Chapter 82 The Decision
The Decision
We both stand there, letting the silence stretch between us.
“We do not know if that is all that is there,” I push back. “We do not know how it functions, what else exists within it—”
“And you think he is going to show you?” Colsar cuts in. “You think it is safe to go anywhere alone with him?”
He laughs bitterly. “I bet he fed you half-truths about how you could enter Morrath, but said nothing about how you could leave.”
Cold runs through me as I realize he is right. But I refuse to give in.
“Do you think I cannot take care of myself?” I ask.
“That is not the point.”
“It is exactly the point.”
“You’re not going.”
I glare at him. “I am.”
He moves his head just enough to acknowledge the words. Nothing else. “No.”
I let out a breath through my nose, something edging through it before I smooth it away. “You don’t get to decide that.”
“Asharin—”
“Colsar, we do not know what is inside Morrath. Once you take the throne, how do we destroy it if we cannot enter? If we don’t know what’s inside? We cannot rule here without understanding it.”
“That isn’t a place you walk into for answers.”
“I’m not going just for answers.”
The words come faster than I intend, heat threading through them. I don’t pull it back. “Our daughter is about to be named his heir,” I say, each word placed clean and separate. “And you expect me to sit here and trust whatever version of it he decides to show me?”
His jaw tightens. “He is not going to show you anything of importance,” Colsar says.
I feel it. He sees that I feel it. I straighten before either of us can acknowledge it.
“You left,” I say.
His expression shifts.
“You left me to manage everything here while you went and did what you needed to do in the mountains.” Perhaps I am not being fair, but I don’t care. “And that was fine. That was necessary.”
“This is not the same.”
“Because it’s me?”
I close the distance. “Because suddenly I’m the one asking to go and now it’s reckless. Now I don’t understand enough. Now I need to stay somewhere you can see me.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s exactly what you meant.”
A soft knock interrupts us. Saurin steps in, her face unreadable, holding out her arms for Fiorakis.
“Ari misses his sister, and so do I,” she says with a smile that tells me she knows we are arguing and wants Kiss away from it.
I lean down and kiss the top of her head, then Colsar passes her to Saurin without a word.
She turns around, the door shutting softly behind her.
I fold my arms across my chest and stare at him. Silence pulls tight between us.
“You trusted yourself to go,” I say, quieter now. “You don’t trust me to do the same.”
“This is not about trust.”
His voice drops. “It’s about the fact that I cannot go with you. And I will not send you somewhere I cannot follow.”
He turns from me. His hand finds the vase on the mantle and then it leaves his hand and shatters against the far wall.
His hands are shaking. “What hold does he have over you, Asha?” The question comes out rough.
“He has starved you. Imprisoned you. Failed to protect you at every turn. And still you—”
“For our daughter.” My voice is calm. “It is a risk worth taking. Don’t make it into anything else.” Even as I say it, something in me twists.
I step toward him. “I keep reminding myself that I did not deserve any of it. That surviving something does not mean I wanted it.” My fingers tighten slightly against my arms. “But there were moments I stopped fighting him entirely, and I do not know how to live with that yet.”
I laugh bitterly. “I let him starve me, Colsar. I let him…”
I draw in a breath. “I went days and days without sunlight. With nothing.” I pause. “And somewhere along the way I adapted to it.”
“But being angry at him means looking directly at all of it, and I am afraid of that.” My throat tightens. “I am ashamed of how much of it I endured.”
“This is for our daughter. I promise you that.” I cannot stop the tear that slips down my face. “And for the life we promised each other. I want a life away from monsters, away from people who would hurt us. Away from danger.”
He reaches and brushes the tear from my cheek. “I understand now. And I am in this with you. No matter what.”
He looks away briefly before continuing. “Here is the truth. I am not the man now that I was back then.” Pain moves across his face. “I never should have left you for the mountains. Not after everything that happened between us. Not after finally understanding what you meant to me.”
Something in me aches at that. If you had not, the undead would have reached Shalvar and our son would have nothing to inherit, I want to say. But I do not interrupt.
“I knew how vulnerable you were, Asha,” he continues. “And I still left you alone in that palace with your sister and my brother.” His voice tightens. “I promised myself no one would ever hurt you again. Instead I handed you back to the two people most capable of doing it.”
His hands tighten slightly against my shoulders. “It will never happen again.”
“We agreed to do this together. Walking into an unknown threat with no exit plan, no backup, no way to reach you if something happens…” He shakes his head once. “I cannot accept that. Especially not with someone who has already harmed you.”
“We can find a way that does not involve you risking your life alone.” His voice tightens. “And you are right. Perhaps you can do it alone. You probably can.”
He draws in a breath. “But you do not have to.”
His hands find my shoulders, firm, grounding. “In Shalvar, when we were in the throne room together. When we were stuck there and all we could do was stare at each other…what was that? What was that, Asha?”
I understand what he is asking without him saying it.
He pulls me closer. “That night. The clock was behind you. It was sixty minutes.” His voice lowers. “Sixty. And it still didn’t feel like enough.”
He kisses me, and I kiss him back. Everything falls away. Morrath, Sevrin, succession, it all disappears—
Then I push him away.
“I need to think,” I whisper, and I walk out.
I take about ten steps down the corridor before I stop.
My heart is doing something unreasonable. I stand there in the dim hallway and I look at the door and I think about sixty minutes and how it still wasn't enough, and I turn around.
I push the door open.
His back is to me. He's facing the window, his shirt open, his hair in the particular disorder that tells me he ran his hands through it the moment I left.
He turns when he hears the door, surprised, a small frown crossing his face. "What—"
I don’t let him finish. I cross the room and pull him toward me and kiss him, my hand finding his hair, and he kisses me back immediately, no hesitation, no question.
"I won't leave you," I murmur against his mouth. "We will do this together. I won't fight it again."
I feel him exhale. Something in him releases.
“Except for councils and boring dinners,” I add softly against his lips. “Those are yours.”
He huffs a quiet laugh, something loosening in him, and then he pulls back just enough to look at me.
“Asha… I do not doubt that you are capable. And I am just as committed to uncovering Morrath as you are.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “When I was in there, I felt something in my blood, Colsar. It didn’t sit right.”
“He is…unwell. And hiding something,” Colsar says. “That much I can tell.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “Tomorrow the Moon Chambers will finally be ready for us, I hear.”
“Good. I threatened to flay them alive if it wasn’t.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would, and I did,” he answered. I laugh. For a moment, we simply stare at each other, the tension between us thickening.
“Why did you stop kissing me?” I whisper.
“Because those aren’t the lips I feel like kissing anymore.”
His mouth moves to my neck, lower, slower—
“For dinner tonight,” I say, the words slipping out before I can stop them.
“I requested the great hall.” I pause, feeling shy.
It was usually Colsar who made these types of plans for us.
“We’ve never eaten there together. I requested a harpist to play for us.
I thought it might be…” I hesitate, then finish it anyway. “Romantic.”
His fingers flex lightly against my waist. “You did that?”
“They’re preparing your favorites,” I say, quieter now, warmth slipping through me at the look on his face. Color rises faintly along his cheekbones before he leans his forehead briefly against mine.
A knock hits the door. “Prince Colsar.”
He closes his eyes. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
Another knock. "Your Highness, the Queen Dowager requests your presence at Filar House this evening. She has arrived from the Eastern Court."
I pull back slightly. "Your mother is here?"
He closes his eyes. “Everything about her is inconvenient. Her timing included.”
I press my lips together to keep from smiling. “You must go."
"She does not ask often," I continue. "And we need whatever information she is willing to give." I pause. "I will have the great hall ready at seven. Be back by then."
A faint tension passes through his expression, the thought of leaving clearly displeasing him.
His hand comes up and covers mine where it rests against his chest, holding it there for a moment.
"I do not like the idea of you eating alone," he says.
"Then don't take too long."
He looks at me once more, then stands to leave.