Chapter Twenty-Five Savannah
Chapter Twenty-Five
Savannah
“Jesus, Savannah. How many times are you gonna let yourself get kicked in the teeth before you realize that he’s a black hole and you’re just the sucker he pulled into it? You’ll never be anything more.”
I turn to look at Nash. He glares at the windshield and presses his foot on the gas. Outside, the sky is dark and foreboding. Like a warning that something is coming. Something bad.
A shudder ripples through me, the ice in my brother’s words chilling me bone deep.
“Is this your way of showing brotherly concern?” I ball my fingers into tight fists. “Because quite frankly, you can shove your warnings and anger up your ass. Okay? I needed a ride, not another lecture. Especially not from you.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
I pound on the sides of my seat, a frustrated cry knotting in my throat.
“It means that you’ve barely tolerated being around me since I got back.
I get little glimpses of the brother I used to know a long time ago, which make me hopeful, and then when I think that things might actually be okay with us, you attack.
Or you fire off some nasty dig to remind me of the fact that I didn’t care about you or Aunt Marg, or that I’m a lovesick idiot on a carousel to nowhere. ”
“Maybe that’s your own guilt talking,” he mutters.
“I think it’s more than that. Yes, I have plenty of guilt, enough to haunt me for a lifetime. But I’m trying to make things work here. I’m trying to make up for lost time, trying to help put Red Rock back together so it can thrive again. Can’t you see that?”
“Kinda hard to see your noble efforts while you’re stuck in Hartman’s net.”
“Look, I was at the Hartman ranch when Blaze got the call about Wyatt. I brought over some desserts for them, which is something I always used to do. He was upset, and I didn’t think he should be by himself.”
“Oh yeah?” Nash asks, slanting me a look. “Is that why you reek of him right now? Because you were sitting together in his truck? Standing together in the hospital?”
Breath catches in my lungs. “Why do you care, Nash? Is it because we went behind your back all those years ago? Is that what this is all about? Are you still angry that we were together?”
He slams his hands on the steering wheel, muscles twitching in his tight jaw.
“You don’t know shit,” he mutters. “Thinkin’ it’s because you pulled the wool over my eyes.
” He lets out a sharp, humorless laugh and shakes his head.
“Grow up, Savvie. Open your damn eyes. Because you can’t protect yourself from him. And you fight me every time I try to.”
He pulls off the road and heads down the driveway leading to the house.
My mind reels, trying to process his caustic words when his foot lands hard on the brake. I lurch forward, then hit the back of the seat. Nash doesn’t make a move to turn off the ignition. He just sits there, eyes straight ahead, stubbled jaw tense as hell.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave?” I bite down on my lower lip, pausing for a beat. “I thought we were making progress.”
“Yeah, well, that was when I thought you’d stopped making dumbass choices.”
“I told you, nothing hap—”
“Sure, Savvie,” he interrupts. “Nothing happened. Got it.”
“I really want this to work, Nash. The whole thing. Red Rock, us. I want to fix what’s broken. So if you needed to hear that, then there it is. I am in this.” Twisting around in the seat, I put my hand on his arm. “Can’t you see that?”
“It’ll take a hell of a lot more than a few words to smooth shit over.”
“Well, tell me what you need. Talk to me. Please. I don’t want to dance on eggshells around you. I want us to go back to the way we used to be.”
He looks at me, remorse swirling in the depths of his green eyes. “That’s the problem, Savvie. You can’t ever go back. Some things just can’t be fixed, no matter what you want. No matter what you do.”
Pain fractures my insides. “So that’s it? We’re done?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not talking about you and me.”
“You and Blaze?”
“He’s quicksand. You never saw it. Still don’t.”
“I don’t understand. If the two of us can move past what happened, why can’t you do the same with him?”
Nash grits his teeth. “Because he ain’t worth my time or effort. Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on me. He’s a self-centered asshole tangled up in some seedy shit, shit that’ll blow right back onto you if you don’t stay away from him.”
“Thank you for caring so much. But I can take care of myself. I know who he is, Nash. I’m not the same girl I used to be, the one who had rose-colored glasses permanently stuck to her face.
” I give his arm a squeeze. He might be angry as hell, but he’s still being protective. I guess I should take what I can get.
It still niggles my brain that Nash can’t get over the affair after all this time. Yes, we betrayed him, and it was a horrible fallout at the worst possible time in our lives.
I’m as much to blame as Blaze. But for some reason, Nash has a crap ton of resentment targeted at him.
“Just be careful, Savvie,” Nash says. “He hurt you once, and he’ll do it again. No matter what he tells you.”
“I appreciate your concern. Really, I do. But I’m good. I won’t let him hurt me again.”
Nash lets out a grunt that tells me exactly what he thinks about that. Then he turns off the ignition and hops out of the truck.
“What are you doing?” I ask, following him toward the barn.
“It’s feeding time, isn’t it?” He lifts an eyebrow at me over his shoulder. “I’m gonna help you and the guys take care of our legacy before the rains come.”
My heart floats up in my chest, and I want to dance and cheer.
Then my sobering reality crashes over me, squelching the glee about my brother and I finally turning a corner.
Because Blaze still looms, and so do my inconvenient and very dangerous feelings for him.
I set my laptop on the nightstand before falling back against the pillows with a deep sigh.
Nash is so good at this ranching thing. He might not be in touch with laws and financing, but he knows his way around a ranch.
He understands the animals and what they need.
He can do just about anything out here, from equipment repairs to milking the cattle.
He doesn’t need Google or YouTube. He just . . . gets it. It’s in his blood.
His blood. Not mine. And those times when Nash shows up to help out, it makes me feel like repairing our relationship might actually lead to working together in some way. Like maybe we can carry on the family legacy together.
Of course, there’s always that giant-ass elephant in the room.
The elephant named Blaze.
I wonder if Nash is ever going to forgive me for that.
My biggest error in judgment to date.
“Damn him.” I scrape a hand down the front of my face. “And damn me.”
I settle into the plush mattress and pull the comforter over my head. It smells faintly of lavender because I used one of the sachets in the wash earlier this week. It helps me sleep, keeps me calm. Makes me think of things other than the one man I can never have but refuse to give up on.
Which makes me think of his demanding hands, his hungry lips, and his—
I squeeze my eyes and legs shut to stop the onslaught of tingles dancing over my prickled skin.
I really need to stop replaying our afternoon sex fest. But my body is on a completely different page than my mind. I slam a pillow over my face.
“No, I am absolutely not taking out the Pink Panther,” I yell into the sweet-smelling pillowcase.
My eyes fly open at the faint knock on the front door.
Nash has a key. So, who . . . ?
I pull on my robe and jog down the stairs. My heart leaps into my throat as I peer through the pane of glass next to the door.
“He’s a self-centered asshole tangled up in some seedy shit, shit that’ll blow right back onto you if you don’t stay away from him.”
I should turn my back on the door and walk upstairs. I should get back into my bed and pull the covers over my head.
I should do so many things right now . . .
But instead, I do the very thing I shouldn’t and open the door.
“How’s Wyatt?” I ask. Because for as much as I despise Blaze right now, Wyatt is my friend, and while I’ve been stewing over Blaze and his complete and utter disregard for me, I’ve also been thinking about Wyatt and hoping he’s okay. So I ask because I care. About Wyatt.
Period.
Blaze takes off his hat. His eyes are heavy and dark, shoulders slumped. “He’s gonna be okay. He woke up around dinner. I stayed with him for a while.”
I give a swift nod. “Good. I’m glad to hear that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed back to bed because I can’t imagine any other reason why you’d be here right now other than to let me know Wyatt is going to be fine.”
My heart explodes against my chest as I start to close the door.
Blaze steps into the doorway, the door slamming against his boot. “That’s not why I came.”
I lift an eyebrow and stick a hand on my hip. “Oh really? Whyever would you come here again, then?” I say, sarcasm simmering on my tongue.
He doesn’t answer. Just stares at me with those haunted golden eyes.
“Say something, Blaze. Explain what happened between us at your house today and then why you couldn’t even look me in the eye at the hospital afterward. Explain anything.”
He shakes his head, grabbing onto the edge of the wooden door and forcing it back open. “I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” I shiver as a rush of night air whispers through my flimsy pajamas. Pulling the sides of my robe closed, I cock my head to one side, waiting for his usual answer or some cryptic bullshit that means absolutely nothing to me.
“Does it matter?” he asks.
“It does to me.” My mouth sets into a tight line. “So either say something, or I’m slamming this door in your face.”
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“That’s it? That’s what you have for me?” I press my fingertips to my temples, incredulous. “Of course you shouldn’t be here. And now that we’re on the same page, why don’t you tell me why you are here?”
He moves into the foyer and closes the door behind him. His tall, muscular form casts a long shadow on the floor, courtesy of the light of a full moon outside.
Screw you, full moon, for making me have all these crazy thoughts and feelings and desires. And screw you harder for sending him here.
“Because staying away is killing me.” His voice sends chills skittering down my spine.
I put my hands against his chest to keep him away. His heart rattles hard against my palms, a rush of heat sizzling my fingertips as I dig them into his shirt.
“Tell me to leave, Savvie.” He cups my face, tilting it up so I have no choice but to look at him and get lost in that melted-caramel gaze. “Mean it and I’ll go.”