38. 37
Iburst through the door to the lounge of the House of Pain, feeling horribly guilty for having spent hours away from Davian, and worse, concerned that something had gone wrong. The sight that greeted me sent a wave of pure relief through my body.
Davian snored lightly, lying on the cushioned floor beside a cold cup of tea.
Carnage was curled up under his armpit, and Whip sat on a cushion a few feet away, his tail lazily swaying every few seconds.
I fell back against the wall, and watched for several minutes, the high windows letting in a few shafts of afternoon light and warming my skirts.
I left much quieter, terrified to wake him from the only proper sleep he’d had in a week, and had lunch by myself, some of the tension in my stomach unravelling.
Later, when he woke, and wanted to talk about Fella, I couldn’t face telling him what had happened with Ekris.
What Ekris had said had unsettled me more than I wanted to admit, and I didn’t want to make him fear for his mother’s safety right at this moment.
But I wrote to Theolis that evening, warning her against strangers in a way I hoped wouldn’t be understood more widely by any prying eyes.
In the two days that followed, I saw an improvement in Davian.
He had started to eat something. Not much, but enough to lessen my fears.
He smiled a few times, and spoke more freely, and his back was healing very well.
I’m sure Samiscus was doing a lot of heavy lifting with both his physical and emotional wellbeing, and I prayed to the Pain God each day that he would lighten Davian’s burden.
It was on the third evening from my visit to Ekris when Davian touched my shoulder after we had dined, and asked if he could bathe with me.
I smiled, and touched his hand. “Of course.”
I asked Eliza that we weren’t disturbed, and latched the door. Davian watched silently from the corner as I set the bath myself.
He had taken to leaving his mask off since returning to the House.
He trusted his House enough, or had stopped caring.
Today, he looked better than he should have given our recent weeks.
He had tied his hair on top of his head with a leather tie, and his shirt hung loose on his muscular frame.
The off-white fabric parted over his chest, showing dark hair and the curve of Samiscus’ golden mark.
He had tucked it into his trousers before, but now it had come undone.
I tried not to let him distract me as the room gradually filled with steam.
When it was full, I swirled the water with my hand. It was slightly too hot, as we both preferred. I dropped vanilla and lavender oil in, and breathed deeply.
Davian’s hand touched my bare elbow. I hadn’t heard him come up behind me, and I jumped. He stroked my arm, and leant in towards my ear. He pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder, and I melted against him with a sigh.
He held me around the waist, and hummed a tune softly, his chin tucked over my shoulder. I allowed myself to feel the warmth of the embrace, and to think of nothing but him. It was far too easy, when I didn’t have to convince myself there was something wrong with my love for him.
Davian settled me upright, and his fingers deftly unpinned the top of my dress. I bit my lip as he lowered the fabric down to the middle of my back. Then he pushed aside the linen, leaving me in my thin chemise.
He paused. “Annie.” His whisper was pure confusion as he took in the golden lines on my back. “When?”
“A couple of days ago.” I turned back to him, pushing the fabric off my arms until the dress sat on my hips. I smiled up at him, trying to reassure him that nothing had changed. He stared down at me in puzzlement. “I went to him to explain everything.”
Davian blinked, his hand still aloft from where his finger had started to trace the shape. Then he blinked several times more, and dropped his hand. His expression fell. “Are you—Are you returning to the House of Love, then?”
“No,” I replied instantly. I grabbed his hand. “No, Davian.”
He looked down at the floor. “I would understand. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. I’m sorry you’ve had to look after me. I’ve been a burden to you.”
I had chosen to live a life without Ekris’ control; without the rules and restrictions I had been subjected to for ten years.
If I had stayed with him, I knew I would have ended my own life before my fortieth year to join his harem.
I would have lived forever in that cycle of patrons, red dresses and veils, harsh tutelage, and a single day of strawberry tarts.
I never would have experienced the joy I had felt on the Night of the Dead, I never would have experienced a mortal love, nor the chance to explore Craetos.
I didn’t blame Talia, nor did I blame any of the other Ekrissians.
This was Ekris’ bidding. We were his. It took Davian and Fella and a taste of solitude for me to realise that I was supposed to be mine.
I squeezed his hand harder, and moved my head until he was forced to look at me. “I went to him to tell him that I don’t want to return to his House anymore. That I’ve found a new home.” I inhaled. “Here.”
He frowned. “Then, why—”
“He made me a deal, before. He told me if I discovered who Ragnifort was that I would be an Ekrissian again.”
Davian’s frown persisted. “I recall.”
“I worked it out,” I said. “So he restored my mark as part of that deal. I didn’t want him to.”
“You worked it out?”
In his expression, I could see there was more confusion than hurt now, and I let his hand go and sat on the edge of the bath. I told him everything. Every little remark that had me thinking he was behaving oddly: the name, the eyes, everything.
Davian listened in silence, with the stillness of a standing corpse. But as my theories continued, there were signs of life in him. Signs of the Davian I knew. A raised eyebrow, a twitch to his hand, a narrowing of his eyes.
By the end, he almost looked like himself. He shook his head, rubbing at his jaw. “In Granville’s body. That whole time. He had been acting weirdly, but he’s a slimeball. I thought he’d just got worse.”
I only nodded. I hadn’t known Granville before Ragnifort, after all.
Davian took half a step towards me. “So, what does this mean?”
What does it mean? I hardly knew. I swallowed a lump in my throat. “It means Ekris knows I’m… he knows I am going to stay here. That I’m not his anymore. But I’m an Ekrissian in a way. I have my place, I have his ear, if I ever want to speak to him again.”
Davian stared down at me, and I gazed up at him.
Even now, even this version of him, struck with grief and a lack of sleep, was so distinctly beautiful to me.
His tired eyes in the candlelight, surrounded by the scent of the oils…
he felt godly to me. I hardly cared that the thought was blasphemous.
He cleared his throat. “You’re staying here?”
I tried to smile, and it was barely more than a weak pull at one side of my mouth. “As long as you’ll have me.”
He exhaled heavily. “Forever, then.”
I froze, my heart bursting. “I’d like that.”
Davian fell to his knees, and pressed his head to my lap. I held his head, rubbing my fingers into his scalp as I tried not to cry again. But happy tears were something else, I told myself. I could break my streak for happiness. I could break my streak for love.
I laughed a little at that, choked by everything I had never realised I needed.
Davian’s head shot up, and he looked at my face. “What?”
I could see he was crying, too. I shrugged, my cheeks flushing. “I’m happy.”
He held my thighs as he stood. Then he stepped in towards me, his legs either side of mine as he cupped my face. He held my chin in his fingers like I was precious to him. I sniffed, and he wiped a tear with a thumb.
He shook his head as he leaned in and touched his forehead to mine.
“I’m not the sort of person who falls quickly.
But with you. You had me from the start.
” I took in a shuddering breath as he pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose.
“I think I’m always looking for lies, for cruelty, in those around me.
Finding reasons to push people away. But you never gave anything but you. Earnestly you.”
I laughed humourlessly. “I don’t know how to be anything else.”
“Then don’t be.”
I breathed him in as I closed my eyes, my heart swelling beyond its known limits.
Those three words had already undone me.
“In his House, people would treat me as something other than Annie,” I whispered.
“As this untouchable desirable thing. A concept. An Ekrissian, not a human. You never treated me as untouchable. You pushed me in a way I’ve never felt. You saw me. Not the mark.”
Davian tipped my chin up, and my eyes fluttered open.
He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my mouth.
My hands curled into his hair desperately, and I pulled him closer.
Davian exhaled against my mouth as our lips came together.
I kissed him as hard as I could, even as he pulled back far too soon.
He rubbed a thumb over my reddened mouth. “You are everything to me. Everything.”
I held his arms as he cradled my face. I needed more, I needed everything. “Davian.”
“Annie,” he replied. Then his fingers tensed against my jaw. “I love you.”
I smiled. No. I grinned. It was childish and naive and probably everything he had chastised me for in the past. But I didn’t care. His eyes sparkled, and the hint of fear dropped when I smiled so widely at him.
I moved to my feet, and he retreated with an amused but wary expression. I leapt into his arms in a barrelling hug, still careful to wrap my arms around his neck and not touch his back. I giggled against him while he stumbled backwards as his hands came to hold under me.
“I love you,” I said against his chest. “So much.”