17. Amelia
Amelia
“What’d I miss?” Nino asks, taking the seat next to me.
It’s Monday night, and we’re at Tate’s house, having a cousins’ evening. It’s something new we’re doing since our lives have all become so busy.
I stare straight ahead, watching the flames lick high into the air as the fire warms my feet. The evenings are still chilly. Far too cold to wear sandals, but I refuse to wear closed-toed shoes once we hit the summer months.
“Reed’s moving here,” Lulu tells Nino when I don’t answer.
“No shit?” Nino says. I don’t need to turn his way to know he’s staring at me. “Who does that?”
“A good man,” Tate replies.
I finally look at Nino. “It’s crazy, right?”
He nods. “Kind of, but then again, you two are married.”
I groan as he chuckles. “You’re not helping me.”
Nino shrugs. “I didn’t think you had the same reckless streak in you that I have in me. I’m almost proud.”
“Great,” I mutter with a shake of my head.
I’ve never been the reckless type. I spent my life thinking through every decision, carefully weighing the pros and cons. But somehow, a trip to Vegas and some tequila shots later, and I throw caution to the wind.
Nino leans back, running his fingers through his floppy black hair. “But I’ve never eloped while drunk, so you may have me beat.”
I lift my hand and give him the middle finger. “It’s the only dumb thing I’ve done in my life. But you,” I say with a pointed stare toward Nino, “have a list of questionable choices.”
“I like to call them learning experiences.”
“You like to learn the hard way,” Brax tells him from across the firepit, rubbing his hands together as a gust of wind nearly takes me out with the smoke blowing in my face.
I cough, trying to clear my lungs. I love sitting by the fire, but the smoke is awful. It’s the one thing I hate about outdoor fires, but I can’t get up and move, or they’ll think I’m trying to avoid the conversation.
“It’s more fun that way,” Nino tells Brax, motioning for him to hand over a beer from the cooler at Brax’s side.
“Is he going to live with you?” Zoey asks.
I direct my gaze to her. “Hell no. He can get his own place. I barely know the man.”
“And yet, you’re married to him and are carrying his child.”
I cover my face with my hands and mutter a slew of curse words into my palm. What they’re saying isn’t false, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.
“The city’s expensive,” Mason says, as if no one in the backyard already knows this.
Once I’ve sworn enough, I drop my hands and stare at Mason. “He has a family member who lives here. He can stay with him until he changes his mind and goes back to South Dakota,” I explain. “A cowboy from the country will never survive for very long in a town like this.”
“Don’t sell him short,” Mason replies. “A man will do just about anything for the woman he loves.”
“But he doesn’t love me, Mase. If I weren’t having his baby, he wouldn’t be moving here.
This is some old-school macho bullshit where he feels like he needs to take care of me or us.
” I place my hand on my stomach. “And I don’t need him.
I have my family and more money than I know what to do with.
He’s uprooting his life for absolutely no reason. ”
“Just because we don’t carry the baby for nine months doesn’t mean we’re not just as invested in their lives and love them as much as you,” Brax says to me. “I would burn the world down for Nova.”
“Do you think your dad loves you less than your mom?” Nino asks me.
“No,” I whisper.
I think it’s the opposite. Not that one truly loves me more or less than the other, but my dad and I are closer than I am with my mom.
I’m a daddy’s girl, through and through.
I can do no wrong in his eyes. Even getting knocked up and drunk-married didn’t rattle the man.
He is still the same supportive guy who coached me through learning how to ride a bike.
“I think a man like Reed, who’s willing to move to a new state and leave behind his work, his life, and his family for a baby who’s not even here yet, is clearly a selfless, caring person.”
“Or a lunatic,” I mutter.
Nino elbows me. “Stop.”
“Would you do what he’s about to do?” I ask Nino after I elbow him back.
“Never, but I’m notoriously selfish,” he replies.
“That ain’t no lie,” Tate says with a tip of her beer bottle toward our cousin.
If I weren’t the topic of conversation tonight, this would be nice.
Everyone’s been so busy with work and their kids, we haven’t had much time to catch up like we used to in the old days.
All the spouses are with the kids tonight, so we have a few hours to shoot the shit, as Tate says.
But I really think this was a way for everyone to find out where my head is at and grill me.
“He may surprise you, Amelia,” Lulu says from my other side. “Give the man a chance.”
“Not every man is Oliver,” I tell her. “Reed could be a horrible person.”
She married a good one. Hell, all my cousins have found amazing spouses. But not one of them started off the way Reed and I are. Their ability to form a cohesive thought wasn’t altered by too much tequila, resulting in a pregnancy. Their lives weren’t altered by an act they don’t even remember.
“Do you honestly believe that?” she asks me.
“No,” I sigh. “I don’t. I think he’s a good one too, and it pisses me off.”
Lulu touches my arm. “You like him, don’t you?”
“I…” I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to admit that there’s a part of me that really does like Reed.
He hasn’t done or said anything that’s given me a moment’s pause.
I was worried about telling him about the baby, figuring he’d think I was trying to trap him, but Reed didn’t even flinch at the news.
What kind of guy does that? A good one. Damn it. “A small part of me does,” I admit.
“Well, maybe this was all meant to be,” she suggests.
I’ve never been a fairy-tale kind of girl. That’s my mom’s thing, not mine. Fate is for fiction, not real life. I don’t believe in love at first sight or soul mates, but obviously, other people in my family, like Lulu, do.
“I don’t believe in fate, Lu.”
“When is he coming?” Zoey asks.
“There’s a joke there, but I’m going to let it sit,” Brax says with a chuckle.
“I think he’ll be back by the weekend,” I answer, not acknowledging Brax’s statement.
“Wow. So soon,” Lulu says with a smile. “I like that.”
“Of course you would,” I tell her.
“Baby girl, the man may surprise you. Give him a shot,” Tate says, always the first one willing to hand out sage advice. “You’re both in a situation you didn’t plan on being in. You both deserve some grace and time.”
“Yeah, maybe. Can we talk about something else? This isn’t an Amelia chat. It’s a cousins’ night,” I say.
“How about you?” Tate asks, staring at Nino. “Meet anyone yet?”
“I meet plenty of women,” he answers with a smirk.
“Any of them stick?” she asks.
“Not yet,” he replies.
“Kind of hard to get the Amber Room ladies to stick when they’re covered in baby oil and glitter,” Mason says with a chuckle.
Nino gives him the middle finger. “I’m not old enough to settle down. I have a lot of years to live.”
“Life doesn’t end when you find a girlfriend,” Brax explains, but he shouldn’t waste his breath on Nino. The man has made it perfectly clear over the years that he doesn’t ever want to get married. “When you find the right one, they’ll add to your life, not take away from it.”
“That’s not part of my five-year plan,” Nino answers like he’s making perfect sense. “Maybe part of my ten-year plan, but it’s the lowest on the list.”
“You have a five-year plan?” Lulu asks him, her eyebrows furrowed like she’s confused by his statement. Which I’m sure she is. Nino isn’t known for planning anything, including his life.
“A five-year plan needs to have more than sex on it, cousin,” Mason tells him.
“I have more than that. Trust me, it’s a good list,” Nino says with complete confidence.
“Tell me two things on it,” Tate says, placing her empty beer bottle on the ground. “Besides sex.”
“Make a million dollars and buy a loft.”
“You can buy a loft now,” she tells him. “You have enough money in your trust fund for that.”
He shakes his head. “Haven’t found the right one.”
Each of my cousins, along with me, received a sizable trust fund when we turned twenty-one.
It’s from old money our family made a few generations back.
Instead of spending all of it, the family decided to make sure future generations would have nest eggs for college, a house, or whatever we might need.
There was only one stipulation. We couldn’t sit on our asses and live solely off the money in our accounts.
“Picky about where he lives, but not where he dips his dick,” Mason says before downing the last third of his beer. “Ridiculous.”
My phone vibrates in my lap, and I glance down, seeing Reed’s name on the screen. For once, I’m thankful to have something else to do besides talk about Nino’s sex life.
Reed: How are you doing?
I glance around, making sure the attention is off me before I write back.
Me: Good. You?
I stare at the three dots as I wait for his reply. I ignore the way my belly flutters, chalking it up to the pregnancy.
Reed: Good. Parents took the news well. Just have to break the news to my siblings. I’ll be there by the weekend.
Me: Is your uncle okay with you staying with him?
Reed: He’s rarely home. He’s fine with it until I find a place to live, which shouldn’t take long.
I don’t know what we’d do if Reed didn’t have family here. There is no way I’d be okay with him staying with me, even for a little while. That shit only works out in Hallmark movies, not real life.
Reed: Any places available in your building?
Here we go. He doesn’t plan on living on the other side of the city. The man is going to get as close to us as he can. Maybe it’s for the best. I’ll need more help as I get further along, and he’ll be close enough to help out with the baby once it’s born.
Me: Maybe. I’ll have to check.
Reed: I’ll talk to a real estate agent when I get there.
I lied. The place next to mine is open. It has been for months, but Reed being that close could be disastrous and far too tempting.
The problem is…I like Reed. I like Reed too much, and I don’t want to. We didn’t mean to end up in this situation. I wanted him to be a fun, flirty vacation fling…a happy memory. That ship had sailed, and we can’t walk it back now.
Me: You don’t need to live so close.
Did that come off rude? Probably, but I need distance between him and me. If I don’t get it, I’m worried I will fall head over heels for this man…my husband.
Reed: You’re going to need me.
I grumble as I read over that message a few times. I’ve never wanted to need anyone. As an only child, I learned how to be independent. The very thought of needing someone grates on my nerves.
Me: You could drive a car.
Reed: The traffic is too bad there.
I can’t argue with that. The traffic is horrendous and has only gotten worse over the years.
Reed: I want to be close to our child.
Of course he does. It’s only natural. But there is a small part of me that wants…
Reed: And you.
That is the answer I wanted, and I hate myself for it too.
Me: You don’t need to say that.
I can almost hear the desperation in my own words. I don’t want to be an afterthought in someone’s life. A choice by default out of some sense of responsibility. I want to be wanted for me and not for the baby I’m carrying.
Reed: Amelia, a man doesn’t deliver divorce papers in person unless he’s having second thoughts. I’m having a lot of second thoughts.
I blink down at the screen in surprise.
“What’s he saying?” Lulu asks as she tries to catch a glimpse of my screen.
“Who?” I ask, attempting to play stupid.
“Reed. I know you’re texting him.”
“How?” I ask her.
“You’re smiling like a love-sick puppy,” she answers.
“I am not.”
Lulu smiles. “Sure, babe. Whatever you say.”
I hand her the phone, wanting someone else’s opinion. I don’t know why I bother; I already know what she’s going to say.
She’s quiet for a moment while her finger glides up and then back down the screen. She hands it back, and I brace myself.
“If you don’t stay married to that man…” She shakes her head. “If I weren’t already married, I’d happily take him off your hands.”
“I’m so screwed,” I tell her, and I rest my head against the tall Adirondack chair.
“Oh, poor you,” she says, pretending to wipe nonexistent tears away from her eyes.
“Babe, there are worse things in the world than having a hot cowboy who wants to stay your husband. And trust me, when that baby comes and is screaming in the middle of the night, you’re going to want him by your side.
I’ve never been so damn tired in my whole life. ”
“I can’t do it,” I whine. I cherish my sleep. I always have and always will. Growing up, I didn’t have any brothers or sisters to pester me. The house was always quiet until at least noon because my parents were the same way.
“Too late for that. Let the man live with you. Soon, your feet will swell and start to hurt. Doing something as simple as putting on your shoes will become tricky. You’ll want all the help you can get.”
“Will you move in with me, Lu?” I ask, giving her puppy-dog eyes. “Please.”
“I don’t think my kids or husband would like that, babe. But I know a sexy rancher who’s available and already yours,” Lulu replies.
I know she is right about everything, but that doesn’t make any of it easier to accept. Can I live with someone I hardly know?
“But I’m sure if Reed doesn’t move in, your mom will be more than happy to stay with you,” Lulu adds, driving that nail right into the coffin in a single blow.
“Fuck me,” I mutter. “I hate when you’re right.”
Lulu places her hand on my arm. “And side note, you get super horny when you’re pregnant. Or, at least, I did. Reed can scratch all the itches.”
I stare at her with wide eyes. “You’re shitting me.”
She shakes her head. “I wanted to do it all the time.”
“That can’t be good for the baby,” I tell her.
She raises an eyebrow. “Is he big big?” she asks, holding her hands over a foot apart.
I giggle. “Not that big.”
“Then the baby will be fine.”
Damn. But the real question is…will I?