17. In the End
I awoke to the sensation of falling, waiting for the earth and pain to come crashing into me. The sick of the infection sat like a rock on my chest, pressing, halting my breath, but the returning pain had not made itself known yet. I willed my eyes to open, but they refused. Slowly, I felt the hardness of the wood at my back and remembered where I was—what I had asked for.
”It is done,” the Hag said.
I heard her shuffling on the stone floor, the clink of vials, and felt the weight of Arit still holding me down. I could sense her next to Gingel, moving, unharnessing the device, and removing the paste.
The scent of spices, tolerable before, now coaxed me to retch, but nothing came. My skipped evening meal seemed fortunate now, a waste of food that surely would have plastered the cave floor at this moment.
”Hold your hand out, girl.” As instructed, I extended a palm and was gifted a vial of paupolet.
”This is enough to kill you within the hour, but it will be an hour free of pain.” Opening my eyes, I drank it without question, wondering why the elixir was offered now and not before. My eyes tilted down to my feet, the hunched back and shoulders of my exhausted brother barely visible. He sat up as the Hag moved away.
”Arit, look at her. Is she well?”
Please, please, tell me I have not killed us both.
He did not hear me, his gaze beyond us, eyes glazed over. I couldn”t blame him; we had both been rung out of every drop of strength and hope. My hand outstretched, the tips of my fingers brushed his shoulder.
”Arit, please, is Gingel well? I need to know.”
He moved like a man half awake, stumbling over to Gingel. She was too still beside me. He touched her neck, feeling for her heartbeat to speak to him.
”I think she sleeps,” he said as he moved to examine her leg. He pressed his hand to his mouth, trying to suppress a cry of happiness. ”She is well, it worked, she is well!”
He collapsed beside her, kissing a line down her shin where the infection was no more. I let myself savor this small drop of relief, only enough to give me the strength to sit up. What I needed to do had to be done quickly if I understood the gravity of what we had accomplished. I was now the one with no time left.
Eth was a mere two paces from me. I had only to look at him, and he answered the question I didn”t ask. Two threads, red and white, now intertwined between us. They danced and spun as if living things themselves, beautiful despite their deadly portent. A single tear fought its way to the corner of my eye. I wanted to go to him so badly, but I still had time. There was a more important task.
”Arit, come here, sweet brother,” I said, shifting off the table. He rose and came to help me stand. ”I need you to listen carefully and do everything, just as I tell you. Do you understand?” He nodded weakly. This would be the last time I would be able to steer him in the right direction. He would have to lead them both now.
”I need you to take everything I have—my boots, belt, sword, anything of value—I won”t need them. You take her, get on Bordus, and ride south as fast as possible. Don”t stop until you get to Vorlinden. Find Meria, she will take you in once you tell her about me and Gingel. She will know what to do. You remember?” I took his face in my hands.
”Yes, I remember.” He barely dared to look me in the eye, his voice barely above a rasping whisper. ”Elle, I”m so sorry.”
”Don”t. I am content. This is everything I wanted, truly. You live. You give her the best life you can, you love her, you protect her. You are her everything now.” He shook his head.
”We can”t leave. She will need to say goodbye...” he trailed off, not understanding how little time I had.
He was starting to break. We had been laboring together for her. He was my brother, and I loved him. His wounded heart wept silently, and he accepted my embrace as I reached up to hold him. I wished to give him a piece of me to carry, help guide him, and remind them that I would be in their hearts.
”I said my goodbye last night, although I didn”t think it would be like this.” I couldn”t help but smile. This was right; it was the only outcome I could live with.
Firmly, I fixed his eyes on mine, my tone serious.
”I will be gone before she wakes. She will tell you to return to me. Do not turn around. The sun rises soon, and you must ride until you find shelter. Please, you must do this, do this now. Don”t think, do.” I smiled and nodded.
I had to show him confidence and strength, though I had none. He nodded in return.
”Take the south valley, follow its twists; it will lead to a crossroads. Keep south, and you will find a village before nightfall,” the Hag interjected as she began cleaning up after us.
Arit set about gathering my possessions and left to prepare for their departure. I moved around the table to sit next to my precious little sister, smoothing her matted waves of honeyed strands from her delicate face. My heart threatened to rend itself to pieces, wanting her to wake so I might speak to her one last time, but I staunchly maintained my desire to shield her from mourning my fate while I remained. I couldn”t bear for that to be my last memory of her. Last night was the perfect goodbye, the memory worth keeping.
A twinge of guilt dug into my chest, the thought of poor Arit alone suffering her grief when she woke to find me gone. But if my plan worked, I would be gifting our mother to her in my place. Mother. How I would have liked to see her again. Have her hold me and tell me I did well, that I did what was right, keeping Gingel safe. I leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.
Give my love to our mother, sweet one.
Arit returned all too soon. He gently hoisted his beloved over his shoulder and made his way to the exit.
He looked back at me once more before leaving, setting his face in grim determination. I took one last look at my beautiful little Gingel, resting her head against the man she loved. I knew it was all worth it—every pain, threat, tear, and drop of sweat. I would do this over and over if it meant they both lived.
And then they were gone.
If there are any true gods that exist, hear me. Guide them and keep them safe.
The primal need to struggle, to find a way to live, bubbled to the surface. My mind raced as it illuminated every path that I should have taken to save myself.
Too late. No more choices. No more fighting. No more fear, worry, or pain. No more anything. It is done.
A stinging swept around my eyes as I lifted my face to the cave ceiling, squeezing them shut so the tears could rain down, but they sat in static pools on my lashes, waiting for one more drop to push them to freefall. I blinked once, my cheeks trembling as I lost control for only a moment. My mouth twisted in a desperate reaction before I regained my composure. There was no time to mourn.
”I thank you for your services,” I said as I turned to the Hag, ”I don”t wish to burden you further. Is there a place where I might die without causing you any undue disturbance with my remains?” This was my last task, my last worry, my last everything. I felt a calm release, knowing that all labors were over.
Even as my life”s burdens sloughed from my shoulders, I could feel the blood slowing in my veins. The Hag swept a hand to the back of the cave as if I were a piece of refuse to be dealt with, distracted with reordering her living space.
”Take the tunnel to the left, keeping to the left, until you can walk no more. If you are lucky, you might not be found for millennia. It”s not a terrible final resting place if you ask me. When this one finally comes for me—” she motioned toward Eth ”—I might just join you.”
She provided me with a torch and a crutch, and we set off, moving farther into the mountain. I felt Eth one pace behind me, silent. Wanting to speak with him but needing to save my strength until I reached the end, I kept shuffling forward in my bare feet. The cave seemed to be a labyrinth, but as she said, I kept to the left-hand wall and finally reached a dead end.
Good enough.
I wedged the torch in a crevice and turned to Eth. The torch”s flickering light painted his pale face with a golden glow. Even though I did not have the time for it to matter, I still wanted to commit every line of his face to memory.
Gazing into his eyes, I knew there was no greater joy to be had in that moment. Just to look at him for what little time I had left. I could see it clearly now, the satisfaction and admiration shining forth from those dark pools. I had my answer. There was no defeat there; he rejoiced in my success. I felt him reach for my hand, his graceful caress sending shivering waves of sensation across my skin as our fingers interlaced.
”You have done what no other human has done, taking the thread of another. Your sacrifice is worthy of acclaim, a story to be told. That it should end here seems…unbefitting.”
I smiled as I looked away. To be complimented so brought a blush to my cheeks.
”It”s enough for me to end here. I believe that my kin will live beautiful lives, that my sister will have children, and that her line will continue as it should. That is my legacy. I am content.”
The thread had pulled him within a foot of me, but there was still time. A melancholy drew down on me to have to say goodbye to one more person I cared for. Such a strange thing, this connection. Arit would have thought me mad if I had confessed this strange relationship, and he would have been right to think so. But I couldn”t deny that it felt…right. Caring for Eth was real, as necessary as breathing. I wanted to cling to him until he left me in the next sphere, forever gone to guide all other elect souls.
The desire to wallow in self-pity pulled at me. The only choice afforded me, between Gingel”s salvation and everything else I could have had in my life, seemed unfair now. Pushing aside that lament, I couldn”t let myself waste these precious seconds in despair.
I reached up to touch his face, softly running my thumb along his cheek; his features like sculpted marble. He had claimed he could not feel me, but he closed his eyes as my fingertips traced the contours unique to his face.
I believed he could feel me. Only me.
I let a small laugh escape as I remembered the first sight of him, his terrifying presence now replaced by a being I wanted to study for eternity. What a shame.
”Eth, the woman you loved? She was a fool. I would have loved you back.”
A dark hand reached up to smooth back a strand of hair. His eyes traveled over the landscape of my weary face as my breath came in slow, shallow draws.
”You cannot know that, Elle.”
”But I do. I love you now. How much more would I have loved you in life?”
I tilted his face down to me, fulfilling one last wish: A kiss, soft and tender. No promise, no expectation, just connection. A longing for what might have been if fate had not flung us so far apart in time.
A wave of dizziness washed over me. Slumping back against the rock, I slid down in a jerking fashion to rest on the cave floor. Eth knelt by my side.
”I am very close now. It will be over soon,” he said, his eyes lit with hope. His fingers traced the soft curve of my lips as my breathing came in halting bursts.
I could see it now, the radiant glow of the threads between us, mirrored in our eyes as we looked our last. The threads whispered in the darkness, a promise, not a demand.
Connection. Our connection.
”I think I know what the crimson thread means,” I whispered, my last ounce of strength spent.
”Yes, I have divined its purpose as well. Your self-sacrifice, your reverence for life and death. I can think of no one more worthy.”
My vision began to darken, the edges of my sight blurred, and his shadow enclosed around me.
”Sweet Elle,” Eth said, leaning in to sweep his cheek along mine. He whispered the last utterance I would hear before I fell into the oblivion of his embrace. ”You were always meant to be mine.”