10. The Crimson Thread
I had been so overwhelmed by the revelations of the night before that I hadn”t given any thought to the strange changes present in Eth until I was alone. Beyond the physical changes I had marked, I was certain that there was a change in behavior. Where he had kept to the shadows before, he found me when I had only a passing thought to go looking for him. He offered information instead of waiting for a question. His speech was now easy, graceful, where it had been reserved. I wondered if it wasn”t him altering, but myself, in the way I perceived him. But all this was nothing compared to the simple fact that I could touch him.
Even so, a disorienting notion had settled into my thoughts the next morning. It was small, the urge not yet a demand. I wanted to see Eth. I wanted to talk to him. My heart beat a strange rhythm in his presence, needing something. My mind screamed a warning, but it grew fainter as I ignored it. It told me that I was playing a dangerous game, getting close to him.
I know he is not my enemy. If I saved Gingel from the thread, surely he would rejoice with me instead of balking at his failure.
I had Bordus watered and fed before I woke the others. My eyes scanned the area, eager now to find Eth. I had more questions to ask, but he was nowhere to be found. I resigned myself to seeing him tonight.
”We should be going now, loves.” I moved to rouse Arit first. He turned to wake Gingel as I mixed her paupolet. I heard Arit gasp a whimper.
”Oh gods, this isn”t good.” He turned to me, panic twisting his face. I dropped my eyes to what had caused his distress. Her good leg was now swollen like a sausage casing. Eyes glazing over, she looked around, dazed. My heartbeat slammed against my chest. This was a tipping point; her body was giving up. Turning a full round, I couldn”t see Eth, but the forest closed in around us. He could be anywhere. I wouldn”t hear anything different from him, but I could see how far away he was, at the very least.
”Arit, have her drink. We must leave now. We are running out of time.”
Gingel seemed confused by the situation, but we worked as a team to get her astride Bordus, and I hastened my pace through the forest as I led Bordus. Distracted by my thoughts, the time passed quickly. The afternoon meal of dried food was eaten quickly without letting Gingel dismount. The second leg”s pace increased, with Arit taking the lead. There was a shared yet unspoken feeling of anxiety between us, evident in the tightness of his shoulders and the quick looks back at us, his eyes resolute but haggard.
Still sleeping for most of the day now, I couldn”t help but feel Gingel slipping away. I would steal glances behind, ahead, and beside us, hoping to catch a glimpse of Eth following. I needed to know how much time we had.
Just as the sun tucked itself behind the highest peak before us, the forest fell away, opening to lush green fields of grass, a valley of hidden beauty bordering a dying forest beyond it. We were close to the blackened hills that stood guard at the foot of the Bergafas, visible now to us. Arit pointed off to the right, a small grouping of roofs barely visible where the knarled forest met the clearing.
”Do you think it is safe? Should we avoid it?” I asked him. His sense of danger had always been more attuned, more trustworthy than my own. He sighed, his brows crinkled as he strained to think.
”I”m not sure. It would be safer to camp for the night near it, perhaps taking shelter inside if we can. If there are people living there, it would be safe if they were friendly. If they aren”t, I”d rather not have them know we are here,” he reasoned.
”I”ll scout it. You stay here with her out of sight. If they are friendly, I”ll approach them. They would feel less threatened by me than you, I think. If they are foes and give chase, I”ll lead them away from you. I can find you later. Sound good?”
Arit looked hesitant. I knew what he was thinking. This could go bad quickly. We had to take the chance now, or we would have to keep moving and make camp in the old, dead forest. Something deep inside me shivered at the thought of staying there overnight.
I dismounted, and Arit moved to steady Gingel where she sat. Backtracking east, I sprinted low in the grass as I made my way north until I was even with the buildings. As I crept west slowly, I kept myself hidden in the grass, cresting over a small rise that gave me a good view.
It appeared to be a small farm still in use. At least two saugit were in a pen, munching on a pile of weeds, and several fowl were milling about. The grassland around the site had been grazed down to the root.
They”ve been here a while. Homesteaders? That”s a good sign.
Something to my left made movement, quickly disappearing out of sight. I froze, pressing myself lower in the grass. It came back around the side of the closest building. It was small...wait.
I smiled. A small blond-headed girl ran into view. Her apron pulled up to hold a portion of grain, which she began to cast as far as her little hands could manage, a treat for the fowl, which came running.
Children mean family; family means there is a greater chance of being friendly, even if wary at first.
Taking a chance, I stood and waited for the girl to notice me. I waved when I caught her eye, and for just a moment, she made a move to wave back, but fear overtook that reflex. She dropped the grain, running farther into the homestead, fowl squawking as they swarmed the discarded feed.
Remaining where I stood was a strategic choice. The girl no doubt was informing her parents of the intruder, as well she should have. Rooted in place, my body was ready to bolt if my presence was met with extreme force. I prayed I had made the right choice.
A man rounded the opposite corner of the structure the girl had run behind, bow drawn.
Shit.
I held my hands palms up, hoping I looked as unthreatening as I could. My sword hilt was peeking over my shoulder, showing him I had a weapon, but I was not armed. The man didn”t advance much farther than the edge of the building.
”You”re not welcome here!” Great...
”I mean no harm, just passing through. Hoping to bed down for the night nearby.”
He looked me over. A quick whisper to the girl sent her off to retrieve her mother. The man jerked his chin at me.
”You alone? Doesn”t make sense for a girl to be traveling through the forest by herself.” He was firm, his words like stones cast my way.
”I am not alone. It didn”t seem prudent to risk my companions” safety if you were of a hostile mind. Still waiting to find out about that...” I hadn”t made a move save for speaking. A woman joined our standoff, pulled along by the girl. She carried a babe on her hip, the plump thing chewing on some tasty morsel in its round grip. The man spoke in hushed tones as she leaned toward him, his eyes not straying from me. Good man.
”How many companions, and what”s the nature of your journey here?” The questions sounded like commands. Obligingly, I told him the truth. The mention of the Hag in the Black Mountain sparked recognition and then a wince. He shook his head.
”I wouldn”t be havin” any business with her if I were you,” he said. I nodded at him.
”I wouldn”t either if I had any other choice. But I appreciate your warning, good sir.” His wife spoke in his ear. He nodded a reply.
”Here”s the bargain. We”ll let you bed down in the barn and feed you a hot meal, but we have wood needin” split and stacked. Leave at first light. Take it or be on your way.”
I nodded once more, turned, and slowly walked directly away from them, waiting to pivot toward my party until I was out of view. Hunching as low as I could and still run, I sprinted back to Arit and Gingel. The light in the evening sky was fading quickly; we needed to make a decision now.
”It seems fair enough. It”s not like we have much of a choice, really,” Arit grunted. Gingel had slumped over her mount as he tried to steady her from the ground.
”That was my thought. We should settle Gingel, split the wood, eat, and be done for the night.”
”I agree.”
”Right. I believe we might have one more day of travel ahead of us, and it couldn”t come sooner. If we can manage it, I might want to leave before first light.”
I lay in a mostly comfortable pile of straw, restless. Sleep evaded me, and the closeness of the end goal stalked me like a phantom of unease. I should have felt more relieved that the journey was coming to an end, but I felt worse the closer we got to the cloud of ash.
My muscles ached from the labor of chopping and stacking winter wood for the family. I was happy to help, and it was clear they needed it. They seemed to be better prepared for winter than we had been, but not by much. I found myself worried for them, out here alone.
The couple wasn”t much for conversation, and I was glad for it. However, the little girl wasn”t taking her cues from her parents and would flash a smile my way when I peeked at her. I couldn”t help but return the gesture. They did gift us with the knowledge that we were but half a day”s ride to the Bergafas and suggested we take the path through the sulfur pools just to the northwest. It was a bit out of the way but more even ground for a faster trip, they assured us.
Gingel had awakened only long enough to eat a small portion of a thin stew and bread before fatigue overtook her. Arit wasn”t far behind, these long walks exhausting him. I should have been sleeping like the dead as well.
But I lay here still.
Conflicting desires tugged at me. Sleep should have taken priority, necessary for an early start tomorrow. Yet I was unsettled at Eth”s absence the entire day.
Was he waiting for me to find him now?
I sat up abruptly, my mind made up. His proximity needed to be measured, no matter how unsettling it might be.
Pacing in the dark, I took up my circling, now a familiar habit. He made no sign of his location. I circled again, swinging farther out as I slowed myself. I didn”t want to miss him, and the ground was too uneven for sure footing in the dark. Nothing. Discouraged, I returned to the barn.
Eth leaned against the center post at the entrance. My heart lept, fear overshadowing relief.
Was he so close now? Would we have enough time even to find the Hag?
”Show me,” I asked, his hand flourishing to reveal the thread even as I spoke.
He stood a good twenty feet from her, and three loops of slack adorned his arm. My shoulders slumped as I relaxed. I couldn”t be sure how much remained, but we did have time.
”Are you able to hide yourself from me? I”ve been watching for you all day.” His face lightened at the confession.
”Forgive me, I was occupied.” What does that mean?
”You were gone? Can you do that? Just leave?”
”It is difficult to explain. My existence is not the same as yours. I remained connected to the thread here, and yet I am elsewhere.” He looked down at his palm again, as he had done in the forest. ”Something strange has occurred, and I sought answers.”
”Did you find the answers?” I asked, not quite sure I wanted to know the question.
”Not as such. But I am certain they will be answered in time.”
I frowned. This was an unwelcome development. I had a feeling new uncertainties would never let me get to sleep tonight.
What strange thing had happened? Should I ask him about it? Would he tell me? I haven”t asked a question he has chosen to refuse—at least that I know of. Maybe I should just ask about him. I want to know more about him.
”Have you remembered anything about your life before, when you were a human?” It seemed a stupid question now. Still...
Again, the request for him to remember slowed his answer, and that pained look returned. Did memories really hurt him?
”I...the feelings...intensity of emotions make it difficult to see. There was a woman and a man fleeing. I told them to run? Then blackness. I...There is an intense feeling for her...Love?” Eth pressed a hand to where his breastbone would have been and closed his eyes.
”I”m sorry. You don”t need to answer that question, Eth. If it hurts you, I don”t want to know.”
”As you wish.” His hand dropped and disappeared into the vapor. ”You have other questions?” There was almost a pleading in his eyes. Ask me they said.
I didn”t want to ask about the strange thing, but I didn”t want to sleep or stop talking to him. My cheeks felt hot as I pressed the back of my hand to them. Why am I like this?
”I do have another question, but I don”t know if I want to know the answer.”
”As I said before, if I can answer it, I will.”
”What was it that kept you away today, this strange thing? Can you say?” I asked, hoping to distract him.
”Yes, I can tell. I do not wish to frighten you, but this will bring more questions to the surface that I cannot answer. Do you still wish to know it?”
I leaned back against the barn wall.
Do I? What could scare me now? Will I be more at ease knowing or not? Why am I so damn curious?
”Yes. Tell me.”
”There is less to tell. More to show.”
His hand flicked over again, but where there had been a white thread connecting him to Gingel, a crimson thread now appeared, crackling with surreal energy. But it didn”t connect to her.
This thread was mine.
I jerked away from the barn, stumbling steps propelling me backward. I stopped, unable to take my eyes off the red glow. Sidestepping left, then right, it stayed with me, taut. It behaved...differently.
My eyes, wide and wild, shifted to Eth, my mouth gaped in horror.
”What? Eth? What is this?”
His hand raised, coming under the thread, sliding a caress down the length of it.
”I do not know what it is.”
”How do you not know?!” I clapped my hand over my mouth, too late to contain the outburst. He looked up slowly, unaffected.
”I was unable to discover its meaning. It is not as the white is. There is no winding; it simply is. It stays rigid, has no slack, and has no restrictive distance.” His voice never changed; it remained infuriatingly calm and warm. Tears released in a rush, impossible to hold back.
”Am I to die now?” My eyes were downcast as I passed my hand through the thread. ”What, then, is the point of all this?” I looked up to see Eth moving toward me, his dark hands reaching to hold my face.
”It does not demand your life. The white thread does. If this thread has a demand, it has yet to make it known.”
If he had meant that to be comforting, he had failed. I looked into his eyes, desperate to see something there. But what I saw only confused me. He looked almost pleased.
Damn you. Why?
”I can”t. I can”t do this right now. Take it away.”
It was gone in an instant.
”What do we do? What could it mean?”
”Time will tell. It means something, and that will be revealed. Until then, you need to rest.”
”How could I possibly rest after this?”
Eth stood close, his stare, those black eyes making it impossible to track where his vision settled in the dark. In the stillness, I heard my own breath but felt nothing from him, only the silken slide of his thumbs against my face.
My body tensed as I closed my eyes. I felt a cliff before me beckoning me, the feeling of the open air begging me to step off the edge and fall. I wanted to fall so badly. To let go, give in, and take what I wanted because nothing mattered anymore. I waited an eternity, feeling each draw of air between us.
”Eth…can you…” My words faltered, but my hand obeyed, coming up to his face and sliding a thumb along his lower lip. I couldn”t ask for what I wanted, but I didn”t have to. He tilted me up to him as he bent down so close I could feel the strange film of energy I had felt on his hands yesterday. He paused for just a moment before his mouth slid over mine, as smooth as the pads of his fingers but softer, pliant as it filled the curves of my lips until there was no surface unclaimed by him. The twisting, aching feeling expanded and burst through me, every fiber pulsing with a devouring fire. I let go, the void cradling me as it pulled me from the edge. Nothing, nothing existed outside us, if only for this moment. I was falling with him.
Then I felt it. Something broke inside me, some truth I couldn”t bear to look at. A new ache lodged in my heart, a feeling of panic rising to drown me. It was too much. I pulled myself away with half a sob as I dropped my eyes.
”I”m sorry. I don”t know what I”m doing. I shouldn”t have…”
”Elle…” He let me go, a slow withdrawal that left me still wanting him. I dared to look up. In the darkness, I felt rather than saw his confusion.
We stood there, the still night air heavy with a coiled energy. I wrapped my arms around myself, letting that energy bleed away to nothing.
”I should sleep. Tomorrow comes too soon,” I whispered.
”Yes, you should take what rest you can.”