Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
CAL
S he was like a bad recording on repeat. “You don’t know me; I’m not the same, blah blah blah.”
Yeah, some things about her were different. Some things weren’t. Hiding things in her bra had been her standard go-to in college. And by the way she clung to the purse, holding it in front of her chest, I knew she’d tucked her phone down her shirt.
I had one arm around her and the other down her shirt. Her hair was in my face and smelled like peppermint. She fit next to me perfectly. My chin was at her temple. The feel of her took me to a place I long thought had shriveled up and blown away. But as my knuckles brushed the smooth skin of her breast, my fingers scraping the lace of her bra, I was catapulted back in time to a place where I could drink from her sweetness because I had an open invitation.
Now, she was probably going to stomp on my other foot. As she should.
I have no right to touch her.
God help me, I wanted to touch her more. To run my thumb across her bottom lip. To taste the coffee she’d had earlier. To lose my hands in her hair as I tasted her skin.
I had to get away from her. If she knew what she still did to me, she could break me in two. And I would deserve it.
As I slipped out the phone, I spun her away and held the phone high, out of her reach.
“I got some great pictures of that,” Paul said.
“What?” Sabrina and I asked simultaneously, our attention swiveling to him.
Paul pointed a finger and moved it back and forth from me to Sabrina. “Whatever that was, I caught it in pictures, and it looks good. Sabrina, you have an Instagram account, right? You should post this.” He turned the phone so we both could see it.
I leaned forward as did Sabrina. Dammit if we didn’t look good together. The image showed what could be interpreted as her leaning into me with one of my arms around her waist and the other across her front, as if I were pulling her in to kiss her from behind on the temple. Her hands were on the arm over her chest, and the camera caught her laughter. No sound was needed. The image looked romantic as fuck.
“We do a handful of these pictures paired with showing what dates the app suggested you two try, and I think we come out ahead on several fronts,” Paul continued. “The app gets tested, we improve your image, and I think this will work sufficiently to distract your dad, so we can make some counterattacks. Hitchens won’t have anything this great either. Come on. You both know I’m right.”
Sabrina straightened first and pointed to her phone. “A client I signed canceled. They had a change of heart. Yesterday they were gung ho, and today not so much. Cold feet.”
I handed the phone to her. “I told you so.”
She gave a clipped, bitter laugh. “I knew you would think it had something to do with you, but this client had been hemming and hawing for weeks now. Only yesterday did they decide to take the leap. And maybe they did get cold feet when they saw the articles about us. Who cares? If they’re that skittish, I can’t help them find a good match.”
I pointed to Paul’s phone. “Images like that will only represent more of a challenge for my dad. He loves a good fight.”
“Then we should give him one.” Sabrina held up her phone. “If there is a slight chance, and I don’t believe there is, that your dad had anything to do with my client, then I want to fight back. How dare he?” She stuck a hand on her hip, her eyes flashing with anger.
“What do you mean again ?” I asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You said ‘pretend to be dating again.’”
Her smile was wry. “Heard that, did you? Then. Now. What does real even mean? Do you really want to have this argument?”
No. No, I did not. I wanted to go back to a time when our lives were separate and she was safe.
I dropped onto the couch next to Paul, winced, and scratched my brow. “I no more want to revisit the past than I want to have to argue about why this pretend dating is a bad idea. Sorry. I don’t want to play fake house with you, Reenie. I just don’t. Not even to test the app.”
I met her gaze and held it. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew if this train continued to barrel down the track without a conductor, we were going to crash, and people—maybe both of us—were going to get hurt. Hadn’t I hurt her enough already?
Paul leaned forward. “Well, it’s Sabrina or no one. There is no changing that after today’s press conference.”
It had always been Sabrina or no one. That was the irony of this situation. Even now, looking at her from across the room, I could feel the pull of her: my unexplained need that made me want to touch her all day, every day. Not grope her—not that I wouldn’t mind getting handsy with Sabrina—but tucking her hair behind her ears, running my thumb across her cheek, holding her hand. Those innocuous moments had always given me enough of a fix to last until I could touch her again.
“Would it make you feel better to know you’ll be paying me and paying me well? Because I did just lose a client and that income, and I have some goals I’m trying to hit.”
“What goals?”
“None-of-your-business goals.”
I shook my head. “Does it seem weird to pay the woman I am supposed to be dating? Can you imagine the field day my father would have?”
Paul grunted in agreement. “We’re not paying her to date you. We’re paying her for her expertise.”
“Nope, not gonna work. Let’s just call it,” I said.
She met my gaze and held steady. “Believe it or not, I don’t want to play house with you either. I have a possible documentary deal coming up. I was going to go to Jace and Meredith’s and take some downtime. I have some deadlines to meet and things to do, and you aren’t one of them. Pretending I enjoy your company so much that I want to climb you like a tree is not going to be easy for me. It’ll be stressful and uncomfortable because you aren’t the easiest man to be around. But I do not like to be handled. And I dislike it even more than I dislike you. And you need this. Your company needs this. Do this for all the people out there getting bad advice. For all the women who are scared and don’t know what to do. We take a few pictures together on ‘dates’”—she did air quotes—“I drop them on my socials, and we’re as good as gold.”
I groaned. With Sabrina teetering toward Paul’s ideas, this whole thing felt like it was getting out of control. Was it just yesterday I flew in from Peru? In twenty-four hours, my life had gone upside down in a way I never could have imagined.
Sabrina
Cal was trying to do that Jedi mind trick where if he stared long enough, he believed it would make a person feel uncomfortable enough to blurt out what they were thinking.
Well, you’ve got another think coming, buddy.
This wasn’t my first Calvin Beckett rodeo; only this time, I wore spurs, and I was going to make him buck. One look at that picture had firmed my resolve. Cal was still attracted to me. Anyone who knew him could see it on his face, plain as day. I’d taken one look at that image and knew I could give back to Cal a little of what he had given me when he’d left. Maybe not heartbreak but longing. Oh, how I’d missed him. Missed his hand in mine. Missed the comfort of his hug. When my dad had died, I hadn’t gone through it alone—I’d had friends around me—but that’s when I’d felt Cal’s absence the most and really could have used a hug from Cal back then. He had a way of wrapping me up tightly, his big arms around me, that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. He gave me strength somehow. But I hadn’t even had his friendship to call on back then. Nope. Nothing.
I wanted him to remember how good we’d been together. I wanted to know leaving me hadn’t been easy. And when this was all over, maybe the wound in my heart would be a little smaller. The universe was handing me the perfect opportunity to remind him of what once was.
We were to spend copious amounts of time together. Fake date, if you will. Easy-peasy.
Easy-peasy? Who am I kidding?
I pushed away the thoughts. It wasn’t like I would fall in love with him, because I’d never fallen out of love with him. I’d just come to understand we weren’t meant to be.
I’d believed what Cal and I had together was unlike what most people had. That was what made it hurt all the more. At the end, he’d walked away so easily that he seemed to have not felt like I did.
But that picture told otherwise. All I had to do was be myself to remind him of our time together. And getting paid too? Well, that was like winning the lottery. With Mindy bailing, the loss of income would push my adoption goal back at least six months. And that just made me feel like I was living in a world where all the things I wanted weren’t for me. I was so tired of that feeling. So tired.
I narrowed my eyes and met his. We were in a stare down. My lips twitched with a restrained smile. “You said you had another idea, Paul, besides us playing pretend?”
In my peripheral vision, I could see Paul look between us. Then he said, “Well, sorta. Sabrina, you mentioned that you were headed to Wyoming for a break. Why not take this ‘romance’”—he did bunny ears—“back to your ranch, Cal. Show people the Cal who isn’t always talking about the scary stuff. Show people that they can live life well and do it with peace of mind because they know how to handle themselves.”
“No,” said Cal.
“Yes,” I said at the same time.
I released my restrained smile and let my lips curve. “Wow, you are just the king of Nopeville, aren’t you? It’s your default answer.”
“No, it’s not.”
I laughed. “Are you sure? Kinda sounds like it is.”
Cal wiped a hand down his face in frustration. “There are?—”
“Things you have to do to save your work, and being at the ranch isn’t one of them,” I said, mimicking him.
“You’ve been shot, yeah, you’re all but healed up, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need some decompression time,” Paul added. “When was the last time you and Jace went fishing? You could do that while you’re home. You could also look at the ranch’s security. Now that there’s been a break-in and all.”
Resignation passed over Cal’s face. He knew Paul had him there.
“Paul’s right, Calvin. We take a trip to Wyoming. I get to see my friends, and we can do this.” I pointed to each of us as I made a circle. “I won’t be in your space any more than I have to, and I’ll be making trips to LA since I already have scheduled meetings. We can ask my friends to test the app too. This will help me look at how the app’s algorithm is doing with matching. I actually don’t see this being a big deal or hard at all. My vote is to do it. Knowing it twists a knife in your dad gives me great pleasure.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d just jinxed myself. As soon as I’d agreed, a brush of cold air tickled down my spine as if sending a warning. I’d been cavalier in saying I didn’t see it as a big deal.
Easy-peasy, you said?
Yeah, I was lying. Spending any time with Cal was a big deal to my wounded heart and pride.