Chapter Five #2
“Because if your wolf’s out, you still need to be able to take care of things,” Gerhard said, swallowing from the bucket of water.
His voice was casual but carried the weight of command when he handed the bucket over.
“What if you fall into a trap, get hurt, and someone throws wolfsbane on you? Sounds familiar?”
Dierk growled low in his throat, something half-resentful, half-acknowledging.
“You’re not only your wolf,” Gerhard added. “In a fight, the male must be just as strong and just as capable.”
Another growl, closer to a snort, from Dierk.
Gerhard only chuckled. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll have to stay away once the Alpha is back, but Matthis will come. The shadow pup is fast, but his ass is going to be kicked so hard. What a shame I’ll miss it.” He shot a grin at me that was more mischief than malice.
He left, and suddenly it all felt too tight.
Which was ridiculous, since we were standing outside with an open forest around us.
But after all that exertion, his scent clung heavier, my wolf tuning herself to his even more.
Maybe I should stay away until after the full moon.
It was only a few days away, after all. And if I explained it to Adelmar–only to Adelmar–he’d understand.
He could carry on the training alone for a few days.
Was it running? Possibly. But I wasn’t opposed to running when it gave the best outcome. I just wasn’t sure what that outcome was. Hiding the way my wolf reacted to his seemed the most precise description.
The way you react to him, the honest part of me whispered.
Right, yes.
I could control it, though. I controlled the hate and disgust I felt for my father and brother every day.
I could manage this asinine reaction to muscle and strength and a rough, undeniable kind of beauty.
And yes, the way he looked surprised every time I touched him, which was always for a very reasonable reason, warmed me.
There was no gentleness in him, but I had the distinct feeling that something very close to it existed somewhere beneath the weight of a lifetime of violence. But I was digressing.
The point was that I could control this pull to him. And what I couldn’t manage, I could mask by binding my scent. We didn’t have to waste time and energy in such nonsense just because the moon made me... hungry.
I was stronger than that.
Except, when I glanced at him to give a nod and head inside, he was already looking at me with a frown cutting across his face.
His golden eyes bore into me as if he knew something was off, but he couldn’t decipher it.
He dragged a hand through his wet hair. Drops fell on his shoulders, slid down his chest. My throat tightened.
“I’ll take the basket and go,” I said quickly.
He followed me inside without a sound.
“Where are you taking that?” he asked when I picked it up.
“To those who need it.” His frown deepened, and I clung to the distraction the topic gave me.
“I want to see the families of those punished through it until the males heal and can work again. The cost of the lash doesn’t fall on them alone, but on the entire household.
I won’t let them bear it alone. And Matthis passed word about a few new wolves on the edge of the settlement.
There’s a mother with two pups, and a young, newly bonded pair who've had a rough time. I want to make sure they’re safe. ”
He grunted. Nothing more. And despite my wish to keep the distance, an idea rooted itself. “You could come too.”
“Is it dangerous? To you?”
I paused, weighing him. “In a way. I’ve been caught helping before, and let’s just say my father doesn’t approve.”
“But he’s away now.”
“Correct. Not that it makes much difference. He has his own private spies, not the Prowlers, though they’re sloppy enough to work around. Matthis taught me how.” I shrugged. “I always need to be careful, anyway.”
“Then why should I come?” His tone was flat, uncaring, as though he’d already decided he wouldn’t.
I exhaled, sharp with irritation. “Because even if in name only, even if just for a year, you will be Alpha next. You need to see–”
“I don’t need to see anything.” His voice cut in a growl that edged in a snarl. “I know it well enough.”
Heat pricked my fingertips, fire begging to flare, but I held the basket tighter instead.
“You need to see what you can do for them. What it means to them. Being Alpha is not about you. It’s about the pack.
How you can make it safer, better. So, Dierk, you need to see the difference you can make.
Especially since you know better than most what it is to have nothing. ”
His jaw worked, lips pulling back enough to show teeth, a growl rumbling low. Everything in him resisted; every thought was a snarl ready to be thrown back at me. But I could sense his wolf, and he was still, listening, up close to the surface. I could see him in Dierk’s eyes, blazing golden.
The wolf accepted my words. The man did not.
And it was for the wolf that I pushed. “It would also be good for the people to start seeing your face. Or your wolf.”
His head tilted on one side as if he was listening to something only he could hear, eyes narrowed. “What if they run to the Alpha? Or his dogs?”
“They won’t.” I opened the door and stepped across the threshold. He remained inside. “Don’t think for a second you and I are the only ones who want more,” I said without turning back. “The only ones who despise how things are.”
His voice was still a growl, but now it was laced with distrust. “How deep?”
“You want to know how far the dissent goes?” I glanced back over my shoulder. “Matthis is my father’s first Prowler. Gerhard is his Commander. And still, they choose differently.”
“They double-play.”
I looked straight into his eyes now. “They understand the difference between loyalty to a tyrant and loyalty to the pack. We choose the pack.”
I wouldn’t push him further. Some things I could guide him into. Others had to come from him.
I shifted, took the basket between my jaws, and jogged off into the trees.
No sound followed.
Alright. He’d made his choice. Something stung somewhere close to my chest. Too close to disappointment, too far from surprise. Useless either way, and best buried.
The forest had already shifted into darkness. Long shadows stretched across the undergrowth. Leaves, tinged with autumn reds, whispered in the now chilling air. I was well into the trees when heavy steps behind me broke the silence. A massive wolf, judging by the weight of the tread.
And when his wolf flanked me, when he growled low and rough, I couldn’t help the small smile that curved my mouth.