The Undoing
TEORIN
"Where the fuck were you?"
Asharin raised her head from the bed, eyelids heavy. "What is wrong?"
"I told you to stay in the Darkway. I told you Morrath is dangerous, that I can protect you here. That I can keep you safe."
"And?"
She looked confused, which sent another wave of anger through him.
"Do not play dumb. You did not come back last night and were gone all day today."
"Were you worried?" she said.
He could barely see her face in the dim light but he could hear the smile in her voice.
"No. I was angry. I still am."
"Why?"
"Because I am here for you. All of this is for you. And yet you make it impossible for me to keep you safe—" His voice lowered. "I need to know where you were."
He would not say the rest of it out loud. Would never say it out loud. But he needed to know there was no one else whose company she wanted more.
"Are you worried there is someone I want more than you, Teorin?" Her voice was mild, almost bored. "Colsar cannot come to Morrath and as you know I am stuck here as your prisoner."
"Is that what you think you are?"
She sat up. Her nightgown was sheer and Teorin was infuriated by how distracting that was. “Perhaps I do not mind. Perhaps a prisoner is what I would prefer to be."
He could not help himself. He pinned her into the bed, his hand over her throat.
"Cut the bullshit. This has been months. You can hate me for my lies, but before this we were close. I gave you—"
"Gave me what exactly, Teorin?"
"I spent time with you. Taught you things. Saved your life more than once."
"And?"
"I need to know."
"Know what?" He felt another rush of irritation. She was playing coy and he hated that the most.
"Where I stand. Me. Sevrin. Fucking Colsar."
"Colsar is my husband."
"Yes."
"But he is not here right now."
"He let you die."
"Perhaps." She paused. "The point is that he has disappointed me many times. As have you."
"Answer the question."
"Colsar is husband material. You are not. Not in the real world anyway. Perhaps you would be suitable for some third tier creature in this shitty kingdom."
Teorin's fist clenched. "So you do not think I am good enough."
"I know you are not good enough, Teorin." She smiled sweetly. He heard a low hum in his head. "I do not know if you would even know what to do with my body if you had it." She took his hand gently. "Come here. Does it matter, truly, what I think?"
"It does," Teorin said. His voice was hoarse. "It fucking does."
"Then do for me what Colsar would never do and what you are dying to do, Teorin."
He hesitated. "What?"
He could not stand this version of himself. Weak. Over a woman who may not even want him. She took her bare foot and traced his chest with it before letting it trail down between his legs. It stopped on the bulge at his pants and did not move.
Teorin could not breathe.
"Hurt me," she whispered.
He grabbed a fistful of her hair. "What kind of hurt?"
"The kind you would do if I were whatever woman you last kept by your side.”
"You are not her,” he said. "She was not good. You are good."
"Does that not increase the thrill?" She smiled sweetly. The hum in his ears grew louder.
"I do not hit women," Teorin said. She shifted her foot and he fought to hold back a moan.
"Maybe you do not. But that does not mean you do not want to."
"What the fuck do you want?"
"A punishment."
He grew harder.
"And if I do it?"
"You will not have to worry about me running off to see other men. Or creatures. Or whatever has you in this much of a chokehold."
She moved her foot more and he gripped the side of the chair, his knuckles white. The hum grew louder until his vision blurred.
"Fine," he croaked.
"Get on the bed." She lay down and slowly pulled the nightgown down until she was completely bare. Then she turned over, lying on her stomach. "In my fantasies of you there is always a belt," she murmured.
Teorin could barely control himself. "I will not use a belt on you." His voice was softer than he wanted it to be.
"Teorin, I—"
Before she could finish a sharp crack split the air as his hand came down on her.
He expected a whimper. A cry. Protest.
What happened instead was worse.
Asharin moaned and turned over briefly, breasts exposed, her pink nipples visibly erect even in the darkness of the room.
"Do it again," she breathed. "Your Majesty."
Teorin was not sure how long it went on like this. Only that it was good.
He hit her. Each time she wanted it harder, told him he was not doing it hard enough.
Every few smacks she would whimper and say "It needs a rub, Teorin," her voice trying to sound cold and irritated but instead coming out seductive in the way that he had pictured her in every twisted fantasy he had allowed himself.
After several slaps his own hand began to hurt and he felt a wave of guilt thinking about how she must feel.
"I will be back," he said gruffly, and walked to the healer's den for soothing oils.
When he returned she was exactly where he had left her. That pleased him.
"Hold still," he said, hoping his voice sounded colder than he felt. He rubbed the oil slowly into her skin as she winced.
"I am sorry," he said finally. "This will not happen again."
"I liked it," she said softly.
He laughed bitterly. "I do not know what game you are playing at, Asharin. You do not need to pretend on my account."
"Close your eyes and give me your hand," she said quietly.
He did not know why he obeyed. He did.
First there was her scent. Then the warmth. The low hum still sounded in his ears and he could not get rid of it and was not sure he wanted to. When he opened his eyes his hand was between her legs.
"The body does not lie, Teorin."
"You only love Colsar," he said, closing his eyes.
"I love him, yes."
His heart sank.
"Love and choosing someone are not the same thing." She paused. "I was a girl when I was made to marry him, Teorin." Her voice lowered. "Now I am a grown woman. With a grown woman's mind and a grown woman's body."
He felt himself grow hard without intending to.
"I can be forever loyal to Colsar because it is the right thing to do." A pause. "Or I can make a choice. I can choose you."
He laughed. "You have hated me."
"In many ways, yes. But now I have truly died. And the only reason I sit here in front of you is because you made it so." She paused. "I do not have my power here, Teorin. I am growing restless and there is an ache—"
"What sort of ache?"
"The sort I have always had and never known how to fix."
"You have been married."
"Yes. With one objective. To bring my husband pleasure."
Something in Teorin's chest sank at that. He should not have been surprised. Colsar was a cold and selfish man. But when Asharin had died in that dining hall he had seemed to truly love her.
Maybe he loved her but did not know how to pleasure her.
Asharin's scent moved through him again. "You should put your clothes on," he said quietly.
"Yes," she said.
She reached over him to get her nightgown and in that moment something in him broke. Before she could grab it he lifted her off the ground and picked the nightgown up himself. He put it over her head then took his cloak from the chair and covered her shoulders.
"I am tired of your shit," he said, and dragged her out of the room.
He kicked open his chambers and pulled her in. A human woman sat on his bed. It was the same one from breakfast, now bathed, her hair damp, sitting naked.
"Sit on the floor," he said. She nodded and sat.
"You are biting off more than you can chew," he said, his voice rough. "Lie on the bed."
She lay down. Before she could speak his head was between her legs.
She began to moan in a way that made Teorin want to flip the bed and fuck her senselessly.
He turned to the human girl. "She is too loud," he said, now working his fingers inside her.
The girl nodded and before Asharin could say another word the girl was positioned above her face, her sounds muffled. The girl lifted up briefly.
He laughed coldly. "You like that, little Asharin? You think you want me? You are tired of the lies? Well. Here is who the fuck I am."
"Do you like me, princess?" the human girl said.
Before she could finish Teorin slapped her. "She is not yours to speak to, human whore." His hand closed around the girl's throat. There was a gasp, a choke, and the girl's body fell limp.
He felt a pang of regret knowing what Asharin would think of him. She will know you are a monster. Now she will know.
He pulled the girl off Asharin's face. Then, because she was freshly dead, he bit into her neck, her blood running down his face. When he was done he closed his eyes briefly. "Are you alright?"
Asharin sat up slowly, her face wet. She tilted her head to one side.
"Is the blood still warm?" she said. "I would like some."
Teorin leaned his head back. The hum was still faint in his ears and something tight he had been holding this entire time eased as he understood that perhaps he was not alone in this world after all.