Chapter 7 #3
“And my body has decided to go apocalyptic on me.” When he looks at me blankly, I sigh. “I’m currently residing in the Wild West that is perimenopause.”
“Ahh, I see.”
“You know what that is?”
He arches a brow. “I’m not completely ignorant.”
“Most men are,” I mutter.
“Not me. Now, getting back to our conversation. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” he asks, sliding his hand beneath my hair and cupping the back of my neck, instantly cooling me. He certainly isn’t like most men, and that has me a little disoriented.
“Do you have a circulation problem or something? Your hands are so cold.” I let out a sigh, avoiding his question all together.
Of course, he doesn’t let it go. “I run a little cooler than most people. Stop avoiding my question.” He gives my neck a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
“Give me a minute, okay?” I say, forcing myself not to swoon.
Honestly, it’s a struggle to tell him how I’m feeling because I’m embarrassed.
I can’t believe I allowed myself to live a life with a selfish, self-centred man who couldn’t give a fuck about me or my needs.
For too long I’ve pushed what I wanted out of a relationship aside, and don’t get me started on all the times I gave Robert pleasure and never received any in return.
“Edie?”
“Okay fine. I’ve never… I haven’t ever…”
“You’ve never what, Edie?” Dorian asks, his gaze so intense I have to fight the urge to tell a lie because I’m so used to suppressing the truth. I did that the entirety of my marriage and I’m done playing it safe for fear of being rejected.
“Those weren’t tears of sadness,” I eventually say.
“Then what caused them?”
“Frustration more than anything, that and hormones, or lack thereof.”
“Frustration?”
“I’ve never come by another person’s hand, or cock for that matter,” I explain.
His eyes widen, his hand slipping from my neck and dropping to his side. “Wait, you’ve never—”
I shake my head. “On the occasions when I did have sex with my ex, he never made me come. Not once in fifteen years. He only ever cared about his pleasure. You’d think with all his experience fucking other women, he’d at least take pity on me and given me the odd orgasm.
” I let out a bitter laugh. “What you did in there, it took me back to those moments lying awake after he’d fallen asleep, staring at the ceiling, feeling used, and wondering what the hell I was doing with a man so fucking cruel. ”
“And before him, you didn’t ever…?”
“No.”
Dorian frowns. “I had no idea. Fuck, Edie. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I begin, about to let him off the hook, and fall back into old habits, but I catch myself, lift my chin and say, “Actually, scrap that. Whilst I accept your apology, I do need you to understand I won’t just fall in line and be at your mercy like I was with my husband, and the handful of men I slept with before I met him.
I deserve better than that. I have needs too.
For the first time in my life, I refuse to ignore them. ”
“Needing to feel wanted. Needing to feel adored, desired. Hell, needing a fucking orgasm just for the pleasure of it is the least you deserve. I read this all wrong, that’s on me. Now I know, that changes things.”
“It does?”
He nods, taking my hand, moving towards the car. “It does.”
“Wait,” I say, chewing on the inside of my cheek as Dorian focuses back on me. “That part you said about wanting to be in control. I do want that,” I admit. “It’s partly why I stood you up.”
“You stood me up because you wanted to be in control?”
“I wanted to see how much you truly wanted me,” I say, finally admitting to myself why I did what I did.
“It was a test?”
“I suppose it was.”
“You said that was partly why you stood me up. What was the other reason?”
“Last night when we kissed, you were desperate for me. It turned me on thinking I had some kind of hold over you. I’ve never experienced anything like that before.
I guess I wanted to be the one with all the power for once.
I wanted someone to chase me.” I shake my head and let out a soft laugh.
“Of course, I realise now you’re the kind of man who thrives on control, so I guess we’re not all that compatible. "
“Edie,” he says, pulling me against his chest and wrapping his arm around my back.
“Yes?”
He leans in close, his lips brushing against mine. “I never once touched myself after leaving you last night. I wanted to. But I didn’t,” he confesses.
“You didn’t?”
“Believe me, I’m as shocked as you are. But do you know what?” he asks, his voice lowering to that deep rumble that turns my insides into mush.
“What?” I whisper, tingles rushing down my spine and spreading to my core.
“I’m willing to explore a new dynamic. I can’t promise I won’t slip up and revert to what I’m used to, but I’m going to try for you. ”
I blink up at him, not entirely sure I’ve heard him correctly.
“You are?”
“I am,” he replies, dropping a brief kiss against my lips, and for the first time in my life I finally feel as though I’ve found a man who’s willing to put my needs before his own.