, what are you doing here?’
Before she could say a word, he took her hand and pulled her inside, closing the door. She could see the log fire burning merrily in the fireplace and shivered slightly as her body adjusted to the warmth.
‘What are you doing here?’ Quinn said, rubbing her shoulders. ‘It’s freezing outside. Aren’t you supposed to be going on a date with Pip soon?’
‘I cancelled.’
‘But he was the nice one.’
‘He was,’ Alex agreed. ‘He was lovely and kind and funny. But he wasn’t you.
And I know I’m not ready for something big and serious with you but there will never be anyone else but you.
I’d rather sit in my house alone every night, than be with anyone else but you.
Although I’d much rather be sitting with you, watching Midsomer Murders together, maybe you’d even let me hold your hand. ’
His face softened and he cupped her face, stroking her cold cheeks with his thumbs. ‘I would like that very much.’
Then he dipped his head and kissed her. She gasped against his lips as she hadn’t been prepared for that and then she kissed him back.
Every worry and doubt went out the window as he kissed her, there were no other thoughts about the future or getting hurt, there was no worry about how she would tell him what happened the night Liam died, there was just the two of them, kissing each other as if they were the air they needed to breathe, everything else just faded away.
How could a kiss make her feel so much? It wasn’t that she hadn’t been kissed for years, it was more than that, it was him.
They just fitted together so perfectly, she knew this man so well, he was her best friend and she loved him so much.
Quinn slipped her coat from her shoulders and it fell to the floor. Without taking his mouth from hers, he bent down and scooped her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing when she knew that wasn’t the case. He carried her into the lounge and laid her down in front of the fire.
He pulled back slightly to look at her. ‘Can I make love to you?’