19. The Forest Has Eyes
My turn to ride and cradle Gingel was nearly uneventful. Arit was able to navigate faster than I had and we made good time. But he was so focused on moving that he missed it.
It was strange that I felt it before I saw it. The forest had become particularly dense, and an unsettling darkness covered us. I whispered, feeling like another presence had joined us.
”Arit, stop for a moment.”
He looked back at us, eyes wide.
”What? What is it?” he asked urgently. I moved my finger to my lips as I scanned the surroundings. In the trees to the right, I knew there was something there, but I couldn”t find it. Finally, it moved just enough that I could make out its shape.
A kitarn on a high branch, lounging as it licked its broad paw. It seemed wholly unimpressed with us. I pointed it out to the others and felt Gingel tense in front of me.
”Is it going to hurt us?”
”Oh, I doubt it. It looks like a juvenile male, solitary. He”s not big enough to take us on. Besides, he looks like he already ate. I daresay he”s fixing to take a nap in that tree,” I assured her.
The sun must have been shrouded in clouds, emerging now with just enough light to pierce the leafy veil and illuminate the kitarn”s glorious coat. The contrast of spots and stripes was truly beautiful. His tufted tail swung under him lazily just as he yawned, his maw of sharp teeth on full display. He paused, looking our way as the light faded away again as if to chastise us for remaining too long and hampering his leisure.
”We can go, Arit.” His head jerked back to us, so focused on the animal he barely heard me.
”Right.”
A nagging concern had been building in the back of my mind; an accounting of how much Gingel had slept during the day tallied as we stopped for the night. This can”t be a good sign. Her pain was still manageable, but I began to fret about her reaction to the paupolet. If I do save her, will she be saddled with a lifelong addiction?
We stopped for the night in the widest open space in the forest we could find, still too closed in for my comfort. The looming column of black smoke and ash could be seen overhead as the sunset pierced it with shocks of gold light. My curious mind thrilled at the sight of it, but my stomach sickened at the burning odor and trembled at the sheer massiveness of what must surely lay behind the hills. Our camp for the night imperfect, I resolved to take the first watch.
That kitarn we passed hadn”t bothered me then, but with night closing in on us, I felt small, hungry eyes on us from every direction. I told myself it was only my imagination. Still, this place was poorly defensible. Waffling between keeping the fire or putting it out, I wondered if it would attract trouble or ward it off.
Deep in thought, I only jumped a tiny bit when Eth appeared next to me and sat.
”You need not fear. This night will be uneventful. Take sleep while you can.”
Strangely reassuring. Odd that he would offer information unrequested. I”ve always had to ask.
”Thank you, but I don”t much feel like sleeping right now,” I said.
”Have you more questions?”
”Not important ones, more like idle curiosity. I wouldn”t bother you with them.”
”As you wish. I will answer questions no matter how insignificant to you,” he said, seeming almost eager to answer them.
There was a lingering craving to take up where we left off. I pushed it aside, rubbing an ache in my palm that echoed in my chest. Opting for the lesser of my desires, I gave in and let my curiosity win.
”Well, maybe I do have a couple of small ones. I suppose the one I”m most intrigued by is if there are other guides like you?” His answer was swift.
”Yes, there are many of us.” Interesting.
”How does...I mean…do you know why you became a guide? After you died? Was there a test or an accomplishment? A reason you were chosen? Or was it just happenstance?”
Another pause from him. Too many questions, all at once. Maybe he didn”t know why. I looked away, poking at the crackling fire. A glance sideways confirmed Gingel and Arit still slept.
”It is not known what causes a guide to be chosen or who does the choosing. It is thought that it requires a certain caliber of person, but the required characteristics to join us are hidden from me.”
I drew in a filling breath and released it slowly. What a shame to have all this information within my reach and no good use for it. I wasn”t trying to trick him anymore. He was willing to tell me anything, but nothing helped. Still, I had begun to enjoy asking, talking…being with him. No, don”t do that. Ask another question.
”So when you said no one had seen you, could it be that there are others like me, ones who may have perceived other guides? I find it hard to believe that there has been no one else like me.”
Eth hesitated, seeming to search his memory for the answer. Perhaps I”ve stumped him again.
”I cannot answer with certainty. There may have been others with the ability but not the opportunity to see us. It may be a bloodline ability. Your grandmother could sense us, somehow. She was known to have the ability to tell when someone was fated to die. Perhaps she could tell when someone had gained a thread.”
”Really? My grandmother knew? How strange. She never spoke of it.” I huffed a little laugh. ”But I suppose that”s not the kind of thing you would tell a child. ”Oh, see that one over there? He”s going to die next week.” And then I run screaming from the room.”
I smiled out at the darkness, thinking about Grandmother. She had not lived long enough for me to feel like I knew her well, but I had only fond memories of her. The smile faded as a new question arose.
”Did my mother sense or see the guide that came for her?” How did she die? Did she suffer?
”Your mother yet lives.” The answer was swift and matter-of-fact. Stunned, I shook my head, convinced I had heard something else. No, I heard it.
”You said you wouldn”t lie to me.”
”I have not.”
What?!
My head spun. I stared at him. Thoughts, feelings, and memories swirled in my mind. Disbelief blocked everything else, but just for a moment. Then came the flood of worry and confusion.
How is it possible? What happened to her? Had she escaped, or was she still a slave? Where is she now? Why did she not come for us?
A pain flared in my breast, sharp enough to steal my breath. I needed to stop asking these questions of myself and ask the only one who could know.
”How? How did she survive? Why hasn”t she come to find us?”
”I can”t speak to her motivations, that is hidden from me. But she dwells on this continent. The Horde that took her was defeated at Veridiana, and its slaves were rescued.” Eth looked out at the fire, stone-faced. ”She was not well for a great deal of time after. There was a man who nursed her back to health, who she later married.”
He paused, perhaps to give me time to digest his words as my world shattered to pieces. I couldn”t hold myself together; a trembling vibration shook me. I clapped my hand to my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut. He continued.
”She did return, but you had already fled. Vindre had solidified her power by then. Your mother had no way of proving who she was, and Vindre threatened to have her killed. This prompted her new husband to take her away across the waters and settle in southern Ord. Your mother made several inquiries and an attempt to locate you. That would speak to her motives if you wish to absolve her. She lives there still, in the kingdom of Vorlinden.”
I bit back a sob. Alive. All this time, alive. I didn”t begrudge her remarrying. She had undoubtedly witnessed Father”s demise. But to be just a week”s journey south from us.
One week separated us for years.
Gods” damn it. No. Damn the gods.
”She and her husband have created a small merchant business and do quite well for themselves.” I was dying inside, and Eth was spilling the truth as if it were nothing. I looked up at him.
”How? How can you know all this?” I asked. He looked down, appearing to search for the answer.
”It is not known how we know what is known. Only there are things that can be known, and I will tell you what I can answer.”
The hot tears that waited in the corners of my eyes now sprang forth, dampening my cheeks. I let them fall, wetting my face with anger and frustration. We had been two helpless girls. We starved and scratched a living out of the forest. So much time wasted on just surviving.
And now Gingel is dying, and after all this time she still lives. I don”t know if I”m resentful or relieved. But she did try, did she?
I wanted to be bitter, furious that she didn”t do everything possible to find us. But she couldn”t have known where we would go. She probably thought us dead as well. Maybe Vindre told her as much, and she eventually believed it. I wanted so badly to be angry, but sadness filled every corner of my soul now, leaving no place for it. But what was done was done. There was no changing it.
A new thought brought hope. She lives on this continent. If I could get Gingel healed, we would have someplace to go. We could work with Mother and be a family again. But I needed to know where she was. I wiped the tears from my face.
”Can you tell me what kind of business? Where she lives?” I sniffed, trying to regain some control.
”I can. They deal in small exports from your old city—spices, fruit, durable goods. She and her husband live near the heart of the marketplace. I should tell you that she goes by another name now. She was frightened out of using her old name. Meria Grennen is what she is called now.”
New tears fell, born of gratitude.
Was this why I could see him? So we might find her?
I moved closer to him, pulling his face over to mine, pressing a kiss to his cheek. His hand moved up, his fingers sliding along my own as it held his face next to mine.
”Thank you, Eth. Now we have somewhere to go when this is all over,” I whispered. Pulling back to look at him, I could see a human emotion softening the lines of his face. The flames danced in the reflection of those pitch-black eyes, my own now unafraid to hold his gaze.
”I am pleased to help you, Elle. Sleep now. Nothing will come to harm you tonight, I promise.”