Chapter Thirty-Nine Blaze
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Blaze
Four Months Later
Making a mental list of the things I need to pick up this morning, I pull into a parking spot in front of Anderson’s Feed and Supply.
I’ve been working hard at the ranch, making space for livestock that will be transported to the property next week.
The rental market has really taken off over the past few months, and since no other ranches in the immediate area are offering their land to lessees, they’re all coming to Red Rock to get their feet wet in the ranching business.
A pang assaults my heart, as it always does when I think about how far we’ve come with the restoration and rebuild of the ranch.
I think Savannah would love it. At least, I hope she would.
Nash speaks to her pretty often, but he doesn’t really share much with me. Maybe that’s at her request. Maybe he just doesn’t want me to spiral because she’s completely cut me out of her life.
I don’t ask questions. I just keep working. It’s the only thing that keeps my mind off what I let slip through my fingers.
I get out of my truck and look around. The town feels different now that the dust has settled. Everyone knows the truth about Dr. Burgess and Wilkerson. They know I testified at Wilkerson’s trial and helped put him away for life without parole.
But some still haven’t changed their minds about me. They hang on to my old reputation, eyeing me with distrust whenever I come into town. To them, old habits die hard, I guess.
And being a Hartman isn’t as great now as it used to be, back before anyone knew who and what my dad really was all about.
All of our skeletons have been exposed, and some folks just refuse to let go of their opinions. But I’ve learned my lessons the hard way, and I’m suffering over them. I feel like I’ve paid my debts. If they don’t agree, fuck them.
I walk toward the front entrance of the feed store. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mrs. Patterson and Mrs. Henderson standing next to a car with the hood up and the engine spitting steam.
My mind trips back to when I first got back to Whiskey Creek after leaving the military.
I heard their snide comments, felt their harsh judgment every time I appeared in the same place as them.
As I approach, Mrs. Patterson busies herself with staring down at the buttons on her sweater, while Mrs. Henderson raises her voice to whomever she’s talking to on the phone.
“No, I understand you’re busy. How long? Two hours?” she snaps.
She hangs up the phone and heaves a deep sigh.
“What did Jim say?” Mrs. Patterson asks.
“He’s on the Morrison ranch, doing a radiator repair. He won’t be back for two hours.” She frowns at the smoke billowing from under the hood. “But we have the church social in an hour. And all of the food is in the trunk. It will spoil.”
Mrs. Patterson continues to look in any direction but mine.
I know what they think of me, Mrs. Henderson, Mrs. Patterson, and the rest of the church ladies.
None of the gossips in this town bothered to give me the time of day when I came home.
I could ignore them, give them more to talk about behind my back.
But instead, I stop next to Mrs. Henderson.
“Car trouble, ladies?”
They look at me, wary, shock seeping into their expressions.
“Yes, Blaze. It’s a radiator leak. But Jim can’t get here for two hours to fix it.”
“Mind if I take a look?”
Her jaw drops. “Er, um, no, not at all.”
I find a loose hose clamp right away and quickly fix it with the tools in my truck as they watch, speechless. Probably for the first time ever. I swallow a smile as I close the hood. “Okay, I patched it up for you. It’ll hold until Jim can fix it right.”
“Blaze . . . thank you so much,” Mrs. Henderson says.
“Yes, thank you for all of your help,” Mrs. Patterson says with a genuine smile that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. “And we heard what you did, testifying against Jack Wilkerson. That was so brave of you.”
“Nash told us what wonderful work you’re doing at Red Rock too,” Mrs. Henderson pipes in. “And I . . .” She pauses, a flush of color in her cheeks. “I’m sorry for things we’ve said in the past. Assumptions we made. They weren’t fair to you.”
“I gave people good reasons to assume things about me. I can’t blame them. But I am trying to change.”
“And we notice that, dear,” Mrs. Patterson says. “How is Savannah doing in Denver?”
My heart sinks into my boots at the mention of her. “She’s doing well, from what Nash says.”
Mrs. Henderson grazes my arm, almost like she knows how much I’m hurting, how hearing Savannah’s name just dredges up all of the pain that no amount of time seems to ease. “I bet she’ll come home. She won’t stay away forever. And she will love the work you’ve done.”
I stand there after they get into the car and drive away. This town used to hate me. Now my biggest critics are thanking me, telling me they see how I’ve changed for the better.
But the only opinion that matters is the one that’s still missing.
When I get back to Red Rock, I head toward the barn to unload the bags of feed. Nash is there, building out a space for storage. With all the animals we’re managing, we needed a separate space for more equipment and supplies.
“Nice work,” I say, wiping the sweat off my brow as I drop the last load onto the ground.
“Thanks,” he says. “You good?”
“All good, just held up because Mrs. Henderson’s car broke down. I fixed it for her.”
“Good man. Not too long ago, her and her church buddies were tearing into you every chance they got. I guess now they’re fans of the new and improved Blaze Hartman, in all his car-repair glory.”
I shrug, cracking a smile. “Well, I figure if I’m gonna stay here, I may as well try to be a stand-up citizen. I can restore ranches, reputations, you name it.”
Nash nods, then looks away for a long minute. “I, uh, talked to Savvie last night.”
The air is immediately squeezed from my throat. “How’s she doing?”
“She sounded good. Happy. Got that promotion she’d been working on.”
“That’s great.” I almost choke on the words, but I knew this would happen. Life goes on, right?
At least, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself.
Even with all the work I’ve done out here at Red Rock, it feels like my own life has permanently stalled out ever since I drove home from Denver.
I really need to let her go, but it’s so damn hard when I’m constantly haunted by her presence, living on her ranch, and spending all this time with Nash.
It’s like she’s always here with us, a spirit that can never be exorcised.
“She’s, uh, dating somebody too.”
And my world wobbles.
“That’s . . . that’s great. For her.” My heart thunders. I swallow hard and lift the bags onto one of the new shelves.
“Really?” Nash says, doubt in his voice.
“She has every right to date and build a life. She’s moving on. I’m . . . happy for her.”
“Well, she didn’t say how serious it is. I mean, she said he’s nice, but—”
“Nice is good. Nice doesn’t lie to her face. Nice doesn’t sabotage her ranch.”
“Hey,” Colt says from behind us. “The new space looks great, Nash.”
“Thanks,” Nash says, his eyes still on me.
“We were just talking about Savvie’s new boyfriend in Denver,” I say, busying myself with cleaning out the troughs. I kick at some stray hay in my path, blood boiling as it courses through my veins.
“Shit,” Colt mutters.
I turn around and force a smile. “Guys, this is a good thing. She needs a decent guy by her side. She deserves that.”
“You’re a good guy too,” Nash says quietly.
“Yeah, but I fucked up my chances. That’s how it goes. You don’t get an endless number of shots. I got more than I should have and still managed to screw them up.”
Images of her with another guy invade my brain without warning, her and some faceless guy in all sorts of positions that make bile shoot up the back of my throat. Some other guy is kissing her, touching her, fucking her, listening to her talk and laugh.
I had all of it, and I let it go. I just hope the bastard realizes that he’s struck gold in her.
In her.
Fuck.
I don’t want to think about that. At all.
“Is that how you really feel?” Colt asks.
I twist around, narrowing my eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” he says, walking toward me. “I look around this place, and I see all you’ve done. You took her ideas, implemented her plans, got things running around here again. You breathed life into it.”
“Yeah, and?” I snap.
“None of it can make her love you again,” he says in a low voice. “I’ve watched you work yourself to the bone, trying to make this place perfect for her. But she doesn’t want it. She’s moved on. And it’s time for you to do the same thing. You need to figure out your life now.”
I slide down the wall of the barn. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“I don’t, either, but you’ve gotta start by acknowledging that this place is yours.
What you repaired, how you’ve helped resurrect it, it’s all yours.
She’s gone, and you need to accept that.
You created something great here, Blaze.
Something to be proud of. Maybe that’s where you start.
” He sighs and drops down next to me. “It sucks to look ahead, but think about the alternative. Dad spent his whole life stuck in the past, wishin’ and wantin’ for things he couldn’t ever get back, and look where that got him. And you. And us.”
He rests a hand on my shoulder. “You deserve a life too. That’s all I’m saying.”
A deep sigh shudders my chest.
Because Colt’s right.
There’s nothing left to fix.
Except myself.