Chapter 11
Ash jumped barrel after barrel, he and Midnight leaving Boone in the dust every time. He wanted to jump the fence and ride as far and as fast from here as possible, but at the same time, he was afraid to leave the property in case Willow came back.
He brought Midnight to a halt after two more laps, finding Boone and Cirrus already resting near the place where the gate opened back toward the barn.
“Are we racing each other?” Boone asked. “Or are you trying to turn back time Superman style?”
Ash was sweating, his heart pounding even after he and Midnight stopped.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I…” He blew out a breath. “Have you ever wondered if maybe you made the biggest mistake of your life, and even though you regretted every second of it, you still didn’t know how to fix it or if you ever even could?”
Boone let out a soft laugh. “You want to be a little more specific about that?” he asked. “Because it’s really hard to help with hypotheticals.”
Ash sighed. “I don’t know if it even matters anymore.” But it did matter. To him, at least. He could still feel Willow’s soft skin against his lips. Even now, the thrum of his heart had nothing to do with how hard he’d been riding. It was her. All her. But he’d been foolish enough to believe that Colt was right and she had actually forgiven him.
Both brothers pulled their phones out of their pockets at the same time.
“It’s Eli,” Boone said, and Ash nodded, opening the group text.
Eli: Get your asses down to the farmers market. Willow’s performing at Jenna’s tent.
Ash looked at his brother and then back down at his phone. It was a few minutes past noon, and the market closed at 1:00 p.m.
“I’m a mess,” Ash admitted, figuring that would be reason enough for him not to go. It wasn’t like Willow wanted him there after what happened the night before.
Boone nodded. “I can smell you from here. Guess you better get your ass in the shower, and I’ll give you a ride to the market.”
Ash’s mouth opened to respond, but no words came out.
“Come on, little brother. Why do you think Eli even texted? We knew you were in love with her four years ago, and based on the way you were looking at her last night and how you’ve been riding yourself ragged this morning, I’m guessing not much has changed.”
Ash sighed. “That’s just it. What if I haven’t changed? What if I’m still the asshole who broke her heart and she can’t ever forgive or trust me again?”
Boone shoved his phone back in his pocket and tilted his hat up so Ash could see his brother’s assessing gaze. “Are you really the asshole she thinks you are? Because from where I’m sitting, I think I’m looking at a guy who’d do what he could to make things right if given the chance.”
Ash’s throat tightened, and he felt the weight pressing down on his chest that had been there for four long years. “What if I don’t get that chance?”
Boone shrugged. “What if you do?”
***
Boone’s bike rolled to a stop just outside the barricaded Meadow Valley town square. Ash was off and unfastening his helmet before his brother even killed the engine.
“Go get her,” Boone called after him as Ash strode toward the soft sounds of a guitar strumming and his favorite voice singing the same lines she’d caught him singing in the shower just a week ago.
“‘This time I’ll pick myself up when I fall… This time I’ll block your number before you call. This time I’ll hold the needle and thread. Jagged stitches ’cross my heart…cold sheets on your side of the bed.’”
Ash pulled out his phone and pushed his way through the crowd until he was close enough to get a clear shot. He zoomed in so all he could see was Willow sitting on a stool under the awning of Jenna’s tent, her guitar in her lap. No band. No microphone. No anything other than her music and her words.
She wore a white tank, jeans, and the boots he’d pulled off her feet the night before. Her loose brunette waves hung over her shoulders as she parted her lips in a smile and sang.
It felt like the first time he’d seen her at a venue not much different than this. She hadn’t even made it through one song before he called Sloane and told her he’d found the opening act for the summer leg of his tour.
“She’s perfect, Sloane. We need her on this tour.”
Sloane had laughed. “Are you sure you’re talking about her talent ? I’ve seen her, Murphy.”
“Then you know she’s better than I’ll ever be,” he’d replied. “Find out who her manager is and make the call.”
Sloane sighed. “If she’s better than you, Murphy, why does she need your audience?”
“She doesn’t,” he admitted. “I just want to be a part of her story.”
Except now Ash was the chapter she wanted to rip from the book. So why was he here now? Why was Boone telling him to keep hanging on?
He snapped a couple of photos and recorded a short snippet of her next song. He couldn’t bring himself to share “This Time” with anyone other than the local audience surrounding them both right now.
His phone buzzed with a text message as he was lowering it to slip it back in his pocket. It was from Sloane.
Sloane: More of this, Murphy.
He tapped on the link she shared with the text, and it opened to Willow’s Instagram account and a photo she’d posted the night before.
Family reunion was all the caption said, but the photo contained none of Willow’s family. No Colt or Jenna or anyone really…except an obscured glimpse of a man through the flicker of a firepit’s flames. Ash.
Unless you knew it was him—like Sloane—there was no way to know it was him.
But the comments were full of speculation about who the mystery man was: a blood relative or someone new to Willow’s family .
cntrylvr: awww…glad you’re getting some downtime before the next big show!
morgansminions: it’s her brother, right? Have u seen him? Soooo sad he’s married.
wmstanfan: but what if it ISN’T her bro? announcement? Easter egg?
morphy4eva: never over her and @ashmurphofficial not being a real thing. at least not for the long haul. can someone tell her he’s back on the market and make this thing happen on AND off stage?
morgansminions: no way. she’s too smart to forgive him. you’ve seen the speculation surrounding the marriage announcement, right? if not, google it. #teammorgan is NOT reposting that garbage. WM deserves better.
Ash flinched.
He knew there was plenty of bullshit written about him online, some true and some not so true. It was all part of the gig. But this one stung, not because of how true it may or may not have been but because if this was how one of Willow’s fans felt about her forgiving him, then how the hell could Willow herself do it?
Yet that previous comment—not the disparaging reply—had over two thousand likes already since she’d posted it late last night. Wait…no. He looked at the time stamp from the post, which said the post went live only six hours ago. After he’d left Willow’s room.
Logically he knew Willow was just doing what she promised Sloane she’d do, but if it wasn’t an Easter egg, was it at the very least a bread crumb?
What if I don’t get a chance?
What if you do?
Willow finished the song, and the entire crowd at the farmers market erupted into applause. She stood and bowed, then blew a kiss to no one in particular before cupping her hands over her mouth and calling, “I’m Willow Morgan. This is my sister, Jenna, and she has the best eggs in Plumas County, so you better grab them before the market closes!”
And then she disappeared behind the tent as customers lined up for last-minute purchases.
Ash ducked his head as he weaved through the crowd, laughing to himself as he heard nothing more than, “Hey there, Ash,” or “Welcome home, Murphy.” Everywhere else he went, someone wanted a photo, autograph, or recorded message to a girlfriend. Here, no one wanted anything more than a “Hey there” or “Hi” in return.
“Hey there,” he said as he rounded the corner of the tent to where Willow was packing up her guitar.
Willow straightened and met his gaze.
“Hey there yourself,” she replied, her expression unreadable. She wasn’t smiling but wasn’t not .
“Did I mess this whole thing up, Wills…?” He cleared his throat. “ Willow . Sorry. Old habits.”
Willow shook her head. “I asked you to stay last night, Murphy.” She sighed. “And I initiated the kiss.”
He nodded once. “But you also put a stop to it once you came to your senses, and then when I woke up this morning, you were gone. I can pack up my shit and crash on Boone or Eli’s couch.” He shrugged. “A couch is a couch at this point, right? And if you want to call off the duet, that’s okay too. You can have whatever we’ve written so far and—”
“Stop it, Ash!” she cried, fisting her hands at her sides. “Stop trying to bend over backward for me like…like…”
“Like it’s going to make a difference when I know it won’t?” he asked.
She blew out a breath and shook her head. “Colt wasn’t wrong about what he told you, even if he had no right telling you what I’d told him in confidence.”
Ash cleared his throat. “About…forgiving me?”
Willow pressed her lips together and nodded back at him. “But last night brought so much back, and then what you said…about blocking your number?” She let out a bitter laugh. “I did more than block your number, Ash. I got a new phone, a new number. I didn’t trust myself not to go back over every other word you’d ever texted me trying to figure out what was real and what—”
“All of it,” he interrupted. “All of it was real, Willow. I swear. I loved you.”
She sucked in a breath through her nose, and the way the sun reflected in her eyes made them look like dark, glassy pools about to overflow.
“I borrowed my brother’s truck this morning to head out to the nearest store I could find for my cell phone provider to see if they could retrieve blocked texts from my old number.”
Ash’s eyes widened. “Did they find them? Did you read them? Do you believe me now that I never wanted…that the marriage was…”
His voice trailed off as she took the few steps toward him to close the distance.
“It’s not as quick a job as I thought it would be, but they’re working on it.” She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.
“But you believe me that I tried to get ahold of you, right? If that’s as far as this ever goes…” He motioned between them. “I need you to at least believe that I tried, even if I failed.”
His hands opened and closed where they hung at his sides as he itched to touch her but didn’t dare to make the first move.
“You said something about emails too. Ash… I never got any emails.”
He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. “I know I sound like I’m making all of this up, and I don’t know. Maybe I am. I drank a lot after you left, and what I swear I wrote in those early days…? I can’t find anything in my sent folder or in my sent texts. But it felt real. It still feels real, all those things I said to you to try to explain…to try to create the outcome where I didn’t lose you.” He opened his eyes and sighed. “I don’t believe myself when I hear it out loud. So I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me either. But—”
“You loved me,” she said, realization in her tone. Ash could see now that her lashes were wet.
He shook his head. If he had any chance at all of getting her back, then he had to tell her the whole truth, as much as she was willing to hear.
“Not past tense, Willow,” Ash admitted, his voice rough.
She sniffled again, and this time a tear leaked out of the corner of each eye. “Call me Wills,” she whispered.
He cupped her cheek in his palm and swiped at another falling tear with his thumb.
“I still love you, Wills. I always have. And if there is even the slightest chance that you could trust—”
She pressed her hands to his chest, and her lips brushed against his.
“Are you sure?” he whispered, still afraid to give in to what he’d wanted every single day for four goddamn years.
“No,” she whispered back, her mouth parted against his. “I’m not sure about anything other than being terrified of how much I can still want you after everything that’s happened. But I want to trust what you’re saying. I want to trust that this is real.”
“It’s real,” he ground out. “It’s always been real, Wills.”
“It’s always been real for me too,” she admitted. “But if you hurt me again—”
“I won’t .” He kissed her. “I’d trade my career before I hurt you again.”
She nodded, and not another word was spoken as he held her closer, kissed her harder, and hoped to hell she knew he was telling the truth. Ash Murphy would burn it all down before he’d ever break her heart again.