Chapter Thirty-One
TALLY
I woke with extreme giddiness. Today was my first official date with Jake, and I had high expectations. My dates with Dylan had been fun, but this felt like my first real date. The first one that really mattered. The first with a guy I maybe loved, a guy I could see a real future with.
I’d seen enough romantic comedies with Ellie to know that typical dates included dinner, sometimes a movie, and a kiss at the door at the end of the night. But we weren’t a typical couple, and I had no idea what he had planned for us.
He showed up at my door in the late morning with two take-out cups—one with coffee, one with tea—and a bag with some kind of breakfast food that smelled so good.
“What do we have here?” I asked.
“Brunch. I wanted to start our day off right.”
I welcomed him inside, and we sat at my tiny kitchen table. He took out a full breakfast from Jimmy’s—chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and blueberry muffins.
“Are you trying to fatten me up?” I took a bite of one of the strips of bacon.
“I wanted to spoil you. You make such amazing meals for the girls and me. I didn’t want you to have to cook at all today.”
“I love Jimmy’s breakfast. Thank you,” I said with a mouth full of pancake.
He kissed my cheek, and I gave him a closed-mouth smile as I chewed.
“So, there’s a place I want to show you, and you’ll need to dress warm.”
I looked at him curiously. “Warm as in winter gear, like snow pants for outdoor sports, or warm as in a pair of boots, gloves, and a hat with my regular winter clothes?”
“Regular clothes.”
I was so excited. I wanted brunch to be over so we could go and see this surprise location. But I didn’t want to rush things. I wanted to enjoy every minute of this day. Our first day together.
When we finished eating, I properly bundled up, and we drove twenty minutes outside of town before Jake pulled into a dirt drive and parked.
I stared at the woods all around us. “Where are we?”
“We’re here.” There was a hint of excitement in his voice.
I put on my hat and gloves, and he got out and came around to open my door. I couldn’t describe the joy I felt when he took hold of my hand to help me out and wrapped his fingers around mine as we walked .
We headed down the long trail before us until it opened up to the river. The snow was sticking to the tree branches and bushes, and the sun reflected off the water’s surface, all sparkly and beautiful.
“This is gorgeous. I feel like we’re in the middle of Narnia.”
He stopped next to the river and pulled me into his arms. “It’s mine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I bought it a few months ago.”
“All of this?” I motioned to the river and the land surrounding it.
“About fifty acres.”
“What are you going to do with it?”
“I’d like to build a house up there.” He motioned to the hill ahead that overlooked the river.
“That’s amazing. It’s so magical here.” My gaze traveled the trees upward, their branches reaching toward the sky.
“I grew up in the country, and I’ve always wanted a home among the trees, but Kate wanted to live in town. Even then, she hated the small-town life. But it’s who I am. It’s where I come from. And I want the girls to experience country life too. I thought this would be a great place for a fresh start.”
“Have you brought them here?” I asked.
“Not yet.”
“You should. They would love this. I can totally picture them running through the trees in the snow and sledding down that hill over there. And how fun would it be to take them tubing or canoeing in the summer?”
He hugged me tighter to him and rested his forehead against mine. “You amaze me. Every day, I wonder how I got so lucky to run into you that day in the grocery store and then to have you show up on my doorstep.”
“I feel lucky too.”
He placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Your nose is cold.” He pressed a kiss there.
I giggled. “So is yours.”
“Shall we walk?” he asked.
I took his hand again, and we walked along the river, then up to the wide-open meadow where he wanted to build. His excitement was palpable, and I was happy for him and the girls. He shared all the plans he had and even asked for my input, which felt important, but I didn’t read too much into that because we were so new. I only hoped I might get to share this special place with them someday.
The snow was heavy and wet—perfect for packing—and I grabbed a handful, smashed it into a ball, and tossed it at him.
It hit his chest, and his mouth fell open. “Hey!”
I gave him a coy smile and did it again.
His lips lifted in a grin, and he shrugged with his palms up. “You asked for it.”
The snowballs flew, and our laughter filled the air. And when I realized he was overpowering me, I took off across the meadow, and the chase began. I thought I was getting away until I slipped and fell on my front, and he threw himself down beside me.
“Are you okay?” He reached over and removed a chunk of snow from my hair.
I laughed as I lifted up on my elbows and looked at him. “I’m fine. ”
The snow beside me was untouched, so I stood and fell back into it and made a snow angel.
Jake sat up and watched.
“Come on,” I said. “You make one too.”
He shook his head and stood.
“Make it beside mine so the wings are touching.”
He chuckled as he flopped back and made a snow angel to match mine. Then, he reached out and took my hand. “Happy?”
“Yes, but my butt’s freezing.”
“I haven’t been able to feel mine for a while now.”
Our laughter floated on the air as we lay there on our backs in the middle of our snow angels, holding hands.
He shifted, pulling me over so I was laying on top of him, and reached around to brush the snow off my backside.
“That should help.” He gave me a sexy smirk as he rested his hands there.
I lowered my lips to his, and suddenly I wasn’t the least bit cold anymore. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and held me close as our kisses intensified. Everything in my world revolved around this man and his mouth against mine. I nearly forgot we were out in the middle of a snowy meadow until a crow cawed loudly nearby and wouldn’t stop.
“Darn crow!” Jake hollered. “You’re interrupting a moment.”
I giggled. “You know, I think Griffin was right about you.”
His eyes turned to mine. “What did he tell you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I pressed my lips together to hold back a smile .
His fingers dug into my sides, tickling with no mercy.
“Stop!” I thrashed and screeched with laughter, trying and failing to escape.
“Tell me, and I will.”
“Fine.” The tickling stopped. “He said you might act like a grumpy old guy sometimes, but I shouldn’t let it fool me because you’re really just a big kid at heart.”
He snickered. “What does he know?”
“The real truth about you.” I grinned.
We carefully got up so we wouldn’t ruin the snow angels, and I took my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture. Then, I walked over to another untouched area, leaped forward, and shuffled along, stomping down the snow.
“What are you doing?” Jake asked.
“You’ll see.” I grinned over at him.
It didn’t take long for him to figure out that I was writing our initials in the snow, and as I was finishing up the J , he started making an N , and I made a plus sign in the middle.
Afterward, I took a picture, and we stood hand in hand and admired our work.
“I always wanted to write someone’s initial next to mine,” I told him, “but I never thought I would.”
He drew me into his side and kissed my cheek. “Our initials look good together.”
I grinned up at him. “I think so too.”
On our way home, we stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few supplies for the dinner he was planning.
“I can run in real quick and get stuff if you want to stay warm in the car,” Jake said.
“I’d rather go in with you.”
“Okay.” He opened the door for me, and I took his hand on our way inside.
When we passed the baking aisle, I chuckled. “I bet there’s plenty of canned pumpkin on the shelves now.”
He grinned.
“Maybe I should buy some for my mom’s pantry so she won’t end up without next Thanksgiving.”
He opened his mouth to reply but didn’t get a chance.
“Hey, Jake!” A man coming in our direction greeted him, and Jake dropped my hand. I told myself he only let go to shake the guy’s hand, which he did, but it didn’t feel like that. Especially when he didn’t take hold of my hand again.
“Hey, Fred, how are you?”
“Can’t complain.”
They exchanged some small talk, and then Fred held his hand out to me. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Fred Pike.”
I shook his hand. “Tally Kerr.”
“Kerr?” he said. “Is your dad Neil?”
“He is.”
“Well, I’ll be. I worked with your dad years ago when you were just a tiny thing.” He held his hand a few feet above the floor to demonstrate how small I was back then.
I smiled politely .
“Tally is my daughters’ nanny.” Jake’s voice was steady and indifferent. His eyes stayed on Fred, revealing nothing about our relationship.
It was true. I was the nanny. But the fact that he introduced me that way rather than as his girlfriend felt as if he was trying to hide the fact or was ashamed about us.
“I was sorry to hear about you and Kate,” Fred said.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“How are the girls doing?”
“They’re adjusting.”
They talked more about the girls as well as work and church, and I just stood there, hurt and confused.
“How do you like working for Jake?” Fred asked me.
My mixed-up emotions sent me into shy mode, and I didn’t know how to reply.
“It’s fine,” was all I could find to say.
“That’s not a glowing review, Jake,” Fred joked.
“She’s great, and the girls adore her.”
I wished we were out of there already.
Jake and Fred finally said their goodbyes, and Fred told me how nice it was to meet me, but I couldn’t say it back. I walked swiftly toward the frozen section without knowing what was on Jake’s list.
Jake caught up, and we did the shopping in silence. He didn’t take my hand again the entire time, and I felt like crying.
Back in the car, the silence continued all the way home, which had me questioning everything.
When he pulled into the garage and turned off the engine, I had a strong urge to bolt .
I reached for the door handle, but his hand on my knee stopped me from opening it. I stared down at his hand, unable to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
The tears threatened, and I fought them back.
“Natalia.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Please, look at me.”
I turned my eyes to his.
“I’m sorry. I panicked.”
“Because you’re ashamed of us?”
He shook his head. “I’m not. I was surprised to see him. He goes to our church. And I just wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to go public. Especially since I haven’t told the girls.”
“Well, I was hurt.” I stared down at his hand on my knee. “It felt like I was your little secret to keep hidden away, which makes it feel like we’re doing something wrong when there’s nothing wrong with us being together.”
“I know. You’re right. And I’ll never hide our relationship like that again.”
I nodded.
He touched my chin, and I looked over at him.
“I’m sorry.”
“I believe you,” I said.
“Good.” He brought the back of my hand to his mouth and left a kiss there.
I tried to shake the feeling I’d had in the grocery store, but it hovered there the whole time we cooked chicken scallopini together and throughout dinner. He talked and joked as if nothing had happened, and I tried to act like I was fine. It should’ve been an incredibly romantic evening, but I couldn’t shake the uneasiness that had settled over me.
“You’re quiet,” he commented when we were cleaning up.
I shrugged my shoulders, and he took the plate from my hand, placed it in the dishwasher, then drew me into his arms.
I rested my head on his chest, and he ran a hand up and down my back. It felt comforting and safe there, despite what had happened, and I concentrated on letting the unease dissolve away.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked.
I shook my head against his chest.
“Are you still upset about earlier?”
I didn’t reply, and he kissed the top of my head.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled into him.
“Please talk to me. If I’m going to get to know you, I need to know what you’re thinking.”
I raised my head to look at him, and there was such tenderness in his eyes.
“When something happens that’s awkward or uncomfortable, I kind of go inside myself. I revert back to shy Tally, where I’m inside my head, worried about what other people are thinking about me and freaking out over if I should speak, what I should say, or if I should run away.”
“Okay.”
“You wanted to know.”
He touched my cheek. “Thank you for telling me. It helps me understand you. And I want to understand you. I never want to do anything again that makes you feel that way. I want you to feel seen and known by me. I want to be your safe place. Someone you can count on to make you feel secure.”
“I want to feel that way with you,” I said, “and I want you to feel the same with me.”
He held me close again, and we clung to each other for long minutes.
“Some first date, huh?” he said.
I angled away to look up at him. “The first half of it was wonderful.”
He reached up and pushed a hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
I squeezed my arms tighter around behind his waist, and he lowered his head, taking my lips with his. I put everything into that kiss, wanting him to know I forgave him and loved every word he’d said to me.
I realized something then. “We’re in the spot of our first kiss,” I said against his lips.
“That’s right. The night you kissed me.”
I tilted my head away shyly.
“I was so surprised you actually did it,” he said.
“So was I.” I laughed.
He spun suddenly, lifted me to sit on the countertop, and leaned in close. “It was hot,” he whispered into my ear, sending pleasurable shivers all over my body.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he stepped between my legs, slid his arms around my waist, and brought me firmly against his chest.
And then there was no more talking. It was only his lips and mine. Giving and taking. My body melting into his. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time, opening up and being vulnerable like this with him .
When it was clear we needed to stop or risk crossing a line I wasn’t quite ready for, he helped me down. We took deep, calming breaths and finished the dishes. All the while, we brushed against each other, touched hands, and exchanged soft kisses. I was in a state of pure bliss.
We snuggled up on the couch after that and watched the movie Serendipity . I’m not sure how the movie ended, though, because we were a little preoccupied. Jake assured me it was nothing compared to our story, which warmed my heart.
He walked me to the guest house much later, and we kissed good night. For a long time.
I was blushing when he left from all the sweet nothings he’d whispered in my ear.
Once I was in bed, I thought back on the day. Definitely the best date I’d ever had—out of all three of my dates. I giggled at that thought.
The longer I lay there, the more I thought about all the things we’d done that day, and it became pretty clear to me that all his plans for us had been out of the public eye—brunch at home, the visit to the land, then dinner at home with a movie. He’d even suggested I stay in the car so he could go in and get the groceries by himself. I wondered if that had all been intentional or done subconsciously. And the uneasiness of the grocery store visit returned.
I understood being careful since the girls didn’t know yet. But if he wanted to keep our relationship private, I wished we’d had that conversation before our date.
Once the girls knew, would things change? He said he wouldn’t hide us again, but what if there was more to his behavior at the grocery store? What if he was worried about what people would think? Because he wasn’t alone in that. I’d spent my whole life worrying about what other people thought of me. That hadn’t gone away because I’d learned how to talk better to strangers. We lived in a small town with its fair share of gossip. I worried what people might say if they saw us walking around town holding hands—the single dad and the nanny. I got just how stereotypical that could be. And I worried how town gossip might affect the girls, especially at school. I hoped and prayed our dating wouldn’t bring any drama into their lives.
My phone buzzed.
Jake: Are you asleep?
Me: Yes.
Jake: Me too.
I giggled.
Jake: I had a very good day today.
Me: Oh yeah? What did you do?
Jake: Took my gorgeous girlfriend on a date.
My stomach was all aflutter to see him call me his girlfriend.
Me: Lucky girl.
Jake: I’m the lucky one.
I sent him a selfie of me smiling sweetly, and he sent me one in return.
Jake: I wish you were in my arms right now.
My body warmed, and I nearly swooned at his bare chest on display. I sent him a video of me blowing him a kiss, and he sent one back of him, catching it and pressing it to his chest over his heart.
Jake: Good night, Natalia.
Me: Good night, Hot Stuff.
Jake: LOL
Jake: (heart emoji)
Me: (heart emoji x4)
Relationships were definitely harder than I imagined, but I believed it was worth it. We were worth it. And I was certain we could get through whatever may come. Together.