Chapter 9
Casteel shuddered as he whispered, “Poppy.”
“Is this real?” I asked.
The golden flecks in his eyes churned fiercely. “There’s nothing more real than right now.”
I don’t know who moved first. Me. Him. Both of us at the same time?
It didn’t matter. Our mouths met, and there was nothing gentle about the way we came together.
He grasped the back of my head, his hand fisting in my hair.
I held onto him, my fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders.
It was a wrecking sort of kiss, demanding and raw.
We claimed each other. Our lips mashed together.
Our teeth clashed. Our arms wrapped fiercely around one another, and the kiss, the way we held each other, became something else entirely.
His hands slid down my sides to my hips as he pulled me against him, where I felt him hardening against me once more.
“I need you,” he groaned against my lips. “I need you, Poppy.”
“You have me,” I told him, echoing the words I’d said to him once before. Now, they felt like an unbreakable vow. “Always.”
“Always,” he repeated.
Lifting me from his lap, he stood and then turned, placing me on the center of what I realized was a fairly narrow bed. I got a brief glimpse of the dark walls and fractured sunlight seeping through the cracked boards of a door in the room, but then all I saw was him.
Casteel.
My husband.
My heartmate.
My savior.
Gods, he…he had saved me, believing he’d committed the forbidden act of Ascension. He’d taken that risk, understanding that I would become a vampry. His father hadn’t been able to stop him. Neither had the gods. No one could because he wouldn’t let me go. He refused to lose me.
Because he loved me.
And now he climbed over me, his attention feral and possessive.
Every muscle in my body tensed. My leg curled as he slid his hand up my thigh, the rough skin of his palm creating delicious friction.
I couldn’t look away from the vivid burn of his eyes.
I was absolutely transfixed by them—by him.
Slipping an arm under my waist, he flipped me onto my belly.
Surprise flickered through me. I started to rise, but the heat of his body against my back pressed me down to the rough blanket.
Casteel rained kisses down my spine, over my hips, and then to the swell of my rear, eliciting a shiver from me.
“If you ever tell me to kiss your ass,” he said, “remember that I already have.”
A throaty laugh parted my lips, the sound and act surprising. “I don’t think I’ll forget that.”
“Good.” He lifted me to my knees, using his thigh to urge my legs farther apart. My fingers dug into the coarse material as a tremble of anticipation rolled through me. “I’m not going to last very long,” he warned. “But neither will you.”
I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe with him curling his arm around my waist as his other hand clamped down on my hip. He didn’t move. My pulse thrummed.
“Cas—” His name ended in a sharp cry as he thrust into me.
He pulled me back against him as he plunged into me, over and over, his pace wickedly savage. Pulling my back flush to his chest, he ground his hips against my rear as his hand left my hip and folded over the base of my throat. He pressed his lips to my damp temple. “I love you.”
I broke apart, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces as my release crashed through me with such force that a growl rumbled from his chest. His arms tightened around me.
One more deep thrust, and he came, shouting my name.
Panting and slick with a fine sheen of sweat, he brought us both to the bed.
The blanket scratched my skin, but I was sated, boneless, and so damn relieved to be alive that I couldn’t actually worry about the irritation of the material.
I didn’t know how long we stayed where we were, me on my belly, and Casteel lying half on me, but the sensation of his weight enthralled me, as did his wildly beating heart against my back.
Sometime later, I once more ended up seated in his embrace, cradled against him. We were at the head of the narrow bed now. I didn’t remember how we’d even gotten there, but he held me as he dragged a trembling hand over my head and through my hair. We stayed that way for so long—hours, it seemed.
“How are you feeling?” Casteel asked, his voice rough. “Does anything hurt?”
I gave a small shake of my head. “Not really.” There were aches, but they were nothing.
“I…I don’t understand. I was dying.” Lifting my head, I looked down at my chest as I scooped the tangled strands of my hair to the side.
I saw shiny, pink skin in the shape of a rough circle between my breasts.
The bolt had gone through me. “And you…you took my blood until I felt my heart fail and then gave me yours.”
“I did.” He pressed his fingers just below the barely noticeable injury, and a wave of awareness skittered through me. “I couldn’t let you go. I wouldn’t.”
My gaze flew to his, but he was staring at the wound, his brow furrowed.
“But I’m not in bloodlust—well, I was . I was so hungry.
I’ve never felt that hungry before.” I swallowed hard, wanting to forget what that had felt like.
Wanting to forget that Casteel had experienced that over and over for decades.
How had he found himself? I was in awe of him, and I was in love with him.
I love you. Those words repeated themselves over and over in my mind—words that were tattooed on my skin and carved into my bones.
What I felt for him was far more powerful than words, but words were important.
Of all people, I knew the power of speaking up, of being able to do so honestly and openly without hesitation.
I knew the importance of not holding back now because when I’d lain there in those ruins, with my blood leaking out of my body, I’d never thought I would have the chance to say those words to him.
My fingers curled around his side as I met his gaze once more. “I love you.”
Casteel’s hand halted its movements under my hair and halfway up my back. “What?” he whispered. His eyes had widened slightly, and his pupils were dilated a little. I could see his surprise and felt it like a rush of cold air against my skin. Why did he seem so astonished? He had to know.
But Casteel couldn’t read emotions like I could. I had told him how he made me feel and showed it when I held the blade to my throat during the battle at Spessa’s End—more than ready to end my life if it meant saving his. But I’d never said the words.
And I needed to. Desperately.
I pressed the tips of my fingers against his cheek as I drew in a shallow breath. “I love you, Casteel,” I said. His chest stilled against mine and then rose sharply. “I love—”
Casteel kissed me, his lips moving over mine so gently, so tenderly. It was a sweet and slow kiss as if it were the very first time our lips had ever come together, as if he were learning the shape and feel of my mouth against his. He shuddered, and a wave of tears reached my eyes.
He drew back enough that his forehead rested against mine.
“I didn’t…” He cleared his throat as I ran my fingers along his jaw.
“I mean, I…I thought you did. I believed that—or maybe I needed to believe it—but I don’t think I really knew.
” His voice roughened again as he reached between us, wiping away a tear that had escaped.
A moment passed, and his chest rose with a sharp breath.
All the many masks Casteel wore cracked and fell away then, as they had in the ruins when he’d thrown his head back and screamed.
“I knew you cared for me. But love? I just didn’t know if you could after…
everything. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you were unable to feel that for me. Not after what—”
“It doesn’t matter what was done in the past. I understand why you did those things. I’ve moved past that.” My fingers tangled in the soft strands of his hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you. I would”—I swallowed—“I would do anything for you, Cas. Like you did for me. Anything—”
His mouth found mine again, and this time…oh, gods, the kiss went deeper. I melted into him as his tongue stroked my lips, parting them. Tiny shivers erupted all over my body, and we kissed until we were both breathless.
“ Cas ,” he echoed against my lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you call me that.”
“Why?” I hadn’t even realized I had used the nickname.
“I don’t know. Only those I trust most call me that.” His laugh was soft, and then he drew back farther, clasping my cheeks carefully. “You know, don’t you?” He searched my eyes with his. “What you mean to me? What I feel for you?”
“Yes.”
He wiped away another tear with his thumb. “I never knew it could feel like this. That I could feel this for someone. But I do—I love you.”
I trembled as my chest swelled with love, hope, anticipation, and a hundred other wild emotions that felt so strange after everything that had happened. And yet, they felt so right. “I think I might start crying harder.”
He dipped his head, kissing away a tear that had wiggled free.
I managed to pull myself together as he pressed a kiss to my temple, to my forehead, and then to the bridge of my nose as he picked up my left hand.
His eyes were closed as he dropped tiny kisses along the length of the golden marriage imprint.
I watched him in silence for several moments, a little lost in him.