Chapter Fourteen #2
“It’s probably time.” He let the reins slide through his fingers, giving the gelding his head. “I’ll move home and drive over for the next couple of days to finish the roofing and to reinforce the bull pen.”
“Sounds good.” She punctuated the words with a glance.
It might have sounded good to her, but it felt kind of like a gut punch to him. He’d been on board with her parameters in the beginning, believing that they wanted the same thing. And they had. Then.
He was the one who’d changed. He was the one who now wanted more. He couldn’t blame Lil for wanting what she’d asked for in the first place.
*
“I really liked working on the Tree Fork, and I might get more work there in the future, but it’s good to be back.” Dakota’s smile was infectious and Lil couldn’t help but smile back despite her less than jolly mood. “Wade’s hilarious.”
Two days had passed since Jordan had hitched the trailer to his truck and disappeared down the driveway, leaving the ranch feeling emptier that night than Lil expected.
She still didn’t know how to handle matters between them, so she didn’t.
Instead, while Meg put in hours at the school, prepping for her career, Lil focused on the business of feeding cows, riding her client horses, mowing and filling badger holes—a task that Dakota was about to take over.
A rhythmic hammering began from the direction of the machine shed as Dakota disappeared out the rear of the barn, shovel in hand.
Lil steeled herself and headed to the house.
Even if she could do the impossible and put Jordan out of her mind, it wouldn’t last long because he was still on the ranch.
Only now, instead of exiting the trailer in the morning, sometimes leaving Lil snuggled in the sheets, he drove over from the Tree Fork, worked for most of the day, then drove home.
When the roofing was done, he’d be out of her hair.
His words, not hers. Words that meant intimate times were over.
And that was how she’d wanted things, right? To drift back to the friends zone?
Was that even realistic?
Why had she ever thought it was?
Damn it, she missed him but didn’t know how to come to a place that was good for both of them.
Jordan hauled a bundle of shingles up the ladder and disappeared over the peak of the machine shed roof shortly after Dakota drove away in the early afternoon. The heavy slap of the bundle being dropped made Dudley’s ear twitch.
“I know,” Lil murmured as she flicked the brush over his damp coat.
She was hyperaware too. Dudley was going home the next day, and Sara Crabbe’s mare would take his place.
Hopefully, Sara would sing her praises because she hadn’t had many calls requesting her services, thank you cow shooter.
She told herself that would change. The incident would be forgotten and life would go on.
She untied the gelding and started toward the corral when a skidding sound followed by a shout startled both of them.
Dudley hit the end of the lead line at the same time a hollow thud sounded from the back of the shed.
Lil dropped the rope and dashed to the shed, skirting the tractor and rounding the corner in time to see Jordan getting to his feet.
Their eyes met briefly, then he grimaced and dusted off his jeans.
“You fell off the roof.” Her heart was still hitting her ribs and showed no signs of slowing.
“Appears so.” He rubbed his shoulder, rotating it beneath his grip.
“Did you break anything?” She stepped closer, wanting to touch him, but not daring.
“It wasn’t that bad of a fall. The worst part was skidding over the shingles on my belly.” He lifted the bottom of his shirt and showed her the road rash.
She gasped at the sight of his reddened skin. “What the hell, Jordan?”
He dropped his shirt again. “Things happen.”
“What if it had happened on the barn?” Which was a good ten feet higher at the eaves.
“It didn’t.” He brushed himself off again, then let his hands fall to his sides as he faced her. “It’s almost like you care.”
Lil felt her cheeks warm. “I do care,” she snapped, pushing her hair back in a distracted gesture.
His expression shifted, gave a little, and so did hers.
“Jordan … I’m not ready for next steps.” He didn’t answer, and, frustrated, Lil found her spine and spoke the truth. “I’m not ready to fall in love.”
His expression barely changed. “It’s too late for me.”
Shock spiraled through her, just as it had when he’d said he didn’t want to lose her.
His shoulders tightened, as if he was stopping himself from reaching for her. “I didn’t see this coming, Lil.” And he didn’t sound one bit apologetic.
His feelings were what they were, and he was standing behind them.
“Okay.” She was barely aware of speaking. No love, no loss. Another of Maya’s pithy phrases popped into her head. She brushed it aside. “What now?”
Jordan gave an amazingly casual shrug. “We go on as we are.”
“Seems a bit awkward.”
“You can mail the lease check if you want.”
She would have laughed under other circumstances. Dudley ambled by, dragging the lead rope on the ground and Lil took the opportunity to catch him. “Jordan …”
He held up his hands. “Take your time. If you have anything I should know, we can talk later.”
And with that, he turned to the ladder and started climbing.
*
“Do you think you did the right thing?” Maya asked after Lil had poured her troubles out to her sister when she’d called out of the blue.
It was Jordan’s last day on the ranch, and though he’d expected to be done by noon it was going on one o’clock and he was still there, messing with her head.
“I do.” The words were quick and adamant.
“Then …”
Lil closed her eyes, lifting her chin to the ceiling as she tried to put her feelings into words.
She was scared. If she confessed that, then Maya would say, Of what?
and head off on the don’t let fear rule and being afraid of change because of the school of hard knocks tangents.
She didn’t need another lecture from a sister who rarely if ever dated.
“You feel betrayed.”
Lil gripped the phone more tightly, surprised at the insight. “Yes.” He was supposed to continue playing by the rules they’d set.
“Understandable.”
She almost said, Really?
“You started out with an understanding of how things would be, but now you have different objectives and they don’t mesh.”
“That’s the situation,” she agreed.
“Things have played out. You move on.”
Yes. So why did her stomach tighten at that stark conclusion?
“You’re right. And I know that Jordan understands this, but I feel like crap about how this all blew up.” She’d thought she could have fun sex with Jordan, along with a strong friendship, but not so strong that losing it would devastate her.
Surprise. That didn’t work.
“Actually, I called about Jordan.”
“You did?” Lil had barely said hello when Maya had demanded to know what was wrong.
And Lil needed to talk, so she had.
“I found out something.”
Lil’s stomach stayed in its tight knot. “What’s that?”
“I know who Libby Weston is.”
Lil had texted the woman’s name to Maya right after Jordan set up his meeting, and apparently her sister had done some bloodhounding.
“Who?”
“You’re not going to believe this … she’s Carl Jordan’s widow.”